Let me just start by saying that I am SOOOO sorry devoted readers of mine! I used to think all that talk about muse was CRAP! But let me tell you, a few chapters ago I opened a blank word document, turned on my favorite songs and was prepared to get busy....BUT IT DIDN'T TURN OUT THAT WAY AT ALL! I'm SERIOUS! I sat in front of the same document for 3 hours and had 5 sentences down! I must've made the "Muse gods" angry or something because I almost had an anuerysm trying to get out those lat three chapters and then my mind just cut off all together after that, hence the reason I have'nt updated until now! Ugh! Then I finally opened a document today and it all just came to me, quite slowly, but it still came(ideas). Pleez forgive me but I was trying so hard to update this for you guys that I eventually started to re-read my previous chaps from the beginning (to get ideas) and I just really thought they were crap! I mean it just seemed awful! I mean it got so bad that I actually thought I was going to quit! But I had to remind my self that AMANDA *** ****** is not a quitter! Ok, I'm gonna stop now! And BTW, is it just me or did anyone else almost bust a nut when they saw Lisa Edelstein at the awards last night?! I mean seriouly! I almost licked my t.v. screen! The woman is HAWT! Anywho, READ, REVIEW AND ENJOY! (Gosh, I missed saying that!)

~Dr. McCaney (smooches!)

Chapter 50 – His Rock

House and Cuddy stumbled into the apartment as best as a pregnant woman and drunken cripple could. Cuddy clumsily led him to the bathroom and deposited his slack body onto the toilet seat. She briefly checked for any broken bones and was relieved when there weren't any. It was at times like this when she wanted to know what went on in that head of his. He hissed at the sting of peroxide on his split knuckles and pulled his hand away. Cuddy pulled it back and held on more firmly. After she was done attending to him, she reached behind her and placed the cork into the bathtub drain. She got the water running and turned to leave the bathroom. When she returned, she had fresh towels in her hand and some pajamas of his thrown over the opposite shoulder. She set all of the items on the side of the sink and moved to leave, until his voice stopped her. For the first time tonight, his voice sounded remorseful.

"Didn't even get to say goodbye," was harshly whispered from his lips, as his hands balled into tight fists. Hot, angry tears slid down his cheeks and he roughly disposed of them, fists flying up to hide his shame.

Cuddy's resolve crumbled and she stepped hesitantly over to him. Before she could even wrap her arms thoroughly around him, House roughly pulled her into him, burying his anger, shame, and remorse in the swell of her stomach. Cuddy encouragingly wrapped her arms around his head and let tears of her own fall. House's sobs came out in deep, heart-shattering cries of grief and disappointment.

"I know," Cuddy whispered, fingers comfortingly scraping his scalp, "I know. It's going to be okay."

House tightened his hold on her. It felt good to be comforted by her, and this was the first time in a little under a month that they had even touched each other. Now he regretted being so angry at her for so long, it just seemed stupid now. As his thoughts seemed to take over his mind, his cries came to a halt, but his face remained on her stomach.

Cuddy didn't make a move, wanting to give him time to gather himself. When he did finally remove his face from her abdomen, she still kept her arms around his neck.

"I'm sorry," he told her quietly, yet firmly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, House," Cuddy stated, "You were only trying to protect me…us. If anyone's gonna be sorry it should be me, I acted selfishly thinking I could be superwoman…thank you for talking some sense into me."

House shook his head solemnly, and released her as she ducked down to place a kiss on his forehead. When Cuddy exited the bathroom, House let his head fall back against the wall behind him. He didn't deserve such an amazing woman, but she would be the rock he needed to pull through this. They would get through this together, like they had gotten through everything else.

[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy[H]uddy

When House had finished bathing, he limped out into the bedroom. There, he proceeded to pull on his pajama pants and t-shirt. He'd wanted nothing more than to crawl into a hole and die. His mind refused to turn off and he ached all over. After pulling back the comforter, he crawled into bed hoping his brain would shut down on its own accord.

Cuddy went back into their room to find House already in bed. She quietly went over to his side of the bed and set a glass of water and his Vicodin on the nightstand. Briefly studying the back of his head, as he was turned away from her, she turned and went to her side of the bed. Cuddy slowly pulled back her side of the covers, not wanting to wake her peacefully sleeping husband and got in bed. She closed her eyes desperate to find the same peace her husband had, but she wasn't as lucky. Soon, she found herself counting the shadowy contours of the silvery moon outside the window. It wasn't sleep, but it sure was boring enough to feel like it.

Two hours later, House could tell that Cuddy was still awake. He internally sighed and cursed himself for hurling his emotional turmoil at his wife.

"Cuddy," he whispered, not wanting to suspend the peacefulness in the room.

Cuddy snapped her head back to look at him. "Why are you still awake?" she whispered as she furrowed her brow in confusion.

"A more reasonable question would be why you're still awake," House whispered back, "ya know considering the fact you aren't the insomniac in this bed."

"Can't sleep," she admitted softly.

House thought about this for a second, "Me neither."

The room went silent once again.

Cuddy took the pillow from under head and shoved it in between her legs. Now it didn't feel like she was crushing her son, and thankfully her daughter was nestled comfortably above him. The one thing she missed about her bed was the plethora of pillows that littered it. House noticed this change.

"Your neck is gonna be killing you tomorrow," House stated matter-of-factly, "Here, put the pillow back under your head."

"No," Cuddy protested, "It's more comfortable this way."

"Just trust me," House mumbled.

Cuddy sighed, but did as told anyway.

House eased up behind her and lifted her top leg, carefully sandwiching his good leg between hers.

"Better?" he questioned. Cuddy adjusted his leg some.

"Yeah, thanks," Cuddy replied. The room went silent, but of course this did not last long.

"Cuddy?" House questioned once more.

"Yes, House."

"Their never gonna get to meet her," he murmured sadly.

Cuddy was confused at what House was saying, and then it dawned on her. Their children would never get to meet their grandmother. She could feel tears building again, and she turned to House. She studied him through a tear flooded gaze. His face was blank and devoid of any emotion.

"Yeah," Cuddy confirmed. She placed his leg back in between hers and brought a hand up to cup his cheek.

"You can still tell them about her," Cuddy consoled, "About all the good times you had with her and how she-"

"Lied to me my entire life?" House added disdainfully.

"House, I think it's time for you to forgive her," Cuddy reasoned, "She was only trying to protect you. She never meant to hurt you."

"Yet she sat around while he did!"

"She's only human House! She made a mistake! Just…just promise me you'll try…for your sake…and if that's not a good enough reason, do it for their sake," Cuddy said as she trailed her hand down his body to where his hand was. She took his hand and placed it on her abdomen, interlocking their fingers in the process.

House looked away, ashamedly, for trying to shut out the voice of reason. He shook his head in affirmation when he realized that Cuddy wanted a response.

"They would have loved her, House. I know I did…do," Cuddy admitted, "Remember in France when she was the only one who responded positively to us having a relationship?"

House smirked at the memory. A warming sensation began to spread in his heart at the admittance that Cuddy loved his mother. "I love her, too."

"Then you'll find a way to forgive your mother and properly put her to rest," Cuddy stated.

House looked into her eyes and thought about her words. He was so glad that Cuddy was finally his after twenty years of their back and forth because now that he had her, he would never let her go.

Cuddy noticed the way he was looking at her. "What?"

House came out of his reverie and maintained eye contact with her as pride bubbled in his chest. "I love you, Lisa Cuddy."

Cuddy smirked, "I know."

House chuckled, albeit sadly, but the happiness that flickered momentarily through his eyes didn't go unnoticed by her either.

"I love you, too, House."