Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter, JK Rowling does. We simply play with her world.

Double or Nothing

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Chapter 5

A Remus interlude

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Harry idly walked through the bookshelves in the Potter library, his fingers running along the spines as he passed them. He knew he should be finding information to write his History of Magic essay, but he just didn't feel like it. History of Magic was just so boring. He wished that he could have gone with Sirius and Jamie to the quidditch game, but sadly Sirius wasn't able to procure another ticket on such short notice, he hadn't even thought of it back, weeks ago, when Harry had first arrived in their reality. It had only just occurred to him a few nights before and by then it had been too late. There were only two tickets and Harry wasn't nearly stupid enough to think that they would allow him to go over Jamie.

Besides, Harry was lucky enough they had even let him stay not to mention that they had even given him his own clothes and bed. He had a broom and a new owl... more than he had ever had before.

With a sigh Harry picked up a book from the history section.

"History, huh?" A voice said behind him.

Harry's head popped up and he spun around to see Remus in the doorway to the library leaning sideways against the door jam.

"Yeah." Harry answered trying to keep the disappointment from his voice, Jamie always got to do everything. He had been to a million professional quidditch matches, Harry had never been to any and he was feeling sad to have been left out, not to mention kind of depressed to have been left to do history of magic, of all things, when he knew his brother was out having fun. He understood on an intellectual level that Sirius had gotten the tickets before Harry he arrived in this reality but emotionally speaking, he felt jealous and left out not to mention second best. But of course, Sirius was JAMIE'S Godfather, of course he would want to take him over Harry, and the ticket had originally been bought for Jamie anyway... but despite knowing all that, he couldn't help how he felt.

Harry kicked himself. He had no right to feel badly that Jamie had gotten to go and not him. Not when they had given him so much already... He was being selfish!

He kicked himself again, because despite the fact that he knew he had not right to feel as he did, he still felt, sad, lonely, left out, unwanted and... and jealous of Jamie. He was trying so hard not to. He was being treated better than he could have ever dreamed. Why couldn't he just be happy with what he had! He supposed he really was a no good burden.

"What are you learning about?" Remus asked curiously, while walking over to the boy.

"What else? The Goblin wars. Does Binns ever teach anything else?" Harry asked sarcastically

Remus chuckled. "Well, there were quite a few. But there is more to history than the Goblin wars, it's a shame that Binns is so stuck on teaching them."

Harry stopped scouring the book shelves and tossed himself down in a near by plush chair with a humpf "It's boring and it's not fair!" He whined angrily

"Not fair? What's 'not fair'?" Remus asked, although he already had a pretty good idea.

Harry looked down at his lap and shook his head "Nothing" he lied quickly diverting his eyes... he couldn't tell Remus, if Remus knew how he was feeling he would know what an ungrateful burden he really was!

Remus sighed and leaned on the edge of the chair. He could read a mile a way, what was going on in the child's mind and he didn't even need legilimens to do it, "You know that Sirius didn't mean to exclude you, right? There will be other games to go see."

"I know! I said it's nothing, I'm fine!" he snapped at his uncle. His mind was screaming it wasn't fair, Jamie had seen so many games, why couldn't he have let him go just this once... He shook his head knowing he was being unreasonable, the game had been promised to Jamie before Harry even entered into his life, and even if it hadn't, Jamie was here first, Sirius was HIS godfather, not Harry's and Harry was lucky he had gotten to stay at all, he knew this, he was being ungrateful, but still... Resentment burned in his chest and he didn't know how to get rid of it. Jamie always got everything Harry could never have and it was so not fair, even now that they were supposed to be brothers Jamie still got everything. It just reminded him so much of how he always felt with Dudley and the Dursleys, it was hard to swallow down.

"Harry, I know that's not true, it's not 'nothing' if you're this upset." Remus said gently as he put his hand on the boy's shoulder. "You can talk to me about it if you want."

Harry shrugged him off his shoulder "I'm not upset! Okay!" Harry yelled his face going a little red, he didn't mean to take his temper out on Remus but he just couldn't help it. He didn't want to admit this was upsetting him, it would be like admitting how ungrateful he was and than Remus would hate him! He couldn't bear that!

Remus raised one eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like the voice of someone that is not upset." Remus had to hide his hurt feelings when Harry shrugged off his hand, he had to remind himself that this Harry wasn't used to him, that he hadn't grown up knowing him as 'Uncle Moony'.

"Just leave me alone, I have homework to do." Harry said lowering his voice. He did NOT want to talk about this, he didn't even want to think about the fact that he had been sent to the library to do homework when Jamie got to go out and have fun. He knew there was only one ticket, and he couldn't go to the game, but why did he have to be sent away to go do homework... well at least it wasn't chores, he supposed... Than why did it feel so much like it had felt when Dudley got to go have fun and Harry was left behind with some unsavory task...

Remus reached out and gently lifted Harry's chin so he could look the boy in the eye. "I won't 'just leave you alone'. Harry, I think you need to deal with this. I can tell how much this is upsetting you."

"I TOLD YOU I'M FINE!" Harry yelled right in his face pushing him off so hard the force sent Remus flying back a few steps.

After Remus had regained his footing, he pinned Harry with a stern gaze. "Harry James Potter! You do NOT speak to me that way!"

Harry glared at him "You're not the boss of me!" He exclaimed and... he didn't know what had gotten into him, all the pain and sadness mixed with the all too familiar feelings of being left out and fear of being found out to be as ungrateful as he thought he was, by Remus, that in a fit of temper he picked up a vase which had been located on the end table next to the chair and lobbed it right at Remus' head. The vase wizzed by Remus' head, the man was lucky the child's aim was off because instead of hitting him in the head it merely clipped his ear, which hurt but did relatively little damage. The ceramic vessel shattered upon impact, breaking into hundreds of pieces.

Violence was not like Harry but he was so confused and angry. Some where deep down he knew he was taking his anger out on the wrong person but he was only a child and never did have good control on his emotions.

Harry stared on in horror as the vase released from his hand, and he wished immediately that he could grab it back, his stomach twisting in a sick way as the heavy object spiraled through the air towards Remus.

Remus grabbed his ear and stared at the spot where the vase had landed in shock. Harry was behaving like a five year old. Shock turning to anger he turned and marched over to Harry, he pulled the startled boy up from the chair and led him over to the desk where he pulled out the armless desk chair and then seated himself.

Harry was too shocked to move as Remus grabbed him, but his entire body stiffened in fear as he was dragged over, he tried to stammer out frantic apologies, but nothing would come out of his mouth... he supposed, though, that he deserved what ever beating he got for his behavior.

"I know you know better than to throw things at people! If that had hit me in the head it could have really hurt me! You could kill someone like that. If you are going to act like a naughty impulsive, thoughtless five year old, then you will be treated like one." With that said, Remus pulled the child over his lap.

Harry started to sob before he was even over Remus' lap, feeling horribly guilty for what he had done, and terrified that Remus would hate him now... Maybe Remus would even insist he be sent back to his own world! There was no way the man could even pretend to still love him after what he had just done!

Remus took out his wand and magically lowered the boy's trousers and pants. After making sure that he was holding Harry tightly, he brought his hand down on the bared target.

SMACK!

The first smack shocked Harry with its intensity and he yelped loudly, bucking over Remus' lap in surprise "OW! S-Sorryyyyyyy!" he cried.

Remus ignored Harry's protests and started to lay on the smacks in an even pattern.

Harry kicked his legs as the sting started to set in "OWW please don't!" He yelped, he knew he deserved it but Remus was swatting really really hard.

"What is this spanking for?" Remus asked, not letting up in the least.

Harry sobbed harder but not because of the pain. Sure the swats stung, Remus was landing some of the hardest swats he had ever felt, but he hadn't been going very long, his bottom couldn't be more than a little pink. Instead he was crying as he let all of his emotions out, his jealously, his feelings of being left out, second best, unwanted and his feelings of guilt for taking all of the former emotions out on Remus who had just been trying to help... of nearly really hurting Remus... and his fear that everyone would hate him now.

Remus stopped when Harry started to cry with such heart wrenching sobs, he could tell that it was not from the spanking. Remus righted the boy to sit in his lap and pulled him into an embrace. He stroked the child's hair and whispered assurances into his ear.

Harry tossed himself into Remus' embrace and sobbed his back heaving with the force of them.

Remus waited until Harry calmed down before speaking. "Do you want to talk about it now?" He asked gently.

Harry hid his face in the crook of Remus' neck, in shame and shook his head.

Remus stroked Harry's hair a bit, hoping to calm the boy. "You have to face those feelings sometime, it does you no good to bottle them up."

Harry sniffled and burrowed his face in deeper. He didn't want to face them, facing them didn't make him feel any better, he would still feel left out and upset only sharing them would mean that Remus knew he felt that way too and he just hadn't wanted that.

Remus heaved a heavy sigh and took a stab in the dark. "This isn't just about the quidditch game, is it?" he guessed.

Harry made a noncommittal sound from Remus' neck.

Inwardly, Remus cursed at Sirius to be so unthinking. Remus had done a lot of research on abuse cases, he had suspected that Harry would at very least be suffering from low self-esteem, but in his interactions with the boy he suspected that it was something deeper. Without knowing the exact cause though, he could only do so much.

"We all love you, Harry. You know that, right?" Remus said gently, but firmly.

Another noncommittal noise form the area of Remus' neck

Remus pulled the boy away from him and gently lifted the boy's chin. "Harry, look at me."

Harry wriggled and struggled to maintain eye contact "Can I at least pull up my pants?" He was hoping the whole spanking thing was done

In response, Remus set Harry on his feet and fixed his clothes and then pulled the boy back into his lap. "There, more comfortable now?" he asked.

Harry nodded a slight blush tingeing his cheeks.

"But don't think that was the end of it. We still have more to discuss on why we don't throw tantrums, little boy." Remus said sternly.

Harry gulped and lowered his eyes "I'm sorry... Please don't send me back! I promise I wont ever do anything like that again, I don't know what got into me I'm sorry!" He begged frantically.

"Hey, hey now, no one is sending you anywhere, Harry." Remus assured.

"But... But I..." Harry started,

"But what, you let your emotions run away with you? Yes, it was dangerous and you could have hurt me, but I know you didn't mean to, I know you didn't want to hurt me and that you were just lashing out because you were hurting, there is nothing you could do to make us send you back, we do love you. I know it will take time for you to believe that though." Remus cut him off.

"I.. but... how could you even..." Harry stammered.

"We forgive around here, fully and completely. That's what people who love each other do." Remus explained.

"Am-Am I gunna be punished more?" Harry asked with a gulp.

"We'll discuss that later, for now we were talking about your feelings regarding Sirius taking Jamie to the quidditch game." Remus wanted to bring the conversation back on topic.

"Oh... that, I don't wanna talk about it..." Harry said staring at his lap.

"Ignoring the problem won't make it go away. And talking about it can help." Remus rubbed Harry's back soothingly.

Harry used the back of his had to mop the wetness from his face and gave another sniffle, trying to swallow down the painful lump in his throat. "It's n-nothing I'm not used to... don't know why I got so u-upset `bout it..."

He was used to being left out. For 10 years he had been locked away in a small closet while he got to watch, though a tiny crack in the door, as Dudley got to do something fun. He had watched 10 Christmases, 10 new years, 10 birthday parties and countless other events from that crack in the door. He was even used to having to do unpleasant tasks while others had fun. Cleaning the house while Dudley went to the water park, weeding the garden while Dudley went to the zoo, scouring the bathroom while Dudley went to the arcade... So many different things that Harry couldn't even count them all. He was used to this. So why was this instance upsetting him so much?

"'Nothing that you're not used to'? What do you mean by that?" Remus prodded gently.

Harry groaned at what he had just mistakenly given away, he so did not want to talk about this "Nothing." He rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand again to clear up the new tears that had filled them.

Remus sighed and then produced a handkerchief from his pocket and presented it to the boy. He pulled Harry closer to him before speaking. "Harry, I need to know whatever it is that is bothering you that has made you act in such away. Until I know, there is nothing I can do to help you. I want to help, Harry, but until I understand where this outburst came from there is little I can do to help you prevent another one."

Harry took the handkerchief and used it to dry his tears better. He sniffled and looked down at his hands, playing with the piece of fabric nervously. "I-it's stupid..." He said hesitantly, if he told, than Remus would know he was an ungrateful burden, he was scared!

"It isn't stupid if it is effecting you this much Harry. Please tell me, I want to help." Remus said earnestly.

Harry wrung the handkerchief nervously, trying to find the right words. "It's n-nothing, i-it's always what happened with the D-dursleys. I should be used to it now." He said with a slight hitch in his voice. He hoped that would appease Remus.

"Harry... What do you mean 'always happened with the Dursleys'?" Remus asked, certain he wasn't going to like what ever answer the child gave him.

Harry shrugged. "Dudley always got to do everything, I don't know why I expected here to be any different." He flushed a little, feeling very stupid at his admission.

Remus sighed "Oh Harry, haven't you been told so many times that this isn't anything like your old home?" Remus asked

Harry shrugged again. "I know, I should be grateful. I get to eat three meals a day, and I finally have clothes that fit. I'm just being stupid... an ungrateful burden just like uncle Vernon said." Harry admitted glumly.

"Harry, are you listening to anything I'm saying" Remus asked trying to remain patient and calm

Harry blinked and realized that he really had not been paying attention to what Remus was actually saying. "Erm... yes?" He said with a hopeful note, silently willing Remus to believe him.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him

Harry averted his eyes and looked down. "I-I'm sorry, sir. I wasn't listening."

"I didn't think so... Harry, How many times have you been told this isn't anything like your old home?" Remus asked again

Harry shrugged. "I dunno."

"Are you ever going to believe us?" Remus asked almost sadly

"I do." Harry said quickly, he didn't really want to go into this now.

"You don't, Harry, that much is apparent."

"It's just... s-sometimes none of this feels real. Sometimes, I think that I'll wake up in the cupboard under the stairs and find that Hogwarts and all of this wasn't real. T-that magic doesn't exist." Harry started to sniffle.

"Oh, Harry" Remus sighed and rubbed the child's back

Harry leaned into Remus and drank up the pro-offered comfort. "U-uncle Remus?" Harry said hesitantly, the title coming out awkwardly.

"Yes?" Remus smiled gently and encouragingly down at him

Harry bit his lip nervously, he opened his mouth wordlessly, but no sound came out. He felt the burning need to ask, but at the same time felt stupid for wanting so.

Remus just waited for him to open up

In a small voice Harry asked, "Why did they hate me so much? W-why didn't they love me? T-they were my family." Harry's voice quivered as he spoke.

Remus pulled the child into a warm embrace as the boy broke down into sobs.

Harry burrowed into Remus' chest, he just didn't know what he had done that was so bad that his aunt and uncle had hated him so.

Remus rubbed Harry's back as he spoke. "Harry, there is something wrong with those people." he spat out the last word with disgust. "They should have loved you, you are a wonderful little boy, and there is something wrong with them, not with you."

"Then why doesn't Sirius love me?" the words were spoken so softly that had Remus not the wolf hearing he did he would not have heard it

Remus was inwardly cursing at Sirius' stupidity. "Sirius does love you, he's just a bit thick sometimes. If he knew how sad you would feel, he would never have excluded you."

Harry shook his head and sniffled "No... I u-understand. Y-You don't have to protect me"

"No, Harry, you don't understand." Remus pulled away from Harry and lifted the child's chin with one finger, forcing him to look at Remus. "Sirius loves you. Your parents love you. All your Aunts and Uncles love you. Including myself. I want you to understand that Harry James Potter. You are very much loved."

Harry diverted his eyes, no matter how loved he was, and he very much doubted he was loved all that much, he would never be loved as much as Jamie, he would always come in second. He supposed he should be used to that, he had always been below Dudley, though with the Dursleys he wasn't even second to Dudley, he very doubted he had any place at all and if he did it was probably close to 10000th.

Remus sighed when he saw Harry look away with disbelief. He knew it was too much to hope for that Harry would believe him, that would only come with time. For now, they were only going in circles, that had to stop.

Clearing his throat he said, "well, since everyone is away, why don't we go do something fun? Have you ever been to Euro Disneyland?"

Harry's head popped up and he looked at Remus with wide eyes. "Disney? Really!"

Remus smiled, this was much better! "Yes, I have a portkey to go to Disneyland. I take it that is a 'yes'?"

"You'd really take ME to Disney? What about Jamie?"

Remus ruffled Harry's hair fondly. "Don't worry about Jamie, I'm asking YOU."

Harry blinked, he knew that, he just didn't understand why. "Won't he want to go?"

"Harry, that doesn't matter. And besides, I want to get to know my new nephew better." He really hoped that Harry would understand that he saw the boy for himself, and not simply as some 'extra' Jamie.

"I just don't want him to feel left out..." Harry said.

"He won't, he's with Sirius. And besides, we don't always have to do everything in one big group." Remus said reassuringly. "Right now is Sirius and Jamie time, but it can also be a time for you and me to spend together."

"Okay... if you are sure he wont feel bad." He knew what it was like to be left out of something fun, it wasn't a good feeling.

Remus smiled, Harry was so considerate, but he knew that Jamie wouldn't mind at all. Jamie had gone to Disneyland every year for his birthday since he was four, that was, he did until he announced (quite seriously) on his tenth birthday that he had 'graduated' from Disney and they began going to other theme parks for his birthday celebrations. No, Jamie wouldn't mind at all.

Remus' smile faded as he realized that they had to return to a more unpleasant subject. "Harry, I think we need to address your little tantrum before we go."

Harry deflated a bit at that slipping down a bit in Remus' lap and looking away.

"Harry?" Remus' voice became very firm. "Harry, look at me."

Harry reluctantly raised his eyes a bit, but kept his head down, peering up at Remus through his unruly fringe

Remus sighed. "Harry, you know I don't hate you, right?"

Harry shrugged "Yeah, guess so."

Seeing that Harry was unconvinced, Remus lifted Harry's chin to look directly into the boy's eyes. "Listen to me closely, Harry. I will NEVER hate you. Nothing you could do or say would make me stop loving you. You are my nephew, my family in all but blood."

Harry sniffled his eyes brimmed with tears

Remus pulled the boy close and rubbed his back.

Harry curled into him

"Harry, I know you are old enough to know what kind of behavior is unacceptable. When you threw that vase, you could have seriously hurt someone." Remus explained gently, still rubbing the boy's back.

"I know, I'm sorry," Harry whimpered

"I know you're sorry now, but that simply isn't enough," Remus said sadly. "I'm afraid we will have to continue your punishment, you need to learn."

Harry shook his head "No, please, I'm sorry!"

Remus pulled the boy away, stood him up and then pulled the child over his lap again. This time face down.

Harry wriggle "Don't please!'

Remus once more lowered the Harry's trousers and pants magically and then brought his hand down on the bared target. SMACK!

Harry whimpered feeling himself bared, he wriggled a bit and then let out a yelp at the first swat "OWW!"

Remus brought his hand down in an even pattern, covering the entire small bottom.

Harry bit his bottom lip trying to be silent as the smacks fell, he whimpered a bit but tried to be still and quiet

"What is this spanking for, Harry?" Remus asked, he accompanied the question with an especially hard swat to the boy's sit spots.

Harry couldn't help but yelp and jump at the swat, his hips wriggling as he tried to get his bottom away "OOOWW! For braking the vase!"

"I think the 'how' is more important here. How did you break the vase?" Remus questioned, not letting up in the least.

Harry tried to wriggle away, his bottom was on fire! "ahh please!"

"Answer the question, Harry."

Harry cried "For throwing it at you! I'm sorry please stop!"

"Throwing things at people can be very dangerous, young man!" Remus scolded and then landed a furry of swats to the boy's sit spots. "You know better than to behave like a spoiled five year old!"

Harry couldn't even pretend to be quiet anymore, he kicked his legs and cried trying to wriggle away from the swats.

Remus made one more round over the bottom before surveying the glowing bum beneath him. After pausing a minute to contemplate the situation, he took out his wand and conjured a rather large hairbrush and tapped it lightly on Harry's bottom.

Harry sobbed and kicked "Please stop! I'm sorry!" he cried wriggling about. He nearly jumped out of Remus' lap when he felt the brush "No! No please!"

Remus shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, Harry. Throwing things at others warrants more than a hand spanking." With that said, Remus brought the brush down sharply.

Harry cried out loudly and twisted his body "Please Uncle Remus!"

Remus steeled his heart against Harry's cries and landed 12 solid swats with the hairbrush to the boy's bright red bum.

Harry howled and kicked twisting himself in an attempt to get out of Remus' hold "OWWWWWWWWW I'm s-soorrrrryyyyyyyyy please st-oooppp" He sobbed

Remus banished the hairbrush and then began to rub soothing circles on the boy's back.

It took a few moments for Harry to even realize the spanking had stopped. His bottom was stinging still terribly and it didn't register right away that no new sting was being added. When Harry did finally realize it was over he took in great hitched breaths and tried to calm down.

Remus righted Harry's clothing and when the boy had calmed down, he stood him on his feet. "Normally, you would have to keep that sore bottom that you earned, but since we are going to Disneyland, I will offer you a deal."

Harry scrubbed at his eyes with his hands and then looked at Remus hopefully

"If you sit at that desk and write 100 lines of 'I will not throw things at people', afterward I will give you some healing salve for your bottom." Remus motioned toward the desk with the hard wooden chair.

Harry groaned and gave a rub to his bottom, it was going to hurt to sit to write those lines, but still... then he wouldn't be sore for the park and he really wanted to have a good day so he hesitantly agreed giving a nod of his head "Okay..."

Remus smiled and then ruffled Harry's hair lightly. "Good boy." He said and then conjured a piece of parchment and a quill for Harry to use. "Get started, the sooner you finish, the sooner we can leave."

Harry gave a sigh "Can I stand?" He tried, those chairs looked hard.

"No, Harry." Remus shook his head. "Sitting while doing the lines will take the place of having the sore bottom for the time it takes to heal. It is part of the punishment."

Harry gave an over dramatic sigh and nodded, taking a seat giving a yip and a pout as he wriggled around trying to find a comfortable spot

Remus rolled his eyes at the boy's antics. "Get started. Remember when you finish, you can have that sore bum healed."

Harry nodded and wriggled around some more as he started to write his lines .

Satisfied that Harry would be busy for a while, Remus quietly slipped out of the library to retrieve the healing salve from the medical supplies. Remus made it back by the time Harry was around half way done with his task. The boy was in such deep concentration that he didn't even notice Remus leave.

Remus pulled up a chair and sat down to read a book while he waited for Harry to finish.

Harry nibbled his bottom lip and wriggling in the chair every now and again as he wrote.

Although he was reading his book, Remus was very much in tune with the soft sound of the quill scritching against the parchment, so when it stopped he looked up at Harry. "All done now?" He asked.

Harry finished off his last sentence and dropped the quill nodding "Yes Sir!"

"Let me see..." Remus said as he inspected Harry's work. After counting 100 lines he smiled. "Good job Harry, here is one dose of healing salve, just enough to heal your bum."

Harry crinkled his nose, it figures that Remus would measure it out exactly

"Why don't you go to your room to put it on, and while you're there, put on something a little more muggle. I think people will look at you funny having magically moving snitches on you t-shirt." Remus suggested.

Harry blushed and nodded running up to his room where he changed and healed his bottom, it felt much better after the salve. He then came racing back down to Remus

Remus looked up expectantly at Harry. "All ready?" He asked

Harry smiled brightly and nodded. Remus then took Harry's hand and activated the portkey.

Harry and Remus had a blast at the amusement park. The child became lit with excitement at everything. The duo was not able to see and do everything, but it was not for lack of trying. Harry barely slowed down to eat lunch, he would have skipped it if it hadn't been for Remus who insisted on it. Remus repeatedly had to bite back a chuckle as he was reminded of Jamie's first time going to Disneyland. Most of all though, he was relieved that Harry had finally relaxed around him, and calling him 'uncle' became more natural, the child barely thought twice about it.

Remus smiled fondly as he looked down at his new 'nephew'. Harry had insisted on staying for the fireworks, but with the time difference it seemed later to the boy's body. The child watched with a wide grin as the fireworks started, even as his eyes drooped with fatigue. It didn't take long for the boy to drift off into a peaceful slumber, smiling contently even in his sleep.

Remus pulled the sleeping child into his arms and activated the portkey, taking them home.