Visitors

(Olga POV)

When night came, we were no better, no worse than the morning. I lay curled up in a ball on my side; eyes squeezed shut tightly, trying to not think. But of course, it is only when you do not want to think, that your mind is filled with maddening thoughts, and you never rest. Lord, why is it that when Monsieur Gilliard questions French vocabulary, my mind is totally blank, but at nights when I want to do nothing more than sleep, my mind is filled with everything in the world. Of course, not French verbs. Never French verbs.

We were trapped. There was no way of escaping this place, no where to go. Stuck here, in this godforsaken world. And with Alec! I'd rather be dead than here with Alec, practically a stranger who we knew had once plotted to murder us. Lord, I'd rather be dead than be a 'comrade'. What had happened to the world? What had happened to Maria? It had been so odd, to see her and Tatiana whispering together, and then standing together teary-eyed to talk to Alec. And then turn so suddenly on him, demanding we wait. In the light of day, it seemed perfectly rational to wait for our loyal friends. In the dead of the night, whispering came from the back of my mind, questioning our choice. What if they never came? What if they were dead? The Reds had been less than a half mile behind them. How could they have escaped? How could they be free?

I rolled over to look at Tatiana, lying facing the wall with her arms crossed tightly over her chest as if to hold her heart in.

"Are you awake?"

She almost flinched at the whisper, my breath warm on her neck. What had I become? What had we become? Tatiana rolled onto her back and turned her head to look at me.

"Did Maria bother you much today, Tatya?" I asked softly, tensely.

"No," she murmured, "we had a good little chat, if anything we ever do after this could be good. Everything is tainted by the Reds."

"What did you talk about? I asked.

She hesitated, "Not much."

"It must have been something. She was in a state when she came back," I persisted, "you both were."

"I promised I wouldn't tell," Tatiana replied gently, almost apologetically.

"We're sisters," I reminded her, in a small pained voice.

"I promised," she repeated. We didn't keep secrets. Well, Tatiana and I at least. From the little pair, Alexei, Mama, Papa, all the time. But not each other. We were tainted by the Reds, inside out. Tatiana exhaled loudly, smoothing the blanket over her stomach. Alec and Luda were moving downstairs. I could hear them, moving back and forth, scraping chairs about, hissing at each other. There was a clattering up the stairs, and the door burst open. Tatiana and I sat up suddenly, only to find it was only Alec in the doorway, wild-eyed and breathless.

"Alec!" I exclaimed, "Lord, Alec, you can't come into a woman's room when she's not dressed!"

Alec had the grace to flush and bow his head shamefully, but did not leave.

"You have to come downstairs!" he murmured to his feet, peering up at us pleadingly.

"No! Get out!" Tatiana pulled the blankets up to her, horrified, "what kind of a monster are you? Get out!"

"He's here! Downstairs! He's here!" Alec protested, "The man-"

"I don't care who's here, get out!" I snapped.

"The servant. He's here," Alec said crossly, "You have to come down! All of you!"

"Doctor Botkin?" Tatiana gripped the blanket tighter.

"Yes. Him, I suppose," Alec threw his hands up agitatedly. We paused and looked at each other.

"Alright. We'll be right down," I agreed.