Like A Handicapped Manticore
Part One: And So Emil Suffers

A silly oneshot that ended up exploding into a little more. Probably going to be two or three parts long.

Be warned, however, that they may get a little bit OOC - apologies!

A bit of cheesy MartaxEmil plus a sprinkling of Sheelos. Enjoy.

"Martaaaa..." Emil was pleading, desperate.

"Emil, hold on a sec...I gotta remember this for the rest of my life... Gosh, you look so cute!" Marta's excited squeal filled the inn room.

"I must admit, you do look quite...shall we say...dashing." Tenebrae sounded somewhat skeptical, his drawl tinged with sarcasm. Emil glared daggers at him, but when the inn room's door burst open, he groaned.

"Lady Marta! Tenebrie! And...Emil?! Wow, Martie was right, you do look great in that," Zelos smirked, waltzing into the room. He was already dressed, lavishly suited for the King's Invitational Ball with his long red curls loosely knotted into an elegant braid. "Oh, my little Marta, I've also got your gown~ My busty voluptuous hunny helped me pick it out, so I'm sure it'll look great -"

"For Martel's sake, Master Zelos, I don't ever recall being one of your many hunnies," a threatening voice spat from the hallway. Sheena appeared shortly after, looking red in the face and thoroughly harassed. In her arms were a few gowns in protective wrappings. It was evident that Sheena was itching to drop the dresses and punch Zelos's lights out. "I should've gone back to Iselia with Colette - this was ridiculous, dress shopping with a pervert - oh, nice outfit, Emil."

"Why?" Emil complained, lifting the numerous hanging ornaments from his suit. It was quite a frivolous outfit - lavender with white straps, somewhat feminine, with bells and silver accents all over - it was more suited for a beautiful woman, except that it had pants. "I look like...a girl. A frilly, wishy-washy girl."

"Well...you are rather frilly. And wishy-washy," Tenebrae commented helpfully. Sheena let out a quickly stifled snort.

"Shut up, Tenebrae," Emil snapped, blushing. Marta let out another gleeful squee.

"Oh, don't listen to that spiteful old nag, Emil! You look...handsome, and cute, and like my knight! Ohhhh, I knew it would look good on you!"

Emil grumbled indistinctly, obviously grumpy over the previous precedings.

It had all started when Zelos had decided to buy something nice for Marta, as was his custom to treat his "hunnies." Emil had opted to stay back at Zelos's manor with Sheena and Tenebrae, each of whom had no intention of watching Zelos fawn over yet another poor besotted female. But Marta had skipped happily away, yelling something or other about finding Emil a "wondrous gift that would make him fall head-over-heels" and other nonsense like that. Emil subsequently fell into a blissful nap, as he was custom to doing when they were taking a break from core-seeking.

It was a wonderful nap, Emil thought cantankerously, before they woke me up.

When Marta shook him awake two hours later, he was forcefully stripped naked and thrust into the ridiculous outfit that he now wore, apparently suited for a ball later that evening. Yes, that's right, a girl stripped him naked. (Or at least down to his boxers.) And put him into a girl's outfit.

Is this her way of dating? Because I'm not quite feeling the love she promised me... Emil thought darkly.

Still, he supposed it was better than being forced to come along; Sheena had been kidnapped an hour after they left to go dress-shopping once Zelos learned he could invite all the guests that he wished. Emil supposed being forced to shop for girl's garments with a well-known pervert was also a torturous ordeal.

However, sadly for little Emil, his nightmare of a day would not be getting any better.

"Emiiiil. Sooo...are you gonna be my date for the ball?" Marta said shyly, averting her gaze as she grasped her arms behind her back; she rocked back and forth on her heels, evidently expectant. Emil groaned again.

"Marta, I can't...dance. I'm going to trip on this annoying costume and die," Emil complained. Marta immediately lost her cute, endearing exterior.

"You're supposed to say, 'of course, Marta, I would love to,'" Marta whined, hopping in anxiety. Emil attempted to heave a heavy sigh, but his costume was a bit tight and the numerous straps preventing him from doing so. He groaned again.

"But Marta!"

"Emiiiil!"

"Do you want me to trip and fall and kill the both of us?" Emil said desperately. Marta huffed.

"Yes, if that's what it took for you to come!" Marta pouted, hopping on the balls of her feet. Emil gave a resigned moan.

"'Of course, Marta, I would love to,'" Emil mimicked, his voice heavy. Marta smiled, a truly happy smile. Though he meant it in the most annoyed of ways, Emil felt almost somewhat content that Marta would be happy to go with him.

His feeling of pleasure instantly dissipated when he saw Zelos's evil smile hovering behind Marta's gleeful face.

"Well, seeing as Prince Charming so assents...time for ballroom dancing lessons with the great Zelos Wilder!" he roared, grabbing Emil by the arm. Marta gave a natural giggle, but both Sheena and Tenebrae looked horrified.

"I feel sorry for you," Sheena informed Emil as he was unwillingly dragged out of the room.

"Thanks," Emil groaned.

An hour later...

"Never," Emil gasped, falling to his knees. "Never again."

"God, you suck," Zelos agreed. "Hope your Martie doesn't mind that you dance like a handicapped manticore."

"Oh, shut up," Emil grumbled.

It was eight o'clock, and the rich denizens of Meltokio began to gather in the king's courtyard. The green foliage and flowers overspilled onto the cobblestone. Low lamps hung all around the area, creating a moody, romantic feel. The quiet, dark night glittered with faint stars above, and the slightly chilly air was refreshing - in all respects, it was a wonerful atmosphere for a ball.

Except for the fact tha Emil was an utter failure at dancing, of course. But even the gentle air of the party made him relax if not a tiny bit.

Zelos led the group further into the courtyard, greeting the other nobles as he passed. Small tremors shook the ground beneath the glittering heels and beautiful robes and dresses, but they seemed not to notice the earthquakes in their present gathering. Light-hearted, albeit a bit stuck-up, chattering littered the group.

"Wowww," Marta said, awed. "Everyone is so fancy. I feel so...inferior."

The group wove into the finely dressed crowd. Emil was equally awed; he had never seen so many beautifully dressed women in one place. It was a little disorienting.

"Oh, Martie. You're so much cuter than all the rest of them," Zelos teased. Marta's face turned a bright red. Unfortunately, at this exact moment, some of Zelos's more clingy "hunnies" materialized.

"Zelos! You said that to me! How dare you give it to a little girl!" a ditzy blonde shrieked, grabbing Zelos's arm in a highly possessive manner. Sheena instantly turned her back and stalked away, her face dark and murderous. Emil was sure she was off to go kill some small animals with an expression like that.

"Zelossss!"

"Zeeeelossss~"

"Oh, Zelosss..."

"Uhhh...let's uhm...leave. In a hurry," Emil said, grabbing Marta's hand as Zelos sheepishly held off his whores - woops, I mean, "hunnies."

They escaped to a far off corner of the courtyard. It was darker there, with only a bit of lumination from a few far lamps. Emil looked apprehensively over his shoulder to make sure none of the jealous skanks followed them to come hurt Marta, but they were alone, far from the crowd. Emil suddenly realized and blushed, but maintained composure for once in his life.

"Emil?" Marta asked in a small voice. Emil turned back around. He was instantly struck by how pretty she really was, in the faint light of the lamps. Her long pink hair was threaded into a neatly woven braid that dismantled into frenzied curls beneath her shoulders. The pale gold gown that Sheena and Zelos had sought brought out the peachy natural blush of her cheeks and the bright blues of her eyes. He had never seen her so beautiful.

"Uh...uhmm...y-yeah?" Emil said, shaking his head mentally to clear it.

"Do you...think the other women here...are prettier than me?" Marta asked tentatively. She blushed at her own advance.

"W-well...a lot of them are beautiful, yeah...but...you look really nice tonight too," Emil managed. It was hard not to grab at her hand when she was looking so shyly down at her feet. She looked up, obviously not satisfied.

"So...they are more beautiful than me," Marta said rather matter-of-factly. Emil was taken aback by her sudden change in behavior.

"Well, yeah, some are, but that doesn't -"

"Emil? Tell me what you mean," Marta said, with something that sounded like controlled anger. Emil was baffled; what was there to be angry about?

"Marta," Emil began, slowly, "you are really beautiful tonight. Actually, you're usually really pretty. But just because you're not the most beautiful doesn't mean anythi-"

"Emil, you're such a jerk!" Marta suddenly cried, her troubled expression marring her perfectly made-up face. She stepped quickly past him, eyes filled with irritation.

"Hey, w-wait, what?" Emil spluttered, but Marta let out an agitated hmph! and strode away in an angry storm. Emil stood there in the quiet corner, alone and confused.

Girls are so weird, Emil thought in puzzlement. They're like...a whole different species.

A dinging of a fork hit on a wine glass woke him from his thoughts, however. He could just barely hear the announcing voice.

"The party will now commence in the Grand Ballroom. Music will be provided for dancing and refreshments will be served. Thank you for attending."

Emil swore loudly. It was soon time to show off his two left feet.

He headed in the direction of the warm light glowing through the large archway that led from the courtyard into the grand ballroom. Emil sighed, trailing being the last stragglers, who were slowly ascending into the ballroom. He glanced around the courtyard with hopeless abandon.

Marta was not in sight. He wallowed in his self-misery and loneliness, wondering when this evening would ever not suck.

Reviewing would be lovely.