Harry Potter and the FanFic.
I own none of these characters and all that jazz.
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Harry wakes and groans loudly. He looks around expecting to see Ginny by his side yet she isn't there. He can't find his children either. All he can see is an emptiness of white. "Where the hell am I?"
Harry looks down at himself. "What the fuck?" He is young again.
A figure approaches.
"Draco? You're young again? Like me." Harry says startled.
"Yeah, uh apparently I am. What the hell is this place?" Draco says confused as he continues to walk ever closer to Harry.
"Draco what are you doing?" Harry backs away.
However soon Draco reaches him and grabs him pulling him close and kisses him.
Harry struggles and eventually smacks Draco and knocks him to the white vacant floor.
"What the hell, are you doing Draco?"
"I have no idea Potter? What kind of sick shit is this?" Draco shouts.
"Dammit I knew it!" Harry screams.
Groans are heard. Harry looks to see figures coming towards him in the distance.
"Fuck zombies or some shit." Harry screams.
"Get me up Potter, I can't move for some reason or another!"
As the zombie type figures approach a blade seemingly from nowhere dices there heads clean off.
"Who the hell are you?" Harry shouts while staring at the blond haired man with a giant sword.
"I'm Cloud, who are you?"
"Harry Potter."
Another figure with blond hair appeared in the room. "Anyone know of a philosopher's stone?"
"Yeah I do. It was destroyed." Harry said.
"What you dumb ass. How could you destroy something that precious?" The small blond haired kid shouted.
"Brother maybe he didn't know what it was?" said a suit of armor that seemed to appear out of now where.
"Who the fuck are you two?" Harry asked.
"I'm Edward Elric and this is my brother Alphonse."
"Rigggghhhhhttt. Anyway, I think I know what is going on." Said Harry. Before he could finish Dumbledore seemed to appear from thin air.
Dumbledore was rubbing his hands together with an evil grin on his face and hissing, "Yes, yes, for the greater good. I shall manipulate all those before me and bring about their demise for I am evil and corrupt."
"Uh aren't you dead Dumbledore?" Harry said with an irked look.
"Me? Dead? Never. I am to manipulative and evil. How could I possibly die?"
"Uh Snape kills you old man."
Dumbledore stopped rubbing his hands together and put on a thoughtful look. "… Bullshit. No fucking way. I'm way to creative for that to happen. You know the manipulative thing and all."
Harry sighed, "Riiiggghhht, idiot."
Suddenly blasts began to burst all around Harry. Harry ducked and swirled around wildly seeing to men dressed white body armor firing lasers at him.
The others in the room just watched not sure what to do. Ed tried creating a wall, but being it was just a white room nothing happened.
At first Harry feared for his life, but after several minutes of not being hit he just stood and yawned. "Ok guys are you done?"
One of stormtroopers threw his weapon to the ground "Bullshit. Honestly worse than that fucking Luke kid. I swear impossible to hit him!"
The other stormtrooper seemed upset, but nodded. "Don't worry we will get him in the next episode. I can feel it. Right?"
Another figured just appeared from nowhere stumbling around with a bottle of whiskey in his hands. After gaining his balance he looked at the room of confused people.
"Uh, Who the fuck are you guys?"
No one said anything so Harry made his way to him and stretched out his hand "I'm Harry Potter."
The man took it then quickly brought his leg to the back of Harry's and shoved him to the ground making eat a face full of the floor. "HAHAHA"
The man looked around "Come on that was funny as hell."
"Name is Liquid. Pro ass kicker. Whoa who the hell is the midget?" Liquid said motioning to Edward.
"I'm not small you rotten dirty…" Edward began ranting. The stormtrooper raised his blaster again firing at Harry and once again hitting all around him.
"Yeah, yeah, didn't ask for your life story kid." Liquid said ignoring the blaster.
Then Liquid took a swig draining his bottle of whiskey. He chucked the empty bottle at the stormtrooper. The bottle nailed the stormtrooper in the face and he fell flat on his ass.
"HAHAHA. See funny. Alright, I'm out losers." And with that Liquid vanished.
"What an ass hat." Harry said as he got up and noticed a girl standing before him.
"Uhhh, do I know you?" Harry asked as she looked at him with awe.
"Harry, I'm your long lost sister from America."
Harry looked at her with a crumpled glare. "I don't have a sister and my parents are dead so no you aren't."
"Harry our parents are over there." She motioned to James and Lily.
"Mom? Dad? I thought you were dead."
"So did we son." Harry's father said.
"Can I go now?" Cloud asked.
"Uh being I have no idea who you are or how you got here sure."
"Thanks." Cloud then vanished.
Harry turned back to the spot his parents had been in, but instead a kissing Sirius and Remus replaced them.
"What the fuck are you two doing?" Harry shouted.
"I don't know." Sirius said. "But I can't stop."
Harry looked away disgusted.
The soft voice of Alphonse spoke next "Harry what is that on your chest?"
Harry looked down and his chest almost seemed to be glowing. He frantically began to try and brush away the glowing light screaming "Get it off me, Get it the fuck off me."
"Ah, but Harry it is your magical core." Dumbledore hissed softly.
"What the fuck is a magical core?" Harry said as he calmed down a bit.
"I don't know, but I can manipulate it with mind numbing hours of training." Dumbledore said before he erupted into an evil cackle.
Harry rolled his eyes then felt a hand grip him on the shoulder. "Tough break kid."
Harry turned to what appeared to be four soldiers before him. "Great, who the hell are you guys?"
"I'm Jack O'Neill, this is Samantha Carter, Daniel Jackson, and that is Teal'c."
Daniel chimed in "I'm a wizard by the way."
Harry sighed, "No you aren't a wizard."
"Yes I am." Daniel said, but his face turned to the floor and he began to kick his feet around casually.
"No you aren't." Harry said in a loud voice as if putting the matter to rest.
Daniel still staring at his feet muttered "Well I should be."
"Holy shit! What the hell are those kids doing?" Jack shouted.
Harry turned to see his friend Ron and Draco making out and Ron had his hands down Draco's pants.
"Ron! What the fuck?" Harry screamed before turning away and vomiting all over Jack's boots.
"I can't stop myself Harry." Ron shouted through clenched tears.
"By the way Harry I hate you! I've always been jealous of you! You sicken me!"
"Uggghhh" Harry groaned as he saw two people with bloodshot red eyes charge the standing stormtrooper and tackle him to the ground. They began clawing and gnawing at him as he screamed out.
A tank seemed to appear out of nowhere and fired a round blasting the two infected people and the trooper to smithereens. A soldier popped out from the top of the tank.
"Anymore infected here?"
Harry rolled his eyes. "Yeah that guy right there. The old geezer." Harry said as he motioned at Dumbledore.
"I am not infected, evil and cruel. I have never been infected… except that one time they turned me into a Newt."
"Who are they?"
"You know … they."
"You were a Newt?" The soldier asked.
Dumbledore shrugged and muttered, "I got better."
A blast of plasma came from nowhere and struck the soldier blasting a whole clean through him.
Then a huge figured that looked like squiggly lines approached.
The remaining stormtrooper fired at the lines yet continued to miss. The squiggly lines vanished revealing a Predator.
The Predator stared at the stormtrooper and did not perceive him as a threat.
When the Predator turned back his neck was grabbed and he struggled to free himself against the strangest looking machine he had ever seen.
The terminator threw the Predator across the room, then turned to the group of people standing awestruck and the group making out and shouted in an odd human voice with an accent "Gooo, get to the chopper!"
"Ughh, Why the hell am I back here?" Cloud muttered reappearing.
"Because I am here!" Shouted Sephiroth.
Cloud and Sephiroth dashed at each other and began to fight a mighty sword battle.
"What the hell is going on? Where the hell am I? Where is my Dragon?" said a younger looking man.
"How the hell should any of us know?" Ed said rolling his eyes.
"Well I am Eragon. A Dragon Rider."
"No you aren't I'm Aragorn and I am King of Gondor and shit."
"I'll kill you old man." Eragon shouted and he and Aragorn also began fighting.
A giant spider appeared "I'm Aragog and I'm twice the size of that bitch Shelob." The spider said before moving for the men who ran screaming to hide behind the SG-1 team.
As the spider came closer a hissing sound erupted. And an alien jumped on Aragog and began stabbing at the spider with its tail.
"What the hell is going on? I pity the fool who mess with me." Mr. T shouts as the A-Team shows.
The stormtrooper begins firing at the A-Team all the while never hitting them. The A-Team fires back their bullets landing just in front of the stormtrooper making him jump on occasion.
More aliens show up ready to attack, but Chuck Norris appears out of nowhere and begins to roundhouse kick them back to LV426 or wherever the hell they are from.
Soon the entire place has erupted in battle except those who are stuck kissing and fondling each other.
Dumbledore ran about showering his enemies with Lemon Drops muttering "pawns."
Lightsabers were being flashed left and right.
People began popping up everywhere. Vampires and Lycans.
Harry begins running laps around the battlefield muttering, "Got to keep training if I want to win."
The girl claiming to be his sister starts t run along side him "Harry I know I'm your long lost sister from America, but don't you think you should stop this?"
"Must keep training, must be all powerful dark warrior, must brutally kill all and yet manage to be hero." Harry said in a hysterical voice.
After a short while the fighting continued, but Harry slowed listening to his supposed sister drone on. "Shut up for a second crazy woman." Harry shouted.
"I think I figured this out."
All the sudden Ginny appeared out of nowhere and started making out with Harry's supposed long lost relative.
"Kick ass!" Harry shouted.
Harry walked to the center of crazy battlefield. "Hey I figured it out! Guys I figured it out! Stop it! Stop fighting!"
"JUST FUCKING STOP IT!"
The group quieted and looked at Harry.
"This is there fault! Yeah I know it is you!"
"Don't try and play dumb!"
"All you crazy fanfic writers and readers keep putting me and all these other people into this insane shit!"
"I had a fine life without you people dragging me into all this crazy mumbo jumbo."
"Yeah you know who you are, you people reading this. And you! Yeah you! The guy typing this stop it, stop it right now!"
Everyone in the room vanishes, but Harry and Ginny.
"Why am I still stuck?"
Ginny runs towards Harry tackling him to the ground kissing and foundling him.
Tonks and Fleur appear kissing and groping each other. Their clothes vanish.
"Oh hell yeah, I can get used to this." Harry said.
"You know it is for the fans and all that."
After a few moments the girls vanish.
"Hey bring them back like right now."
…
…
…
"You aren't going to bring them back are you?"
…
…
…
"I'm still going to be in a bunch of crazy whacked out stories aren't I?"
…
…
…
"Gits."
The End.
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Just making fun of myself and the rest of us for the truly insane imaginations we have. And Liquid is just one of my fav authors who writes himself into many stories.