Author's Notes: well I got a few requests to keep writing, so I managed to come up with one more chapter. The more I write the more likely the characters will go OOC. I'm just warning you in advance.

Wow… I started writing this and it turned into something dark and not nice. (Probably because of the other fanfic I'm writing right now) Ok, second shot at keeping it light and fluffy. I also didn't do the page breaks very well, so it'll be a bit confusing.

The last chapter. Here we go.

Don't Call me Again Ever Again

The TV screen was dark. It reflected Gir's glowing blue eyes, but the SIR wasn't watching anything. Suddenly he stood up and jumped off the couch, getting closer and closer to the blank screen until his face was almost touching it.

He stared.

He stared some more.

Then he burst into a fit of giggles and fell over, pointing at the blank screen.

"What are you doing Gir!" Zim shouted from the labs below. His voice came from the garbage can, and the crazy SIR turned to see where his master was. When he didn't see anyone he got up and ran into the kitchen.

"Gir!" Zim shouted again. "This isn't funny! Release me at once!"

"Where are you!" Gir squealed looking all around the room before skipping over to the microwave. He opened the door, expecting maybe to find Zim inside, but instead there was a bowl of unheated soup he'd made the other day and forgot about.

"Don't play games Gir!" Zim yelled. He was probably pulling at his antennae or flailing his arms, but Gir couldn't see. "You locked me down here you stupid robot! I'm stuck in the elevator, and you were supposed to get me out days ago!"

"Ohhh yeaahh…" Gir said shutting the microwave door and turning to the garbage can. "I don't know how!"

"Tell the computer to…"

"Yay! A squirrel!" Gir cheered rushing to the window.

"No Gir! Get back here and listen to Zim!"

"Wait squirrel! I want to climb things too!" Gir exclaimed leaping out the open window and running after the frightened rodent which had bolted up a telephone pole.

"I'm never going to get out of here!" Zim hollered, kicking the elevator door. "Ouch!"

The computer snickered.

Zim's antennae twitched. "Wait… the computer can hear me…?"

"Of course I can," the computer replied.

"Then why didn't you say something sooner!" Zim shrieked, and the computer was at least somewhat glad it didn't have ears. "I've been trapped in here for three days! Now release me!"

"No."

"No, what do you mean no!"

The computer snickered again. It was having too much fun to let Zim go now.

"Squeak," said Minimoose, looking as threatening as a small floating purple moose could.

The computer sighed. "Fine…" Despite Minimoose's nonthreatening appearance, it was created to be an unstoppable weapon, and the computer really didn't want to blow up, again, anytime soon.

As soon as the elevator doors opened Zim, who had been leaning against them, fell out into his lab. He jumped to his feet. "Now where is that terrible minion of mine!" he demanded.

"Squeak," Minimoose answered.

"What!" Zim exclaimed. "He ran out of the house chasing a squirrel without his dog monster disguise!"

"Weren't you fighting with that large headed boy…?" the computer asked. It wasn't really interested why Zim had come back before getting himself blown up, or how Gir had locked him in an elevator for three days. It just wanted to say something before Zim ran away with whatever thoughts he had.

"Zim could not find the Dib-thing," the would be invader concluded. "Now help me find and destroy that useless robot of mine…"

"I think he's next door, digging a hole in the neighbour's yard."

The Irken stared at the elevator. He needed to use it to reach ground level, so he could yell at his useless minion. Understandably, he was a little apprehensive.

It took him five minutes of grumbling to himself, and reflecting on whether it was worth it or not to possibly get locked in again, before he entered.

Minimoose tagged along.

This time he was able to reach the ground floor without being locked inside.

"Gir! Get back in the house!" Zim shouted out the window.

"Wheee! I'm diggin' a hole!" came the happy reply.

"Squeak…" Minimoose told him in all seriousness.

"Yes, Zim knows…" the Irken said running a hand down his face. "He's getting worse everyday! Soon not even I, Zim, will be able to control him!"

"I don't think you can control him now," the computer remarked wryly.

"Silence!" Zim shouted at the ceiling. "I order the gnomes to get him back inside!"

There was a long pause. "Can you order the gnomes to do anything..? I thought they were just programed to shoot things..."

"Just get them to toss Gir in here!" Zim seethed. "And stop questioning Zim!"

One of the gnomes obediently grabbed Gir and tossed him back inside through the open window. Zim quickly moved to close it, trapping the dysfunctional sir unit inside for now.

"Is something wrong master?" Gir asked from his upside-down position.

"Yes, I need to talk to you about your behaviour," Zim told him. "It's…" the Irken paused, fishing for the right word. "Bad."

"Ohhh…."

"I think… I need to…" Zim wobbled, and then suddenly collapsed.

Gir turned to Minimoose who stared blankly at Zim.

"I guess I should have warned him about that gas leak I noticed a few hours ago…" the computer mused.

"Master is dead!" Gir shrieked. He began rushing around the house screaming while Minimoose stayed quietly floating over Zim's body.

"He isn't dead," the computer informed them, breathing a sigh. "He's just unconscious. If you just…"

"I'm going to call for help!" Gir remarked loudly as he headed for the toilet in the kitchen.

"Open the window he'll be fine…" the computer finished dully. "I'm turning myself off…"

Gir flushed himself down the toilet and fell into the labs. He hurriedly picked himself up off the floor and ran over to the monitor. He began typing all the numbers he could think of. It was an emergency after all.

Dib's computer received the signal, and his room appeared on Zim's screen, but the boy was no where to be found.

Prisoner 777 stared into the monitor. "Huh?"

Red had given up changing numbers since Gir always discovered the Massive's new numbers anyway. He was seated in his chair with his arms folded over his chest.

Lard Nar was asleep. This was his first restful sleep in almost a month. His crew was somewhere else, probably keeping an eye on the Tallest they had captured not long ago. His communicator blinked on automatically.

Sizzlor hung up right away. This turned out to be the best thing to do since Gir had called so many people he didn't notice when one of them didn't pick up, and he promptly forgot all about it.

Four out of the five unlucky callers appeared in their own small square on the screen.

"What do you want now!" Red questioned in pure irritation. He was trying to track down Purple's location, but he hadn't been having much luck since the Vortian had gotten control over the communicator.

To make matters worse, Invader Tenn had just called moments before to tell him about another disaster. Meekrob would not be ready for conquest any time soon.

"I think my master is dead!" Gir yelled into the communications, causing Red to become partially deaf for the moment.

Lard Nar woke up surprised by the noise, and he nearly fell out of bed, Prisoner 777 turned around in order to watch for the guards he suspected would come barging in demanding to know what the racket was, and Professor Membrane, who happened to be passing by Dib's room, stopped to take a peek at his son's computer.

"My goodness… what kind of people does my crazy son talk to on here?" Professor Membrane questioned dramatically as he took a seat at the desk. Maybe something on this strange online chat would explain why his son was insane.

"I don't care," Red remarked. When he saw the little robot was tearing up he added, "I mean I care… sort of..." Not in the way Gir was probably hoping for though. "I just can't do anything about it."

"Neither can I," Prisoner 777 chimed in. "I'm still in prison remember?"

"I don't even know who you are," Professor Membrane spoke. "Did you say prison?" he suddenly asked. "This is not good! I should have put up those child-blocks after all!"

Now Gir could see everyone, and everyone could see Gir, but no one could see each other because the robot hadn't connected any of the other calls. They could all hear each other however.

"Eee!" Gir squealed pointing at the box that had Membrane's face in it. "A ghost is haunting me!"

"Silly metal boy," Professor Membrane chuckled. "Ghosts don't exist."

"But they're on mah TV!"

"No, I'm quite certain they don't," Membrane continued, undaunted by Gir's interruption. "I am a scientist after all, and as a scientist who studies REAL SCIENCE , I do not believe in crazy things like ghosts or aliens."

"What kind of scientist DOESN'T know there is life on other planets?" Red questioned, flicking his antennae back. "Just what are you?"

"What do you mean? I already told you; I'm a scientist."

"Why are you calling me this time?" Lard Nar asked staring at his communication device. He'd gotten it back after capturing Tallest Purple, but it didn't really matter because he had no one to call. He and his crew were stranded on the sewage planet, and as much as he wanted to capitalize on the advantage they had, he was beginning to think he might have to trade Purple in for a ride off the planet.

This would be very disappointing, but there wasn't much else they could do. Now that the communication device was on, the Armada would be able to track it. He tried turning it off, but the stupid machine wouldn't listen.

"My son is talking to convicts and crazy people…" Membrane lamented.

"Yaay!" Gir cheered. "Like clowns and weasels!"

"Hey, I didn't do anything bad," Prisoner 777 protested.

"A psychopath non-the-less…" Professor Membrane muttered, shaking his head.

"What?"

"The first step to recovery is admitting that whatever you did was wrong!"

"But I didn't…"

Professor Membrane sighed. "I guess you are a hopeless case."

"Er…" Prisoner 777 blinked in confusion. If the Professor had known anything about intergalactic wars, he might have known that the Vortian was simply in prison because the Irkens had taken over his planet, not because he'd committed murder or anything.

Gir giggled happily. This was turning into something like Law and Order.

"Ooook…" Red's antennae flattened against his head. He was tired of listening to this. "Well if that's everything, I think I'll just hang up now." He gestured for the technician in charge of the transmissions to cut out.

The technician tried. When he failed he tried again. Now he was getting nervous. He sweated and tried several more times before turning to his Tallest. "Umm…"

"You can't!" Gir laughed falling backwards to laugh some more.

"What! Why not?" Red demanded.

Lard Nar was also hoping to find out the answer to this question. It wouldn't be long before the red Tallest noticed he could trace the signal to his communicator. The last thing he wanted was a confrontation with the Armada without having a proper plan in place.

And by proper he meant a plan not made up by Spleenk.

"'Cause you can't!" Gir answered. Obviously the dysfunctional SIR had done something to mess with the transmission.

"Tell me what you did right now or I'll!" Red paused when he realized there wasn't much he could do at the moment, considering he was still looking for Purple, and the Massive was a few thousand light-years away from Earth. "I'll do something terrible to you eventually." He finished lamely.

Gir squealed as happy as a SIR could be.

As Zim had realized a while ago, threats never worked on Gir.

Then the base's alarm started ringing.

Meanwhile... not connected to any calls, just hopelessly trapped.

"Oh come on Gaz..." Dib said, banging on the closet door. His sister had locked him inside after she realized he'd eaten the last of her favourite cereal."I didn't know it was the last box of cereal! I can get you another one! Gaaz! The fate of the world Gaz!"

Lard Nar realized his communicator could in fact be tossed out the window, so he did that, and rolled over to go back to sleep. He could deal with whatever happened later.

Right now, all he wanted was a bit more rest.

He had just closed his eyes when he heard something like strange techno-music playing.

He pulled his goggles on and hopped out of bed. He was wearing different clothes because his old ones had been shredded by the sewer beast. Lard Nar still wasn't convinced that thing was actually 'nice,' but even if his clothes hadn't been torn up he would have tossed them simply because the smell would never come out.

The Vortian rushed downstairs and stopped on the last step, staring at a full-blown party that was taking place. All of his crew, and some of the sewer workers, were dancing to music, eating junk food, and playing a game like twister, only a bit more elaborate because there were at least a dozen playing.

He was mortified. They were supposed to be watching the Tallest!

"Spleenk!" he shouted over the noise.

His former navigator looked up startled, and he lost his balance, ending the game of twister for everyone when he fell and managed to trip up the alien beside him. It was like a domino effect that ended when the last guy toppled over.

"Just what do you think you're doing!"

"Uh..." Spleenk decided to remain where he was on the floor. "Having a party?"

"And the Tallest!"

"Oh, he's right over there," Spleenk pointed near the open door. Purple was standing next to the buffet that was there, eating all sorts of junk food.

"Hey Tallest man, think you can beat me in a game of darts?" One of the short grubby sewage workers asked.

Purple stared down at him for a moment, swallowed his mouthful of chips, then smirked. "Think you can see over your hat gramps?"

"Oh, so you accept my challenge?"

"Regular or blindfolded?"

"Blindfolded of course!"

"The chances of accidentally inflicting pain on someone are awfully high."

"Yeah, someone could even die."

"Sounds kind of fun. I'm in."

Lard Nar stared, gaping. The door was wide open, and the Tallest was untied, but he wasn't trying to escape at all.

Purple noticed the leader of the Resisty as he followed the sewage worker over to the targets that had been set up on the other side of the room. "Finally decided to wake up?"

"What are you doing untied?"

"One of your guys let me go when I said I wouldn't try to escape."

Lard Nar frowned.

Purple chuckled. "Look, don't worry about it so much. This is a sewage planet remember? I've already been lost out there once, I'm not going to risk running off to do that again anytime soon, if you know what I mean."

"Well... I guess..."

"Besides, this place has good food... which is really weird and I'm kind of scared to ask how they got it, but have you ever heard of an Irken running AWAY from good food?"

"No, I guess not."

"Cool, now stop being a downer and come play darts!" Purple smiled holding out one of the sharp implements the strange old worker had given him.

Well... this wasn't what he'd been expecting at all. "I think I'll pass..."

"Boss!" Shloonktapooxis cheered racing in through the door. For whatever reason, he had been outside and had managed to find the communicator Lard Nar hoped would have remained lost for a while.

That wasn't going to happen apparently. He sighed as he accepted it back.

"Eee! They're having a party!" Gir squealed bouncing up and down.

"Oh cool, I haven't been able to attend one of those in a while," Prisoner 777 remarked.

"And you never will again if you don't change your ways!" Professor Membrane insisted.

"They're what?" Red questioned irritably. Those annoying aliens were going to pay for kidnapping his partner and gloating like that. The Massive had locked on to the Vortian's communication signal. It was only a matter of time before the armada arrived and destroyed the place.

"Yeah, Red, Actually, if you could take the longer route to pick me up, that would be fine," Purple said as he took the communicator from the floating purple alien thing.

Red's eyes narrowed slightly. What the heck? He shrugged his shoulders. "Well... whatever... if you aren't in any real trouble I might not bother picking you up at all."

"Ookk..." Purple replied grinning. "Buut you'll be missing out on donuuts!"

"You're lying. You're on a sewer planet."

"Ok, I'm lying," Purple agreed snickering.

"You are lying aren't you Purple...?" Red asked in suspicion.

"Uh huuuh..." Purple replied, not sounding the least bit convincing.

"Come on man, darts!" the sewage worker shouted. "If you beat me you can face-off against our champ; blind guy Loggan. He got both of his eyes removed when he fell into the sewage container and nearly drowned in toxic sludge."

"Oh wow, this planet is like a pit of death isn't it?" Purple questioned.

"Yeah, we lost a few workers this year.." the worker coughed. "Twenty seven."

"Hey Red, if the Earth doesn't kill Zim, we can send him here."

"Zim?" Professor Membrane questioned. "Now why does that name sound so familiar..."

"Actually, the robot says he's already dead," Red commented offhandedly.

"The window killed him!" Gir sobbed.

The very of even a pretend Irken Invader dying from slamming into a window or getting caught up in one caused Purple to burst into laughter. "A window!" Purple gasped. "Killed by a window!"

Then Gir started laughing because Purple was laughing.

"Who was killed by a window?" Lard Nar asked, frowning. Was that even possible?

"Zim," Red replied flatly.

Beep beep beep!

"I got a call!" Gir squealed in between laughing and rolling around on the floor. He got up and answered the call, adding a fifth box to the screen.

"I finally got your number Zim!" Tak said. She was covered in ash, and one of her antennae was bent awkwardly. "Don't think this is over just because you..." Then she realized she was talking to the dysfunctional SIR unit rather than Zim. She stopped talking and stared for a moment. "Where is he?" she seethed.

"He got killed by a window!" Gir grinned happily.

"He did what?"

"Well... I wouldn't really trust what that robot says..." Prisoner 777 remarked. "It doesn't look like it was wired properly."

"Who is that?" Tak questioned scowling.

"I'm..."

"He's a prisoner on Vort," Red answered for him. "No one important."

"I have a name," Prisoner 777 stated unhappily.

"You can have a name when you mend your ways!" Professor Membrane insisted.

"Oh for the love of Vort, I am not a criminal!"

"You are going to spend the rest of your life in prison if you don't change that attitude," Professor Membrane warned him, wagging his finger in a scolding manner, despite knowing the 'criminal' couldn't see him. The condescending tone in his voice was enough to get his point across.

Prisoner 777 buried his face in his hands and let out a long sigh just as one of the guards came by to see what was going on.

"My Tallest...?" Tak questioned, ignoring the others who'd spoken.

"Yeah what?" Red questioned.

"You were speaking with Zim?"

"No. His stupid robot called me."

"I got your number now too!" Gir cheered happily, pressing his face against the screen. "Let's go on a picnic!"

Tak recoiled in disgust.

"Well this has been fun," Professor Membrane commented as he stood up from the chair. "But I must return to science! And install some parent blocks on my crazy son's computer." He left the room.

"It won't turn off," Prisoner 777 quickly explained when he saw the guard was about to enter the cell. He raised his hands defensively. This particular guard looked rather annoyed...

"I really don't want this anymore," Lard Nar decided as he handed the communicator to Spleenk who was leading a conga-line.

"Err... hello?" Spleenk said as he looked into the screen, seeing no one.

Gir forgot what he was doing and wandered off somewhere... leaving all of the calls open and none of them connected.

Red, who was feeling very irritated by everything at this point, decided to take out his frustrations by blasting the sewer planet into a smouldering pile of refuse as he rescued Purple from his nearly suicidal darts game.

All of the Resisty members were forced to hide in the sewers to avoid being shot to death... Lard Nar just hoped it wouldn't take him as long as it did the last time to find his way out...

In the mean while he, his crew, and the surviving sewer workers gathered some interesting materials to build a fire with and found some mushrooms that hopefully wouldn't cause horrible hallucinations.

Purple managed to convince Red not to blow up the planet completely.

"They have good food there," he argued.

"You keep saying that, but I don't believe you," Red grumbled. "They're going to come back and annoy us again if we don't blow them up now."

"Then we'll blow them up when they do that."

"... fine." Red wasn't really in the mood for arguing. "Just this once Purple... but the next time they're going to pay."

Zim returned to his lab after regaining consciousness and discovered the house's computer had been switched off, and there were several transmissions currently connected to his monitor. "GIR!" he shouted, and his minion fell from the ceiling.

"Yeees!"

"What is this!" Zim demanded gesturing to the monitor.

In one screen, Tak was glaring at him. Tallest Red and Purple had taped something over their monitor, so the square box that used to be showing them was blacked out, Prisoner 777 was waiting patiently while an Irken guard was examining the computer system, trying to get the device to switch off, one screen was showing Dib's room, and the other screen revealed Lard Nar and his followers had managed to make a fire though the materials they used were rather sketchy...

"You was dead, so I called 'em for help!" Gir replied.

Zim's antennae twitched. "Why would you do that?"

Gir shrugged as he jumped up off the floor. "I dunno!"

It was going to take Zim a while to figure out what exactly his robot minion did while he was lying unconscious on the living room floor.

More notes: The end! Hope you enjoyed it. Sorry it took so long, I have a short attention span sometimes, and I'm forgetful. It's like "Oh yeah. I should continue writing that ones of these days... or I could play video games." And ah hm.. yes.