A/N: Wow. I am…I don't know how to say it. This story's on a few alerts, and I got really nice reviews…but here I am, MONTHS later and still haven't updated. So for everyone who put this on alert…I'm SO sorry! It doesn't take me this long to update, I swear! Anyways, I read iTake chapter 1 again, and I just got brain spurt after brain spurt. I guess my mind's better at one in the morning then at 2 in the afternoon. :D Anyways, here you go. Oh yeah, since that made no sense to have Spencer and two of Carly's friends "choose" the compatible couple, all the votes will be tallied up and the winning couple's comments will be chosen from randomly. I decided to have three winners instead of one, since I have plans for them. :D Oh yeah, I just noticed that people spell "bologna" like "baloney." WHAT THE HECK?!? Baloney means fake, or silly, or whatever. Bologna means the MEAT PRODUCT. Gosh. (Oh yeah, I based Carly's sandwich on what I sometimes eat like three times a day…bologna and cheese sandwich, triple decker, SO fattening [but I don't gain weight mwahaha] and SO unhealthy, but GOD it tastes SO good :D)
Disclaimer: Don't own iCarly. Sigh. Or Oscar Meyer. Or Kraft.
When we get to Carly's after going to the Groovy Smoothie the next day, (I swear, Sam and I live there) Sam flops excitedly down on the couch, flipping on the TV. I just roll my eyes and walk over to the kitchen to make her a ham sandwich I know she will inevitably ask for—
"It shouldn't take you as long as it did yesterday to make me my sandwich."
See? So I slap some ham onto two pieces of bread, squirt some mayonnaise, mustard, pickles, ketchup, honey (don't ask), hot sauce, relish, and my personal favorite, steak sauce. Yes, she likes condiments. Yes, the sandwich is five inches tall. YES, there's thirty slices of ham among those condiments…yes, you can stop asking questions now.
I hand the sandwich on a paper towel to Sam. She grabs it, a mix of ketchup and mustard squirting everywhere. Carly groans as she set her purse down. She just walked in. You see, that's how it is every day. Sam runs up the stairs to get here so I could make her a sandwich, and I race up…well, because I value my life. So we arrive about two minutes before Carly.
"Sam? You just got mustard all over our couch." Carly grimaced at the large orange-ish blot. Sam just shrugged and kept watching whatever she was watching—oh, it was a documentary on how to beat up dorks faster. What? How is that a television show? Sigh. Apparently they have Sam's view. And they probably have about every other bully's view also. So I guess it can still run on television.
Anyways, I grab a fistful of candy from Carly's pantry and walk back over to the girls.
"Twisted Knot?" I offer to Sam, holding up a red licorice type thing. She gladly accepts with greedy eyes, stuffing three into her sandwich.
"I'll have a bologna and cheese sandwich. Triple decker." I glance over at Carly. "Seriously, Carls?" I ask in complete wonder. "That's…a big sandwich."
"I know. I'm ready to handle it." She sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly, giving me a mock look of courage.
"Okay," I said slowly, playing along in the game. "If you're really ready…"
I stand up slowly, playing the part well. Grabbing the Oscar Meyer package from the fridge and Kraft "cheese food" from the top shelf, I start to professionally make the sandwich.
I start with some sourdough bread. Slap on two pieces of cheese food. Slap on a piece of bologna. Another slice of bread. Repeat. Another slice of bread...
Voilá.
A masterpiece.
Cue choirs of angels.
Humming some random classical tune and spinning around, I deliver the sandwich delicately to Carly.
"Thank you," she says weakly, fear on her face. She slowly picks up the sandwich...sticks it in her mouth (OH MY GOD IT FITS)...and bites down.
"OH MY GOD IT FITS!" Sam shouts, completely stunned. "Congrats, Carly, you officially have a big mouth!"
Carly stopped and turned to glare at Sam, who then realized her mistake.
"Oh...I'm...sorry Carls!" she laughed nervously and turned back to her...napkin.
"OH MY GOD IT'S GONE!" I shout in complete amazement. "THE SANDWICH—IT'S GONE!"
"No chiz dude it's called eating. Now you wouldn't happen to have another one of those bologna sandwiches, would you?"
"N—" I start to say. Her glare stops me. "Of course I do, Sam," I sigh, getting up.
This repeats. Every day. I get ordered around by a blond. I get beaten up by a blond. I get harassed by a blond. And now, to top it all off, I am now getting ordered around by a BRUNETTE.
Can my life get any worse?
"Oh yeah, and Benson? I don't like that disgusting rim around the bologna edges. Peel it all off. Every smidge."
Nevermind.
"Hey Freddie!" Carly says, walking into the studio.
"Hey..." I say slowly, staring in awe at my laptop.
"What's up?"
"iCarly comments."
"Really? How many did we get on the compatibility blog?"
"Try...seven hundred and twenty-two thousand."
Her shock stops her in her steps. "Wha-wha...WHAT?!" she finally gets out. "WHAT?!"
"Seven hundred and twenty-two thousand."
"Oh. My...GOD!!" She starts dancing around crazily and grabs me and pulls me into a hug. "Oh my God! We did it!" Then she pulls me closer, and my lips crash against hers. No need to cue choirs of angels, heck, they're already singing! I feel like singing! Carly pulls away as quickly as she descended on me. Her cheeks go immeasurably red and she looks down.
"Umm...sorry."
"N-no need-d..." I stutter.
"Can we just pretend that didn't happen? I just got caught up in the moment. I had to kiss someone. You were right there. So I did."
Talk about heartbreaker. I literally felt I was going to melt into the floor right then and there.
"So...uh...what do you mean, we did it?"
"Well," she said slowly, trying to get back her train of thought. "We finally got super popular."
"But we already were super popular."
"I know. But like...seven hundred and twenty-two THOUSAND comments! What do they all say?"
"Oh yeah...that why I felt like I was going to die in a small hole a few minutes ago." I gestured to the computer screen. "Every," I jabbed the screen, "single," again, "frickin'," again, "comment," once again, "is," nah, I just paused for effect here. "ABOUT FRICKIN' SAM AND ME! SAM AND I! SEDDIE OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT'S CALLED! EVERY COMMENT SAYS THE THING AND I SHOULD GET TOGETHER—wow I'm strangely reminded of the Fantastic Four, not that the iCarly viewers would pair me up with him, haha—BUT ANY-FREAKING-WAY WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS?! I HAVEN'T EVEN GONE ON A DATE WITH ANYONE YET AND YET EVERY SINGLE COMMENT IS ABOUT SAM AND ME!—Actually there are two comments about you and I, one saying "Creddiers shall prevail!" and "I heart Creddie LOL in your FACE SEDDYERS!"—but still, I'm freaking out Carly, I'm freakin' out!"
Carly was silent for a moment, then spoke very quietly, "But you and Sam do make a cute couple."
"Oh GOD Carly! You just kissed me and it's now all, 'aw you and Sam would make a cute couple you guys should totally get together'!"
Carly rolled her eyes at my valley-girl voice.
"You kissed the dipthong?"
I turned around quickly to see Sam. Her face was full of confusion, stun, and...anger? Why would she be angry at me? Whatever.
"How long have you been standing here, Sam?" Carly asked, shocked by Sam appearing.
"Oh, I dunno, 'bout two minutes. 'Nuff to hear Freddison scream about all that Seddie crap on the computer." She shrugged and walked over. "Y'know, dweeb, there's a "Delete Comment" button."
"Oh yeah. And I'm supposed to press that seven hundred and twenty-two thousand times? And wait for the page to refresh EACH TIME?"
"Yeah. If you really wanna get rid of all the Seddie comments."
"God, sometimes you really annoy me."
"Yeah, like my life is all peaches and cream with your presence everywhere."
I rolled my eyes and turned to the computer as the girls walked away. My mouse icon was a shimmering arrow, flashing blue and red stipes. They molded into purple then fanned out, become the stripes again. It annoyed Carly whenever she used the computer, but I liked it, and so did Sam (not that I value her opinion), so I kept it.
I moved the cursor over to the first comment. "i love seddie!!! Creddie is cruddie!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEDDIE WILL WIN BUT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO SAM THEN THE MONKEY CAN HAVE FREDDIE!!!!!!!"
I shuddered and quickly pressed delete.
Awesome. Only seven hundred and twenty-one thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine comments left to go.
As the page refreshed, I quickly computed the math in my head. If the page refreshed at a rate of about one second, and it took me approximately ten seconds for the page to fully load and click delete on the next comment...
Woo. It'll only take me about 2,206 hours to delete all of these comments. Only 36.7 days.
A month of my life will be WASTED deleting these comments. I just shook my head slowly, closed the laptop, and followed the girls downstairs.
A/N: Don't frickin' worry peoples! I said it was Seddie, it will BE Seddie! :D
Lol, and I can't, for the life of me, do that multiplication and division in my head without a calculator. In fact, I pulled up my real computer calculator and did the math. So those are the REAL answers. It WOULD take in 36.7 days to FULLY delete 721,999 comments at a rate of 11 seconds to delete each comment. XD
Love you all, ciao,
Adnama19