A/N: (be my guest to skip this extremely loooong ramble)

--blows dust-- I found this doc stored somewhere in my labyrinthine hard drive and I thought I'd just post it. I have no idea when I wrote this, but I know it's kinda old. My writing style would've probably changed by then :/ BUT! Here goes. Enjoy~ :)

I'm having exams now, so I don't think that I can reply as soon as I usually do (which sometimes isn't very fast anyway XD) Anyway, hope you will like this. I just thought instead of this collecting virtual-dust in my RAM, might as well post this up.

Oh yeah, since my exams are on now, usually I'd scribble something after I'm done answering the papers, so after my exams, I'd have a LOT of ideas/fics already jotted down (or even completed! XD) so I'd post it up here if it's IchiRuki, and I'll put it up in my blog if it's an original story :D Come over to my blog to check it out (not now though, maybe after June stars? Exams finish by then :D) Click on the homepage button in my profile, onegaishimasuuu~

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Nada Sou Sou
Tears for You

Present day, 1.42pm

Kuchiki Rukia poured water on the cold stone. Putting her hands together, she uttered a few words of prayer in front of the grave. The wind was blowing small waves in her azure dress. That particular summer day was cool, but Rukia didn't feel it so. Heat whipped behind her eyes but she blinked crystals away.

Kurosaki Ichigo had passed away.

Rukia sat down on one of the rocks there, holding her knees close. She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, letting her senses guide her. The petals of the lilies she was carrying lightly grazed her cheek, a soft gentle caress, much like his.

She can never forget him, not in a million years. And each time she came here, thoughts of him came flooding into her mind like a vast river after a heavy rain.

"Ichigo..."

14 January, One year ago-- 12 noon

"Otanjoubi omedetou, Rukia-nee!" Karin grinned at the older girl. "Seventeen, huh? Rukia-nee, you're getting really, really old…"

They both laughed.

"Congratulations, my dear!" Isshin popped a firecracker and blew on his paper horn. Yuzu came to the living room, with her homemade chocolate sponge cake in her hands. 'Otanjoubi Omedetou, Rukia,' it read in red hiragana icing. Rukia stopped for a moment when she saw the cake. She looked back at Isshin, Karin, Yuzu and Ichigo.

"Do I really have to cut it?" Shaped like a bunny, Rukia didn't have the heart to cut it into pieces, let alone eat it! With white icing as the base, it had a chocolate chip as the eyes and a white chocolate heart as the nose. It was the cutest cake she ever saw.

"Of course! How are we going to eat it?"

"Daddy wants the chocolate in the middle!"

"I want the ear!" The twins said simultaneously and laughed.

The three sang 'Happy Birthday' to her. Painfully, she cut the cake, making it as quickly as possible. "Yuzu!" she said, "Next year don't make me a bunny cake. It's painful…"

Giggling, she obliged.

"Oi, Ichigo," she called out. "You want cake?" He hardly said a word today. That wasn't surprising. He was sick, but he celebrated her birthday with his family nonetheless. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Just a fever. He's been feverish from about a week ago, but he said the temperature wasn't high. Besides, he refused any help. Rukia and Yuzu didn't allow him at first, but he was obstinate. It was just a fever, he said.

"Hm?" He sat up and rubbed his eyes. "Mm…"

She handed him a plate and said, "You know, if you're sick, you really should rest. Idiot. Later, you have to give me a present, you know…!" Ichigo frowned as he wobbled over to the sofa. He leaned back to the couch and folded his legs to his chest.

Rukia sighed. Such a stubborn person.

14 January, 12.43pm

He fell asleep but he didn't look well-rested. His cheeks were tinted rubicund and his breathing was hard and labored. The plate of cake laid on the armrest, half-finished. Rukia clicked her tongue and proceeded to take the plate away from him. She gave a gasp, however, when she touched his hand. Rukia pressed her hand on his forehead and swiftly pulled away. He was burning!

39.9°C.

Rukia's eyes widened. She's never seen the thermometer register a temperature of that scale before. His temperature was never this high before either. Rukia ran out of the room. "Kurosaki-san? Ichigo's temperature is really high now. Will you check?"

"Ah," he said, getting up. "Sure."

Isshin was taken aback. "This'll be dangerous if this goes on… He could get heat stroke. Possibly it's just the flu, but I'll keep checking on him soon. C'mon we'll take him up to his room."

14 January, 5.55pm

His half-opened eyes were frowning. He winced, placing a hand on his throbbing head. Everywhere hurt; his back, his arms, his chest, his head. His head… it felt like it was going to burst. Even breathing was like a chore; it hurts. His gaze lingered for quite a while on the white ceiling, keeping his thoughts to himself.

She placed a cool cloth on his burning forehead just as Kurosaki-san asked to. "Geez, Ichigo. You really shouldn't be that stubborn. It's bad for you." It was nearing sundown and he had been asleep since noon.

He said nothing, merely stared at her. He hardly said a word to her today.

"I mean really—" Her words were left unsaid as Ichigo leant forward and cupped her face. Her eyes widened but he didn't progress with anything. Ichigo looked into her eyes silently. The hue of her cheeks matched his. "I-Ichigo?" He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, closing his eyes. Rukia gave out a surprised squeal. They rarely were this close before. As his hand moved to pull her head closer, she felt herself lean in, embracing him back. "Ichigo…" her voice barely above a whisper. "What are you doing?" Rukia asked.

He shook his head and held her closer. "I don't know." His eyelids were getting heavy as he pulled away. Normally when Rukia looked into those eyes she only saw all the burden he held, but on certain occasions like these, she could see more, much more… raw emotions flicking past in a whirlwind of movement… curiosity, confusion and desire.

"Rukia…" he spoke up, his voice husky from the cold. Ichigo held a pause, not looking at her. Finally after a moment he asked, "Can I… can I kiss you?"

Rukia's expression was obvious. She was surprised, but pleasantly. Her cheeks tinted and she looked away. Rukia bit her lower lip and hesitantly nodded. "U-um." The moment her eyes slid shut, she felt the wonderful feeling of Ichigo's soft lips against her own…

The kiss was gentle, lips brushing lightly against each other in a sweet, blissful sensation, almost as if they were trying to get used to the feeling. It's awkward and clumsy. And yet, there is nothing like it. There is no uncertainty, no fear, no regret, just two hearts thumping wildly. They part, but neither looks away.

Ichigo rubbed his thumbs against her cheeks in the gentlest caress he can muster. She smiled, cupped his face, and brings him close to kiss him again. Just before her lips could reach his, he pulled back sharply. Rukia blinked at him. "Ichigo?"

"Sorry," he muttered.

She looked confused. "Why?"

He didn't answer. He laid back down on the bed and shut his eyes tight as waves of nausea overcame him. She opened her mouth to protest— answer me, dammit!—but thought better of it. Rukia pulled the blanket closer to his chin. "Do you need anything?"

He shook his head. "Stay here, Rukia."

Rukia raised an eyebrow, but obliged. She repositioned herself in a more comfortable spot. The Kuchiki laid her head on his bed. "You're acting weird today. Is the fever that bad?" She didn't get a response. He laid there, eyes closed, breathing evenly. His hands were on his head as if massaging it. Such a headache.

Rukia pursed her lips. The sweetness lingered on even after the kiss. It must've taken him lots of courage to say that. Somehow, she liked it. Rukia smiled. She twirled her finger in his hair. "Rukia," Ichigo spoke up. Said girl hastily pulled her hand away from his hair. "I didn't get you a present."

Rukia pouted. "Cheapskate."

Ichigo threw her a small grin.

He kissed her forehead. "I'll get you one when I feel better, kay?"

"Why are you so sweet today? It's starting to creep me out."

"Aren't I always?"

Rukia laughed.

15 January, 10 am

"It's a 37.5°C," Ichigo said, shaking the thermometer in his hand, looking away from his dad.

"Ah, much better, I'd thought you had the flu or something," Isshin said.

Ichigo stood up shakily out from his bed. Almost falling down, he held on to the bed post. The room spun for a moment before coming back to its usual stationary state. "I'm…" he cleared his throat. "I'm gonna get Rukia a birthday present. I'll see you later."

Isshin smirked at him. "Aww, Ichigo's such a romantic! Buy her a nice necklace, will you? Girls love—" Ichigo slapped his head. Geez, he gets a bit better and he starts teasing. Even if Isshin knew they were dating, Ichigo still felt a bit uncomfortable whenever anyone teases him like that.

Downstairs, Rukia noticed him wearing a coat and a scarf. "Where're you going?"

"Getting your present."

"Can I come?"

Ichigo hesitated, but in a moment, he grinned and nodded. Rukia leaped into action and had gotten ready in just a few seconds. She grinned up at him. "Yosh, let's go." After a long time browsing at the store in town, Ichigo finally bought her a small plastic ring. It was white with blue stripes, it said in bubbly letters, 'Happy Birthday.' Rukia called him a cheapskate because he did not want to buy her the music box she had her eye on.

"Next year, okay?" he said.

They agreed to eat out at a restaurant. Walking to the restaurant, they chatted about random mindless items. Before they could reach the destination, Ichigo started coughing violently. "You okay, Ichigo?" He nodded, having no chance to speak because of the coughs.

He placed a hand on the wall for support. He was still coughing. It started to get colder so suddenly. He pulled the coat around him closer and he crouched down as lightheadedness bombarded him. He hates getting sick.

"Ichigo?" Rukia rubbed his back, waiting for the coughs to subside. Her eyebrows were knotted in worry. "Let's… let's just go home, Ichigo. We don't have to go out."

"It's just a fever…" Ichigo said.

"But at this temperature, it's not just a fever." They were at home as Rukia took his temperature, but before she could see the results, he grabbed it from her. Ichigo glanced at it and turned off the electronic thermometer. Rukia frowned. He dismissed her by a wave of his hand.

"I'm fine," he muttered, then his lips curled into a smirk. He said with the usual teasing tone in his voice, "You're worried, huh?"

"Well, um." She looked away. "Yes. A bit."

Ichigo laughed. He got her to blush, he saw it. He pulled her into his arms. "I'd be worried too…" Rukia tried to dismiss it, but somehow she noticed a hint of sadness in his voice. Probably just her imagination.

17 January, 10.30pm

"I should be getting to bed now, Ichigo." Rukia stood up from her previous spot; Ichigo's bed. She handed him the manga that she was reading and stretched. Rukia pecked him on the cheek and frowned at the warmth she felt. "You're still warm. Have you taken your medications?"

He nodded.

She smiled. "Well, I'll see you in the—"

"Rukia?" he interrupted her. "Um, you can… you can sleep here if you want. I mean in the closet or… you can sleep on my bed" —she gave him a frown— "I mean, with… me… on… the… floor," Ichigo said, his voice gradually getting softer and softer. His face was reddening as he looked anywhere but her eyes. "Never mind."

"Um, I don't think so. Your dad…" her voice trailed off. There was no need for more words.

"A-ah… yeah, my dad. Of course." Ichigo stood up and faced her. "Well, goodnight." Ichigo held both her elbows and leaned down. He kissed her as gently as possible. Rukia's eyes fluttered close at the wonderful sensation. He cradled her head, kissing her long and slow; it was as if he was saying goodbye instead of goodnight.

He held on to her elbows tight as he gave her a smile. "Ichigo…" Was it just her, or did she see a tinge of… desperation in his eyes? She patted his cheek; it was still warm. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Goodnight, Rukia." He climbed into bed with his back facing her. Rukia sighed dramatically. He was such a baby. She climbed into bed beside him, pulling the blanket to her chin. Ichigo looked over his shoulders to see her pouting face back at him. Ichigo faced her, ruffling her fringe, grinning.

"I'm a good persuader, huh?"

"No." Rukia stuck her tongue at him and then laughing at the face he made back at her. Rukia snuggled deeper into the soft, thick blanket. It reminded her of the falling snow on the pavement outside, but it was nowhere as cold. With Ichigo by her side, it never was. "No funny stuff."

"Mm." No words were uttered for a moment. The silence was piercing—odd and unusual, yet welcoming. The ebony-haired girl stared up to the white ceiling, her mind wandering into oblivion with casual thoughts that is, until Ichigo moved closer to her.

"Eh—?"

If there were any, all protests were rejected as Ichigo pulled her into the enclosure of his arms and buried his face in her shampoo-smelling hair. "Let me hold you for a moment." Snuggling to him, Rukia sighed contentedly. How she loved these moments with him.

He's changed. She didn't know why, but he did. Maybe it was the fever, maybe it was the weather, but whatever it was, he was really sweet now. It wasn't that she didn't love his previous rash self, but this was more… appealing.

It seemed like hours before either of them uttered words to each other. Ichigo stroked her hair mindlessly as Rukia's thoughts once again wandered off. "Rukia?" he whispered into her ear. Rukia snapped back to reality as she heard him.

"Mm? What is it?"

"I love you."

She pulled away from him, surprised. From the two years she's been his girlfriend, this was probably only the second time she heard him say that. She blinked, her lips curling to a smile. He embraced her again. "I really, really love you," he whispered.

"I lov—"

Ichigo interrupted. He pressed a finger to her lips. She stared at his hand at first then proceeded to look in his eyes. He wasn't meeting hers. "Don't say it," he said, his voice low and soft. "It'll be difficult later. Just don't say it."

"Difficult for wha—"

He claimed her lips in a forceful kiss, shutting her up.

18 January, 1.34am

"Hurts…" he whimpered in his sleep.

Rukia glanced over at the sleeping Ichigo. As much as she twisted and turned, she couldn't sleep; she was distracted by him. He's been saying that since a few minutes ago. She felt helpless, like a stray puppy. Rukia sat up and pressed a hand on his forehead; he was still warm, contrasting to his cold and clammy hand.

"Ichigo…" Her eyebrows knotted in worry. He still had a slight fever, though better than the past few days. 39.1°C Maybe she should tell Kurosaki-san tomorrow morning.

He turned in his sleep, seeing refuge from the tormenting heat that engulfed him. "Hurts…" His hand clutched a fistful of his hair. She's never heard him like this before. He never sounded so… weak before. She covered her head with the blanket, trying to block out the noise he made. Somehow, his whine scared her, it was like something terrible was going to happen.

Rukia heard a yelp and Ichigo sat up, damp perspiration all over his forehead. He breathed hard and heavy, putting his head on his knees and his arms around his head. Rukia was startled at his sudden move but she sat up next to him.

"Ichigo?" she called out quietly. He turned to look at her. There was something different in his eyes; she saw anxiousness, alarm… fear? Was it the nightmares that he had told her about? "Rukia," he breathed. He uncharacteristically lunged to her and held on tight, eyes shut. "Don't leave," Ichigo whispered. He was shivering. "Don't leave, Rukia. Please. I need you."

She nodded hesitantly. It was a nightmare, she knew; he told her about it once—a terrible dark dream full of lurking shadows of fear. She stroked his head tenderly, like a mother comforting a child. But her love for him was anything but motherly. And it worried her to no end seeing him like this. What was going on?

"Ichigo? Do you… do you want me to call your dad?"

He shook his head, breathing heavily.

He fell asleep in her arms. Rukia pursed her lips as she gently laid him down on the bed, covering his shivering body with a thick blanket. She did not lie down next to him, merely watching him sleep. "Ichigo…" Rukia stroked his head, and frowned at the extreme heat she felt. His temperature fluctuated now and then; from normal to high. His body felt ice-cold once, and more usual than not, too hot.

Rukia dropped the electronic thermometer to the mattress when she saw the result. 42.2°C. She wondered if a temperature that high was even possible for a human being. His temperature has never been this high before. Rukia ran out of the room, getting Isshin.

As sleepy as he was, Isshin hastily got into the room and checked his temperature. "That's it. We'll have to send him to the hospital tomorrow. If this goes on, it could be fatal."

"F-fatal?"

The word burned right through her, spinning in her mind like a tape recorder put on repeat.

Rukia didn't sleep a wink that night.

18 January, 8.10am, Karakura General Hospital.

Rukia held back her tears.

The words said to by the doctor were spinning around her, unheard. Isshin nodded at the doctor sometimes, but it was clear that he was worried about his son. "…immune system weakened… tumor… complications…" Rukia wanted to scream! Words weren't important! Ichigo was really ill. Someone needs to save him. Why were they there in this room? Why weren't they helping him?

It wasn't fair! Why did this have to happen? Why did he have to be sick? Why him?

Taking a deep breath, Rukia walked out of the room without a word, leaving Isshin with the doctor. Outside, she met with the twins. "Ru-Rukia-nee…" Yuzu looked up at her. They couldn't go into his ward without Isshin. Karin was holding her twin tightly, holding back her tears. "What's happening to Onii-chan?"

Rukia shook her head. She didn't know. She didn't want to know. It was too terrifying, too frightening to know what happened. This is a dream, that's the only thing she wanted to believe. Ichigo… he's going to get better. Of course. He always did. He always got better. He's Kurosaki Ichigo, after all.

But no matter how many times she repeated that to herself, that hollow feeling deep in her stomach just won't disperse.

"I'm… I'm going to see him for a while."

She pushed the door connecting to his ward. Slowly, she walked over to his bed, not knowing what to expect. Ichigo was laying quietly on his stark white bed, his eyes closed in a serene manner. Perpetually scowling eyebrows were once unknotted. Tubes, wires, and IV drips, emerged from his hospital robe.

She felt like crying seeing him like that. She touched his cold cheek gently, treating him like a fragile porcelain doll. "Ic-Ichigo…?" He opened his eyes and Rukia released the breath that she was unconsciously holding.

He smiled weakly at her. "Rukia…" he called out to her, his voice soft and weak, holding to her hand. Despite her determination, his voice, his touch, it incited the trigger. Rukia fell on the chair, with her head hung low, covering her face as she wept. The droplets of tears made circular marks on her azure dress. Ichigo frowned. "Don't cry." He pulled her hand away from her face, revealing a tear-stricken face on the usually emotionally resilient girl. She never cried, before. Never.

Ichigo pulled her into the enclosure of his arms, hushing her. "I thought," she whimpered, holding back a sob. "I thought you were dying." On the way to the hospital, his coughs had gone worse; few patches of blood came out. He fainted once he was outside the car. The heat from his body and the temperature of the winter's day was too much for his body to handle. Ichigo didn't say anything immediately, merely stroking her head. Ichigo sighed, kissing her head.

"Ichigo?"

"I am."

Rukia pulled away from his embrace. Her face showed utter disbelief and shock merged together with a flurry of other emotions. Her eyebrows knotted, mouth slightly open. Her eyes searched his for some kind, any kind of sign of deception, but there were none. She shook her head.

"No…" she managed to choke out. This time Rukia didn't restrain; her tears were flowing freely, dampening his white hospital robe. "I won't believe that…" she said softly, "I won't believe it." If she said it enough, maybe it would come true. Rukia latched on to him, holding him tightly, never wanting to let go.

Ichigo closed his eyes. "I went to the doctor two months ago. I have a tumor in my brain. He said…" Ichigo paused as the coughs came again. "…said that I won't be able to live long. There wasn't anything… anyone… can do." His last few words were slowly and softly spoken, as if he himself didn't want to believe it. He shut his eyes as waves of pain crashed down on his throbbing head. "No one knows about this, Rukia."

"But I love you… you can't leave me… Ichigo, I lov—"

"STOP IT, RUKIA!" he yelled. She flinched, pulling away from him. The room was quiet for an eternal second, neither of them meeting each others' eyes. He closed his eyes in frustration; frustration to himself for yelling at her and frustration at the sickness that got him in this situation. "Don't say it. I told you. I told you not to say it…" Their eyes met. "It's painful… painful to know that I… that I have to leave you soo—"

She lunged towards him in an uncharacteristically forceful embrace, pushing him closer onto the bed and pressing her lips fiercely against his. He tensed momentarily from surprise, but he instinctively kissed back. She breathed hard, shaking her head. "Don't say it," she whispered.

Ichigo pursed his lips and nodded. He entwined his fingers within hers. "I'm sorry." Rukia shook her head, but said nothing. Her eyes were welling again. Ichigo kissed her eyes, being careful with her. "Shh… don't cry."

The last thing he wanted to see was her being sad. He wanted to remember her as this cheerful yet annoying girl. As the girl who always somehow manage to make him happy, no matter what she does. Like his girl. Like his Rukia. He pulled her down for another kiss. Slow and lingering, he was gentle with her. The kiss was an excruciating sensation, not like all the previous kisses full of passion. "I love you so much, Rukia…" he whispered into her lips. "So much… so much."

She knew he was saying goodbye.

As he kissed her, her silent tears fell like crystal droplets to his cheek, merging with his own. From two, became one as it rolled down his tanned cheek, leaving salty trails. Rukia pulled away, looking into his deep brown eyes. "I need you, Ichigo," she whispered, her lips barely touching his. She was using the same words he used last night. "I need you. Don't leave me…"

He cupped her face and gave her a weak smile. "I'm still here, Rukia." She wrapped her arms around his figure and held on tight, as if letting go would mean losing him forever. He gave shuddering exhale and held her close.

Ichigo whispered, "I'm still here. Don't worry, Rukia. I'm still here."

Present day, 2.01pm

The next day… Ichigo… he was gone. Like a fleeting memory. Though Ichigo was anything but that. Rukia couldn't remember much from that day. She remembered crying the whole day-- a hollow, sad, lonely cry. She couldn't believe that he was gone. It was too sudden, too swift. He was ripped away from her just in a day.

She pulled her hat across her face and closed her eyes. The lilies she brought for him waved wildly in the summer wind, its sweet scent enveloping her. Her whispered words were wafted away by the summer breeze.

"I miss you, Ichigo."

It has been a year and a half since that day.

Rukia stood up, having spent almost an hour sitting in front of the cold stone. Rukia fingered her small plastic ring. Rukia never took the ring out ever since he gave it to her. Not even when she's asleep, not at school, not at home. Never.

"Next year, okay?"

"Let me hold you for a moment."

"I need you. Don't leave, Rukia. Please."

Rukia smiled a bitter smile to herself. He told her not to leave him. Instead he left her. But she kept to her word; she had never left him, a part of her was with him all these while. Her heart. It belonged only to him. No matter where she was, who she was with, nothing can change that fact.

No matter how much time passed; no matter how many days, weeks, months, years gone by, she will still remember him. "I love you so much, Rukia. So much…" Her eyes stung and Rukia clasped her hand to her mouth. "Don't cry." She tried to stop, pursing her lips, closing her eyes, holding her breath. Nothing worked.

Her tears keep falling for the memory of him.

End

[[Edit: Saw the reviews, changed the bit about SS ;) That's what you get for posting stuff up at 3am XD Arigatou, minna!]]

As usual, reviews please?

Much love, Kitty :)