Warning: There is a reason why this story is rated "M"! You can expect adult language (I was a truck driver in a previous life), drugs & alcohol, and sex! Yup, I'm hoping for some good sex. And, there may be a little lesbian action… maybe (I'm not going to ruin it for you). So, if you don't feel comfortable with these topics then I would suggest not reading any further.
Side note: I would love to find a Beta (or two), so if you are one or if you know one, please PM me. My grammar & everything else sucks! I'm currently trying to get a refund from my college but they told me to fuck off! So, until I can make it into an Ivy league master's program, I'm going to need some help!
Disclaimer: Please don't sue me!!! Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just a lame newbie writer trying to entertain a few people.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Chapter 1
Seriously, how hard is it to find a room for rent? I've been searching the Pennysaver, Craigslist, and the newspaper for weeks and nothing has seemed to work out. Every time I find a possible living arrangement, something in my head has to go and fuck it up. Like the old lady who was so sweet, however, I knew she wouldn't be cool with my late night rendezvous with random men or my occasional late night rendezvous with random women. Look, I have no problem appreciating all of what God has created. And when I say appreciate, that means fucking it until I can't walk straight.
I did find one amazing house with incredibly cheap rent. When I met the middle aged couple I assumed that the cheap rent was a mistake. You know what they say about assuming. Well, within 10 minutes I noticed them staring at my breasts and my other girly parts. And when that wasn't enough evidence, I definitely caught on when they asked me if I would want my own room or if I just wanted to share with them. Hmmm, thanks but no thanks. Threesomes are cool and all, but this couple gave me the creeps. The guy was overweight and needed to seriously invest in some deodorant and the chick was Butch in a Samantha Ronson kind of way. I quickly got the fuck out of there. Because there was no way I was going to eat nasty pussy while some gross perv watched, or worse tried to join in. As I was running to my car, I made sure to yell at the chick that unless she was trying to fuck disease infested Lindsey Lohan; she should stay away from the fedoras, put some more makeup on, and invest in jeans that aren't 3 sizes too small. I hope she takes my advice.
A few weeks later I stumbled upon a new ad on Craigslist in search of a roommate with decent rent, close proximity to the college I was attending in the fall. It mentioned "females only", so I was hoping it was a few college chicks. I called the number in the ad and quickly got a voicemail with a girl's voice, that didn't sound old enough to even own a cell phone, let alone put it on a Craigslist ad. Wait, is this some new freak show circus? Hell no, there is no way I'm messing around with some underage chick in front of her dad, well, unless she looks like Megan Fox… wait, that's still wrong… sort of.
"Hey you've reached Alice. Sorry I missed your call, please feel free to leave a message and I will most likely never return it. Unless this is Hermes and you finally have my Berkin bag that I've been waiting on FOREVER. I will return your call immediately. TTFN…. Beep"
"Ummm… Hi, I'm calling about your room for rent. If it's still available, and if this isn't some fucked up freak show, then please call me back at (619)555-1212… thanks." I quickly hung up the phone and prayed to god that I wasn't going to get a phone call back from the FBI wondering why I was calling some child predator or something. Especially since my response would be along the lines of me finding an ad on Craigslist, which will probably throw up immediate red flags and put me in a shared cell with some chick who goes by the name of "Sugar Momma" and refers to me as "Rim Shot".
The thought of being a prison bitch to some sumo wrestling Butch didn't bring me such excitement, so I decided to snoop around in my cousin's bedroom. My cousin, Jessica, and I have been pushed into being friends for years. Our mother's are sisters and they assumed since we were both relatively close in age, that we would be instant BFF's. Well, it didn't really work out that way. Jessica is a dirty whore. Now, that may make me sound like a hypocrite, but, I'm not a dirty whore. I've always picked my men, or women, because I was attracted to them and they looked clean. Jessica, on the other hand, just makes sure the guy has a pulse and she's ready to go. Not to mention, she dresses like she got wasted and extremely high and then went on a shopping spree at the local Wally World. She loved to wear colored push up bra's ,that were two sizes too small, under wife beaters and then either ripped up daisy dukes or ripped jeans, depending on the weather. Her already natural blond hair was bleached beyond repair and she twisted it into different buns scattered all over her head. I assumed she was trying to copy Gwen Stefani, if Gwen were a trailer park trash hooker.
As much as I loathed Jessica, I needed to keep up the façade that we were friends while I was crashing at her pad. She moved down to San Diego a few years before me to go to college, however, she was recently kicked out and was now enrolled in the ever so wonderful South Hope Junior College which most people referred to as Skank-Ho Central. Usually, you got downgraded to SHC if you preferred to use your pen in the lecture hall as a tool to masturbate in front of a frat boy, instead of taking notes. I honestly would be afraid to sit on a chair at SHC due to the ever so overcrowded population of genital crabs, so for Jessica it probably felt just like home.
In her side table I found the typical vibrator, lube, edible candy bra, which I stuffed in my pocket, who knows when this could come in hand, weighted nipple clamps and surprisingly, condoms. Hmmm… I honestly didn't expect her to own condoms. Especially since Jessica assumed that it was natural for a girl's crotch to itch all day long.
"What the fuck are you doing in my room?"
Ooops, busted. I looked up at the skank while shoving her drawer shut, "Nothing."
"Yeah, that doesn't look like nothing. Bella, if you're going to borrow something, just make sure you clean it afterwards."
"What the fuck? NO WAY! I don't borrow people's sex toys. What the hell is wrong with you?" There was no way of hiding the disgust on my face. I know we are family and all, but there are lines that I draw and having to explain to the free clinic how I got crabs from sharing my cousin's dildo is one of them.
"Whatever. Did you find a place to stay yet? School will be starting in a few weeks and my roommates would like for you to get off our sofa."
I would be pissed at the thought that she was basically trying to kick me out, but, I've been sleeping on their sofa for three weeks now, which is two and half weeks longer then what I anticipated. Not to mention, I've eaten all the food in their fridge and drank all their liquor in the cabinets. Whatever. "I left a message today for a new place. So as long as it's not some child porn ring then I'm as good as gone."
"I thought you liked child porn?"
"No," I laughed, "I just like to stare at the pimple face boys and daydream about all the things I could teach them." Seriously, who could resist a west dream about the virginal Jonas Brothers?
"You're sick. Anyway, a bunch of my friends and I are going to the gas lamp district tonight. If you want to come, be ready at eight." She turned around and walked into her bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
Typically I wouldn't be caught dead with this chick but, I don't know anyone in this town. Bored as fuck, and need something to do. So, I glanced at her alarm clock and notice that it's only four which means I have three more hours to nap before I have to shower. Perfect.
If you're horny, let's do it
Ride it, my pony
My saddle's waitin'
Come and jump on it
FUCK! Every time I'm in the middle of a hot sexy day dream of Robert Pattinson and Johnny Depp sandwiching me, my cell phone rings. Life truly sucks!
If we're gonna get nasty baby
First we'll show and tell
Till I reach your pony tail
"WHAT?!" I tried not to open my eyes in hopes that my sandwich can continue after a short commercial break.
"Ummm… sorry. This is Alice. I was returning your call about the room for rent."
She sounded so sweet and cute, just like her voicemail. I'm surprised by the bubbly personality that shined through in her voice and to my dismay, I opened my eyes.
"Fuck," I whispered.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I dial the wrong number?"
"Oops…. No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that out loud. Sorry. I was in the middle of a really good dream." Okay, she must think I'm a real nut job. Then again, this could still be some crazy freak show looking for a new employee, so maybe this will help my chances in getting the room.
She giggled, "Now you must share. What were you day dreaming about?"
Without even thinking I blurted out, "Rob Pattinson and Johnny Depp… oh, and me, of course."
"Alright, the room is officially yours! And you're now my new best friend." Her laughter was contagious and I was having problems catching my breath.
"Thanks. Seriously though, if it's still available, can I come down and check it out?"
"Of course, we're leaving right now for the gas lamp district, but maybe tomorrow. Would that work for you?"
"Yeah, that would be great."
"Perfect. The address is 853 Montana Drive. Can you be here at noon?"
"No problem. I'll see you at noon. Or maybe we'll bump in to each other tonight. I'm heading out shortly to gas lamp also."
"Really? That's great. Would you like to hook up?"
Like the 12 year old boy that I am, I started to laugh at her asking me to hook up since my mind is always in the gutter. She quickly caught on and also giggled. "Well, I usually like to meet my chicks first before we jump in the sack, but yeah, that sounds great. What bar will you be at?"
"I think we're going to Leather and Lace, it's a new dance club down there."
"Great. I'll call you when I'm there."
"See you then."
I snapped shut my cell phone, jump off the STD infested sofa and head to the bathroom. If I'm going to get the room, I should probably look good. And showing good hygiene can't hurt either.
I took a lot longer than normal getting ready and doing my makeup. I decide that since we're going to a night club I should dress and look the part. I straightened my long brown hair and put on a fair amount of makeup, making sure my eyes were drastic and my lips were soft and subtle. I dug through my suitcase and decided on wearing my extremely distressed skinny jeans, a white tank that hit about an inch below my bra, a woven black leather vest, and the world's best "fuck me" black leather platform heels that criss-crossed in the front and had a big buckle around my ankle.
"Holy shit Bella. If you weren't my cousin, I would throw you on my bed right now." Jessica stood at the doorway to the bathroom staring at me with her mouth open. I'm sure that she was surprised because the nicest thing I wore since I've been here were my Victoria Secret sweats.
"Yeah, well I'm actually going to meet up with a possible roommate tonight. She's going to be at Leather and Lace."
"Good luck with that," Jessica said, while walking back into her room.
"Why? Is the place crappy?"
"NO! It's the shit. Or so I've been told. Problem is, you have to be famous or rich to get in. I heard that the line is wrapped around the building by 6pm every night and no one from the line ever gets in."
Hmmm. I'm always up for a new challenge. And with my tight ass and incredibly perky boobs, I wasn't too afraid.
Jessica insisted on driving her ugly ass turquoise blue Ford Fiesta. I claimed shot gun and threw down a bunch of Del Taco napkins on the seat before sitting down. Not that it would protect me from much, but the thought of one less crab was reassuring. Four of her whore friends squeezed into the backseat wearing clothes straight out of the JcPenny's catalog, and started to talk to me as if we had been friends for years. I quickly slumped down, hoping to save whatever was left of my dignity.
As we pulled up to the club I noticed that parking was valet only, so trying to avoid the horrific scene, I talked Jessica into dropping me off a block away from the club. I lied and said that my new "friend" was going to meet me outside. I would have promised her my first born child in order to get out of being seen with the skanks in front of a kick ass club.
When I got to the front of the club I realized that Jessica was right, they weren't even looking at you unless you were on the list. Crap! I could call Alice and ask her to get me in, but I wanted to give a good first impression. So, I did what any self respecting girl would have done… I pushed my tits up to my chin and pushed my pants down low enough for everyone around to realize that I liked Brazil.
I walked up to the steroid using bouncer and immediately handed him my ID.
"Are you on the list?" He asked, without even looking at me.
"Possibly," I said in my sexy "do-me" voice.
I could tell that he was intrigued by my voice and looked up at my face. Then his eyes slowly looked down to my boobs and then my pelvis bones. His serious expression turned into a smile and without saying a word he unhooked the velvet rope and waved me in.
I hesitated for a minute, thinking that I should probably wait for the skanks. But fuck it. I would hate for anyone to think that they were my friends. Or admit to even knowing them.
I walked through the door and headed straight to the bar. There is no point in going to a club if you don't get wasted. I ordered a Boilermaker, because you can't go wrong with a shot of tequila and a beer. I squeezed my way through the overcrowded bar and finally made it to the dance floor. Looking around I noticed a smoking hot, petite, little pixie. She had a black spiky haircut, that I wished I could rock, and a killer black leather mini dress with red hooker platform shoes. I tried very hard to control myself because every part of me wanted to push her off the platform she was standing on, rip off her panties and eat her until the sun came up. However, a huge part of me was thinking that this might be Alice. She fit the voice on the phone perfectly.
A remix version of "Blame It" from Jamie Foxx came on and I couldn't keep my eyes off her as she bent all the way down to the floor and popped back up while smacking her ass. She seriously had me reconsidering ever having sex with men again. This could not be good. I need to start thinking different thoughts; she could be my future roommate. I closed my eyes for a second and pictured my cousin and her friends, and immediately my butterflies in my stomach changed to the overwhelming feeling of wanting to hurl.
I casually walked over to Alice and pulled myself up to the platform, making sure my tatas were still hitting my chin. I wanted to make sure she saw my "references" right away.
"HEY," I tried to scream over the pounding music. It obviously didn't work, because she was still in the music induced coma singing along to the song while swinging her hips back and forth. Fuck. I realize the best way to get her attention is to join her. So I put my beer on the ground and start to shake my ass. Thankfully, I knew how to shake what my momma gave me, plus some.
"NICE OUTFIT!" She screamed, finally realizing I was standing next to her.
"Thanks. Are you Alice?"
"OH MY GOD! Are you Bella?" She started to bounce up and down as if someone had stuck an ice cube in her pants. I took a step back giving her some space because obviously she was a spaz, yet, she leaped forward and squeezed me tight. Fuck. She even smelled good.
"Yeah, I'm Bella," I spit out trying not to look at anything besides her eyes. I knew if I decided to venture down any further, I would be having naughty dreams of Tinkerbelle for the next week.
"GUYS! GET OVER HERE!" She screamed, while waving her hand at a large group of people sitting at a private booth in the corner.
"Who are they?" I asked, while nodding my head in the direction of the booth.
"Those are your roommates."
"What? I thought that you would be my roommate," I looked down, trying to hide my disappointment.
"No, I'm getting married. That's why the room is vacant," she couldn't wipe the smile off her face as she flashed me the huge fucking rock on her finger. I don't know much about diamonds but that had to be at least 5 carats. It was amazing and surprising, I would have expect something small and dainty of her hand. Instead, it was the size of her head, or better yet, the size of her gigantic personality.
"If you're not going to be my roommate, then who will be?"
She grabbed my hand and dragged me through the crowd to the back booth, which was oozing with skanks. I honestly couldn't count how many whores were sitting at the booth, on the table, and standing around it. You would have thought that Brad Pitt was at the booth by the amount of drool coming out of these chicks' mouths. Alice pushed them aside, as if second nature, and approached the table with me being dragged behind her. She had a tight fucking grip. I bet she gave great hand jobs.
"Bella, I would like to introduce you to your new roommates. Emmett and Edward," She pointed at two guys sitting down, being grabbed and fondled by the crowd of women.
OH MY FUCKING GOD! I was trying to keep my mouth closed and not look like an idiot but how was that possible when I was staring at the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life. He looked up and acknowledged me with a wink. Shit. I tried to control myself, but it was too late, I felt the pool in my pants and instantly started to regret my decision on going commando. This guy was officially replacing Johnny in my sandwich dreams. And if the evening goes well, Alice will be replacing Rob.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I hope that all of you enjoyed the first chapter!
My life revolves around feedback, so if you could please
leave me some I would be forever grateful.
Side note (again): I would love to find a Beta (or two), so if you are one or if you know one, please PM me. My grammar sucks! I'm currently trying to get a refund from my college but they told me to fuck off! So, until I can make it into an Ivy league master's program, I'm going to need some help!