Disclaimer: I do not own Katekyo Hitman Reborn! or any of its characters, settings, hilarious crack potential, etc.

Author's Notes: This is a humor fic. As such, expect crack. Looooots of crack. You have been warned.

Tournament of Spring

One morning, our hero Sawada Tsunayoshi was sleeping peacefully with nary a care in a world, when he suddenly woke to find his bed covered with live snakes.

Yes, you heard me. SNAKES. HUNDREDS OF THEM. Well, not really hundreds, but, like… a lot. So, like any reasonable person, Tsuna leaped from his covers screaming like a little girl. He then turned to shout accusingly at the only person in the world who could possibly have done something so sadistic and absurd (or… ingenious), only to find that he wasn't there. As he cast about trying to maintain his state of appalled indignation so that he could properly tell off his crazy hitman tutor once he located him, he was abruptly drop-kicked in the head.

"Good morning, No-Good Tsuna," said Reborn as Tsuna sat up blinking stars from his vision.

"REBORN!" cried Tsuna as if Reborn did not do things like this on a daily basis. "What the heck?!"

"Hmm?" hmmed Reborn, looking the very picture of innocence.

"S-snakes!" Tsuna stammered. "SNAKES! In my BED!"

"Of course," said Reborn.

Tsuna just stared. "Why?" he asked at last.

"They wouldn't have all fit in my bed," Reborn replied, looking at Tsuna as though he were being ridiculous.

Tsuna stammered again, and before he could ask what snakes were doing anywhere near either of their beds to begin with, Reborn pulled him into a merciless arm lock and changed the topic on a whim, because that's how he rolls.

"Quit your shameful whining and get dressed."

Blinking tears out of his eyes, Tsuna winced. "What for?"

"Today's the day of the vernal equinox," said Reborn, releasing him. "As boss, it's your duty to celebrate the coming of spring with the rest of the family."

"What?" Tsuna climbed to his feet as he thought on that for a moment, before a sinking feeling hit him. "Wait a minute, is this another of those crazy Vongola traditions again?!"

"Yep," said Reborn plainly.

"Heeh!?" A montage of wacky violence and amusing hijinks played through Tsuna's mind as he clapped his hands to the sides of his face to indicate his horror. "Then… what will it be this time?? Or, since it's the equinox…" He paled. "Visiting a grave?"

He pictured visiting some crazy-looking Vongola grave that was maybe haunted by crazy Vongola ghosts and stuff, and blanched. The horror!!

"No," said Reborn.

Tsuna paused mid-mental image. "What?"

"Of course, it's traditional to visit the family grave on this day, but we can't do that this year," expounded Reborn matter-of-factly. "Since we've already had a chapter devoted to graveyard antics."

Tsuna looked at him blankly, not comprehending this blatant assault on the fourth wall.

"So this year, we'll be doing something special," Reborn concluded.

Tsuna sighed and resigned himself to his fate. "Just how many holidays do the Vongola have special traditions for, anyway?" he asked as he began to shrug off his pajama shirt.

"All of them," said Reborn cheerfully.

"…Even Talk Like a Pirate Day?"

"Especially Talk Like a Pirate Day."

With that, Reborn vanished down to the kitchen where Tsuna's hot mom no doubt awaited with a delicious breakfast of deliciousness, leaving Tsuna there to ponder life's great mysteries.

Some time later, Tsuna found himself standing in the middle of the park surrounded by the rest of his adoring gay mafia family.

"Hey, Boss!" said Gokudera even more enthusiastically than usual since it was the first day of spring and he wanted to start things just right. "Good morning!" He gave Tsuna his very happiest and most sincere good morning smile which glowed with the power of a thousand Care Bear stares.

"Eh—good morning, Gokudera-kun!" replied Tsuna rather lamely. Nonetheless, Gokudera drank up the greeting like a man in the desert.

"Hey, Tsuna, Gokudera!" grinned Yamamoto as he appeared out of nowhere and slung an arm around Tsuna's shoulders. "Good morning!" he beamed, and his happy sparkly good morning! completely owned poor Gokudera's good morning even though Gokudera had TRIED SO HARD. Alas! "Look," he continued, oblivious to Gokudera's hateful death glare, "I brought sushi for the picnic!"

"P-picnic?" said Tsuna since Reborn had as usual told him NOTHING of the day's agenda.

"Yeah, Tenth!" Gokudera spoke up, determined to regain the momentum from Yamamoto. "It's a traditional Vongola-style Spring Equinox picnic competition!"

"Oh… yay…" said Tsuna weakly.

"Ha ha, it was the kid's idea!" Yamamoto laughed. "But it sounds like fun, doesn't it, Tsuna?"

Before Tsuna could attempt to feign enthusiasm, they were interrupted by the rest of the cast as they all spoke up at once to establish their presence in this fic.

"YO, SAWADA!" exclaimed Ryohei in all-caps. "All ready for our EXTREME PICNIC? EXTREME!!!" He punched the air with vigor.

"Tsuna-san!" chirped Haru delightedly. "I brought my special Shunbun no Hi costume in honor of Higan! Look!" A spotlight fell on her as she was hilariously revealed to be dressed up like a gravestone.

"Yo, Tsuna!" said Dino, looking awesome and badass because his men were there as well. THANK HEAVENS!

"Tsuna! Look!" squealed Lambo, running up. "I got candy!!" He held up his fisted prize triumphantly, only to gasp as I-Pin promptly retrieved it.

"Not yet, Lambo!" she squeaked in her adorable high-pitched voice as Lambo started to cry. "Maman said we had to wait until after lunch!"

"Good morning, Sawada-kun!" said Kyoko, who would have been the most normal person there had it not been for her being distinctly untroubled by the people around her who were clearly insane.

As Tsuna attempted to absorb this sudden deluge of people greeting him, there was a sound of someone clearing his throat, and on cue everyone turned to stare at Reborn, who was standing atop a large and elaborate stage.

"So," Reborn began. "Now that everyone is here, it's time to begin the traditional Tournament of Spring." With a grand flourish, he grabbed the end of a silk cord that had appeared out of nowhere, and tugged it down. A giant banner with the words "VONGOLA TOURNAMENT OF SPRING" fluttered open over his head, accompanied by confetti and balloons. Everyone clapped appreciatively, then watched as a curtain fell on the stage and a group of mindless background subordinates began shuffling back and forth, working furiously. Finally, one of them signaled a thumbs-up to Reborn and handed him a second silk cord.

"The first event will be the annual Vongola tree-climbing competition," Reborn announced as he pulled the cord and drew the curtain back to reveal… a giant redwood tree!

"E… EXTREME!!" gasped Ryohei.

"Hmm," said Dino, sizing up the towering branches thoughtfully. "As thorough as ever, huh, Reborn?"

"Of course," Reborn agreed. "We can't have the Vongola tree-climbing contest with anything less than the best." He cleared his throat authoritatively. "Tree-climbing is a time-honored pastime in which the spirit of spring lives on. This will be an individual contest of speed, strategy, and physical prowess. On my mark, you will all scale the tree as fast as you can using whatever means you choose. The first to reach the top will be declared the winner."

"W-wait a sec, Reborn!" said Tsuna because he feels the need to protest all of Reborn's crazy ideas even though it never gets him anywhere. "Isn't this a little much?"

"This will be a free-for-all tree-climbing battle," Reborn continued, ignoring Tsuna completely because that's what always happens. Weren't you paying attention? WE JUST SAID IT. "Meaning you'll be free to prevent your opponents from reaching the top of the tree using any method you like. There are no rules, so I want to see some good scheming."

"Ha ha, so that's how it is!" said Yamamoto excitedly. "We'll really have to give it one hundred percent, huh?"

"Of course!" said Gokudera because Yamamoto was being way too confident in front of the Tenth and thus he clearly needed to act even more confident because he's the right-hand man! "Just watch, Tenth, I'll make it up in no time!"

"HOW EXTREME!" shouted Ryohei, getting fired up. "Then prepare yourself for some EXTREME COMPETITION, Octopus Head! I won't lose either!!"

"Oh yeah, Turf Head?" Gokudera countered in that you wanna make somethin' of it? way. He narrowed his eyes at Ryohei as little lightning bolts sparked between the two of them to demonstrate their EXTREME ANTAGONISM.

Chuckling in amusement at all of the shounen retardism going on, Dino clapped a hand on Tsuna's shoulder. "Well, then, Tsuna, ready to go?"

"Haah… not really…" Tsuna said in his resigned 'God, why me?' voice that everyone always chuckles at. Sure enough, Dino chuckled some more.

"Everyone, take your places," Reborn ordered, and everyone turned to see him holding a gun and ready to fire in the air. "On my count, we'll begin."

Everyone obediently took their positions.

"Good luck, Tsuna-san! We'll be cheering you on!" said Haru and Kyoko from the sidelines because for some reason they never actually do anything.

Reborn took aim. "On your mark… get set…"

"It's a good thing Ichijou-san was there," said Haru solemnly as the nameless mafia subordinates carted off the smoldering remains of the redwood tree.

"Yeah," Kyoko agreed.

"Well, since no one was declared the winner of the Tree-Climbing Competition, we'll just have to move on to the next event," said Reborn as though nothing out of the ordinary had just taken place.

"Wait, already?" whined Tsuna, nursing his sore head. "But after what happened in the last one…"

"That was a stupid event anyway," said Reborn dismissively.

Tsuna sighed.

"I told you guys, I'm fine!" said Dino in mild-mannered exasperation as he tried to wave down his men who were all gathered around him frantically checking for injuries.

"But Boss," said Romario mother-henishly, "to have fallen from that far a height—"

"—ON FIRE—" broke in another subordinate.

"—and to really have no serious injuries—are you sure?"

"You all worry too much," Dino assured with a smile. "I really am fine! In fact, why don't you all take the rest of the day off—"

"NO!" said like a dozen people all at once. Gokudera signaled Yamamoto and Ryohei to BLOCK THE EXITS, just in case.

"Uh, okay," said Dino, looking a little confused. "It was just a suggestion…"

Meanwhile, a random Vongola subordinate crouched down to whisper something in Reborn's ear. "Thank you," Reborn nodded, before hopping up on Yamamoto's shoulder to address the mindless rabble. "Attention."

"Hey, kid," Yamamoto said agreeably. "Time for the next event?"

"That's right." Everyone stopped talking to listen to him, because in a manga two speech bubbles cannot occupy the same space at the same time, and he had the right of way. "The next event is the traditional Vongola Frisbee Competition."

"F-Frisbee?!" stammered Tsuna because he hadn't stammered anything in a little while.

"All of you will be split into two teams. The teams will then proceed to throw a Frisbee back and forth. Whoever fails to catch the Frisbee when it is thrown to them will be disqualified. The last one left standing wins the event for his or her team."

"I'm definitely going to be on the Tenth's team!" shouted Gokudera as he practically teleported to Tsuna's side.

"The teams have been randomly determined ahead of time so as to avoid any biases," said Reborn, producing a whiteboard out of thin air and pointing to the two lists of names using one of those little pointing sticks. Gokudera, Yamamoto, I-Pin, and Lambo were on one team. Dino, Tsuna, Hibari, and Ryohei were on the other.

"What?!" said Gokudera in outrage and horror. "That's not fair!"

"Ha ha, looks like an interesting lineup!" Yamamoto grinned. "Try not to beat us too badly, Tsuna!"

"Extreme!" said Ryohei with the fire of combat in his eyes. "I'll definitely bring victory to my team, to the limit!!"

"Heeh, but wait a second," spoke up Tsuna in bewilderment. "Hibari-san isn't even here!"

"As the Vongola Guardian of Cloud, he's here with us in spirit," Reborn said mysteriously.

"What? That's bullshit! You can't put the Tenth on a team with such a blatant numerical disadvantage!" said Gokudera, looking fierce. "I'll join his side to even the odds!"

"If anyone decides to go against the preordained lineup, you'll die," said Reborn nonchalantly, whipping out his gun. There was a brief silence as everyone nervously tried to figure out if he was really serious (and really, it's Reborn. Of course he was).

Finally Dino patted Tsuna's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, Tsuna. A team with the bosses of both the Cavallone and Vongola can't lose, right?"

"Fuck you!" said Gokudera, shaking his fist. Then, turning to Tsuna, he added, "Good luck then, Tenth!"

"Ha ha, don't think we'll go easy on you, though," grinned Yamamoto as he shifted into GAME ON mode.

"That's settled, then." With that, Reborn hopped back down from Yamamoto's shoulder off to the sidelines where Haru, Kyoko, and the subordinates were watching. "Bring in the Official Vongola Frisbee."

A pair of Vongola subordinates entered the clearing holding a mysterious covered item. When they reached the center of the group, one of them whipped the cover off to reveal a massive, super-special-awesome-looking Frisbee sitting atop a silk pillow. Also it was shiny. Everybody oohed and ahhed.

"Activate the flames," said Reborn, and the second subordinate whipped out a remote control and pushed a big red button. The Frisbee sprang up from the cushion, made a little powering-up noise, and abruptly CAUGHT FIRE and started hovering in mid-air. 'Holy shit,' thought everyone, because, well… holy shit.

"This is the Vongola Dying Will Frisbee, passed down from generation to generation," said Reborn narratively. "Its hovering capabilities and flames make it the most powerful Frisbee in the world. You'll need all your skills to ensure vict—"

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Lambo suddenly cackled madly. "Lambo-san is first!!" He sprang up to grab the Frisbee. There was a sudden explosion, and then he went flying off into the sky a la Team Rocket.

"Lambo!" said I-Pin in dismay.

"Fuck," said Gokudera, smacking his forehead.

"…Whatever," said Reborn after a brief pause. "And now that the teams are even, let the match begin."

"Go Tsuna-san!" cheered Haru and Kyoko.

"Go Boss!" cheered Dino's subordinates.

"Someone grab the Frisbee already," said Reborn.

"Then I'll extremely start!!" shouted Ryohei as he charged forward.

"O-Onii-san, watch out!" said Tsuna in alarm. "If you try to grab it like Lambo did…!!"

"Relax, Tsuna!" said Ryohei as halted his charge just in front of the Frisbee. He assumed a boxing stance, then grinned as he nailed the Frisbee with his PUNCHING HAND. "MAXIMUM CANNON!"

The Frisbee went soaring through the air.

"If we don't catch it, we're out!" said Gokudera, torn between being happy for Tsuna's impending victory and annoyed at the Lawn Head's impending victory.

"I've got it!" cried I-Pin in her Powerpuff Girl-pitched voice as she leaped into the sky and kicked the Frisbee back to the other side using her mad kung-fu skills.

"Not so fast," said Dino as he awesomely whipped out his whip, caught the Frisbee with the tail end, and flung it back in a return arc.

"Shit," swore Gokudera, frantically reaching for a bomb.

"Don't sweat it, I've got this one," said Yamamoto, pulling out his bat-slash-mafia-sword. He stood there unflappably as the Frisbee approached at top speed, then swung at the very last moment, utterly pummeling the Frisbee back toward the other side at about ten million miles per hour.

"Tsuna!" cried Dino as the Frisbee hurtled toward the little mafia boss that could.

Steeling himself, Tsuna jumped to try to catch it. The Frisbee whizzed laughingly over his head and continued its unstoppable flight toward the horizon. Tsuna blinked.

"Nice going, Baseball Freak!" said Gokudera accusingly. "You hit it way too hard! Boss!" he cried, looking over at Tsuna. "Are you okay?"

"Haah… yeah, I'm fine," said Tsuna, feeling an odd combination of relief and embarrassment at the ridiculously brief duration of the game. "Ah," he added, turning sheepishly to Dino and Ryohei, "sorry I messed up."

"No problem, Tsuna," said Dino, waving it off. "It's just a game, after a—"

"Wait," said Reborn, and they all paused in confusion.

Suddenly, an ominous piano melody began to play and a chill ran up everyone's spines.

"This match isn't over yet," Reborn smiled.

Sure enough, as all heads present turned to look in the direction of the approaching theme music, Hibari Kyoya stepped chillingly out of the woods, holding the burning Frisbee. No one said a word as he stalked right up to the center of their group (presumably also causing I-Pin to blow someone up Pinzu-Time-Bomb-style… let's say Longchamp, just because).

"Which one of you herbivores threw this onto Namimori school property?" Hibari asked coldly.

"Whoa!" said Ryohei excitedly. "It went that far? What an extreme hit!!"

"…A ha ha," laughed Yamamoto a moment later. He walked over apologetically. "Guess that was me. It was an accident, sorry!"

Without a word, Hibari whipped out a tonfa and laid him flat.

"—YAMAMOTO!" cried Tsuna as if that had been at all unexpected.

"Shameful defense," Reborn tsked from over to the side.

"Are you involved with this, Baby?" Hibari queried, glancing over at him.

Reborn nodded. "It's the Vongola Tournament of Spring. Interested?"

Hibari looked disdainfully around him, seemed to consider for a moment, then yawned and dropped the Frisbee onto the ground. "No."

And with that, he strolled away once more.

"Tch. Bastard," said Gokudera once Hibari was out of earshot. He walked over to Yamamoto and started nudging him with his shoe.

"Since Hibari was on No-Good Tsuna's team, that means it's a victory for their side. Congratulations," Reborn affirmed, looking incredibly blasé.

"Somehow this doesn't exactly feel like a real victory, though…" said Tsuna, stating the obvious with a meek sigh.

"Never mind. At any rate, this means it's time for the third and final tournament event." Reborn nodded once at the nearest subordinate, and a group of mafiosi began hustling and bustling in the background to prepare. Meanwhile, Gokudera brought Yamamoto back around by slapping him a few times, and Ryohei remarked approvingly on the extreme!! bruise that was forming around his left eye.

"Ready to go?" asked Reborn, since Yamamoto's totally his favorite and the only one he would ever even think of asking that. With everyone else it's like, WHO CARES, MAN.

"Ha ha… yeah, I think I'm good," shrugged Yamamoto as he got to his feet with a smile.

Reborn sipped some lemonade from a glass that had appeared in his hand at some point, and signaled the chief Vongola subordinate, who took his cue to draw back another random curtain to reveal a large duck pond that had also appeared magically! Out of nowhere!! Or maybe it was there all along and you just weren't paying attention!

"The final event will be the time-honored Vongola Duck-Feeding Competition," said Reborn officially. He waited for the expected WHAT THE HELL? response, and when none came, frowned ever-so-slightly. "Hmm. I thought that would get a bigger reaction."

"Nah, by this point, we're all just pretty much like, 'whatever,'" Dino explained. "We've learned to anticipate the lunacy."

"Very well," said Reborn with a sharp glint in his eye. "Then bring in the ducks."

On cue, a giant truck backed up to the edge of the pond. A subordinate slid open the rear cargo door, and out tumbled a hundred or so agitated fowl, flapping and squawking as they spilled into the pond.

"Don't worry. No animals were harmed in the making of this fanfic," Reborn clarified a moment later, noting the anxious looks on Haru, Kyoko, and I-Pin's faces. "Now, then." He turned to address the riffraffy group of main characters once more. "The rules of this competition are simple. Using the special Vongola duck feed provided," he indicated a huge pile of duck feed a few feet away, "you will attempt to feed and satisfy as many ducks as possible within the time limit. You may use any means desired to expedite the process. Once time runs out, the person with the happiest group of ducks will be pronounced the winner."

"The happiest ducks?" said Gokudera because despite Dino's prior statement, there is only so much lunacy one can actually anticipate.

"The god of ducks is fickle and unforgiving," Reborn continued. "He frowns on those who would dare mistreat our feathered friends. So beware."

"Huh?" said just about everybody fervently.

"Once I shoot the ducks with this duck enragement bullet," said Reborn, holding up his gun, "all the ducks in the pond will become rabid and furious. It's up to you to calm them so that they can safely feed."

"Huh???!!!" said everybody even more fervently.

"Now, off to the garden of madness," said Reborn solemnly as he aimed at the pond and pulled the trigger.

Immediately, the ducks began squawking and flapping more agitatedly than ever. Several may have also grown fangs. About a dozen or so flew over to the huge pile of duck feed and began chowing down angrily. Another group then flew over and attacked the first group, resulting in a huge chaotic duck fight of epic destiny.

"Uh…" said everyone.

"If you don't hurry, I don't think there will be any happy ducks left," Reborn said as though events weren't challenging the very fabric of plausibility more and more with every moment.

"ALL RIGHT!" screamed Ryohei. "Then I'll go first to the extreme!!" He bravely charged forward into the affray and started punching every duck in sight.

"Ah… Onii-san, I think you're supposed to be feeding them," said Kyoko almost shyly from off to the side.

"Moron," said Gokudera pejoratively. Meanwhile, Yamamoto, either because he was still a little concussed from Hibari or because he's the only one in this entire group with a sense of humor, suddenly began to giggle hysterically and had to sit down.

"…" said Tsuna because things were starting to reach the event horizon of weirdness and he felt compelled to stand there pitying his own life for a moment.

"Ah, what the heck," put forth Dino after a few moments of this. He stepped over to the pile of duck feed, picked up a handful, and was immediately pounced on by about 50 ravenous fowl, disappearing haplessly into a cloud of feathers.

"D-Dino-san!" Tsuna cried. The girls all made concerned little audience noises, and even Gokudera winced a little in sympathy.

"I-Pin will save you!" I-Pin suddenly said in her seriously-too-cute-for-words voice, pulling out a gyoza bun from Hammerspace and charging nearsightedly at the chaos.

"No-Good Tsuna," Reborn said out of the blue, causing Tsuna to gulp. "Are you just going to stand there and let your subordinates do all the work? That's not how a future boss should act."

"B-but—" began Tsuna ineffectively.

Reborn pulled a small bag of duck feed out from his pocket and, almost lazily, tossed it over to Tsuna, who screamed.

"Get going or you'll lose," said Reborn as a hornet-like swarm of ducks descended upon Tsuna, their wings blotting out the sun.

"BOSS!" shrieked Gokudera, whipping out ten bombs and diving into the fray like a madman.

"Tsuna!" shouted Yamamoto as he instantly recovered from his giggle fit and began pummeling ducks with the blunt side of his mafia sword like the motherfucking natural-born hitman he is.

"That's what I like to see," said Reborn approvingly. "Remember, time is running out, so feed the ducks as if you were to die. Oh, wait." As an afterthought, he brought out his gun again, aimed it at Tsuna, and fired, presumably just for the hell of it.

"REEEEEBORRRRNNN!!" bellowed Tsuna at the top of his lungs as his clothes spontaneously disappeared and he transformed into a raving dying will caveman. "Feed the ducks as if I were to die!!!" With main-character-like speed and agility, he began to shovel handfuls of duck feed into the frenzy, feeding half a dozen ducks with every throw. As the ducks were fed, they became instantly tame and loving as though they were in some sort of minigame, and obediently walked off to the side.

"S-Sawada!" said Ryohei as even he ceased his extreme brawling for a moment to watch in admiration. "Amazing!"

"That's it, Tenth!" Gokudera cheered, covered in ash and soot and magical anime band-aids. "Take it to them!"

"Go, Tsuna!" chimed in Yamamoto because every time Tsuna does something cool the rest of the mafia just sits back in awe.

"Good job, Tsuna," said Reborn as Tsuna finished feeding the last of the ducks just as the dying will flame fizzled out from his forehead.

"That's the last of th… em…" said Tsuna as he was welcomed back into the warm light of sanity and realized he was standing in front of everyone in his underwear. Again.

"You did it, Tsuna!" said Dino as he climbed to his feet, a little worse for wear but with his prettiness still intact.

"Now all you have to do is take care of the Boss Duck," Reborn added.

There was a pause.

"…Boss… Duck?" said Tsuna uncertainly.

"Boss Duck," reaffirmed Reborn calmly, gesturing to a huge, ominous shadow rising from a patch of thick mist in the corner of the pond.

Several jaws dropped. Yamamoto laughed nervously. The shadow loomed closer and closer to the shore, and the rating of the fic prepared to spike to R.

Then, just when Gokudera was about ready to start chanting and whipping out anti-demon wards, and Tsuna was about ready to pretty much just faint, the shadow abruptly vanished, along with the fog.

"Tsk," tsked Reborn. "It's no fun if you give it away too soon."

"Yare, yare," yared Rokudou Mukuro as he stepped calmly out from the last of the fading mist. "I got bored. I think next time I would like a bigger role." He smiled a passing pseudo-villain smile at the rest of the group, then proceeded to ignore them entirely as he went to sit beside Reborn on a couch that had appeared out of nowhere.

"I thought it would be better to save your obligatory cameo for the finale," Reborn clarified.

"Am I that troublesome?" Mukuro stretched out a bit, then shrugged. "Ah, well."

"I was also planning on introducing Bianchi at this point—" Reborn began.

"What?!" cried Gokudera as he ducked for the nearest cover.

"—but since you cut things short, I think it would seem a bit forced," Reborn finished up.

"Ah, how terrible. I didn't mean to disrupt your plans."

"Next time," said Reborn, and Mukuro nodded. "Anyway, since the duck-feeding competition has ended, that means the tournament is officially over."

"Wait, we're really done?" asked Tsuna, daring to hope at last.

"Yep," said Reborn cheerfully.

"Haah!" Tsuna plopped down on the ground and put a weary hand to his forehead. "That was the weirdest holiday yet. I can't believe the Vongola really do this every year…"

"Well, actually," said Reborn offhandedly, "there is no actual Vongola Spring Equinox tradition."

Everyone paused and stared uncomprehendingly at him.

"…What?" asked Dino as if there were really any chance he hadn't heard Reborn perfectly fine the first time.

"I said there's no such thing as the Tournament of Spring," Reborn repeated.

"…You mean you just made this whole thing up??" said Gokudera in disbelief.

"Pretty much."

Tsuna gaped.

"Why?" he asked at last.

"Oh, Tsuna," said Reborn uncaringly. "Who even knows why I do anything?" And with that, he turned and leaped off into the sunset.

The End

1. In Japan, Shunbun no Hi, the vernal equinox, is a day traditionally celebrated by visiting the family grave among other things, hence Haru's costume and so forth.

2. "It's a good thing Ichijou-san was there," is a reference to Pani Poni Dash!.

3. "Off to the garden of madness," (along with the "god of ducks") is a No More Heroes reference.

4. I… really can't explain or justify anything else. XD