What's up, everybody? It's June and here's my new project! I ended up not doing as many drabbles and oneshots as I meant to… But "Gives You Hell" was the best I've ever done, in my opinion, so it's all good.

I'm not sure where the inspiration for this came. I guess I just wanted to do some body mixing and see how they would react. In the beginning I was going to just switch Zoro and Sanji, and then I was going to mix up the whole crew. But then one night I had this idea for a scene with Zoro and Sanji seeing each other's memories (to come in chapter 4), and I thought, "Hmm, what if both Sanji and Zoro were in Sanji's body?" And it had to be Sanji, because Sanji couldn't fight in Zoro's body at all. Sure, Zoro's fighting is going to be thrown off from the difference in proportion and balance and upper body strength, but he can manage. Zoro's body could never pull off Sanji's fighting style. Plus, I couldn't stand the thought of a chapter story without Sanji's body. Hahaha!

I did settle on this title over "Ethereal Madness." Oh, and chapter names! Not exactly new for me ("Timeless" has chapter titles), but still fun to think up. I like doing the whole "In which…" thing, like in Winnie-the-Pooh (yeah, I read Winnie; I'm cool like that).

This story may get a little confusing because of all the thinking and talking from two people at once, but I'll try to keep it as obvious as I can as to who is speaking.

My obvious bias to Sanji over Zoro really comes out in this story, I think. Oh well; I like Sanji better, so meh.

Oh, and one last note: THIS IS NOT YAOI!!! Any yaoi you want you bring yourself. This is written strictly for nakamaship. If you're a ZoSan fan, I apologize. You can… pretend, I guess.

Well, enough flapping my gums; on with the fic!

Room For Two

By Dandy Wonderous

Chapter 1:

In Which Zoro has an Out of Body Experience

It was a beautiful, sunny, calm day on the Going Merry, meaning that inevitably something bad was going to happen. Zoro knew about Murphy's law (or, if he didn't know it was called that, he knew from experience that it worked), and therefore suspected that something would happen eventually.

But while it wasn't, he decided he would take advantage of the peace and nap.

This would have been fine, if certain people wouldn't trip over him. While carrying drinks and spewing love rants. And then getting up and kicking him like it was somehow his fault that the idiot couldn't see through the hearts in his single visible eye.

"It's your own fault for not seeing me," he said, eyes still closed, doing his level best to ignore the foot that incessantly prodded him.

"You shouldn't be laying around the deck in the first place!" Sanji growled.

"I do it all the time."

"And every time I tell you to stop!" Then he looked down at the broken glasses, the spilled drinks for the girls, and the ruined tea cakes.

Damn, thought Zoro, looking at it as well. Here it comes…

"Shithead!" And this time Sanji's kick looked like it deserved some blocking. Zoro prevented his head from being smashed in and got to his feet, hand on his katana. "Look at that! Wasted ingredients…"

Zoro blocked the next round of kicks with the backs of his swords. "You're the one who tripped, damn it. Stop blaming me!"

"Both of you, knock it OFF!"

A familiar fist came from nowhere and conked Zoro on the head. He noticed that the cook had gotten similar treatment.

"I can't sunbathe in peace while you two are making more noise than a herd of elephants," Nami snapped, glaring at the both of them. "Now Sanji-kun, clean up this mess. And Zoro… Just go back to sleep."

Sanji looked a little shocked and a lot disappointed. Zoro smirked at his defeated, "Yes, Nami-san."

"Looks like I win this round, cook."

"Shithead…" he grumbled, but started cleaning the broken glass and spilled food up anyway.

Zoro wandered off to another part of the ship and fell back asleep. This time, he thought, he better not be woken up.

Asshole cook.

Well, the swordsman might not have been concerned about the wasted food, but Sanji was.

Not so much the little that went into the snacks, per say, though it was still irksome that they had been ruined. No, recently he had been having other food issues.

They had been out at sea for two weeks without seeing another island, and Nami predicted it would be another week or so before they reached land. They had plenty of food to last them that long, he wasn't worried about that, but there were certain things they were running low on. Eggs, for example, and milk. No eggs meant no bread and that meant he'd have to find another way to get grains into his crew. And they seemed to be getting low on most vegetables besides mushrooms, but Usopp and Chopper both had a strange aversion to them so he would have to find some way to sneak them in without their noticing. It shouldn't be too hard for Usopp, but Chopper had that damn nose. And then he had used the last of the earlier mentioned milk to make those cakes, the ones that had given the deck a fresh coat of paint, so he would have to find some sort of substitute…

Sometimes, Sanji really hated his job, or rather the headaches it gave him.

It hadn't been like this on the Baratie. Customers came, ordered what they wanted, ate it, and left. He didn't have to worry about if they had been getting enough protein or iron or vitamins A and C and alpha and omega (seriously, why were there so many humans needed?). He didn't have to think about how nameless customer X was eating too many saturated fats or how faceless customer Y needed more fiber. He didn't care that this was such and such's fifth meal that day or that they had all consisted of ice cream. It wasn't his job to keep any of those people on a healthy diet.

Here it was very different. Here, it did matter that Luffy was eating too much protein and not enough vegetables, that Usopp wasn't getting enough iron, that Chopper was eating too much sugar. And since no one else seemed to care about what was entering their bodies, he had to do it for them.

And that meant keeping track of six other people's eating habits, making sure they ate a little of everything he made for them, not just the parts they liked.

Hence the headaches.

Sometimes he envied Zoro, after he'd kicked Luffy out of his kitchen for the fifth time in as many minutes and then returned from the distraction to find something boiling over on him. He could just lay on the deck all day and sleep, without a care in the world.

Shitty marimo.

Zoro's nap continued unbroken by anything save supper. After that he sprawled out on the deck under the twilit horizon and resumed sleeping, caressed by the (thankfully warm) sea breeze.

Then he was rudely awakened once again by an insistent foot.

"Idiot cook," he mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes. "I told you already, I'll sleep here any damn time I want to."

"Even when you're on watch, moss-for-brains?"

Zoro reluctantly pulled himself up from the deck and blinked the sleep out of his eyes. "What, it that time already?"

"It was "that time already" nearly an hour ago," Sanji spat, puffing on a cigarette.

"Well, then it's your fault you let me oversleep," he shot back. He stretched the kinks out of his back and looked up at the moon. Yep, definitely time for his watch. "Why are you still up, anyway?"

"Dishes. Rechecking our supplies. Planning breakfast for tomorrow. You know, actual work."

Zoro growled. "I do plenty of work around here."

Sanji raised his curly eyebrow. "Clearly."

"I raise and lower the anchor. And I raise and trim the sails."

"We all do some of that."

"Not the anchor; it's too heavy for you pansies."

Sanji would have gritted his teeth but remembered his cigarette in the nick of time. "I could raise it if I wanted to."

"I like to see you try."

The two men glared daggers at each other, then Sanji shook his head and turned away. "Whatever. I'm gonna go get some sleep; wake me to start breakfast, shithead."

Zoro smirked at the victory and turned away. He had just started the climb to the crow's nest, Sanji about to disappear below deck, when he spotted something approaching on the horizon.

It was a ship. And he didn't like the look of it.

"Oi, cook!"

Sanji froze in the open doorway. "What?"

Zoro scrambled up higher and peered out at the sea. "Ship. Approaching fast."

The chef crossed to the rail in a few strides of his long legs. He squinted out into the night. "Yeah, I think I see it, too. Marines?"

At this point Zoro was in the crow's nest; he grabbed the binoculars left there for general use and honed in on the nearing ship. "No… No flag."

"At all?"

"Well, there's just some carnival flags and… Oh, wait, there's writing on the sail. …"Touchstone's Troupe.""

""Touchstone's"… What the hell does that mean?"

"The hell would I know?"

"That's true, it's not like you have a brain under all that moss."

"What was that, bastard!?!"

Zoro, unconcerned about the mysterious ship that was coming at them head-on and at full speed, jumped from the crow's nest and launched a flurry of attacks at the blond, who dodged and blocked with his kicks. This went on until the noticeably larger ship was parallel with the Going Merry. A young, slender, voluptuous woman jumped to the railing and stood there, staring down at the two fighters. She was wearing a bright red dress and matching gloves that were incredibly glittery and black high heels, as well as just the right amount of make-up and an inviting grin.

"Ahem," the woman cleared her throat.

The two men didn't notice, still intent on killing each other.

"Ahem!" she said, louder and more pointedly.

Still ignored.

"HEY YOU TWO MORONS! PAY SOME DAMN ATTENTION!!!"

That stopped them. They froze mid-attack and looked up at her. Sanji immediately melted into a lovesick puddle while Zoro just gave her a blank stare.

"Thank you. Now." She spread her arms dramatically. "Gentlemen. Tonight, you will have the honor and pleasure of witnessing the performance of the Grand Line's premier acting troupe: Touchstone's Sailing Actors!" She waved her arm to indicate the ship.

"Any acting troupe that has you in it must be wonderful!" Sanji cheered, applauding loudly. Zoro just rolled his eyes. "Would you tell me your name, my goddess?"

Her smile broadened. "Of course. I am your hostess for the evening, Miss Thalia!"

"What an enchanting name for an even more enchanting vision such as yourself!"

Zoro had to struggle to resist the urge to kill the cook right then and there.

The woman, Thalia, shaded her eyes as though the whole place were illuminated with bright stage lights, though they really had only the stars and a few lanterns. "But I see we have a small crowd tonight. Surely you two aren't the only ones on your ship!"

"Of course not, Thalia-chan! The rest-"

CLANG!

Sanji barely reacted in time to block Zoro's katana. "Shithead! What was that for?"

"We don't know what these people are after," he hissed urgently. "What if they're marines in disguise?"

"There's no way that beautiful woman could be up to anything underhanded!"

"Ero-cook! Think with your head for once!"

"You're one to talk!"

"HEY MORONS! I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING YOU'RE SAYING!" Thalia yelled, then giggled sheepishly when they both turned to stare at her.

Zoro sighed and sheathed his katana. "Fine, whatever. Go get everybody."

"I think you should while I keep the lovely Thalia-chan company!"

The swordsman glared at him, Sanji meeting his gaze unblinking. Thalia realized quickly that they would get nowhere like this. "Um, Mr… Cook?"

Sanji broke the stare down to twirl elegantly to face her. "It's Sanji, my princess!"

"Sanji-san, would you please go get the rest of your crew?"

"Yes, Thalia-chan!" And without another moment's hesitation he was gone below deck. Several muffled thumps and confused shouts echoed from the cabin a moment later.

"I see you figured him out," Zoro observed.

She flipped her hair proudly. "I just have a way with men."

"No, that's just his normal behavior."

SPROING!

Luffy landed on the deck next to him, looking up at the actors' ship. "They're gonna put on a show for us? So cool!"

"Are you the captain?" Thalia asked curiously.

"Yeah!"

"Then permission to come aboard?" She threw a comical salute.

"You bet!"

"How did you know he was the captain?" Zoro growled.

"Um…" She pointed at their Jolly Roger. "Your flag has a straw hat on it?"

He blinked and then realized that it was pretty obvious.

"Yosh! Come on over!"

"Luffy," said Zoro in warning. "We don't know what these guys really want."

"Yeah we do! They want to put on a play for us!"

Zoro sighed. There would be no talking him out of it now; he was too excited.

"WAIT!"

A high-heeled foot slammed down onto the Going Merry's railing. Nami was there, glaring up at the other woman shrewdly. "How much is this going to cost us?"

"Absolutely no charge! In fact…" She trailed off, reaching down the front of her dress and retrieving a red change purse which she tossed to Nami. "We would gladly pay you to give us a chance to rehearse our new play for a real audience!"

Nami opened the purse and peeked in; it was full of tightly rolled, very large beri bills. She grinned broadly and waved at the girl absently. "Oh, then go ahead, be our guest."

By then the rest of the crew had arrived. Usopp and Chopper watched wide eyed with Luffy while two large, strong men brought a makeshift stage down onto the Merry's deck and set it up in front of the mast. Sanji twittered back and forth between Nami, who was engrossed in counting her money, and Thalia, who was observing the set up. Robin watched it all curiously before looking over at the still suspicious Zoro. He scowled and she hid a laugh behind her hand.

One young man with incredibly poofy blond hair set up a popcorn popper and turned it on, only to be nearly mauled by an overexcited Luffy. He laughed and talked amicably, trying to get the rubberman to calm down until it was ready. By the time the stage was set the three youngest crewmates had large bags of buttery, salty goodness, and the blond was popping more on Sanji's helpful urging that it wouldn't be near enough.

Soon the Straw Hat crew was seated on the deck in front of the stage, except Zoro, who was on the stairs, still untrusting. Everyone else clapped and cheered when Thalia got up once again to stand before them. She had done a costume change at some point, as her dress was now midnight blue and her gloves pure white (but still sparkly).

"Welcome, one and all, to this advance performance of "The Maid of Tulip Lane"! Before we begin, allow me to introduce our esteemed manager, Mr. Touchstone!"

A tall man in his early thirties walked out from behind the curtain, looking very formal in a black tuxedo. "Hello all, aha. My name is Touchstone and I am very pleased to be here tonight, aha. This is our new play, "The Maid of Tulip Lane," a comical romance with plenty of high-stakes action, aha. This will be our opening performance, aha. I hope you all enjoy, aha."

"This guy talks funny!" Luffy laughed. "And he has a really boring voice, too!"

If Touchstone heard him he didn't say anything. "Now, with no further ado, I present to you, "The Maid of Tulip Lane"! Aha."

He stepped back behind the curtain and Thalia skipped off to the side. She sat down by a visibly excited Sanji, who could only whimper "Mellorine!" when she asked permission to do so.

The curtain pulled back to reveal another woman, this one with long flowing auburn hair. She began performing her carefully rehearsed lines (stuff about flowers and wishing she had a man and whatnot), and Zoro felt himself drifting off. He had no interest in plays, and this one wasn't an exception.

Zoro probably would have fallen asleep if it weren't for the beginning of the second act, which effectively alerted him.

A young kid, no older than nine or ten, he guessed, walked out on stage and stared out at them. He had a large, creepy smile, one that set all Zoro's senses on high alert.

"I hope you've all been enjoying the play so far," he said softly, and the grin grew, if it were possible. "But I am afraid to inform you that you will not get to see anymore of it."

Luffy and Chopper groaned in disappointment while Usopp booed and yelled, "No fair!" Robin shot a look at Zoro, who nodded at her before giving Sanji a clear "I told you so" face.

The creepy smile kid continued to… well, smile creepily. "You see, the Touchstone Actors aren't just actors; they're also bounty hunters!"

He started to giggle behind his hands while the curtain behind him swung fully open to display the dozen or so actors and stage hands, all holding guns or other weapons. Even Thalia had some crazy bazooka thing.

"Damn!" said Zoro, jumping to his feet and unsheathing his katana.

"Shit!" agreed Sanji, stamping out his cigarette before standing to glare at the (male) enemies.

BOOM! The first shot rocked the ship, putting a big hole in the rail. Usopp yelled in indignation before regaining his cowardly senses and running to where it was safer, like behind Luffy. Everyone took that as the cue and launched into battle.

Most of the actors went down easily, but more poured over the sides of the ship. The Merry soon teamed with enemies, some coming in for their attack, others limping or running away.

Somehow Sanji and Zoro found themselves back to back, glaring around at the bounty hunters.

"This is your fault, shit-cook."

"My fault!?!"

"Yeah. You just had to let the pretty little witch on board."

"Bastard! Don't talk about Thalia-chan like that!"

"Your little Thalia-chan almost gave me a new ear piercing. With her bazooka!"

Sanji didn't have a reply to that and Zoro smirked, cutting through another four enemies. That was his third win against the cook today; he was on a roll.

Further conversation (or argumentation) was cut off by the never-ceasing tide of opponents. The two men fell into a battle rhythm, moved around each other flawlessly, complimenting and backing up the other's attacks unconsciously. No one could deny that, when the two stopped fighting each other, they worked well together.

Around them, more and more of the invaders were giving up and running away, dragging their injured crewmates with them. Soon only a handful were left. Luffy grinned around at them, fist raised. "Who's next?"

"Do you see the swordsman, Damian, aha?"

"Yes sir." The boy nodded, his creepy smile glinting in the moonlight.

"That's the one I want, aha."

"But Straw Hat Luffy's bounty is bigger."

Touchstone adjusted his tie. "I know, but Roronoa's skills are very impressive, aha. And I think it will be easier to manipulate his body once it's ours, aha."

The boy shrugged, smile never leaving. "If that's what you want, boss." He slipped off between the combatants.

Sanji and Zoro had drifted apart again, and now Zoro was more or less alone on the small and overcrowded deck. The enemies were doing their best to stay away from the "demon" with three swords, black bandanna shadowing his hard, glinting eyes. He stood in a battle stance, swords still drawn, daring anyone to approach.

To his surprise, one small form did dare, stepping into the lamplight and smiling broadly at him.

"You," growled Zoro around Wado Ichimonji. He took a forceful step forward, determined to wipe that grin away.

But then his eyes locked onto the boy's wide ones, and he froze, a shiver running up his spine.

The boy raised his hand. "That's good, Roronoa Zoro."

Zoro instinctively tried to tear his gaze away but couldn't.

The boy clenched his fist. "Soul Extraction!"

Zoro's vision blurred frighteningly. His legs went numb and he felt himself falling toward the deck. He tried to fight it, but his legs weren't listening to him; nothing was listening to him. He felt as though his body was slipping away from, and he was struggling to hold on to it.

He landed on the deck but couldn't feel it; it was more like watching someone else's body fall and lay there, prostrate. He worked as though swimming through some thick, sticky liquid to get back to it. Maybe, if he just worked hard enough…

A hand, long and slender and in a suit, appeared from the edges of his fading vision and touched his shoulder, and at the same moment he lost his hold on his body and blacked out.

"Cotelette! Selle!"

Sanji's whirlwind handstand kick took out what was left of the enemies on his side of the Merry. He righted himself and glanced around; Luffy, standing over several unconscious bounty hunters and laughing, Usopp, peeking out from his shielded place behind the makeshift stage, Chopper looking worriedly at a wound on Nami's arm (it didn't look bad, but it still made Sanji see red), Robin lowering her arms in satisfaction. Everyone accounted for except…

He turned back the other way just in time to see Zoro freeze, staring at the creepy kid.

The brat said something, clenching his fist.

And then Zoro started to faint.

All Sanji knew, at that moment, was that the swordsman was going down, and that he was the only one who was close enough to help. So he did what he was supposed to do; he ran toward his nakama.

The smiling boy turned and tried to block his path, but Sanji didn't let it deter him, instead using his creepy face as a springboard to get the rest of the way to Zoro, landing next to him just as his head hit the deck.

"Oi, marimo!" He bent down and put his hand on Zoro's shoulder…

And then a green light rose from Zoro's body and engulfed Sanji.

The cook felt his whole body go strangely numb and cold, and he sank to the deck, staring blankly at the swordsman. For a moment, a blue aura rose from his body and seemed to fight with the green light; then the two mixed into a teal and slipped into Sanji's body.

He passed out.

"Swordsman-san! Cook-san!" yelled Robin in warning. Everyone turned just in time to see the blond fall down next to the unconscious Zoro.

Luffy started to run to their aid, but a sudden fist met his gut and stopped him.

The boy who had popped the popcorn had punched him. Luffy wobbled and reeled, looking suddenly tired. "I feel… sleepy…"

The man smirked, holding up his fist. "Gotta love Seastone rings!"

One of the big stage hands walked over to where Zoro and Sanji lay. He glared at the cook and kicked him hard, sending him spinning across the deck.

"Sanji-kun!" yelled Nami.

The big man bent down and picked up Zoro, slinging him lazily over one shoulder.

"I still think we oughta get this one," the Seastone man said gruffly. "He has a bigger bounty."

"Boss said he would be too much trouble," said the creepy boy. He shrugged, still smiling through the bloody nose from Sanji's foot, and hopped up onto his ship's railing with crazy dexterity. "We don't need any more."

"But still…" Popcorn boy whined.

"We got what we came for," said the big man, shifting Zoro's weight slightly. "Let's get out."

Popcorn boy sighed. "Agreed." Then they joined their crew and the ship started to pull away.

Luffy was trying to regain his strength, but it wasn't coming fast enough. "Zoro!" he yelled, stretching out his arms as much as he could in his weakened state. The bounty hunters lashed out at him with swords and axes and he had to pull back; they had gotten Zoro's body down into the belly of the ship, anyway, and he couldn't reach.

Everyone stared numbly after the retreating ship. They couldn't believe that Zoro was really gone.

"Sanji-kun! Sanji-kun, are you okay?"

What are you talking about, woman? I'm not that ero-cook, I'm Zoro!

"Sanji-kun! Wake up, please!"

I already told you, I'm not-

"N-nami-san? What happened?"

What the hell was that!?! Why did I just talk like that dartboard?

"What the hell? Zoro!?!"

"Sanji-kun? What's wrong?"

A weak laugh. "I just think I've finally cracked; I'm hearing moss-heads in my brain. Where is the marimo, anyway?"

"They took him, Sanji-kun. Right after you passed out."

"What do you mean, took me? I'm right here, damn woman!"

Nami jerked back in shock. "S-sanji-kun?"

"I'm not Sanji, damn it, I-Of course I'm Sanji, what are you-WHAT THE HELL!?!"

Sanji sat straight up, holding his head when it swam in protest. "What the hell?" he repeated.

"Cook-san," said Robin gently. The whole crew was crowded around him now, distracted from watching the ship-and their nakama-sail away to see what the commotion was about. "What do you mean, you're not Sanji?"

He stopped rubbing his head and looked up at her with one pleading blue eye. "But I am Sanji, Robin-chan, I-What the hell is going on!?! I'm Zoro! Zoro!!!"

"Sanji's gone crazy!" yelled Chopper in panic. "Someone get a doctor!"

Usopp was too shocked and confused to point out that he was the doctor.

Luffy leaned down and examined his chef seriously. "Okay, here's a question only the true Sanji would know the answer to." He took a deep breath. "What's my favorite food?"

"Meat," said everyone (even Robin) flatly.

"Wow, you guys are good!"

"It's only because you yell for it every five seconds!" Sanji admonished, and then sighed and rubbed his temple. "Ugh, my head feels like shit. That's because it is shit, cook. Why the hell am I hearing the marimo's voice!?!"

Robin suddenly turned and started for the cabin. "Robin!" Nami called after her. "Where are you going?"

"I think I read about something similar to this," she called back. "One moment."

Meanwhile, the fog on Sanji's mind was starting to clear. He could feel another consciousness now; his own frustration and confusion mixing with another's, the alien mind trying to wrench control of his body from him, and in his weakened state of mind succeeding every now and then. Thoughts that were not his own whirled in his head, memories that did not belong to him swimming around.

What the hell is going on?

Well, it looks like you're in my head, moron.

How did that happen?

Hell if I know. You were just staring at that shitty kid, and next thing I know you're passing out. I ran over to you, and then… this.

Ugh… Yeah, I remember now… A memory that Sanji didn't remember played out in his head; the kid smiling at him, their gazes locking, unable to tear away…

So that kid did this?

Seems that way.

Great. I'm gonna murder him.

Robin returned then, holding a book in her hands. "Here it is; it seems that, a few hundred years ago, this same fruit was used. Though it was a different user then."

"Wait, this fruit?" said Nami. "You mean it's a Devil Fruit?"

"Correct. The Soul Soul no Mi, to be exact."

"Robin-chan and Nami-san are especially lovely when they are figuring out what's going on! Don't be such a yutz. Shut up asshole!"

"Sanji-kun! Shut up!"

"Yes, Nami-san… Hah. That's number four, dartboard. Shut up, marimo! You'll get me in trouble with Nami-san!"

"I said shut UP!" Nami hit his head, then went to look at Robin's book.

"So what's going on with him?" asked Usopp, leaning over to look at the book, too.

"Actually, them," Robin corrected. "It would seem that Swordsman-san's consciousness-his soul, if you will-has been placed into Cook-san's body."

"But Sanji-kun's soul is still there, too?"

"Yes. Only Swordsman-san's soul was moved. It says here that the soul is pulled from the body and then floats until it meets something living to latch onto, other than its first body. And that just happened to be Cook-san, in this case."

Never saving your shitty ass again.

I don't remember asking you to.

"I get it!" said Luffy happily. "It's mystery effects!"

"No, we know exactly what it does," Usopp corrected.

"Oh…" Luffy thought it back over again, and then smiled. "Okay, now I really get it. Zoro's still here, after all."

Robin thought about it. "Well, yes, technically."

Ask if there's a way to reverse it.

Way ahead of you. "Robin-chan, is there any way to get this shithead back into his old body?"

"Yes, actually. It says here that contact with his original, now soulless body will reverse the effects. The soul will go straight to the empty shell that Swordsman-san has now become."

"He was already one of those," said Sanji with a smirk that was instantly wiped away. "Asshole! I wouldn't be in this mess if you didn't trust anything with boobs!"

"Knock it off!" Nami hit Sanji's head, and then smiled. "I like this better; I only have one head to punch instead of two."

"Unfortunately, Navigator-san, I believe we should go immediately to try and find his body."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because two souls can only exist in one body for so long. Right now, Cook-san and Swordsman-san's souls are like oil and water in a bottle that has been shaken. They're mixing, but they don't like it. Eventually, the oil and water will try to separate. And when that happens, someone's soul will be forced out."

Everyone took a beat to process this information.

"Oh no! Sanji and Zoro are gonna die!" yelled Chopper finally.

"Actually, only one of them would die," Robin corrected.

"Neither of them are dieing," Luffy said, straightening his straw hat in determination. "We'll get Zoro's body back."

End of Chapter 1

A/N: Woot! First chapter, done! Hope you enjoyed!

And then getting up and kicking him like it was somehow his fault that the idiot couldn't see through the hearts in his single visible eye.

First time in a fanfic of mine that I acknowledged that his eyes actually turn into hearts. Also, I want to point out that it is his right eye; so many people say left. All the pictures I've seen and all through the anime it's his right eye that's visible, so unless the manga is different then his left eye is covered. Sorry, I've just seen it so much lately that I had to have a mini-rant.

Sometimes, Sanji really hated his job, or rather the headaches it gave him.

Just me, in my Sanji-bias, ranting once again about how he has a lot to do and no help. If you read "A Chef's Hands" then you probably already know about this. By the way, if you're a huge Zoro fan who happens to hate Sanji, this probably isn't the fic for you; I love Zoro, too, but I'm a Sanji fangirl in the extreme. It's kind of sad, really.

"Dishes. Rechecking our supplies. Planning breakfast for tomorrow. You know, actual work."

See? But I let Zoro win FOUR whole arguments. So I'm giving.

…"Touchstone's Troupe.""

Touchstone is the court jester who helps Rosalind in Shakespeare's As You Like It, my absolute favorite Shakespeare play. But he's not a bad guy in that; just goofy. And not boring, either. I got tired of thinking up names (again, if you've read "A Chef's Hands" you know naming is something I don't excel at), so I let culture do it for me. Yay society, it has proved itself useful for something!

I am your hostess for the evening, Miss Thalia!

Thalia is the Greek Muse for Comedy. Omg, Dandy actually did research!

"Ero-cook! Think with your head for once!"

As opposed to the part of his anatomy he normally thinks with.

He blinked and then realized that it was pretty obvious.

Yep… It goes without saying.

She trailed off, reaching down the front of her dress and retrieving a red change purse which she tossed to Nami.

Random sidetrack moment: I'm in the Sea Train episodes right now (omg, I laughed so hard during the Sogeking song that my eyes watered!), and I realized that Nami really did keep that Baby DenDen Mushi close to her heart. I wonder if Sanji ever found out it was in her bra; he'd probably get a nosebleed every time he saw one from then on.

Hello all, aha.

The "aha's" aren't enthusiastic at all. Almost more like he's coughing than laughing.

"Do you see the swordsman, Damian, aha?"

I don't know why, but I've always thought of "Damian" as an evildoer kind of name. Sorry Damians of the world. Unless you aspire to world conquest, in which case, congratulations! Please remember me after the fallout, hmm?

"What's my favorite food?"

Just couldn't resist.

The Soul Soul no Mi, to be exact."

So I don't get many points for creativity.

Well, there's the situation! Now, all they have to do is find Zoro's body before Sanji commits suicide. Shouldn't be too hard. *evil eye glint… of DOOM!!!*

Cough cough… It's not a suicide fic, by the way, that was just a joke.

Speaking of that, here's my random thought of the day. I was thinking, I'm gonna write some more Sanji angst at some point. And then my brain was randomly like, Heh, Sanji angst… Sangst. And then I realized that could be done with any Straw Hat: Langst, Zangst, Nangst, Changst, Rangst, Frangst (my favorite to say), Brangst… U… Us… Okay, so almost any Straw Hat. So, because of his name, Usopp is not allowed to be angsty! Heehee.

Again, I hope you enjoyed!

This is Dandy Wonderous, signing off, aha.