Disclaimer; Don't own Twilight. Or Jacob. Sadly.

Life sucked. Seriously hard.

One day you're great and the next day you feel like shit. I've always wanted to PMS.

I ran a hand through my hair and sighed as I heaved my lazy ass off the couch. I dragged my feet over to the kitchen and quickly snatched up a bag of chips, tearing into the side. I slumped down onto the floor and festered in my own self pity.

One week, four days and seven hours since I had last seen Bella, not that I was counting. One week, four days, and seven hours ago I had morphed into a shiteous dog. My spine cracked and reformed, sending a sickly sweet feeling to course through my body, I sprouted fur and landed on four paws, howling like a maniac. Delirious with fever and disoriented by the heightened senses, I went nuts. It too two days and three of my "pack" members to get me to calm down long enough to change back.

I had pack members. I'm a fucking freak.

I didn't hate Sam anymore, or Paul or Embry; I finally got where they were coming from. I finally understood the whole dark, sad, misunderstood, better-than-you attitude. After all, I was finally part of the secret life of wolves; they had let me into their little group of elite Quilette males. Just great.

Billy crept up on me from the side door in the kitchen. Creeping in a wheelchair should have been impossible, but he rolled right up to me in a ninja like fashion.

"Jacob, you'll catch a cold if you sit on the floor," he said.

I let out a bark of laughter, "I doubt it."

He knew as well as I did what a load of bullshit that was. I ran my hand over my forehead, and just as I thought, a toasty one-oh-nine. I should have been dead, but I wasn't that lucky.

Billy shook his head. "You really shouldn't beat yourself up, kid. You couldn't have done anything to stop this," he said, gesturing at the air around me.

I groaned, "Don't you think I know that? But why Bella? Why did she have to be left behind?"

He opened his mouth to answer but was silenced by our ancient telephone's attempt at a ring. He steered himself over to the counter where it lay and picked it up roughly.

"Hello," he greeted. "Yes, Charlie. No, I don't think so…hold on, I'll ask…"

Billy turned to me covering the mouth piece with his free hand, "Charlie wants to know if you know where Bella is."

"How the fuck should I know?" I told him with a sneer that I instantly regretted. I had taken to swearing lately. I pulled myself off the floor and walked to my bedroom, passing the clock on the way. 4 o'clock. One more hour until patrol.

Stepping into my room, I hit my head on the door frame. Why was everything so friggin' low? I'd been doing that everywhere I went, considering I had grown six inches in the last week. If there was one good thing about this mutation, it was that I looked about nineteen. No more fake ID's for Jacob Black.

I slumped onto the bed and willed myself to sleep. One of the pack members would come and get me if I didn't wake up in time. Paul or Sam maybe, they were good at that. They were born ball breakers.

Every time I felt myself drift off to sleep, an image of Bella would pop into my head, obscuring every other thought. So, I tried to count sheep. Ironic, especially when I reached number twenty-two, a pack of wolves swept in and ate it along with all the other sheep. My imagination ran wild and took a turn for the worst when I saw a wolf charge at Bella at full speed.

Bella. Oh God, I was practically killing her. Best-friend-lean-on-me-Jacob was now Jerk-Wad-Jacob. I had snubbed her, and I knew she was dying inside. After what that filthy leech did to her, she couldn't bare to be left alone.

I could kill him. There was no doubt in my mind that if I got the chance I would.

"Jacob, come here, please," my dad called me from the bottom of the stairs, pulling me out of my dreary state of mind. I groaned and ducked out of my room, missing the door frame this time.

"What is it, dad?" I drawled in my deep voice.

"Well, Bella's at the door…" he told me. "She deserves better than this, Jacob. Go talk to her."

"What's the point? I can't tell her anything, I'll just hurt her more and there is no way I am doing that to her. Not after that filthy leech broke her heart," I yelled accusingly.

"Jacob, don't do this to yourself. You can still be friends," he tried to convince me. Yah, right.

"No, dad. We cannot be fucking friends. She's already dated one monster."

For the second time that day, Billy shook his head sadly and moved out of the way, retreating into the backyard.

I stared at the door and made my way over to it silently. I leaned my forehead against the hard wood and exhaled. This always happened to me. The one girl I couldn't have I end up falling in love with. Oh god, I wanted her. So bad, with every fiber in my body. Aching for her, a physical pain. Incoherent thoughts ran through my head and I moaned in frustration.

That stupid leach, I'll kill him for what he did to her. I'll rip him to shreds and burn him. I growled low in my throat and ran a hand over the back of my neck, brushing against my just above shoulder length hair.

"Jacob…?"

A faint whisper could be heard on the other side of the door, "Jacob, open the door."

My stomach twisted into knots and I felt as if a knife had lodged itself in my heart. Not that I had a heart anymore. An empty, black hole took had taken its place, systematically pumping blood into my huge body. It didn't have the capability or capacity to feel anymore.

I didn't answer her.

"Jacob, please. Open this door." She pounded against the door with her tiny fist in a feebly attempt to grab my attention. She had it.

I breathed in deeply, closing my eyes.

"Jacob, damn it, open the door. You said you wouldn't hurt me, Jacob Black; guess what you're doing now? I just want to talk."

The knife drove in deeper. "I can't open this door, Bella." I was afraid of what I would do, I was afraid I would start shaking with anger; but I didn't tell her that.

"Why not, Jacob? What are you so afraid of?" she pleaded with me.

"I'm afraid of myself, Bella. I don't trust myself to be alone with you," I said placing both hands behind my back to prevent them from flying to the door knob.

"Please, Jacob. I'm not afraid," she told me soothingly. "I've seen worse…"

She mumbled the last part, but my sensitive ears picked up on it.

"That's just it. I know that you've seen worse, I don't want to add to that. I'm…a monster."

"No you're not, how could you say that?" she asked me.

"You don't know anything, Bella. I'm not who I used to be," I pressed.

Silence.

Then she exploded, "Then tell me, Jacob! Please, tell me! Why don't you answer my calls? Why don't you let me visit? Why don't you come over anymore? Why are you hanging out with Sam? I thought you hated him, Jacob! I've already lost someone important, I'm not going to loose you, too!"

"How could you do this to me, Jake? I thought we were friends. I thought we were…" she was cut off by a sob that escaped her throat. A sob that tore me to pieces and caused my black heart to crack clean down the middle.

I took in a shaky breath. "Just leave, Bella. Go, if you know what's good for you."

Stay, Bella. I silently pleaded. Just feeling her presence on the other side of the door was better than nothing.

It was silent again.

"I hate you, Jacob. I never want to speak to you agian," she said in a hoarse whisper, and that's when I heard the sobs intensify. I heard her feet walk determinedly across my long driveway, getting quieter as the distance between her and myself grew. My heart was ready to burst out of my chest, tugging me, pulling me, wanting to go after her. And just like the selfish person I was, my hands flew to the door knob

"Jesus, Bella. Don't fucking say that. I'm so sorry, you just don't go"

I yelled at her retreating figure. And then she turned around and her eyes locked on to mine. It was as if she was the only thing I saw. My vision blurred while her figure intensified. She was beautiful, and she cast a shadow over everything else in my world. Her hair was wild, stuck to her face because of the rain; her eyes sad and wet, all because of me. I felt like throwing myself at her, to kiss away her angry tears. No one mattered, not dad, not Paul, not Sam; just Bella. My Bella. My gravity. She held me to this earth. The knife in my chest was lifted away, and the hole it had left was filled with thoughts of her. Oh god, Bella. Bella, Bella, Bella…

I chanted her name like a mantra. I was overwhelmed with emotion; they gripped me like a vise and forced me to my knees. I gasped her name, "Bella!"

She rushed over, kneeling down beside me, her sweet chocolate eyes wide with concern. I moved instinctively closer to her, and she responded in the like, as if our gravities centered on one another. One entity, two bodies.

"Jacob? Are you okay? I'm so sorry, Jake. I didn't mean it…" she cooed, brushing my messy hair away from my eyes, her hands resting on either side of my face. She looked me right in the eyes.

"Bella…" I called again, softly this time and her eyes filled with fresh tears. I wiped them away with the pads of my thumbs. Why was she crying? I had to know, I just had to know.

"Jacob?"

I knew she felt it, too. I could see it in her eyes, it was so, so hard to resist. It took everything I had not to gather her up in my arms and wait until the hole in her heart healed. That bastard leach, I wouldn't let him touch her. I hope that he stayed far away. For his sake more than mine.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. You don't understand, those words meant nothing. Oh God, please forgive me," I apologized until my lips were blue. She put her hand over my mouth.

"I know, Jake. I believe you," she stuttered, absentmindedly stroking my face. It sent shivers down my spine.

She stared at me, her eyebrows knit in confusion. She clutched the area right above her heart. "I feel…Jacob, I don't get it. I feel different."

"I'll explain everything, Bella. Not now, but I will," I promised her, moving closer to her face.

"Just tell me, Jacob, what is this?" she asked me quietly, once again putting her hands on my face.

"It's you, Bella. It's always been you..." I murmured, gathering her up in my arms and crushing her against my hard chest. My heart swelled when she hugged back, clutching on to me as if I were her only source of oxygen. That was just fine with me. I buried my face into her hair and breathed in deeply, savoring the scent.

She let go too quickly. "Jacob, I can't. What about Edward?"

"Bella, for God's sake, he left you, and he's not coming back!" I yelled at her in a flash of rage. Hurt swam beneath her eyes

"Don't say that…"

"You don't get it, do you? I could kill him for what he did to you, kill him. I have never had such strong feelings of hate harbored towards anyone. He left you for dead, and I was here to pick up the pieces. I love you, Bella. Can't you see that? And you love me, too, even if you don't admit it," I said, holding onto her wrists.

"You don't get it. He loved me, Jacob. He was addicting, my heroine. I just…I just can't forget him."

"That is pathetic and you know it," I told her.

"I can't help myself. You don't want me, I broken. You deserve better," she said sadly.

"Don't you dare say that, I don't want anyone else but you. No one will hold my heart like you do, absolutely no one. I don't care that you still love that monster; I'll wait for you, Bella. Even if it takes forever."

"You don't mean that," she said, trying to extract herself from my arms. I just held on tighter.

"The why am I out here in the pouring rain spilling my heart out to a delusion girl who will never ever see how good she is," I insisted.

"How smart." I touched her temple.

"How funny." I brushed her lips with my fingers.

"How beautiful…" I cupped her face.

She shivered.

She looked up at me with wet eyes, "Oh, Jacob."

"Eternity," I reminded her.

She reached for my face and brought her lips to mine, kissing me hard. I wound my long arms around her waist and pulled her as close as she would go. Her lips were cold against mine. She threaded her hands through my hair and pulled my face towards her, closing whatever gap I had left. I bit her bottom lip and she slipped her tongue into my mouth deepening the kiss, pushing me back so I was lying on the floor, tiny Bella perched on top of me. I moaned deep in my throat.

She broke the kiss and laid her head against my chest, her hands still tangled in my hair. I knew she could hear my beating heart. "I could be your sun, Bella. You wouldn't need him. I could give you a real life, marriage, kids, growing old..."

"You know about them?" she asked, surprise in her voice.

"I know everything," I said, putting myself into a sitting position with her in my lap. I nuzzled her neck and buried my nose into her hair, breathing in deeply. I had waited so long for this.

She straightened up and looked me in the eye, "This is so wrong, Jacob."

I stroked her hair, "I love you, Bella. That's all that matters to me."

She stared back intently, hesitating a bit before finally saying, "I think I love you, too. Even if this is so wrong, I know in my heart that I love you."

I smiled widely, "You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that."

"I deserve to be happy…" she whispered.

I picked her up bridal style, cradling her in my arms. I was never going to let her out of my sight. She rested her head against my chest and her eyes fluttered closed. Before I sat on the couch her breathing evened out, signaling she was asleep.

I lay down with her in my arms, pressing her into my chest, kissing her face. I placed my chin onto of her head and closed my eyes. I would sleep soundly tonight knowing I had the girl of my dreams breathing beside me, heart still beating.

I would fight, tooth and nail for her. No matter who stood in my way. Let the leech come; watch what I do to him.

I had waited too long to let her go now…

A/N; Okay, so, I fixed this up alot, so if you've already read it, read it again, because I set it up so that it led to the NEXT CHAPTER smoothly. Yah, I decided to make this into a 5-8 chapter fic, wooooo :) So for all of you who want more, its coming your way!
Thank you so much for the reviews! You have no idea how happy they make me. Please review on this new, updated version as well. Thanks for the favorites, too!
LOVE YOU ALL!!
Cassie,
XOXOXOXOXOOXOXO times a billion and seven.