Chapter 4: Guardian

Day 1

Kaylee

It was over. At least, she figured that everything ought to be over.

All the major events of the day had to be over. One day couldn't include yet another event so major within it- there just wasn't enough time, Kaylee thought. She'd been raped then been invasively examined after the brutal attack. The universe wouldn't be so cruel as to throw yet another life altering event at her today. Would it?

Kaylee dragged her fingers through her messy hair, with its knots and tangles, and sighed heavily. She must look like a fright. She'd been brutally attacked, holed up in one of the spaceship's smuggling compartments, and put through a painful and exhausting medical exam. She had bled and sweat throughout the entire day and she had not so much as rinsed her hands of the grime from crawling into the smuggling compartment. She knew she was just as dirty as she felt on the inside now. Just as dirty and tainted as she was sure Early would've wanted her to feel.

She sighed again and closed her eyes. Jubal Early. He was a monster, but she had played her part in her own rape. Why had she screamed? Why had she been so stupid as to scream, to cry out for Mal? True, it had been one of the most terrifying moments of her life, but where had her head wandered off to? She just couldn't help but think what a complete idiot she had been. She had brought this on herself.

Simon came in the room. No, she wasn't going to tell him that. He would try once more to convince her that she wasn't dirty or filthy or that she hadn't brought this on herself by being empty in the brainpan. He cared too much. He was always trying to protect River and maybe now that he saw that she was in need of rescuing, still, he was going to start protecting her however he could, too. She frowned. He didn't want to waste his time. She was in need of rescuing all right, but there wasn't going to be much left to rescue when he did. She was already chewing herself up on the inside like a Reaver would do. Perhaps that was the road down which she was heading. She didn't know if she had what it took to become a Reaver, though.

"Kaylee?"

She snapped out of her thoughts guiltily and looked up at Simon. He was holding a cup of water and a small paper cup in his hands.

"More medication?" she asked softly.

He nodded. "Yes. Just some antibiotics. To prevent infections." He gave her a smile and shook the paper cup. "And, look! It's a pill, not another injection."

She smiled gently at him. He meant well, he really did, and she did love him. Even if he was too wrapped up in keeping River safe to notice her, she still loved him more than most on Serenity could even know. She owed that love the half-hearted attempt to smile when he tried to cheer her up by making his lame little jokes.

Kaylee took the pills and after bustling around in the infirmary for a short while, Simon left once more. She guessed that he was intentionally giving her some time to breathe. Jayne was, of course, at the doorway, but it was somewhat of a relief to be able to think, though it hadn't been going so good so far.

What if she had contracted GNRY-78? It was a strain of a disease on Earth-That-Was called AIDS, only it had mutated and become more potent and more lethal. It not only shut down the body's immune system totally, it began to actively attack parts of the body as well. Kaylee shuddered. Everyone knew about GNRY-78. They had studied about it the high school sex ed class. It was one of those diseases that you could live with- but not for long and not with a high quality of life.

Of course, GNRY-78 could be carried for several months to a couple of years before a person even began to show symptoms. While it made quick work of most of the people it infected, some people had a long incubation period and could go around happily infecting others without knowing it. Sure, the Alliance had managed to destroy most of the old Earth-That-Was STDs, GNRY-78 along with cracking pox and several others had been too virulent for the new antibiotics and antiviral medications to destroy.

Kaylee looked down at her arm and pulled up her sleeve. Her skin looked normal. Of course, it would take some time for the tell-tale purple lesions to appear, but that didn't mean her eyes weren't already searching frantically for any sign of them. She was scared. Her heart was pounding as she thought over each of the terrible diseases that she could have caught from Jubal Early. He might have been clean. Most people were nowadays, but then again, there were those who weren't. There were those who would actually try and spread their disease once they found out they were infected.

"Hey, Kaylee," Wash called into the room. Kaylee jumped and slid her sleeve down. She stared at him as though it was the first time she had ever seen him before. Wash's face took on a look of concern. "Can I get you anything, lady-girl?"

She shook her head. Her throat was dry from nervous fear, but she didn't want to trouble him. She had already troubled everyone enough as it was.

Wash shrugged. "Let me know if you need anything at all, Kaylee," he told her before walking away and past the infirmary.

Kaylee closed her eyes and suddenly he was in front of her again. She grasped the sides of the chair tightly and bit down hard on her lip, but refused to open her eyes. She wasn't going to be so scared that she couldn't even close her own eyes. She wasn't.

As she watched the film playing in her own mind, Early slammed her back against the engine room's wall. She saw her mouth open in a protest of pain and saw Early plaster his own mouth over hers. His hands were making quick work of her clothing, ripping her favorite coveralls and leaving her naked from the waist down. He thrust into her once and again-

Kaylee gasped and opened her eyes. She couldn't. She couldn't face what had happened to her again. Not so soon. She suddenly pressed a hand over her mouth in horror and looked around the room in distress.

What if she were pregnant? What if that bastard had gotten her pregnant and she was carrying his little spawn in her belly right now?

"God," Kaylee whispered. She could feel hot tears start to leak down her cheeks. "Oh, God, no. Please, God, no."

What would she do with the child? After all, half of the baby would be her. What would Simon think if she had this baby anyways? Would it be like cheating on him in some kind of perverse way? Would he be angry or jealous? Would he hate the child?

She didn't think so. Simon was too sweet, too caring to hate a child, even one that was conceived the way this baby had been. Kaylee touched her belly. She wasn't even ready to have a child. She was too young, too inexperienced and she loved being free to work on Serenity without anyone to tie her down. Being with Simon wouldn't necessarily tie her down, but she knew a baby would. A child. Oh, God.

"Kaylee?"

Once more, Kaylee jerked to attention. This time, it was Inara standing in the doorway of the infirmary, holding a tray of foodstuffs with a cup steaming from hot tea. The tea was obviously Inara's.

"Hi," Kaylee said weakly, slumping back against her chair. She was suddenly very tired. "Come on in."

"I brought you dinner," Inara said softly, closing the door behind her. "I figured that you hadn't eaten much and, besides, Mal was making a big fuss about how someone should come and feed you."

"Like I'm a baby or something."

Inara smiled. "Something like that." She set the tray on one of the metal carts and slid the whole thing over to Kaylee's side. "You'll like this. Mal actually cooked something this time."

"Mal cooked?" Kaylee asked, sitting up a little straighter to look at her food tray.

"Yes, and he used some of the dried and frozen foods that we had in storage," Inara reported. Kaylee didn't need Inara to tell her that Mal was trying to make up for Kaylee's horrific day with fresher food than usual for dinner. She smiled slightly down at the food and picked up the fork beside the plate.

"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try it," she said. "Even if Mal did make it."

She chewed the mess of vegetables in her mouth thoughtfully, grateful to Mal for his attempt to try and make it up to her. Kaylee knew that he was probably at a loss for what to do for her right now, what with his normal reaction being to avenge such a crime. Of course, Early was already floating off in space, probably to die alone, cold, and without any air left in his lungs. So, there was nothing Mal could do that hadn't already been done. Kaylee wondered if Mal would've done things differently, if he would've insisted on really hurting Early before he killed him, had he known what had been done to Kaylee. She decided that she didn't much want to think about it.

Kaylee pushed another bite of food into her mouth and began to chew slowly.

"I'm sorry that I haven't been in here with you much," Inara said quietly, bringing the cup of tea to her mouth and taking a small sip. "There's no excuse for my behavior. I just… well, I was hoping that if I stayed out of the way… that is to say…"

"It's all right," Kaylee replied quietly. She stared down at her food. Two bites and she wanted no more of it. "I understand."

"It's not all right, Kaylee, love, it's-"

"Please, Inara," Kaylee said quickly. "Not now. Not today. I don't have anymore left in me. Please?"

Inara nodded, tears standing in her eyes. Kaylee knew what she was trying to say and forgave her immediately for any kind of sin that the older woman thought that she had committed. She knew that Inara felt somewhat responsible for the young mechanic, felt something of a mentor to the girl, and she knew that Inara must be feeling pretty miserable about the whole affair. Kaylee didn't need to be a psychic like River to know that Inara was probably feeling responsible for what happened to Kaylee and was probably racking her brain for ways to try and make things right between them. Kaylee didn't know quite how to tell her that things were already all right between them and that Inara needn't feel any blame or guilt for what happened.

"It's all right," Kaylee said quietly. "Please don't cry. You'll make me start."

"Right. Of course." Inara brushed at her eyes and gave Kaylee a bright smile which only made Kaylee laugh at her attempt to be cheerful.

"What's so funny?" Simon asked as he entered the infirmary. The woman glanced at one another. "What? An inside joke?"

"Sort of," Kaylee said softly. She was starting to feel tired of everyone's questions. Even Simon's.

Simon glanced at the clock on the wall. "Kaylee, I know that you probably don't want to be told it's bedtime since you're an adult and everything, but I think I'm going to have to insist."

"That's all right," Inara said, standing. Kaylee could almost feel her relief and felt a wave of resentment wash over her. "I was just visiting. Kaylee, are you done with your dinner?"

Kaylee pushed the tray away from her. "Yes. I can't eat anyways. Give it to Wash. He's always hungry."

Inara smiled. "I'll do that."

Simon began to bustle around the infirmary, his hint that Inara should say her goodnights and leave. Inara understood.

"I'll come back tomorrow, mei mei, and we can talk a little more. If you'd like."

Kaylee moaned inwardly, but managed a weak smile and a nod. "Sure."

Inara touched the girl's hand gently. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Inara."

With a sweep of fine silks, Inara left the infirmary and Kaylee behind her. Kaylee slumped back down against her chair and sighed. Simon came over and moved the tray of food.

"I'll bring this up to the bridge after I help get you settled for the night."

"I don't know if I can climb down my ladder to my room," Kaylee said. Simon shook his head.

"No, you're staying in here tonight. Tomorrow, too. I want you to be comfortable, but also near our medical supplies in case you need help sleeping or are in pain. I'd rather not tote things around Serenity, if that's all right with you," he told her. Kaylee shrugged. She hadn't made any of her own decisions today anyways. Where she slept should be no different, she figured. "All right, then. Give me your hand and I'll help you stand up. I want you to walk around the infirmary once and go to the bathroom before you go to bed."

Simon helped Kaylee with her bit of exercise and, much to her embarrassment, with her bathroom needs as well. She was glad, however, when he perched her on the closed toilet seat and washed her face gently with a sterile-looking white washcloth. She reveled in the gentleness of his touch. It felt like ages since she had felt a truly soft, kind touch. She closed her eyes while he wiped tear tracks and grime from her face, careful to only graze over her small cuts and scrapes.

He also helped her with a sponge bath, something that Kaylee would've found intensely erotic had it not been for the fact that she didn't think she could feel anything erotic again. Not to mention Simon's gentle hands felt like the hands of a quiet nurse.

"Too much pressure?" he asked her softly, wiping the sponge down her back. Kaylee could feel the water trickling down her spine and shook her head silently. She didn't want to talk anymore. "Just let me know if it is, all right?"

Slowly, and with great care, Simon washed her from head to toe, even taking the time to rub her feet after he washed them. She asked him why and he only responded that he knew she needed to relax in order to get a good night's sleep, another something that she needed. Once they were finished and Kaylee was dressed in a light gray gown that Inara had provided earlier that day, Simon led her back to the infirmary. Kaylee was surprised to see Jayne waiting beside the small hospital bed, which was made up like her own bed, complete with her quilts and pillows. Kaylee smiled.

"Did you do all this?" she asked.

"Somebody had to," Jayne replied, looking a little embarrassed by Kaylee's smile. "Come on. Let me help you up in."

Kaylee winced as Jayne scooped her up into his arms and laid her down gently onto her new bed. He pulled the sheet and blankets up to her waist and fluffed the pillows once behind her. Once more Kaylee gave him a grateful smile and Jayne looked embarrassed by the attention.

"Now, Kaylee, I want you to try and get some sleep," Simon was saying. She looked over at him with widened eyes.

"Are you going to give me another shot?" she asked.

Simon shook his head. "No, of course not. Why would I?"

"To help me sleep," she explained. "Or, do you have another pill for that?"

"No, I want you to try and sleep naturally," he told her and Kaylee immediately felt panic rise in her chest. Simon took her hand. "It'll be all right, Kaylee. If you have a nightmare or trouble sleeping, I'll be right outside, on the couch. So, I'll be able to come in and give you something. But, I want you to give sleeping without any medication a try first. Sleep medication can become addictive."

Kaylee nodded and shied her hand away from his. Simon swallowed then briskly walked to the light dimmer and turned down the lights almost so that it was completely dark in the infirmary. Jayne grunted in annoyance.

"Ya could've told me you were gonna do that before you did it," he complained. Kaylee could see Simon blush in the dark. "Now I have to work my way out of here in the dark."

"Sorry," he apologized quickly. "Come on. Let's let Kaylee get some sleep."

Jayne patted Kaylee's shoulder tenderly before following Simon out of the infirmary. Simon tapped a few controls on the outside of the room and the door slid shut about halfway.

"Goodnight," he called and Kaylee gave him a half-hearted wave before settling down into her makeshift bed to try and sleep.

FOUR

"Come on, little Kaylee," Early grunted, pushing himself hard into her. "Say that you're liking this. Say that Big Early has got everything you need in a man."

Kaylee could feel the sweat of exertion dripping down the back of her neck. She could feel her body straining and pulling painfully as he thrust and pulled back repeatedly. She closed her eyes and let out a choked sob.

"Please, stop! You're hurting me," she begged miserably, knowing that he never would.

"You've never experienced true pleasure until you've experienced it with pain," Early told her, thrusting into her body savagely. Kaylee let out another choked sob and tried to shove him away from her. Early simply grabbed onto her wrists and pinned them to the cold metal of Serenity behind her. "Now, why are you fighting, little one? Aren't you enjoying this?"

Kaylee swore fiercely and was rewarded with a hard slap across the face.

"Such language from such a pretty little mouth. Let's see what we can do about that," he purred before pressed his mouth to hers. Kaylee was shocked when he managed to pry past her lips, sucking hard then biting down on her tongue. She screamed into his mouth and he pulled back, wiping blood away from his chin as he laughed at her misery.

"You bastard," she whispered, her words slurred by the injury to her tongue. Immediately, his hands were around her throat. Kaylee's body bucked in sudden panic and she struggled harder than ever against him.

"Stupid little girl," Early said coldly.

"Captain!"

Kaylee sat upright, gasping for air. Her eyes were leaking tears and her heart was pounding fiercely in her chest. She swallowed again and again, but could not orient herself. She let out another scream, unable to keep it inside of her and the lights suddenly flooded into the room.

Jayne was standing in the doorway, gun in hand. Kaylee shrunk back in fear and was relieved when Simon pushed past him and raced to her side. He didn't try and touch her, though he did move his head about until he had made eye contact with her. Kaylee whimpered at the sight of his warm, familiar face.

"Kaylee, what happened?" he asked softly.

She burst into hysterical sobs, wrapping herself in her own arms and beginning to rock back and forth. "Oh, God, Simon! Please don't make me go back to sleep, please!"

"Gorramit!" Jayne swore. "I knew that she was going to have a nightmare."

"Let's focus on Kaylee right now, please?" Simon snapped.

Kaylee closed her eyes and hung her head. What was happening to her? Why her?

"What's going on?" a familiar voice asked and Kaylee opened her eyes to see Mal standing in the room, looking concerned and slightly annoyed.

"Mal!" she gasped, instantly wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch the one person that she had been longing for during the entire attack. Mal was quick to her side and wrapped her up in a hug. She closed her eyes and breathed in his reassuring scent. "I'm sorry, captain. I didn't mean to wake everyone up. I didn't mean-"

"Shh, now, Kaylee," he said quietly. "Just hush now."

"Raise the sleeve of her gown," Simon's gentle voice instructed and Kaylee braced herself for the bite of the needle and the sting of the medication flowing into her arm. It wasn't as bad as she expected.

Mal held onto her tightly as her sobs quieted and she felt the medication begin to take effect. She felt herself grow heavy and tired and slumped against him. Simon noticed and instructed Mal to lay her back down into her bed. Mal did so and kissed her forehead gently. Kaylee smiled softly up at him.

"Thank you, captain."

"It's not any problem, little Kaylee," he told her. "Now, get to sleep. You're keeping everyone awake."

Kaylee glanced around the room at the others who were standing in there. Simon was straightening up, trying to busy himself, no doubt. Jayne's gun was back in its holster and his face showed concern but was a lot calmer than it had been only a half hour before. And Mal. Mal looked gentle and watchful, like a father looking out for his favorite child. She smiled.

"Thank you," she repeated and let her eyes fall shut.

For the first time that day, she felt safe. She knew she had an entire crew of guardians watching over her and it would take getting through them now for anything to get to her now.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hello, everybody! I just wanted to thank all of my readers for staying with me, even though I don't update as often as some of our other writer's do (and bravo to them, seriously). I just wanted to point out one little thing. I know that there are a lot of you reading this story, but, as of yet, I only have 3 reviews. I'm not asking for reviews to bolster my ego; rather, I'm asking for reviews to get a sense of what people are liking, disliking, possible suggestions, etc. Knowing your opinions and what you think of my writing and my story (and, if you're reading my other stories, those, too) help me to write better and with more sensitivity to my audience. I haven't really met my audience, so I really don't know who precisely I'm writing this for. (Well, of course, I am writing it for my own pleasure, but I am also writing it for my readers' pleasure, too.)

Thank you.

The Lady Elizabeth