… Ryoma has issues??

/Note/ Whaa, my first fic here for RyoSaku! Like my other stories, this will be really crackish but I'm not sure if you guys will find it funny or anything.

/Disclaimer/ SOBS

THE PATH OF A MAN

By thedancingcheese

The TPM

Introduction, Part One

There is a time in every man's life when he realizes that he lacks something. And for Echizen Ryoma, it came one morning during a supposedly peaceful breakfast in the form of his no-good father and his no-good ideas.

"Don't you know I'm worried for you?" Nanjiroh exploded, and the statement made Nanako gasp in surprise. "Now spill it out, boy! Are you gay or not?!"

"Yadda."

"I knew it! I knew it!!" Nanjiroh exclaimed in a moment of deep, painful realization. "It's that girl-looking sempai of yours! I knew it!! Oh, God! My son is gay! My son is gaaay!" He pointed an accusing finger at the indifferent Ryoma. "You! You're supposed to be at the time when certain body parts are being active! Do you think your father wouldn't notice? Do you think your father is happy about this?!?!"

"Honey, I don't think this is a good conversation at the table…"

"Rinko, dear, aren't you concerned about your son's sexuality?"

Rinko smiled angelically. "Honestly, I'm more concerned about yours." She took a bite out of her meal. "Which is why I threw out some of your magazines earlier this morning."

Ryoma and Nanako nodded in quick agreement.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And so, to help sort out his son (and, possibly, to get revenge for his treasures), Nanjiroh had brought Ryoma to a good friend, who is famous for his self-help books regarding teenage issues (why his father had such a friend Ryoma would never understand).

The author, Kojiro-sensei, suggested that Echizen Ryoma start a diary. This diary must be written in only when Ryoma has encounters with females of any kind, and he must keep them faithfully, unless Ryoma could risk his tennis things confiscated, his allowance minimized and his cat shaved naked. The thought of which, of course, scared Ryoma shitless.

Thus began Ryoma's daily entries in what his father called "The Path of a Man" (TPM for short).

End of Introduction, Part one.

WEEK NUMBER ONE (4 encounters of the female kind)

MONDAY

I think Kojiro-sensei is gay.

…

TUESDAY

Nanako forgot to put my rice in the bento. I'm hungry, so I'm going to sleep somewhere. Good night.

…

THURSDAY

I saw Ryuzaki-sensei at practice today. She looks old as usual. And she had some hair in her nose. It was kind of gross, but I think Tezuka-buchou is secretly in love with her. Mada, mada dane.

…

FRIDAY

I think oyaji is gay.

…

COMMENTS

My dear Ryoma, why on earth would you think of your doctor like that? Of course, I'm straighter than a pin; ask anyone. Nevertheless, it pains me to know that your female social network is utterly pitiful. My dog has a better love life than you do – in fact, he's fathered the puppies of ten of my neighbors' dogs. This is why I realize that we must take drastic actions. Though, of course, I don't mean you doing what my dog does.

I want you to take a girl, any girl you know, that is not your relative and someone you could possibly be friends (or more) with. And I don't mean your coach. If you don't have one, just give one girl that interests you, or spends more time with you than average. From then on, your journal entries must revolve around her.

Good luck, and I hope to see improvement in your next entries.

xoxo

Kojicchan

PS Your father is straight. I checked.

Introduction, Part Two

Ryoma, as expected, remained annoyed at all these. He wasn't interested in girls, nor was he interested in boys (unless they were good at tennis and unless Ryoma hasn't defeated them yet). But for the sake of his life (aka tennis and Karupin), he decided to just put up with the stupid TPM; it might just be only one of his father's idiotic phases which will soon pass.

But now, he needs a girl.

He considered making one up, but decided against it, because his first draft involved a girl playing tennis, while wearing a white Fila cap and who says, "Dane, dane, mada" at basically everyone. (Why yes, imagination isn't really one of Ryoma's best points, if you have noticed.)

And he then remembered that he had to go out soon for his weekly lesson with Ryuzaki Sakuno. The only two girls he knew were her and her friend, the loud one. There was another girl, but he couldn't remember her name (and her face, for that matter) and was from another school, which was bothersome.

Which leaves him no choice.

Oh crap.

To be continued

/Note/ Ahhh… yeah… the next chapters would possibly focus more on Ryoma's diary so it would be in first person, but maybe I'll have some narrations, too. I don't know, really. Heheh, I'm writing this just for the heck of it, and since I don't expect much readers that's okay (because I don't go online much and updates shouldn't be fast… I think).

I hope you liked it though.

TDC