I own nothing. Slash. Suicidal theme.

"Hey Freddie," Spencer said walking into the living room, "Where are the girls?"

"How the fuck should I know?" I said glaring at him.

"Wow," he said his eyes wide, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I said sighing, "Nothing at all."

"Don't lie to me," he said sitting next to me, "Tell me what's wrong."

"My mom," I said looking away from him, "She's thinking about kicking me out."

"Why would she do that?" he asked confused.

"Because I'm a goddamn fucked up idiotic fag," I yelled before burying my head in my arms and sobbing.

"Hey," he said wrapped an arm around me, "Don't talk about yourself like that."

"I'm not," I said angrily, "That's what she said! God, I wish I could cut."

"What was that?" he asked carefully.

"Nothing," I said realizing what I said.

"Freddie," he said grabbing my wrists causing me to flinch, "If I roll up your sleeves would you have cuts on you?"

"No," I said in a whisper.

"Don't lie," he said putting more pressure on my wrists.

"Yes," I said trying to pull away.

"Let me see," he said trying to pull my sleeves up.

"No," I said struggling against him.

"Stop," he said in a calming tone, "Just let me see."

Staring into his eyes I quit struggling and allowed him to pull my sleeves up. I remember hearing him gasp and start to trace the cuts and scars with his fingers. A shiver ran up my spine and made me try to pull away from him.

"How long?" he asked softly.

"Two years," I said my voice matching his.

"Freddie," he said his eyes finally lifting from the cuts, "Stay here."

"I can't," I said shaking my head, "I can't put you out."

"You won't be," he said pulling me up with him, "And if you don't stay here than I'm going to take you to the hospital and put you under suicide watch."

"Why are you doing this?" I asked pushing him away, "Why the fuck are you acting like you care?"

"You think I don't care?" he asked standing up, "You're like my little brother…"

"That's the problem," I yelled before running into his bathroom.

I leaned over the toilet as all the food I had eaten found its way back up. My whole body was shaking with the force of my heaves. As my mind started to race I finally just sat there dry heaving. I just basically told Spencer that I liked him.

Allowing a sigh to slip from my lips I looked up at the ceiling and saw Spencer's razor on the edge of the sink above my head. Before I could even think I grabbed the razor and pulled my shirt off. Smiling wickedly I placed the blade to my wrists and sliced myself open again.

I did this a few more times before washing the blade off and staring at my arms. There were so many cuts and scars that I couldn't find a clear spot anymore. Spencer must have come out of his daze before I could hear him banging on the door telling me not to do something stupid.

Didn't he understand that I've already done something stupid? Why can't he see that I'm already a fuck up? Doesn't he know that I shouldn't have been born? I know everyone would be happier if I was dead. I should be dead.

"Freddie," Spencer said desperately, "Please open the door."

"No," I said in a whisper.

Staring into the mirror I opened the cabinet and looked at the pills Spencer kept in there. I hoped that he still had some Vicodin from when he hurt his arm. My eyes grew wide, along with my sadistic grin, when I saw the pills.

"Freddie," Spencer said hitting the door one more time, "Get your ass out here."

"Fuck you," I yelled opening the bottle and dumping some pills in my hand.

Taking a deep breath I put a few in my mouth before taking a swig of water and swallowing. Before I could do this again the door opened. My eyes were wide when I saw Spencer looking at me.

He knocked the pills from my hands and made me kneel in front of the toilet. He kept telling me to throw up, but I refused. Hearing his sigh he shoved his fingers down my throat making me gag. I could feel the pills work their way up my throat and leave my mouth.

When Spencer was satisfied that he had gotten all the pills out he flushed the toilet and brought my wrists to him. I tried to pull away only to notice how weak I felt. Spencer grabbed my shirt off of the floor and pushed it against my wrist roughly.

"You're staying here," he said in a tone I've never heard his use, "I don't care what you want. You're a danger to yourself."

"Why couldn't you just let me die?" I said my voice rough.

"Because I love you," he said picking me up, "I'm not going to let you kill yourself."

"You love me?" I asked my eyes started to close.

"Yes," he said putting me on his bed, "Now go to sleep. We'll figure out when you wake up."

*Spencer's Point of View*

Once I saw Freddie's eyes slip shut and heard his breathing slow I left the room. Closing the door I shook my head and went into the bathroom. I know that Freddie did some major damage to himself, but I didn't look to see how much the bathroom got messed up.

Taking a deep breath I walked in only to gasp and almost stumble out. There was blood covering the sink and the floor, but thankfully not enough to kill Freddie. There were some pills mixed with the blood. I reached down and grabbed the pill bottle that was innocently rolling on the floor.

Picking it up I read the label and found out it was the Vicodin. I wanted nothing more than to throw the bottle as hard as I could, but I knew that it would wake Freddie. Sighing I started to clean up the mess.

It took about half an hour to clean the bathroom of the whole mess. When I was done I grabbed everything I needed to clean and wrap his wrists up. Going into my room I gently shook him awake and sat next to him.

"What's going on?" he asked sleepily.

"I need to clean and wrap your wrists," I said pulling him into a sitting position.

"Okay," he said nodding.

"Freddie," I said taking a bowl of hot, soapy water and a rag and started to gently clean the blood away, "Why did you start cutting yourself?"

"I wanted a distraction," he said shrugging, "I wanted to stop thinking of you that way. I wanted to stop dreaming of you."

"You've liked me for two years?" I asked remembering what he said.

"Yes," he said blushing.

"Did you know that I haven't had a girlfriend because I don't like girls?" I said putting some disinfective on the cuts.

"You're gay?" he asked his eyes wide.

"Yup," I said wrapping his arm, "And I have a huge crush on this guy, but he's a lot younger than me."

"Who do you like?" he asked in a whisper.

"You," I said kissing him softly.

Freddie's eyes were wide when my lips touched his. I let my eyes slip shut as my hand traveled up his arm and rested on the back of his neck pulling him closer. He started to kiss me back shyly.

After a few more moments of kissing Freddie I pulled back and smiled softly at him. He smiled at me softly before kissing me one more time. Before I knew what I was doing I lifted Freddie so he was in my lap.

Freddie moaned softly before pulling away and standing up. I gave him a confused look, but then I realized that things were going very quickly. I stood up and took a quick breath.

"Are you okay?" I asked touching his arm softly.

"Yeah," he said nodding, "No. It's…It's too soon."

"I know," I said sighing, "I'm sorry."

"I just don't want to have you realize that I'm not worth it," he said sitting on my bed again.

"You are worth it," I said kneeling in front of him, "Freddie, I love you. I always have. The only reason I didn't tell you is because this is considered rape."

"What are you talking about?" he asked confused.

"Freddie, you're smart," I said looking into his eyes, "But you're under eighteen and I'm over. That makes anything we do illegal. No one can know about us with out me going to jail."

"But I love you," he said tears forming in his eyes.

"And I love you," I said kissing his softly, "But we can't tell anyone about us until you turn eighteen and than we have to act like it just happened."

"Okay," he said taking a deep breath, "But what does that make you and me?"

"It makes us boyfriends," I said smiling, "If you want."

"I do," he said hugging me tightly.

"Good," I said happily, "But you need help. You can't hurt yourself anymore."

"It's going to be hard to stop," he said looking away from me, "But I'll try, as long as you'll help me. You'll help me right?"

"Of course," I said making him look at me, "No matter what I'll help you."

"Thank you," he said his eyes slipping shut.

"Go to sleep," I said kissing his forehead, "I'll be here. For as long as you want me."

"Always…Want…You…" he said falling asleep bringing me along with him to the dream world.