A/N: Okay, this is it. Formerly known as the UberLongStoryOfUberLongness (ULSOUL), this was our very very first attempt at fanfiction EVER. So that's why it may seem a little different than our other stories. The inspiration for this fic was Commentarius by B. C. Daily, which is our most favorite fanfic EVER. So go check it out!!

This story is, as we said above, UBER LONG! So if we continue posting chapters this size, there'll be a lot of them! YAY! Actually, we haven't quite finished some of the middle bits, so that's getting worked on right now. In the meantime, read this!

Disclaimer: Don't own HP. Tear, tear. Actually, it's more like SOB, SOB, SOB, SOOOOB, because if we did own it, neither Dumbledore, Sirius, Fred, nor James would be dead...

What was Dumbledore thinking? Of all the respectable, non-arrogant, nice boys he could have chosen from, he had to go and choose Potter. James Potter, better known as the bane of my existence over the last 6 years. What did I do in my past lives to deserve this? I must have been Hitler. Merlin, why me?

Why am I flipping out over some random boy you ask? Let me describe him to you.

1. He is he is tall. I can't remember a time where he was shorter than me. Not that that is hard, but still, aren't boys supposed to be short for a while as 11 year olds?

2. He is a Marauder. This group consists of four seventh year Gryffindors, including Potter, and his three best friends. His friends bug me too. Merlin, could they be anymore immature? Firstly there is Sirius Black. His mom must have been drinking too much firewhisky when she named him, because he is anything but serious, and he is the second most annoying person I know. After Potter of course. Then there is Remus Lupin, he is the nicest one of the group, but he always acts shy around everyone but the rest of the Marauders. There's something odd about him; my best friends, Emmaline Vance, Alice Corrigan, Marlene McKinnon, and I have figured that much out. Besides being the only one who doesn't seem to have sustained a major head injury as a young child, he mysteriously disappears about once a month, looking sickly…. PMS? Do we have a trans on our hands? Oh, who am I kidding? Of all the Marauders, he is the LEAST likely to do that…I hope. Lastly, there's Peter Pettigrew. I don't even know why he's one of them. He does not fit any of the "requirements". He's not good looking—that does not mean I think that any of the others are, that is just the school's female population's general consensus. It was not voted on. Even if it were, I would have been the only one to insist that they are all ugly prats. Anyways, he is not athletic, apparently Remus runs (AN: LOL), and James and Sirius are Quidditch players. Stupid sport if you ask me. Not that anyone ever does. Besides, if I said that, the entire school would mob me and Potter would laugh at my bloody remains. Oh, and Peter does not hook up with a different girl every night. Not that Remus does, but at least he has had some decent relationships. I can't say the same for Peter. The other two have no idea what commitment means. I think that if they kept notches on their bedposts, there would be one for every girl in the school. Except for me and my friends. I hope. Anyways, Marauders generally break every school rule every night, and prank everyone, even teachers. They usually never get caught of course, because there is no evidence. When they are occasionally caught, not even the Forbidden Forest as a detention spot seems to bother them. I am sadly the butt of most of their pranks and jokes.

3. Quidditch. I hate Quidditch. Why anyone would want to spend most of their time hundreds of feet in the air on top of a tiny broom, trying to see balls, and catch balls, and put balls through hoops. There are so many damn balls! Okay, that sounds a little weird, but Quidditch can easily relate into sexual innuendo. I mean what you would think if you heard people muttering, "Faster", Harder ", "TURN", "Right there", "So close", "Use your hands/broom / bat etc". And who would happen to be the Gryffindor Quidditch captain? You guessed it, the insufferable Potter. As if his head could be any bigger.

4. He is an arrogant arse. Seriously, if he gets one more compliment, I don't think he could walk through the door with his head inflated like it is. He has the whole school under his spell; honestly, they all think he is a gift from Merlin. Screw that, they think he is a God. And he KNOWS that they worship him, and he takes full advantage of it. You know how when you are little, your parents tell you that you are the most special person in the world? I think Potter took it to mean that anyone who isn't him isn't special. Therefore everyone must revere him. How I disappoint him.

5. He is smart. I hate to admit it, but if anyone could come close to beating me with his or her grades, it would probably be him. Yeah, I have got that as an incentive to study. He is the best in Transfiguration, which I am awful at, but he is terrible at Charms and Potions, and those are my best subjects. Ha ha. Okay, back to Potter.

6. Yes, he is good looking, I guess. If you like tall, lean, muscular-by-Quidditch-training, tanned, hazel eyed, long lashed, messy black haired, white toothed grin, smooth talking kind of guys. But I don't. Just putting that out there. He is the hottest guy in our school, (again my vote didn't seem to matter), second is Sirius. He is the same, but his hair is longer, his eyes are black, and he doesn't wear glasses. Remus comes in third with his wavy light brown hair, blue eyes, and a taller, lankier frame. He seems to have permanent dark circles under his eyes, but that can be overlooked. Peter isn't on the list. He is short, chubby, and baby faced, with small, beady, watery gray eyes. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but compared to the others he hangs out with, well, I can see what everyone means. The worst thing about Potter's good looks is that he knows he has them, and flaunts them at every opportunity.

7. And as if it could get any worse, I have heard from several reliable sources, (namely everyone) that he is madly in love with me. This I seriously doubt. All of those proposals of marriage, and asking me to go out with him every second of the day, is clearly only to make fun of the fact that I am 17 and do not have a serious boyfriend.

My full name is Lily Marie Evans and I am of a medium height, with flaming red hair (ugh) that can't make up its mind to be straight or curly, or frizzy or wavy. Let's just say my life has been a perpetual bad hair day. Then I have dark green eyes. They have been described as emerald, but honestly, I think they look more like pea soup. I am paler than a ghost. You would think I have lived in an underground cave my whole life. And then I have those dratted light freckles. You can only see them if you look really closely though, thank Merlin. I am slim no matter what I eat, which is good, because rice is my favorite food. My hair goes to my shoulders. The Marauders liked to pull my hair for a while; thank Merlin they understood that if they did it one more time, I would have made my bat-bogey hex permanent.

ANYWAY, the reason I fear for Dumbledore's sanity is that he picked POTTER to be Head Boy this year. HEAD BOY! I mean seriously, who would pick a boy who has been in detention over 500 times to be the head boy. Not only that, but he has a million other faults. Namely, his Maraudership. And everything else on the above list. Yes, everything. Especially the fact that he openly flirts with me every time we come within a 500-meter radius of each other. Yes, he has yelled "OI, EVANS! I LOVE YOU! NEXT TIME WEAR A SHORTER SKIRT!" to the entire Great Hall when I came down to breakfast on a Saturday morning. Trust me, that was the last time I ever woke up early to go to breakfast. The professors were there; I could've killed him.

Why does this matter? Just because I will be more accessible for these comments, seeing as Head Boy and Head Girl share a common room, and their bedrooms are right off of it. Yes, I have been duly elected as Head Girl. I am so going to hell. I wonder if he knows that I am the Head Girl. I hope not. Hopefully the train will have run over me before he does. But, with my luck, James probably knew before me and has already written a list of new ways to ask me out in the privacy of our SHARED DORMITORY!!!