Monday:

A new era has begun. Oh, man, how can I explain it to you?

I crashed at Alan's for a few hours after storming out. But it wasn't cool, because his girlfriend was there, and I felt like a total third wheel, right? So I took off, and I'm just peddling around, when who do you think I run into?

Eyebrows!

And he's like, "Larry! How's your sister? Hey, is she eighteen yet?"

I was so pissed, man. I think I didn't even care if he killed me. So I jump off my bike, right, and I fling it to the ground.

"You fucking lied to me!" I say. "Fucking charity, my ass, you kill people!"

So he looks surprised, and he holds up his palm, then waits a second and just says, "Look, Larry, I know you're angry. But not at me."

And I go, "Like hell I'm not! Do you know what kinda shitstorm is going on in my life right now because of you?"

He says, "Let's talk about this over a drink, okay? Like men. Just a couple of guys having a beer, okay? You know, I think we've got a lot in common."

And I don't know, I guess I figured, shit, he's willing to buy alcohol for a minor. Dude can't be all bad, right?

So ten minutes later we're sitting in some shithole bar--like, they don't even care that I'm obviously not 21. Which rocks, am I right? I so am. So Eyebrows takes off talking about how he knows what it's like being insignificant, knows how much it sucks and shit. Something about a clock and a snowglobe, I don't know, I think he was trying to pull off some kinda weird metaphor. Anyhow, just then he pulls his wallet out to buy another round for us, and all these photos spill out.

And I swear to god the dude has about a bajillion photos of Super-Sis in his wallet. And it's like, Super-Sis out on town. Super-Sis coming out of a comic book shop. Super-Sis in her fucking bedroom.

And I can't help it, I go, "Dude, what the fuck??"

And he blurts out, "Oh, my god, Larry, I have a problem!" As if it needed to be said. But he's all humiliated, trying to scoop up the photos. And I could be weirded out--I mean, it's fucking weird as shit, right? And that's not even taking his eyebrows into account. But I just break down.

"Aw man," I groan. "Me too. I got fucking problems, too, man. Shit, you think I'm gonna judge you? I'm wearing tights!"

And he's like, "Tights? What?"

And I'm like, "Oh, god, don't even ask, Eyebrows."

And he says, "It's Sylar, Larry," all miserable-like.

And I go, "Lyle."

And he goes, "Who?"

And I say, "Aw, fuck it, never mind. You can call me Larry. I'm nobody, anyway. Anybody calls me anything, I oughta be grateful, man."

He says, "Hey!" and he grabs my arm and says, "Don't do that. I used to do that. You want to know why I started killing people, Larry? Because it made me somebody. Now look at me. I travel around carving people open, and in my free time I stalk a teenage girl who won't give me the time of day. I was better off fixing watches. Well--no, that's taking it too far. But still."

I'm like, "Still what, man? You shoulda seen them back home. I been there my whole life, they barely know I exist. You come up in passing, and bang, they go fucking nuts!"

He looks kinda happy. "Yeah?" he asks, and I'm like, "Totally." So he goes, "What about Claire? I mean, I know she was upset, but did you get a good look at her face? I mean, underneath it all, maybe she was sort of flattered?" I go, "Uh, I don't know. Maybe." Just because Eyebrows looks so damn hopeful. Poor deluded motherfucker.

Anyhow, all of a sudden, it hits me, this fucking great idea. Like, it all comes together! And the tights finally make sense! So I slug him in the arm.

"Aw, man! Oh my god!" I'm like freaking out it's such a good idea, you know? "Dude! Sylar! Listen! I want to be the Robin to your Batman, man!"

And he looks kinda confused, so I'm like, "Dude, come on! We would rock as a duo! I swear to god! Look, I get that I don't have superpowers. I mean, trust me, I grew up around Wonder Girl, right? I get it. But whatever I lack in that area, I make up for in being totally pissed off at the world!"

He sorta considers it and says, "Well, that is an important factor, but . . . Look, Larry, I'm not the goddamn Batman, okay? I'm the Joker. I'm worse."

And I'm like, "You think I give a shit? I want it, man! I want people to quake in their boots when they hear the name Larry Bennet! Lyle! Whatever."

"You really want that?" Like he can't understand it. "It's not just something you can turn on and off, Larry. It's not like a day job, where you go home afterwards. You can never go home. The life you have now won't exist anymore."

"Good!" I say, and I mean it. Man, do I mean it. "Screw home, and screw my life. I'm sick of this shit." Super-Sis and her fucking teddy bears, man. No one ever brought me a teddy bear. I never got so much as a "My Dad Went To Russia To Fuck Shit Up And All I Got Was This Sorry-Ass Tee-Shirt," you know?

But anyhow, what it comes down to, is me and Eyebrows are teaming up! Because I was like, "Look man, if I'm your partner and shit, I mean, fuck, you'll practically be related. Super-Sis, I mean Claire, she'll be thinking about you all the time!" And he looked like maybe he was thinking about it, and he was like, "I guess you're right. And I do like having somebody handy to watch me show off." And I was like, "Yeah, man, I'm all about that! You rock, man! Also tights!"

And he goes, "Wait, tights?"

And I say, "Oh my god, totally! You are gonna fucking love tights, man! I can't believe you never thought of it! Okay, dude, first thing, we're going straight to Alan's, right? And he's gonna hook us up. Then we're going to my house--"

And he's like, "Will Claire be there?"

And I'm like, "Sure, whatever, man. So we'll go there, and we're gonna raid her bedroom, get all her tights!"

Eyebrows looked at me like I was nuts, but underneath I could tell he was digging it. So finally he's like, "Okay. Let's do it."

And we shake on it. And it's like BAM, I'm a total villain, man. I get chills, right? Oh my god. I can just see my future unfolding in front of me, and it is SO AWESOME.

So then I'm like, "Yeah, but we can't do it tonight, because they're waiting for you. Like with guns and shit. You know Dad pulled a fucking sniper rifle outta my fucking mattress? I coulda shot myself in my sleep!"

And Eyebrows says, "Just as well. I need to get more film for my camera, anyway. And we need something to carry Claire's panties in."

And I'm like, "Tights, man."

And he goes, "Tights. Right. That's what I meant. Don't correct me, Larry."

So I'm all, "Hey, man, you're the boss." For now, sucker. Gotta build up some evil street cred before I go solo. Gotham-style, man. Oh my god, they are gonna rue the day!!

But anyhow, I'm pretty cool with Eyebrows right now. I mean, he's a cool dude and all. I wonder if he likes pot brownies?

Monday:

The raid went over pretty good. Not great.

Eyebrows wanted to go at night, something about stealth. So we float up to Super-Sis's window, right? We fucking FLOAT. Nuts, man. That part was cool. I mean, he was floating me, but still, you know? So we get in, and Super-Sis is sleeping, and we're raiding her dresser and shoving it all this big sack. And it's going all smooth and everything, and we're getting ready to go, like I'm already perched on the window-sill in my tights, right? And also in this face mask I made out of a sweat-band. I cut some eyeholes in it. Looks fucking sweet on me. Hell yeah! But then the flash on Eyebrows' camera starts going off, and of course that wakes up Super-Sis. So she starts screaming, and Eyebrows is all like, "Claire, I love you! I've always loved you!"God. Poor guy.

So Super-Sis reaches over on her nightstand and gets all up in her lampshape and pulls out this pistol. Like, god, is there anywhere Dad didn't hide a gun? And she screams, "MOTHERFUCKER!" and starts shooting at Eyebrows, so he snaps a couple more pictures and grabs me, and we take off just as Mom and Dad bust in. And of course no one's all, "Watch your mouth, missy" to Super-Sis, god no.

So we got away, because we are total bad asses, and Eyebrows asks, "Do you think Claire looked happy to see me?" And I'm like, "I don't know, man, she was shooting at you." And he says, "I think maybe she's just playing hard-to-get."

But yeah, we got the tights. And some of her underwear, too, somehow. But whatever.

I feel alive, man. Like I'm totally somebody. I look at myself in my tights and my mask, and I'm like, aw man, I don't even know how to say it. Like I'm proud of me for the first time ever.

So anyhow, I need to make some notes. Larry's making plans, bitches.

Notes to Kick-Ass Villain Self:

One. Get cape. This is top priority.

Two. Convince Eyebrows to try on tights. I don't get why he won't or how come he doesn't want me to stand too close to him when I'm wearing them. He's a supervillain! Tights are fucking standard issue, man!

Three. Convince Eyebrows to find a girlfriend. Dude needs it bad. Cool guy, but creepy, man. Gotta fix that shit.

Once I accomplish the above, I'm gonna move onto my first real order of business as a villain:

Four. Settle the score with Mr. Muggles.

I swear to god, Muggles, of all the people who are going to rue, you will rue the hardest.