Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. And after the latest arc, I don't want to.

Author's note: This was something I came up with and wanted to get down on paper before I forgot it. I play fast and loose with canon, so don't complain. I warned you. For those of you looking for the next chapter of Being Found, it's at the beta already.

Twenty Truths of the Sannin

1. While they are widely known as the strongest three-man team in the Elemental Countries, and the bar all teams are measured against, the Sannin don't fit the mold of an ideal Konoha team at all. There is no teamwork at all, and there never was. Orochimaru hated his teammates since the first day they met. Tsunade couldn't stand Jiraiya until after more than a decade had passed. Jiraiya only cared about growing stronger for himself and his own lecherous goals.

Sarutobi considers it his greatest failure.

2. Jiraiya didn't become a ninja to protect the village. He wanted to become a ninja because the hottest women were ninja, and he couldn't even get close to their bathhouse without being a ninja himself. He remembers it to this day, and is one of his very few regrets.

3. Tsunade didn't want to become a medic nin until after the death of her uncle. Before that, she was weak, ineffective, and was only spared Sarutobi's harshest criticisms because of Jiraiya's early incompetence. After he died, she vowed never to let one of her loved ones die when she could prevent it, and she changed her specialization. It was the most important decision of her life, and she never realized it.

4. Orochimaru was an unparalleled genius until the birth of Uchiha Itachi. He was also the sickest mind Konoha ever produced. He knew he would betray Konoha at the age of five, and was actively planning his defection by seven. His only regret was that he wasn't able to do more damage to the village before he left.

5. The mission to Rain that pitted them against Hanzo the Salamander and subsequently gave them the name "Sannin" was also their last. While they occasionally worked together in pairs, they wouldn't all be on the same battlefield until Orochimaru had come to Tsunade looking for a miracle cure and Jiraiya was looking for a Hokage.

6. The source of the summoning contracts is a subject of much debate amongst Konoha ninja.

Tsunade, the only one with any kind of family, inherited hers from an aunt who never had children of her own.

Orochimaru killed the previous holder of the contract on the battlefield. The summoned snake his opponent used was impressed and gave the contract to Orochimaru instead of having the contract die out.

Jiraiya, on the other hand, took a leave of absence before the explosion of the Second Secret War. He traveled for more than a month, tracked down the location of the toad sanctuary, and underwent a series of trials before he was allowed the contract. He was the first toad summoner in more than three centuries.

7. Jiraiya taught the Yondaime, and proudly boasts that fact. He carefully hides the fact that the majority of Minato's success was natural talent. Jiraiya's other two students live in Konoha to this day, having not amounted to much of anything. One works in mission booking as a low level clerk. The kunoichi of the team ended up slightly better off, working as a secretary to the head of one of the ANBU divisions. They are both extremely bitter, and haven't spoken to their former teacher in more than twenty years.

8. Orochimaru holds the record for having the most genin teams in the history of Konoha. Unfortunately, all but one of his students officially died on missions. In reality, he killed them all in the search for a student he felt was worthy. He thought Anko was that student, though she ended up betraying him just as he betrayed her.

He still wishes that he had killed her back when she was a genin. If he had waited just a little longer, he could have had Hatake Kakashi as a student.

9. Tsunade, like Jiraiya, only had one genin team over the years. She differs in that she didn't take on her genin team until several years later. She also had a far more successful team overall than either of her teammates.

To Morino Ibiki, she taught the intricacies of the human body, poisons that would melt the muscles of a human in seconds, and ways to destroy a person's will with a touch. They are still on good terms, and make a point to have tea at least once a week.

To Maito Gai, she taught her taijutsu, and how to open the gates. He proved more gifted at it than her, and mastered them in less than half the time it took her. However, after she left the village, Gai lost respect for his teacher, and they are cordial, but not close. Tsunade still doesn't know where Gai got the spandex, but she wishes he had never found it.

To Shizune, she taught her medical techniques, and while the girl didn't share her natural talent, Shizune learned everything Tsunade had to teach her, making her one of the best medics in the world. Only the best medics can tell the difference between their skill levels, though Shizune knows she'll never surpass her teacher. They are closer than any teacher/student pair in Konoha, and are still occasional lovers, though that activity has decreased over the years.

10. Tsunade was the first person in Konoha to use the Gates in battle, and afterwards she was bedridden for two weeks. It was then she was inspired to create her Genesis Rebirth seal, to heal the strain the Gates put on the body and prevent her from ever being bedridden again.

11. Because she is the only person to ever use it, Tsunade is credited with the creation of the Genesis Rebirth seal. This is untrue.

The actual creator was Jiraiya. He spent three weeks designing it for her, hardly sleeping or eating, and proudly presented the completed article to her only half aware of his surroundings. It was the first thing she ever honestly thanked him for.

Then he told her that she would have to be naked so he could tattoo it on her body before condensing it, and she beat him unconscious.

12. Jiraiya originally wrote his perverted stories for himself, and never planned to become a published writer.

One day, Orochimaru stole the majority of Jiraiya's completed stories, and entered them in a contest as a plan to humiliate his teammate, who was actually gaining in skill and catching up with him.

It was a surprise to both of them when Jiraiya's works won. Orochimaru curses himself to this day for being the vessel of Jiraiya's greatest success.

13. Jiraiya has had sex with at least a dozen women in every country on the continent. He's sired more than thirty children and forty-five grandchildren. He's set up trust funds for all the ones that he's aware of, though that accounts for less than half of them. He's only met three of his children in person, and none of his grandchildren.

14. Orochimaru has met more of Jiraiya's children than he has. Several died in his experimentation, but one became Orochimaru's most loyal servant, Kimimaro.

15. Despite having lost to many people over the years, including the self-proclaimed god, Pain, the emotionless genius Itachi, and the legendary Hanzo the Salamander, Orochimaru only feared one man.

The God of Shinobi, Sarutobi.

Orochimaru summoned two dead Hokages to fight his old teacher not out of some sense of irony, or wanting to make a statement, or even to mock his Sarutobi before his death, but because he was scared. He was terrified of facing his old teacher on his own, and knew he would die if he tried it.

Even with the perverse summoning, Orochimaru nearly died, and it is an event he will never forget. Years after the battle, his arms still go numb and lifeless every so often, and Orochimaru curses his old teacher until feeling returns.

16. After Tsunade became the Hokage, she and Jiraiya got in a disagreement. She was concerned for Naruto, and wanted Jiraiya to teach Naruto how to blend in, or at least not stick out so much on a battlefield, instead of teaching the kid more ways to rush into the fight.

While Tsunade would have been more comfortable tearing apart the village in a knockdown, drag-out fight between her and Jiraiya, the argument was over before it really started.

Jiraiya said that the deadliest toads were the most brightly colored, and after he as done with Naruto, there wouldn't be a more dangerous ninja on the continent. He took Naruto and left the next day on a three year long training trip.

17. Tsunade is truly the greatest medic nin in the world. She did what was thought impossible. She halted her aging. Her appearance is not a genjutsu, but her actual face. The aged appearance shown after using her Genesis Rebirth technique is a genjutsu, controlled by a seal that activates after the Genesis Rebirth seal finishes the job.

Jiraiya knows, he made the disguise seal for her.

Orochimaru does not know, but if he did, he would kill everyone on the continent to find out the secrets to Tsunade's immortality.

The only person Tsunade tells is Naruto, because he'll be the only one who will be able to experience immortality with her.

18. Twenty years after his death, Orochimaru rises again. He knew his imperfect form of immortality wouldn't last, so he cloned himself, and placed the clone in stasis, not to be released until after his death. His reappearance would nearly cause the next Secret War, but would be denied revenge against Konoha as Naruto would shred his organs with a perfect Rasengan, and Tsunade would tear the body in half. Tsunade and Naruto would travel the continent for two years tracking down the last of Orochimaru's hidden labs, destroying the remaining clones, some still in stasis, some awakened.

19. All three of the Sannin were cursed with having students who, while talented, would not be able to surpass them in their favorite fields.

Orochimaru's favorite, Kimimaro, died before his time. While nearly undefeatable in a fight, Orochimaru was never able to pass on a love for ninjutsu to his student, and had to settle for passing his jutsu onto the second place prize, Sasuke, who proved to be less than loyal in the end.

Tsunade's favorites, Shizune and Sakura, would never be able to match her in the field of medical ninjutsu. Between the two of them, they would never be stumped by a disease or injury, and they could bring a patient back from the brink of death, but neither of them would be able to defeat aging and find the artificial immortality Tsunade did.

Jiraiya's favorites, Minato and Naruto, did end up surpassing him in combat ability. However, neither father nor son ever showed any ability for espionage, much less the level of spying and intelligence Jiraiya prided himself on managing. He was never able to pass his spy network onto anyone before his death, and Konoha's intelligence was crippled for nearly a decade afterward.

20. Jiraiya was the only Sannin who found peace in death. He made his peace with the reaper long before his final fight, and he was surprised he survived as long as he did. When he died, he knew it was his time, and went contently, despite his violent end.

Orochimaru fought against death his entire life, and as such, would never find peace in the afterlife. He knew that when he was alive, and was his major motivation in finding a method for true immortality.

Tsunade, after living longer than any other ninja in the world, never had a chance to find peace in death. Her last century of life was spent living alone with Naruto, on a secluded mountain, not wanting to be bothered by anything or anyone. Despite the time to think, Tsunade knew she was immortal, and never felt the need to make peace with death as Jiraiya had, and she would never get the chance after she died. Her soul was consumed in the fires of an ancient demon that came looking for the power of the Kyuubi. She was gone for eternity before she even knew what was going on.