Lose Control

Relena let her body fall heavily unto the mattress. She was exhausted, today she had been to three meetings that ate away her whole morning and afternoon, and when they were over she began working on a speech that she had to deliver tomorrow.

'If it's three in the morning that means I worked for...' she tried to do the maths with her fingers but found that she was too tired even for a sum as simple as that.

She took a deep breath and straightened her arm to reach the nightstand beside her bed; she opened the drawer lazily and pulled out a recorder. Over it, there was a piece of duct tape with the words Reheerocorder written on.

'This is so stupid' she thought 'but might as well give it a try... it was a gift after all...'

Relena turned unto her back with her arms extended. While staring at the ceiling she pressed the record button.

"I don't know what to say..." she said after a couple of seconds in silence. She pressed the stop button and sighed.

Miss Noin had given her that recorder as a gift the day before, they had both laughed at the name she had chosen for it: The Reheerocorder.

"Miss Relena this is for your own good, I'm sure this will help to reduce your stress" those were the words pronounced by Noin at the moment she pushed the item into her hands.

"I-I'm not sure about this..." she had answered examining it "what am I supposed to do with it?"

"Well... I know that Heero isn't available most of the time, and because I know talking to him calms you, I thought this could help" she said with a gentle smile. After a pause, she added "Princess... you've been overworking yourself and it's having an effect on you, I haven't been the only one to notice".

"Thank you" Relena had said with her first genuine smile of the day "I really appreciate this".

"Well I just want you to think of it as a diary, just say whatever you need to say. It doesn't necessarily need to be things you'd say to Heero, I just thought the name would make you smile".

Relena yawned and rolled to her side facing the recorder, Noin was so nice to her; the least she could do was listen to her advice.

'It might work, so let's try this again' she thought pushing the record button with her finger and returning to her previous position facing the ceiling with her arms stretched.

"Today's my first entry... I'm tired, so tired... I wish you were here" she said to the recorder now thinking of Heero. After half of a minute of silence she began speaking again.

"You might wonder why... no, I'm sure you do, I'm sure you wonder why I want to be with you... Sometimes I wonder myself... Why do I want to be with you so much, Heero Yuy?" she asked slowly. She turned to her side again thinking of an answer to that.

"From the moment I laid my eyes on you, I thought you were... perfect... yes, perfect" she sighed, this time not because of exhaustion, but because of the feelings the thought of him stirred inside of her.

She closed her eyes with a slight smile on her face. She kept talking now picturing him in her mind.

"Your eyes hold such intensity... when you look at me I can't help but feel completely vulnerable... but then at the same time I feel safe". She laughed slightly with her eyes still closed "Yes... even those times when you were holding guns to my face."

After her smile faded she continued "I have to admit..." she said opening her eyes halfway "that my thoughts of you aren't completely innocent..."

"Of course I can't deny that I'm physically attracted... rather very attracted to you. I confess that, just by looking at me, you make me feel as if you had undressed me" She hid her face in the mattress "And it's not a bad feeling" she admitted.

She looked at the recorder in her hand and she understood now what Noin was saying about this helping to get rid of her stress, she felt so much better now just by talking to this thing.

"Well if I've already gone as far as to tell you that, why stop there right?" she said now with the intention of pouring her heart out in this recorder. "Actually, almost every night I think of you... I can't help it, I've tried to avoid it in so many ways but no matter what I do, I always end up fantasizing about you" She said in a nervous haste "Wow, I can't believe I actually used that word" she mumbled to herself.

"I'm sure that if you got to hear this... which you won't... the first thing that would come to your mind would be why" she said a little calmer now. "I can't understand why I want you this much; I don't understand why sometimes it's so strong that it won't let me sleep or concentrate on what I'm doing... There have to be a lot of answers for this; I can name some of the ones I understand".

She let a few seconds go by and then she began again "My lust... what makes me lust for you is your control. It may be just in part but I'd bet my life on this one, you look so in control that it makes this side of me want to make you lose it, try to make you more human".

"I know that asking you to laugh at Duo's jokes or asking you to smile would be a more normal way of wanting to make you more human... but that might be too much... or maybe I'm just perverted" she added lowering her voice and rolling her eyes.

"If only I had the chance I know I could do that Heero... I could make your control snap" she said sounding daring. "If I had the chance I would make you lose it to your animal side, to your instincts..." she sighed again feeling a little out of breath because of the images inside her head. "You would throw me upon this bed, and you would rip my clothes off and kiss me mindlessly..." She paused "I think I should stop here... just picturing that makes me shiver..." she said longingly. She moved to sit at the edge of the bed and held the recorder near her mouth "I'm going to bed now... if I can manage to get some sleep... end of entry one".

She clicked the stop button and left the recorder over the nightstand, turned the lamp off and tried to get some sleep without thinking of Heero in vain.

The next morning she woke up early as usual, luckily the speech she had to give was at a dinner party, so she had relatively speaking a free day. She just had one meeting with Miss Noin that afternoon, but being with her wasn't a duty for her, she sincerely liked her.

Opening her wardrobe she decided on picking a cheerful dress she had bought last summer. It was sleeveless and it stopped at the middle of her thighs. She thought maybe that would make her look a little more lively and not overworked as Noin had put it.

She took advantage of her free morning: she took a walk in the gardens; she talked with some of the students at the Institute of trivial things, sometimes she missed those kind of conversations; she rearranged the furniture in the waiting room and she even found some time to read a chapter of a novel that she had supposed to have finished several months ago.

She entered the meeting room at exactly the hour Noin had asked her to.

"Good afternoon Miss Relena" said Noin with a smile on her face "you look beautiful today, I hope my gift helped".

"Thank you Miss Noin, it helped me indeed" she said with a bright smile "I think that's why I feel so cheerful today".

Relena looked around to see the rest of the attendees and she froze over a pair of too intense and familiar eyes. "Heero..." she said with a surprised expression "I thought you'd be gone for two more days" she added not being able to hide her happiness.

"I came back early" he said simply with his usual attitude and his usual outfit. She would have sworn he had ogled her thoroughly up and down, but with him she could never be sure could she?

"Let's begin shall we?" said Miss Noin, putting both of her hands over the table. "I called for this meeting because I want to show you the new plans for the defence quarters at the border of the kingdom".

"Yes, I read the papers you gave me and..." Relena put a hand on her cheek "I had made some notes on them... I was distracted the whole morning... I left them in my room" she said guiltily "would you mind if I go get them? I'm really sorry".

Noin was actually glad to hear that; Relena was usually so organized, so this meant she'd given herself a break for real and she definitely deserved it. "Don't worry Princess, Heero can go get them" she said with a smile.

Heero didn't mind, even though he didn't show it, his thoughts were roaming around the same as Noin's. "Where are these papers?" he asked nonchalantly walking towards the door.

"They are on the drawer of my nightstand" She said taking a seat and smiling at him "Thank you Heero!" she managed to exclaim before he went out of the room.

Heero walked slowly towards her room. 'The Sanc Kingdom...' it was nice and peaceful and it was beginning to grow on him. He needed to fight, that was absolutely clear; but he couldn't deny that this was a pleasant place to return to afterwards.

He opened the door to Relena's room; he stood there for a moment with his eyes closed and took in a deep breath. He held the air in for a couple of seconds; he let it out while opening his eyes and entering the room.

He closed the door behind him and made his way towards the nightstand. His hand brushed the knob of the drawer but he stopped when he noticed a recorder beside the lamp. If it were a normal recorder, it wouldn't have interfered with getting done what he had to do; but this recorder had his name on it... or kind of...

'Reheerocorder...' he read in his head. "Now what's this supposed to mean?" he asked to no one in particular.

He didn't move it from the nightstand, he pressed the rewind button without moving it and waited until a clicking sound told him that the tape was ready to be listened to... then he pushed the play button.

"I don't know what to say..."

"Relena?" he asked when he identified her voice. He kept listening for a couple of seconds, he felt as if he souldn't be listening to it... his finger traced over the stop button...

"Why do I want to be with you so much, Heero Yuy?"

He stood there listening to every word, his finger lying against the stop button but with every intention of pressing it gone.

"We're almost done with the meeting and he never came back" stated Noin with a tone that made it clear that she found it strange. "Maybe he didn't find the papers and he's still looking for them" she suggested after a while.

"No, that's impossible they were..." Relena said as her eyes widened "right at the top... in my drawer..." she felt her heart stopping, her stomach twisting, her head spinning. She tried to think of other reasons why he could be delayed but only one came to mind. 'He found the recorder!' she thought standing up and pushing the chair back forcefully.

"Are you okay?" asked Miss Noin looking at her with a worried gaze.

"Y-yes, I'm fine" she said nervously trying to fake calmness. "C-could we postpone this for some other time I just remembered I-I need to... to do something!" she didn't wait for an answer; she just turned to face the door and ran as fast as she could towards her room.

She stopped just in front of her door, she was afraid of what she would find inside. She gulped and let her trembling hand reach for the doorknob slowly. With the same speed and the same determination... or rather lack of it... she turned it and let herself inside just in time to hear what she feared the most.

"My lust... what makes me lust for you is your control. It may be just in part but I'd bet my life on this one, you look so in control that it makes this side of me want to make you lose it, try to make you more human".

Heero was standing by the nightstand with his hand over the recorder, his hair hiding his expression. Relena closed the door behind her and stood there. They were facing each other and the bed was like a barrier between them.

She thought of screaming at him for listening to something he was not supposed to, of jumping through the bed to snatch away the offending object and destroy it, of singing really loud so that he couldn't understand a word from the tape, anything, anything... She was in shock and that was the only reasonable explanation that came to her mind for not doing something to stop her ongoing humiliation. She knew what was coming, she knew it... she let herself slide to the floor. She felt as if all her energy had suddenly been drained from her. She stayed sitting there staring at his darkened face.

"If only I had the chance I know I could do that Heero..."

It was then that he stared directly into her eyes with a look that seemed almost angry... and that scared her, but she didn't look away.

"I could make your control snap... If I had the chance I would make you lose it to your animal side, to your instincts..."

He pushed the stop button, and looked towards it as if he were deciding something important. Relena stood up slowly, she couldn't find any strength to scream at him... she never seemed to find any when it came to him...

"I-I'm sorry" she muttered looking away "I know I shouldn't have... I..." she didn't know what else to say, maybe because she shouldn't be the one apologizing.

"Don't be" he said coldly walking towards her "I was the one that violated your privacy" he said in the same tone.

He stopped right in front of her; she turned up her head to look at him tentatively "Are you going to apologize then?" she asked.

"No" he answered simply.

She was about to retort when he began speaking again.

"Try it" he stated calmly and staring into her eyes defiantly.

"W-what are you talking about?" she asked, uncertain.

"You dare to say you could make me lose control" he said with a resentful tone "I never lose control, Relena, never..." he took another step forward crossing the personal space border "I've trained for this; I've piloted Epyon and Wing Zero. What makes you think you can make my control snap?" he asked with contained anger in his voice.

"I can!" she managed to gather all of her courage to challenge him.

Heero was taken by surprise by the determination he found in her eyes, but he was convinced he could overcome this. He was thinking of it as an endurance test; he knew that it was wrong and that he would hurt her by not responding, but he needed to know... how dare she say she could take control from him? That recording made him doubt his capacity and he needed to prove it wrong, to prove her wrong. Relena Peacecraft had no power over him, she did not... but then again he needed to be sure of that... after all, the thoughts he had of her were as innocent as the ones he now knew she had of him.

"Try it" he repeated with the same amount of determination in his gaze.

Relena was confident enough to risk it. In part she wanted to prove him wrong, to make him realize that he couldn't just decide not to react to something like this. In that sense at least, she could show him he wasn't perfect and he wasn't self-sufficient. And in part, she also wanted this for herself, she had thought and dreamt of it for so long and this could be her only chance... she was definitely not going to let this opportunity get away.

"Sit" she said pulling the laces of her sandals to get rid of them "and take of your shoes".

He sat on the edge of the bed, his arms at his sides, and kicked his shoes away with his feet. He remained in the same position and bearing the same stance.

Relena walked towards him and stopped right between his open legs without touching him; he didn't move at all, not even to look up, his eyes were directed to her stomach. His steady breathing was the only sign that told her he was still alive.

After a pause in which she managed to encourage herself a little more, she let her hands travel to his hair. Slowly, they slid through the sides of his face and stopped in the space between his neck and his shoulders. She raised one flexed leg and supported it on the mattress at the side of Heero's; she repeated the same with the other, of course making sure that she had brushed his thighs both times, to finish in a straddling position. He just moved his arms to give her the space she needed.

She shoved her hips against his as far as she could letting her skirt slide higher; his breathing was so even, his stance so in control, that she needed to find reassurance to continue somewhere... she was right, that was the right place to find an instant boost of confidence.

Heero noticed the sudden devilish smile on her face. What had given her confidence was something he definitely couldn't stop. He could stop it just as much as he could stop the feelings she had awoken in him just by sliding her leg against his thigh. But that didn't mean he was going to let his animal side take over, as Relena had put it in that stupid recording.

Relena's face was inches away from his. Her hands came up from his neck to his face, and he closed his eyes when she started passing her fingertips through his forehead, his eyelids, his cheeks... she was taking advantage of it, she'd always been amazed by the perfection of his features. She traced his lips with her thumb but stopped herself from kissing him.

Heero opened his eyes to find Relena's heated gaze. Seeing the desire in her eyes wasn't helping him one bit. They held eye contact when she slid her hands down his torso to stop at the hem of his green shirt. "Raise your arms" her voice came out in a whisper unintentionally. He did as he was told mechanically, not being able to move his eyes away from hers, it seemed as if he were under a spell. She discarded the shirt sliding it up, of course making sure that her palms traced their way up slowly feeling every inch of his uncovered chest.

He put his arms down again, careful of not touching her thighs, and decided to close his eyes in order to avoid looking into hers. He took another deep breath to remain calm, although partially his body seemed to obey; inside his head he was fighting a tougher battle. Trying to fight the urge he suddenly had of feeling her against him, to fight the fire that he felt was consuming his insides and that was making his palms itch for the contact of her skin. Particularly, trying to fight the thoughts aroused by the contact between their lower halves; yes, she was sitting on top of him and exhorting some pressure, but if only he could do something he could pull her against him and make that pressure even more delectable. The only sign of his internal battle were his hands closing into fists.

Relena decided to continue her exploration, she started to give butterfly kisses across his neck and chest, and she was encouraged by the accelerated beat of his heart. She went back to his neck and licked its side hesitantly; he sucked in a breath involuntarily which was the sign she needed as permission to continue to give him open mouthed kisses all along his collar and chest.

Heero was having trouble with the control of his breathing now; he was having even more trouble with accepting that Relena seemed to have been correct in her statements. 'No! She has no power over me whatsoever! I'm not going to lose my control to her!' he kept screaming at himself mentally.

Relena stopped and went back to meet his face. She noticed that his face was not relaxed anymore, his eyes were closed but his brow was creased. She brought her lips near his ear and whispered "open your eyes, you're cheating". This send shivers down his spine.

She retreated to meet his opened eyes; there was a mixture of anger and desire in them that she found amusing, she couldn't help but smile. This made, both, his desire and anger increase.

"How is this cheating?" He asked huskily.

"You're depriving yourself of a sense that helps me to prove you wrong" she said while caressing his face.

He didn't answer back but kept his eyes open; he noticed how she looked more inviting than before; her eyes had become more enticing, her cheeks were flushed from the excitement and her lips were red from all her kisses. His desire had reached a point in which it was barely bearable. At the back of his mind he kept repeating to himself that he could get through this whole experience, in the end his control would have been a little shaken but still intact.

Relena decided to approach things differently; she grabbed one of his fisted hands and held it to her.

"Relax Heero" she said almost triumphantly.

He forced his hands to relax, glaring daggers at her for having identified another sign of her affecting him.

She pulled his head close to get her lips near his ear again "You don't know how many times I've dreamt of you doing this to me" she whispered, knowing the effect this had on him. Then he let his head go, she waited until she was sure she had his complete attention. She grabbed his hand and moved it towards her own neck; she slid his hand towards her shoulder making the strap of her dress and bra glide down her arm.

She was driving him insane! He could feel her soft skin underneath his fingertips, and the need to put his whole palm against it was overwhelming. She made him do the same with her other shoulder. She looked into his eyes and leaned back a little taking his hand to the beginning of the buttons that concealed her breasts. She hooked his finger behind the first button and started pulling his hand down making each button snap gently while baring her to his now obviously greedy eyes. The top of her dress fell open, leaving her only in her bra with the straps down her shoulders.

Relena let his hand go, she brought her hands to her back to undo her bra and she let it fall to the side. Both were breathing heavily, just staring at each other; eyes reflecting their unfulfilled passion. She pulled him slowly into a hug, moulding her breasts against his chest, making both of them groan at the contact skin to skin.

"Heero, forget this nonsense" she whispered into his ear brushing her lips against it. Keeping the bodies pressed together she brought her face to his and bit his lower lip. She came near his other ear and whispered desperately "I desire you so much I can't stand it, just take me". She backed away so that they were face to face once more; looking into his eyes she moved her hips against his and moaned. He grunted and his hands immediately fled to grip her thighs. "Please" she said licking his lower lip and moving against his hips again.

He trapped her mouth in a savage kiss and pinned her to the mattress with his body. She encircled his waist with her legs and let her hands travel wherever they felt like it. He let himself enjoy the feel of her skin, extending his palms and pressing them against her thighs, her hips, her waist... His control had snapped as she promised, and the worst part was that when it was about to happen he had actually wanted it to snap; he was taking pleasure from this lack of control.

Relena hooked her feet on the edge of his shorts pushed them away along with his underwear. Neither of them could wait another minute, she encircled his waist again to push him against her, he pulled her underwear aside. He thrust deep into her with a growl, and then rested his forehead against hers to stop himself from hurting her. They stared into each other's eyes breathing heavily; she kissed him on the lips gently and murmured she loved him.

He started moving inside of her making her cling to him and moan in pleasure, which aroused him even more. The escalating sensations made their breathing heavier and their movements more frantic. He drove her to the edge making her squirm and dig her nails into his back, and she dragged him with her.

He rolled them over, both sweating, panting and assimilating what had just happened.

"I told you" she said turning to him.

"Hn..." was his only answer.

She rested her head on his chest again, she gasped suddenly and tried to get up but he was pulling her down with a hand on her shoulder.

"What?" he asked.

"I just remembered about the speech! What time is it?! I have to rehearse this instant! If I have time that is!" she said urgently trying to get up again.

He stopped her with that hand on her shoulder once more, his eyes were closed.

"Rest" he said simply.

She was surprised by the offer but was glad to accept it, she smiled and snuggled against him again closing her eyes.

"Get rid of that recorder" he said.

"I can't" she argued opening her eyes again to find that his were still closed "Miss Noin gave it to me as a present, she thought I needed someone to talk to".

"That's what I'm here for" he said, the words not matching with his cold tone "Get rid of it or I will" he threatened.

"Fine" she said "You're better at dealing with my stress than that thing anyway".

He smiled faintly.

"You smiled"

"I don't smile, I grin" he said keeping his serious face and his closed eyes.

"Oh... That's a joke right?" she asked uncertain.

"Yes" he said in the same monotonous tone.

The End.

AN. OK first try in this kind of fics, I was going crazy because of my final exams and wrote this just as some stress management kind of thing. After I finished I thought 'oooh well why not upload it?' so here it is :p