Title: No Regrets
Pairing: Carrie/Malus
Rating: R-M
Summary: Carrie is reminded of a promise she made long ago after she is driven from her home village.
Disclaimer: I do not own Castlevania N64. All characters associated with the game belong to Konami and Nintendo and whoever else has rights to them, and I make no money off of this. The OC's however are mine, and I'll thank you not to use them without my permission.
Special Notes: It has taken me a while to work up to it, but this chapter is a major turning point in the story, and I had a hard time writing it, so perhaps you will forgive the slow beginning and read on to the end.
Again, thanks to williewildcat and Lisa for your continued support.

Chapter 5

Carrie raised her hand and knocked firmly. Never before had she sought Malus out, certainly she had never felt comfortable enough to seek him while he was tending business in his personal study. She lowered her hand to clutch the grimoire to her chest. It was a habit she'd had for as long as she could remember. Any time the book was in her presence she would hold it, an instinctive protectiveness toward the book, and a defensive shield between her and the world. She waited tensely for an answer, shoulders stiffening with every passing second. Was it really just that morning that she had poured out her woes to Sarai as though she were one of those silly little nits from the village who bemoaned being ignored by boys they had never even attempted to speak to?

This was a bad idea. Surely he would laugh at her for making such a silly request. 'Why did you even knock?' she mentally berated her self. 'But if I hadn't knocked and Sarai spoke to him about helping me with this, then I would look weak for not having the courage to ask him my self.' Her voice of reason argued back. So caught up in her thoughts she jumped when the knob turned and the door swung inward.

The breath caught in her throat.

Sinfully molded to long legs was a pair of black pants that disappeared into polished knee high boots with a gold trim, much like his favored pair. There was not a hint of purple save that of his hair and his familiar jacket and ascot tie with pin was missing. The white shirt he wore stretched across surprisingly broad shoulders and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows displaying strong forearms. The top buttons were undone revealing his collar bone and a hint of muscular chest. Pale, pale flesh was very nearly the color of his shirt and his normally violet hair looked darker without the purple jacket to bring out the highlights.

Carrie stared. She had never seen Malus so… She swallowed thickly. How was it that he seemed smaller and less intimidating in his usual clothes?

"Carrie. What are you doing here?" he peered quizzically at her, the frustrated look having faded as soon as he realized who was standing outside his door. "Not that you aren't welcome," he hastened to add.

She jerked her gaze away from the triangle of flesh displayed by his open collar. How strange that such a small thing could have such a large impact on her. She had seen men with less covering before, and yet, this was Malus and he had never once appeared before her without full formal attire. Perhaps she should seek him out more often, the traitorous thought flitted through her mind and she firmly shoved it back into the darkened shadows it crawled out from to say such wicked things. Snapping out of her daze she caught up with the fact that he had just asked her a question.

"You're busy. I didn't mean to bother you," she blurted down at the white marble tiles with their cheerful swirls of gold. She resented their cheerfulness.

"You could never be a bother," he corrected her gently. "Was there something you needed?"

"I had a favor I wanted to ask, but if now is not a good time…" Carrie trailed off. Flame rushed to her cheeks. She peeked up at the young man through her lashes uncertainly.

"Not a bit. I've been hoping for an excuse to stop working for most of the day. I hadn't expected to be granted such a pleasant one." He opened the door wide in invitation. "Please, do come in."

She didn't move. "I thought, um... I understood you dislike people around your personal property- isn't this your private study?"

Malus quirked a small, but devastating, smile at her fumbling attempt at clarification.

"Strange thing that. As it happens the entire property is mine, for all that some of the residents choose to forget this fact. Yes this is my private study and no I do not allow many people to enter it. Are you not going to come in then?"

Come in? As in move past him to get into the room? she wondered wildly. When she quite suddenly felt as though she were holding magical nitro, and every ounce of coordination had deserted her body? Carrie finally convinced her limbs to move and ducked past him into the room. She stared around at the décor in the hopes that her blush wasn't as horribly obvious as she feared it was. There was a heavy wooden desk angled toward the cheerfully crackling fire. A window to the side of the room let dim light filter over the chairs arranged around a low circular table beside yet another lit fireplace. Bookshelves lined the wall next to the window and a suit of armor graced the corner opposite the desk. Tapestries lined the free walls, and there was a sword displayed above each mantle. Scattered across the deep cherry wood were stacks of papers and a pot of ink with a quill standing inside. His gloves were resting on a corner beside one of the larger stacks and his jacket was tossed over the back of his desk chair. Her embarrassment faded in the face of the evidence that she had disturbed his work. Now she felt guilty for coming to beg his help. No matter what Sarai said on the matter Malus must surely be important to the well being of the village.

She nearly jumped when a gentle hand at the small of her back guided her toward the chairs. She was intensely aware of the fact that he was not wearing gloves at that instant. Once he sensed that she was moving on her own the hand disappeared, but she was able to feel the heated outline of each and every finger against her flesh when it was gone. The small table was set with an uneaten plate of food and a tea tray, which proved a thankful distraction to the realization of just how unbalanced she felt by this entire encounter. None of this conversation was going the way she had envisioned it and she wasn't quite sure how to proceed.

"You weren't at supper. Is everything alright?"

"A minor issue regarding a neighboring lord is all. It's nothing that can't be dealt with easily enough. That and I had to settle some arrangements for Sarai's trip. I had simply hoped to get it out of the way so that I would have more time to spend with you later," Malus answered smoothly.

"Sarai's trip?" Carrie asked with raised brows. She set the book at her side so that it was pressed reassuringly between her hip and the side of the chair once she was settled into her seat. "She hadn't mentioned a trip when we spoke earlier."

"The summons came late this afternoon. Her husband is requesting her presence at their estate. Would you care for some tea?" he asked.

"Please," Carrie responded automatically as her mind raced around the idea of the bouncy brunette being married. Surely she was too young and too… Sarai, to be married. What kind of man was her husband that he would permit her to run around as though she were a child? On the other hand, what kind of man could prevent her from doing so? Absently she accepted the tea cup that Malus handed her with a softly murmured thanks. Honestly a part of her mind had always wondered at the fact that Malus expressed any form of interest in her when Sarai was there and the two were already close. In fact that had been a large part of why she could never bring herself to truly bring herself to take his suit seriously, but to discover that the girl was already attached to someone else…

Carrie's brows knit together as she attempted to process all the questions that were running around in her mind. Finally she latched onto the first fully formed thought she could get her hands on. "I hadn't realized that she was married. I know it's not truly my place to ask, but is there a particular reason she is living at Sângeazil if she has her husband's estate to tend to?"

"Mmm," Malus took a sip of the tea he held.

The young lord leaned back, sinking into the cushions. He crossed his right leg over his left one so that the heel of his boot nearly touched the arm of the chair and his thighs formed a distracting v shape that Carrie very firmly avoided looking at. The saucer holding his cup was balanced on his knee and held in place with one hand that rested as much against the arm of the chair as it did the cup. Truly she had never seen him so casual and relaxed as he appeared now.

"Sarai hates being alone for long periods, and Dreqi travels extensively. When he isn't home she comes here to stay with her family, and her most trusted servants tend the estate. Her husband likes to send word of his impending arrival of course, so when he does make time to return from his work she always returns home to be sure to greet him. Claims he's nothing but bones when she isn't there to look to his health," Malus looked amused.

"He must be truly impressive if he can keep up with Sarai. I should quite like to meet him some day," the witch ventured to say. She would have to make sure to give the Sarai the batch of cream she had made before the brunette departed Carrie realized. She'd made creams and scented soaps for the women back in the village, and after the conversation came up with Sarai that morning she had spent the afternoon making some for her friend.

Malus's lips twitched into a devious grin, "I'm sure you'll get the chance at some point, my dear."

Carrie gave an uncertain smile back feeling positive that there was a joke she was missing in his words. Malus seemed to sense her confusion in that way he had, as his face smoothed into more favorable lines. Then he began to study her more closely and his lips drew down in concern.

"Are you quite well, Carrie? You are looking as though you have not been resting. If it's not too bold of me to say so, it worries me that you look so pale."

Carrie glared at him, even as she unconsciously raised a hand to her face. He was one to speak of being overly pale, she thought snippily. As quickly as her irritation appeared it slipped away. Come to that, he was likely to be right. She hadn't slept well since that night she'd used the observatory to chart the stars. She very likely did look awful if even Malus was commenting on it. There was a remaining sting, but that would fade quickly enough. Perhaps she should make a double batch of cream next time and use some for herself, she thought with a sigh.

Malus watched her reaction with sharp interest from beneath hooded eyes.

"I've insulted you. Forgive me."

"It's nothing. Do not distress yourself with the vagaries of my moods. I know no insult was intended," Carrie answered firmly before blowing into the mouth of the steaming cup she held.

Malus nodded thoughtfully, seeming willing to accept her words at face value, for which she was grateful.

"As you like. Now tell me more of this favor I can perform. I am most interested in knowing what would bring you to me when you have never sought me out before," he spoke lightly as he leaned back in his seat. Apparently he felt that he had allowed her to stall for long enough.

She had two choices. She could go back to working on her own, possibly wasting valuable time searching through the library for books that may not be there, and risk losing the opportunity to learn what had happened when she was a child. The second option was that she could ask Malus to help her, possibly get the information she needed in time, and get to spend more time in the company of the man she was attracted to and practically promised in marriage to. The witch hesitated for a moment. Her eyes landed on the desk with papers neatly stacked. She couldn't possibly ask for more than he had already given up to her, or take him away from his duties. Her gaze dropped to the grimoire at her side. And yet… She couldn't risk not having his help for this. It was too important.

She opened her mouth to speak but when nothing came to mind she raised her cup to try to cover her confusion. Malus waited. Carrie felt awareness of his gaze creep along her spine in a way that it never had before. Something had changed between them. Somehow she hadn't even noticed what it was or when it happened, she thought helplessly. A blush rose to her cheeks and she all at once found her self unable to meet his eyes for some reason. She must have used all of her wits talking herself into speaking with Malus that she had completely neglected figuring out what she desired to tell him, the blue haired witch thought with exasperation. She toyed with the handle of her cup, seeking for words in which to phrase her request. Carrie leaned forward to carefully set her cup and saucer down on the table.

"I wanted to request your help with a," Carrie fumbled for a word here before continuing firmly, "a translation. There is a spell I would have translated and I need it to be done quickly. I was wondering if you would be willing to offer me your assistance."

"A translation for a spell," Malus spoke slowly. He seemed somewhat taken aback by her request. "Might I ask exactly why you intend to cast this spell?"

"Because 'family is all'," she quoted softly. She stared at her own hands now held palms up in the air in front of her. "That is, it was a belief that was held by my birth family. By Pietro's account, a similar belief is held among many Roma, but it was more so than was usual within my family. There was something about us, perhaps our magic, which set us apart, even among the other gypsies. I never understood why, I was so little. Something happened, something bad. Our family separated from the kampania it had been traveling with since they had escaped from Spain, and for some reason we ended up in Count Dracula's lands."

Her head snapped up and she pinned him with a fiery red gaze. Her hands were clenched and she barely noticed when an orb of energy flared to life in both hands causing her bangs to lift away from her face in an up swirl of magical energy. She wanted to wait for his reaction, to not say anything she didn't have to but now that she was admitting her reasons aloud it seemed she couldn't stop the words from continuing to spill from her mouth.

"My family had no business being there, and they wouldn't have been had they not left the kumpania. They could have gone anywhere once they had separated from the families that we had traveled with. They chose to enter his lands; they weren't driven there, not by the other clans. I watched my father, aunts and cousins burned as witches by superstitious villagers. I saw my mother and the remainder of my family murdered by vampires. After I had been adopted I watched my mother die to allow me to escape Dracula's minions. I need to know what drove my family into a territory where they risked losing so much when preserving what was left of our family was paramount."

"This spell will grant you that insight?" Malus watched her with an unreadable expression on his face.

The power faded from her hands as she seriously considered her answer. Carrie slumped back in her chair to rub her hands over her face, "I don't know. I don't know anything apparently. Except that I have to take the chance. If I am ever to have any peace, I have to."

"And if it doesn't grant you what you seek?" Malus man asked in a gentle voice. Violet blue eyes regarded her patiently. She sat up straight to stare back at him defiantly.

"I won't have it! I have enough nightmares; I refuse to spend the rest of my life fearing the shadows that lie hidden inside dreams of a part of my childhood that I cannot even remember. As it is, I am suspended without direction in my own head. If it doesn't work then I will know I have tried and then hopefully I will have a point to start my journey to moving on."

A slow smile lit his face as fierce pleasure radiated from the lines of his body.

"Very well spoken," he announced. "You've quite convinced me to help you. Although in honesty's name, the convincing was completely unnecessary. I take it this spell is in that book of yours? If you would like to leave your book here I can begin deciding what resources would be most valuable in deciphering its code."

"No!" Carrie blurted out, horrified at the thought of her- of Malus coming to harm, as he surely would have were he to touch the grimoire.

"No? Then you do not desire my assistance after all?"

"No, I didn't mean that, I mean… I can't leave my book with you. No one can touch it but me."

He tilted his head and offered her a slow blink of confusion. She winced.

"It's the family grimoire and blood warded so that only a member of my family's bloodline can touch it."

Dark eyebrows rose. "Powerful magic that. And dangerous as well. Are all the spells cast by your family so…?" he waved one hand through the air in a gesture meant to imply the threat inherent in attempting to use such extreme spells.

"Actually since I have to translate the book as I go I haven't completely figured out what all the spells are. The blood warding and memory ritual are the most unfortunate ones so far. The rest have been very tame, and not written in ancient script and then coded in obscure languages. So I think it's safe to assume any of the ones I can't learn from reading and repetition might turn out to be potentially unhealthy to the caster or target of the spell."

"Just how dangerous is this spell you plan on casting?" Malus asked directly.

"Not as dangerous as the blood warding spell and I'm very confident I can meet the terms as long as I can finish deciphering it before all the planets are all configured on the same side of the sun. The alignment is crucial, hence the quickly in my request, otherwise I wouldn't be bothering you with my problem."

"I'm finding that I quite enjoy being bothered. And I trust your judgment on how much you can handle, so if you say you can cast it, then you can," he stood up with a stretch. Carrie's eyes followed the movement, not able to resist staring at the way the shirt stretched across his chest revealing a tantalizingly hints at the slim torso hidden beneath. "Hm, perhaps it would be best to begin with the basics," Malus mused aloud.

"Uhm," she swallowed and closed her eyes briefly. Surely the room didn't require two fireplaces. "The basics will work."

"Wonderful. You did say that the words were written in a different alphabet, do you know which one?"

"Uh- Theban," she stared as he walked away. His dark pants clung to every curve of his backside, and when he walked the smooth stride reminded her of panther she had once seen a picture of. Even captured in the stillness of an artist's pen you could still feel the movement of the giant cat, all sleek muscles flowing beneath black skin. Her face flamed as she realized exactly what she was staring at. She jerked her eyes away, and drew the book up to her chest as though hoping the familiar comfort would be enough to calm her racing heart. What was wrong with her? She'd felt shy and awkward at first, but then their time together had become simple and comfortable. She had never been this hyper aware of Malus before.

"I have a couple of books that can be useful to us then. I can pull them right now if you don't mind waiting. It may take me a few moments to find them," Malus announced thoughtfully from where he stood peering up at titles with slender fingers dancing over spines. Was the desire, she blushed at the realization, for such it was, completely her own and not on his? Did he feel even remotely as aware of the thick tension that she felt this instant? There had never been this charge in the air, this shortness of breath when she gazed at him before.

Disturbed by her jumbled emotions she did the only thing she could do. She shoved them aside and waited. She had come to him after all, and she'd seem horribly ungrateful if she wasn't willing to comply with his suggestions. With fingers that trembled only slightly she pulled the grimoire to her lap and opened the leather and turned pages until she arrived at the ribbon marker. Malus's face appeared next to her own. Carrie's breath escaped in a startled gasp of air and she jerked her head back.

"Is this the spell you're working on?" he stared at the page as though it were the most fascinating thing in the world. She was aware of the hand on the back of her chair as he leaned over her shoulder to have a look at the book. His hand hovered in the air over the yellowed pages. She grabbed his wrist without thinking. His head turned until his face was inches from hers. She could feel his breath puff across her face.

##

'Finally,' his mind purred in satisfaction.

He'd promised himself that he wouldn't become more active in his pursuit of the witch unless she indicated that she returned his interest, and she was just beginning to respond as a typical woman would have long since. He'd have had a typical woman bedded and married within the first week of such terms as he had offered. Her hand tightened around his wrist and he favored her with a confused expression that would make him seem quite unaware of his intrusion into her personal space. Her heart stuttered for a second before picking up to beat more furiously than ever. He allowed understanding to flit across his face.

"Ah, the blood wards. I had completely forgotten about them in my excitement at seeing such a finely preserved book. It appears quite old."

From this distance Malus was able to enjoy watching the way that her pupils dilated. A soft pink tongue swiped nervously over her lips leaving them glistening. He could hear the erratic beat of her heart, and he'd been struggling to focus beyond that wonderful promise of fiercely pumping blood surging through her veins during their entire conversation. He wondered what had triggered her interest when she had never before shown an indication that she considered him any more than she regarded the other members of his household. That thought rankled, but he mentally shrugged the feeling away so that he could consider the source of her sudden desire. For that was what she felt at this instant, he could smell it clinging to her skin. He took another breath, savoring the scent that he had been working for.

What had he done differently this night that he had never done before? Allowed her into his space? No, her interest had begun even before that. So when had he first sensed it? It was almost as soon as he opened the door, so it wasn't their conversation that had begun the change in her awareness. So it had to have been something she had seen. He cast a glance down at his body. His clothing was different. He wasn't wearing his full suit since he rarely bothered when he was dealing with the monotony of his business. She liked him in more casual clothes? Upon reflection he had never worn anything but his full formal wear in front of the witch. That would have to change.

Malus gave her a bright grin.

Her shoulders relaxed and she gave an indulgent smile in return. Fascinating. Apparently boyish enthusiasm was endearing, perhaps even comforting to her. He should display it more often. It certainly would give him more excuse to touch her if he seemed unaware of him self at times and if it confused her then even better. If he planned this carefully then she would feel his touches and wonder. If he were successful then she would come to crave his touch, want it to be more than casual brushes that she couldn't decipher the intent of.

His interest in the book was not completely feigned. He would surely love to find out what all spells were hidden within those pages, but the spells were secondary to acquiring the witch who could cast them. It was easy enough to display pleasure, and the sincerity behind the gesture would only add to his new plan in the long run. The fact that she would attribute it to the book and not his change in plans was not his problem.

"Here, I thought we could start with these books," he nodded to the stack of books he'd set on the table while she was absorbed with the spell book in her hands and attempted to look excited. If that was what it took, he decided with a mental shrug. He certainly wasn't going to volunteer the information that he could quote any line of any page of any book in the building. The thought of even pretending to read these books again made him want to groan. Truly they were dry as toast and their words stuck in your throat as easily.

"If we split them up we can cover more information," Carrie began to sift through the small stack of books. As casually as possible she leaned forward to put some space between them and then seemed to become engrossed in the books before her. He watched the way her hand hovered over two of the books from the pile. "We could each pick a few and then compare notes. If we start reading tonight we can discuss what we've found over breakfast in the morning."

'No!' hissed through Malus's mind.

"No," he blurted out in echo of his thoughts before he could he had time to think about what he was saying.

Startled red eyes turned toward him.

"I mean, we should not start reading tonight. The books will still be here in the morning. I know I have had a long day, and you look exhausted. Perhaps it would be best if we waited to begin until we both have a clear head."

"Ah. You're probably right," she agreed with regret tracing her words. He wondered if the regret was completely over the books. He hoped not. "In that case I shall take my leave, and make sure to be well rested tomorrow. I feel much better now knowing that I'll have your help on this," she smiled up at him.

"Please, allow me to escort you to your quarters. For all that I doubt our ability to give these books the attention they deserve I find myself loathe to lose your company."

A head of blue hair ducked shyly, and a soft blush blossomed over her cheeks. The violet haired man held his arm out to her. She took the offered arm and they began a slow stroll through the hallways, as though they were on a stroll through the garden. He watched with pleasure as her blush deepened. He made sure to keep conversation light, asking her about her day. She spoke of Sarai's impromptu picnic and explained that was how the subject of her research had come up to begin with. A comfortable silence fell between them as they neared their destination. Soon they were nearing before the door to her suite of rooms.

'Sarai!'

'Whaaat?' she whined back in irritation. A faint sense of the fact that he was interrupting her feeding slithered along their connection, but he was completely unconcerned with her comfort at this second.

'As soon as you're finished with your meal, pack. You have tomorrow to spend some time with Carrie, and then you are going to make yourself scarce for the next little while.'

'Pack?' she asked bewildered. 'Where am I going?'

'The Castle.'

'The Castle? Honestly, what am I going to do there'?

'Craft collars for the werewolves. Organize my minions into a generalized spring cleaning if you must. Spend some time with your husband. I do not care what you do while you are there so long as you stay away from here.'

'Why are you getting rid of me? What did I do wrong?!' she wailed back.

Hurt washed back through the link and he closed his eyes.

'Nothing,' he soothed. 'You have gone above and beyond in helping me since Carrie's arrival. But right now, I need a clear playing field. I need to limit Carrie's outside support so that she will turn to me more often. The fact that you even had to suggest that Carrie come to me with her problem tells me that I have made myself too unapproachable.'

'Oh.'

'Yes, oh.' He let out a sigh. 'Although I would appreciate it if you stayed in contact through letters. I don't want her to feel completely isolated.'

'I can do that,' Sarai chirped happily.

Now that she was reassured about his reasons she was perfectly willing to go along with his plan. It would be horribly boring for her to stay at the Castle, he knew. She hated being bored more than anything in the world. She'd rather experience pain than boredom. It was a testament to how much she cared that she never questioned his directive. His motive, she would question, but not his orders.

'Perhaps Dreqi will be willing to take you on his travels from time to time if the Castle becomes too stifling,' Malus suggested.

Whatever Sarai response to that was lost as Carrie placed a hand on his arm, halting their walk. Malus dragged his attention from his mental conversation to turn toward her. Then her eyes rose to his with a serious expression.

"I do appreciate all that you've done for me since I've been here Malus. I know I haven't thanked you enough for any of it really, but I want you to know that I do appreciate it."

"It has been my pleasure Carrie. You have to know that I would do anything to ensure your stay."

Including marrying her against her will as the marriage contract already permitted him to do, but that was neither here nor there. Carrie didn't enter her room. Her hand was wrapped about the knob, but she hesitated. She seemed to struggle with whether or not she should say what was on her mind. He waited, curious as to what she was thinking.

"Why?" she asked in a small voice.

"Why?" he repeated, sincerely confused this time. Malus was hard pressed to say which of them had sounded more lost by the turn the conversation had taken.

"I- You say you would do anything to marry me, but you first made up your mind as a child. And now… You still don't know me well. Why are you being so… Surely there are women better suited to the lifestyle you have. Someone who would be better able to understand your responsibilities?"

He stared at her.

And that more than anything gave him an understanding of the way her mind worked than he had discovered in the months of observing her and interacting with her. She didn't see her value as he did. She did not know what she would have to contribute to such a partnership that he couldn't find elsewhere as easily and with less of the social stigma she felt herself to carry. And with what he now knew of her background he realized that he would have to press his suit a little more firmly than he had been rather than giving her the space to consider what he had to offer. In fact subtlety would likely be completely wasted on the young witch. A direct approach then, but that didn't mean he couldn't have fun with it.

He raised his hand to cup her cheek and leaned forward. Her breath caught in her throat at the gesture. His forehead rested against hers and he stared deeply into her eyes. He allowed his voice to go husky, caressing her as he wished he could.

"If you believe that then you obviously do not see yourself as I do. A mistake I will have to rectify."

With that he stepped back and gave her a small bow. She stared at him, shock written across her face. Her fingers gripping the doorknob were white knuckled.

"Sleep well, my lady."

He turned and strode away. Malus gave into temptation and stopped once he had turned the corner. He leaned against the wall and tilted his head. He was enjoying listening to the song of her erratic heartbeat. After an eternity of silence from the corridor that Carrie continued to stand in she finally responded.

"Sleep well?" she spoke aloud. A disbelieving huff of breath followed the words. "And how exactly am I supposed to sleep well after that?"

Malus smiled.