A/N: I'm sorry, people. I have no excuse. I'm starting ANOTHER fic when I haven't updated Amongst the Dead in so long. It's just… I read this Naruto/MAR crossover and found myself infected with yet ANOTHER plot bunny. Last time this happened, I didn't get anything done until I issued it as a challenge. This time, I figure, fuck it! I'll just do it now and get it over with.

This fic will be a Harry Potter/MAR crossover. Harry will be taking a few pages from Himura Kenshin ("Oro!"), and will be with Luna and Gabrielle from the beginning. Why? Because Luna pwns all with her awesomeness, Gabrielle is a hot Veela loli, and they give me an excuse to expand the harem later.

Also, just to warn you now, there will be some characters that have had their genders bent… well, okay, so it's just Jack and Rolan right now, but I'm sure I'll find someone else that needs to get bent… like that Rapunzel bitch.

…But then again, she's practically bent already; flat as a board and ugly as sin, she looks enough like a guy (or rather, not enough like a girl) already. Tack on the fact that she's convinced she's God's gift to man, and I'm pretty sure I can get in some real good zingers before I kill her in a brutal and extremely messy manner.

…Anyways, please note that Harry will never, ever be the one who hits on the various women of Mar Heaven; in fact, he'll be the typical "hot-and-superpowered-but-oblivious-Harry" that is so prevalent in fanfiction. It'll usually be Gabrielle and Luna who drags a girl into their bedroom to have their wicked way with, while Harry's just there because the girls want him to give their new friend some loving.

Also note: since this is alternate-post-war, there will be times when it gets Dark, with a capital "D"; you didn't really expect the three to leave the war completely unscathed, did you?

So, with that said, enjoy, and I hope this will tide you all over as I work on Amongst the Dead, Blessed of Yggdrasil,and Broken Angel.

…Yes, you read right: I'm going to give my own challenge a shot. I'm actually done with a good bit of the first chapter… which is turning out a bit more humorous than I initially expected, despite the overall dark tone and the rape scene I already finished. All I can say is two words: Inner Sasuke. Seriously, I don't know why, but I can't take Sasuke seriously when I'm writing from his point of view.

Summary: Alviss wanted an outsider. The Chess Pieces wanted war. The Clown brought two blondes and a reaper. May God help them all.

OoOoO

Two Blondes and a Reaper

A Harry Potter/MAR crossover by The Fanfic Stealer

Prologue: Through the Gate

A young man stands upon a glowing array of runes.

"…It's a gamble… but…"

With dagger in hand, he breaks the Seal.

"…ARM! Do my bidding!"

Power builds.

"Bring forth the Denizen…"

The Gate opens.

"…OF ANOTHER WORLD!"

The power reaches a critical point. A blinding flash, and a pillar of light shoots off into the night sky…

…And so, the Wheels of Fate were turned…

…God help Mar Heaven…

All things considered, Harry Potter, age twenty, had seen stranger things than a floating reaper-clown-thingy and an ornate gate in a picturesque fairy tale world that seconds ago used to be the living room of the apartment he shared with his two girlfriends. He used to be a mage, and was now something… else, so sudden changes in décor and unexpected guests didn't faze him much.

…Well, that, and Luna led them to the STRANGEST of things. Like the giant stone ring that lead to other planets. Or that depressing robot that seemed convinced the world had ended several times already. Or the Crumple-Horned Snorkack they'd found reenacting certain National Geographic scenes with a rhino in the San Diego Zoo.

Now THAT had been disturbing. Very, very disturbing. Brr…

The clown taking out a dice and rolling it, though… that had been random.

"It says three~!" the clown almost sang when the dice settled down, "Only three can come!"

"Come, Mr. Clown?" Luna Lovegood, age nineteen, wondered, "Are you talking about the place we can see beyond your gate?"

"…You… can see?" Mr. Clown asked, sounding just the slightest bit bewildered.

"Oui! Such a beautiful place! Is that were you are from, mom ami?" Gabrielle Delacour, age fifteen, asked, in such a way that most people would immediately think of many naughty, naughty things to do to her, age of consent be hanged. Seriously, that girl could really play the loli card!

…Of course, that may be because she actually WAS a loli, but Harry wasn't going to tell anybody that. Luna, too, since she absolutely LOVED the Veela's skilled tongue.

…And they couldn't forget the role-playing… "Oh, Monsieur Instituteur, I'll do anything to pass… ANYTHING at all…" "Madam Institutrice, are you going to… PUNISH this naughty little girl…? Spank her, maybe?"…

Drool…

…Ahem. Anyways, back to the story.

"…You see beyond these gates, yes? You want to run from your world, yes? Then tunnel opens for you! Walk in!"

Harry looked to his girls. The only things he held an attachment to in this world were all in this apartment. He had nothing else left.

"Hmm… a chance to have sex in new and exciting places… Oooo! I like that idea!" Luna mused, fiddling with the Deathly Hallows pendent that hung around her neck, the one that used to belong to her father, the late Xenophilius Lovegood.

"Isn't that what we do anyways, Luna?" Harry joked. He got a light slap on the shoulder for his troubles.

"Prat! It's the thought that counts! Right, Gabrielle?"

Gabrielle agreed with a nod, adding, "Oh yes, most definitely. And though I regret not seeing ma soeur et ma niece one last time, I find myself being reminded that- what is that saying?- 'Opportunity waits for no one,' oui?" She gave a cute little smile and an innocent tilt of her head that made Harry- and undoubtedly Luna- want to throw her up against a wall and shag her until she had trouble walking, reaper-clown-thingy or not.

For his answer, Harry simply flicked his wrist, packing everything he and the girls held of value into a trunk that promptly shrunk itself and flew into his pocket. That done, he held out both of his arms. "Shall we go, miladies?" he asked, unknowingly giving them that crooked smile that turned them into puddles of randy goo every time.

The girls looped their arms around his and gave him a kiss, a girl on each cheek.

"Of course, mom amour!"

"Lead the way, Harry!"

Harry chuckled as they walked through the stone gates behind the reaper-clown-thingy together, leaving their world and past behind.

As soon as the trio was through the gates, it slammed shut and vanished. The Gatekeeper Clown took longer to fade away, but fade away he eventually did, taking away the inky darkness that everybody else would have seen, if there had been other people to witness the event.

All that was left was an empty apartment, looking as if nobody had lived there recently.

The ring shatters, it's job complete.

"The Dimension ARM's been destroyed."

He gazes dispassionately at what remains of a once-priceless artifact.

"Superb. That means the summons worked."

He lifts his eyes to the horizon.

"The otherworlder… is coming here!"

…Oh, if poor, poor Alviss only knew what he'd just done…

OoOoO

Translations:

Oui: yes

Mon ami: my friend

Monsieur Instituteur: Sir (Male)Instructor/Teacher

Madam Institutrice: Madam (Female)Instructor/Teacher

Ma soeur: my sister

Ma niece: my niece

Et: and

Mon amour: my love

A/N: It's short, yeah, but it's just the prologue. The next chapter will probably be longer, covering up to their meeting with Babbo. Until next time!

P.S.

Thanks to frenchy and Tzeentchian Techpriest for corrections!

Review!