AN: Hey this is my idea of a Passover Seder on the Enterprise. Bear with me, I know it's a bit odd but I swear it'll get better. Thanks for reading and please review if you want more.

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, I'm under the illusion Roddenberry does.

Mah Nishtanah

As Chekov stood, desperately screaming, "Mah nishtanah ha-lahylah ha-zeh" while Uhura continuously flipped her hair and glared at Spock, who seemed mildly tipsy from the chocolate coated Matzo he'd ingested, Captain Kirk couldn't help but bang his head against the table and ask himself how the hell this had happened.

3 Days Earlier

"Captain, Captain! Captain!" Pavel Chekov yelled enthusiastically as he ran into the transporter room waving an old fashioned paper calendar around in circles above his head, "Captain! Look!"

Captain Kirk, his first officer Spock, and his chief medical officer Lenard McCoy had just returned from a rather …uncomfortable incident with a very grateful Orion slave girl. After her rescue from the tyrant Cosos there seemed to be some miscommunication about the matter or thanks- the three had sworn never to speak of it again.

Kirk hadn't taken a step off the receiving pad before being ambushed by the young Russian, "Captain Captain! Look!"

As Chekov shoved the calendar into Kirk's nose the worn twine broke and the pages scattered like falling snowflakes.

"What am I looking at exactly?" Kirk asked as Chekov scampered around on all fours desperately trying to gather the pages in the right order.

"It's uh, vell, it's right…just vait a moment. It's here somevhere…" Chekov stuttered as he scanned the Russian letters that identified the months.

Kirk watched him for a second before strolling off the landing pad and down the few stairs to Scotty's work station.

"Chekov, once you're done there, head back up to bridge and relive Riley"

"Ah, yes sir Captain but-"

But before Chekov had the chance to say another word Kirk was gone down the hallway to catch up to his first officer.

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After his shift, Chekov found the Captain in the Mess Hall speaking to communications officer Uhura. Chekov could hear laughter as he weaved his way through the other off duty officers. He'd brought only a single calendar page this time, no one could say Pevel Chekov didn't learn from him mistakes.

As Chekov approached the desired table, he couldn't help but overhear some of the conversation.

"Come on, 'm not saying you have to leave Elf-man, I'm just sayin', one night, Nyota" Kirk said as he waggled his eyebrows humorously.

Uhura rolled her eyes, a smirk falling on her delicate features.

"Aw come on, Nyota" He badgered, leaning in playfully.

"You have got to stop calling me that" She said swatting him away.

"Calling you what Nyota?" He whispered, feigning innocent.

"Captain, I'm surprised!" She began, playing along "to think after only a few months on the job you've already had a sexual harassment report filed against you"

Kirk immediately sat up straight in his seat and cleared his throat uncomfortably, "That's not funny…Lieutenant"

Uhura smiled, "I think it's hilarious"

As Chekov watched their exchange he'd decided maybe this wasn't the best time to ask the Captain. He seemed…preoccupied. Chekov did a quick 180 and headed back out the door he came from.

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Chekov decided, after a number of failed attempts the absolute best plan was to corner Captain Kirk in his quarters. Chekov, clutching his calendar page, walked quickly down the hallway in search of Kirk's room. Chekov had never been to the Captains quarters before, but he'd seen the Captain go in enough to be sure it was his. Chekov had always been a bit nervous, after all he was the youngest officer aboard and he knew his accent could be a little hard to understand at times, but now he was practically shaking. He closed his eyes took a deep breath, and pushed through the unlocked door.

"Captain I-" But Chekov found he couldn't continue. In front of him was not the Captain, but Lieutenant Uhura clad only in a white bra and panties straddling a shirtless Spock. All three pairs of eyes met and Chekov could swear his face actually began to turn red.

"Chekov?!" Uhura gasped from her position atop the Vulcan.

Chekov merely stared, dumbstruck, unable to look away.

Uhura quickly attempted to disentangle herself from her superior officer and grabbed a pillow to cover herself.

"Ensign Chekov" Spock acknowledged uncomfortably as he too rose to full height on the other side of the rumpled bed.

Chevok continued to stare, at a loss for words.

"Get out!" Uhura yelled as she chucked her pillow at him.

Upon impact Chekov was startled back into reality, "Ah Sorry sorry" He cast his eyes down quickly and covered them with both his hands and the crinkled calendar page he was still clutching. "Sorry Commander, Lieutenant gah sorry sorry"

He repeated his chorus of sorry's as he carefully opened the door just wide enough to let himself slip out and then shoved it closed behind him, still chanting sorry's.

He leaned against the door and sighed. Suddenly a silver sign from across the hallway caught his attention. He stood and wandered over to the sign to read the letters carefully: James T. Kirk. Chekov quickly turned and spotted a similar sign on the door he'd accidentally walked into to find it read: Spock.

Chekov sighed and gave himself a small slap before heading into the right room.

"Captain?" Chekov called as he opened the door keeping his eyes squeezed shut, "Captain? Are you there?"

"Chekov?" Kirk asked, "What are you doing here? It's 11:53"

"Sorry to disturb you so late Captain but-"

"You know" Kirk interrupted, "I was sleeping"

"Sorry Captain but-"

"Anyway what did you want to tell me Ensign?"

"I have some wery big nevs Captain. The Passover is in tvo days and I vish to hold a Seder for-"

"Hold on," Kirk said pinching the bridge of his nose, "Passover?"

"Yes sir, it is a holiday for my people where we-"

"No I know what Passover is, why are you telling me about it?"

"Sir" Chekov began, "I understand you do not like holidays, especially after the Starfleet Jevish Society's Shabbat candle incident, but-"

"Incident?!" Kirk stammered, "You practically blew up the engine room!"

"Captain, please" Chekov begged, "I vish to celebrate this most important of holidays vith my nev family. One Seder Captain, just one meal, please?"

Kirk sighed before weighing his options. On one hand, if he said no, like his inner Spock was telling him, than Chekov would continue to annoy him with constant 'Captain?!'s and Vhy?'s and wouldn't leave his cabin for at least another hour, but on the other hand if he said yes than Chekov would leave and he could go back to sleep.

"If I let you have this Saber-"

"Seder"

"Whatever, you'll keep it low profile? Small and out of the way?"

"Yes sir" Chekov practically squealed excitedly.

"And it's only one meal, right?"

"Oh yes thank you sir thank you" Chekov rushed up to the Captain and grabbed him in a crushing hug.

"Great" Kirk coughed out as he pried the young Russian off, "Now that that's done," Kirk gestured to the door.

"Ah yes sir! Thank you Captain thank you" Chekov said as he headed towards the door.

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Kirk rolled his eyes as the Ensign finally left his quarters. As exhaustion overtook him, Captain Kirk couldn't help but wonder just what he'd gotten himself into. Well, whatever it was it couldn't be that terrible, right?

AN: Alright that's it, the first chapter of the Passover fic. Also as a note this will have TONS of drunk!Spock Annoyed!Kirk and Spock/Uhura shippyness so just bear with me (and Chekov) through this first chapter. As always Read and Review, thankies.