Hi guys and let me say, I am SO SORRY for the lack of updates- but if it makes you feel any better, it wasn't my fault. My laptop got some sort of problem that wouldn't let it connect to the internet, and I was stuck with no way to post anything! (if you're wondering, I had to use a blank cd to get this file from my laptop to the pc I'm on currently.) Thank you so much for all of your reviews and... yeah. This chapter is nice and long. And out of character, as I have stated in the summary. So, yeah. Stop reading this already! You're making me twitchy! Ha-ha.

Cuddy never expected the lessons to be a discreet kind of thing, hell, she knew House keeping a secret was virtually impossible, especially if it involved her in a bathing suit. He would tell Wilson. In fact..

"Dr. Cuddy? Are you busy?"

She smiled to herself wryly. Speak of the devil..

"I'm always busy, Wilson. But come in if you must." He stepped inside, closing the door behind him. He had a file, but it was only a pretense, she was sure. Wilson held it up slightly, then dropped it to his side. "Do I even need to beat around the bush?"

"I'm kind of short on the time, so just skip to the psychoanalyzing."

He nodded. "So, you went shopping with House yesterday?"

"Yes."

"…And how did it go?"

She paused. If she didn't mention it, House would, and then Wilson would be all over her ass for keeping it under wraps. Might as well..

"He defended my ass against some bitchy employee and then turned around and stole my clothes while I was changing and forced me to try on some skimpy bikini."

Wilson blinked.

"Did you?"

"Had to."

He scoffed. "Or what, he would have just left you there? You know very well you didn't have to!"

Cuddy sighed.

"Say what you want, Wilson, but I wouldn't put it past him."

"He wouldn't have."

"Are we done?"

Wilson lifted his arms and dropped them, in a shrug. He turned to leave, but wheeled around again, biting his lip.

"Look- Cuddy, don't you think it was a little weird how fast House took up your offer?"

"He's a pig. If I went he would."

"True, I suppose, but don't you think he was a little eager about it?"

"Should I be offended?"

"The old House would have never accepted to take those lessons."

"Yes Wilson. The old House. Pre-Mayfield."

He shook his head. Wilson paused. Should he tell her? Of course he should, but in how much shit would he be if he did? Was it really worth-

"He wants to have a relationship with you! Remember when he shouted that he slept with you over the balcony all those months ago? He did it because I told him to! Because I told him he could be the man with the answers or the man with you and he chose you, Cuddy! He chose you and I told him he needed to do something big and-and that he had been throwing sissy punches because he was wary about all of this but he chose you!"

The words slipped from his mouth so fast that Cuddy could barely string them together. They hit her like a ton of bricks, but she made very well sure not to so much as flinch.

"You do realize he was completely delusional?"

Wilson made an aggregated sputtering noise. "That has nothing to do with this! I'm not saying he wasn't delusional, but he wasn't not himself! He was breaking apart, cracking at the core-" he shook his head at what he was saying, his eyes urgent for the woman to grasp the concept he was so mind-blown about, even after all this time. "He was probably closer to his feelings than he had ever been during all that."

There was a long pause. Cuddy looked away, clearing her throat and adjusting the paperwork on her desk.

"I have Rachel, Wilson. I can't-"

"Can't what? Can't have them both? What is this to you? A game show? House behind curtain one and Rachel behind curtain two? Of course you can have them both! More importantly, you can be happy with both! You're just trying to rationalize staying away from him because you have a kid to take care of."

Cuddy squared her jaw and gave him a steely glare. "This is House we're talking about, Wilson. The people who get close to him get hurt."

Wilson opened his mouth in protest, but Cuddy turned to her work and waved her hand angrily.

"Dr. Wilson, You have a job to do."

Wilson frowned deeply and turned on his heel, closing the door with a slight snap after him.

Cuddy leaned back in her chair and rubbed her temples, deeply troubled. Her mind sifted through the information just presented to her like a starved dog through a garbage can. Nothing's ever simple with these people! She thought sourly, then snorted to herself. The best solution to her problems was probably passing House a note that said "Do you like me- Yes or No?" Like she and her friends had done so many times in junior high.

----

"Dr. Wilson!" He halted at the voice, and turned. Cameron swept her blonde hair from her eyes, and held out a file. "Can I have a consult?"

He smiled and nodded. "Of course." The two made their way to his office, and she hovered at his desk as he sat down.

"Fifty year old woman, Three centimeter mass above the left lung. Has a family history of diabetes, but she's a health nut. She was running marathons just two months ago."

It was a tumor, cancerous, as she had suspected. Ten minutes after entering his office, Cameron snapped the file shut and faltered slightly when Wilson spoke up,

"You could have asked House, you know. It would have taken him half the time to figure it out." He laughed shortly, and Cameron studied her shoes. "He-um, wasn't in his office."

"Are you sure?"

Cameron sat down in one of his chairs, looking very troubled. "Wilson, I thought that marrying Chase would have stopped every doubt he had about my feelings-but he's still convinced I love him! We got into a fight about it this morning when I brought up the kid House saved last week and he pointed out that he helped with the surgery too, and…" She heaved a sigh, and dropped her head into her hands.

Wilson pursed his lips.

"Well, do you love House?"

"No!" She snapped, a little too quickly. Cameron dipped her head back down and fiddled with her ring, flushing.

The man leaned back in his chair, and paused. "I don't think Chase has much to worry about."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…" Wilson leaned forward, no longer able to resist sharing the juicy news. "Cuddy convinced him to take therapy… with her. I think the two are finally coming towards a breakthrough."

Cameron's eyes flashed with a certain emotion Wilson was a afraid to spot. She blinked, and drew in a breath. "Breakthrough?"

"I told her that he wanted a relationship with her."

A pause.

"…He does?"

"You have eyes, don't you?"

She stammered. "Ye-yes, but, I thought it was just a physical kind of thing with them! I didn't know it was.. Serious."

Wilson made a protesting noise, "It-It's not exactly serious yet, but I've got a hunch the two won't be able to resist each other for much longer." He gave a sly smile. "After all, I've got my bow-and-arrow set."

"Good luck to you, then, Cupid."

She stood and left, and Wilson frowned slightly as the door closed.

Cameron gave a long and hard sigh, leaning against the back of her fellow employee's door. If he was cupid, she wondered if she could return the certain arrow lodged in her ass labeled "House." It was getting to be a real nuisance.

----

It was not long after Dr. Cameron returned to the ER until she was approached by one of her favorite coworkers. She was currently swabbing a rather nasty laceration on a hyperventilating boy, whimpering a little too high-pitched for someone his age. Nurse Leslie rounded the gurney, a bottle of alcohol and a big bag of cotton swabs. She set to work seamlessly, glancing up to her friend, who was clearly troubled.

"Hey," She said, in-between the young teen's high pitched squeals of agony, "You look a little down. Nothing some gossip can't fix, though!" She offered a smile, her pale green eyes sparkling. "Did you hear about Nurse Brenda's new boyfriend?"

"No, what?" Cameron enjoyed listening to the petty rumors. They gave her something to think of. Learning about how Brenda met the man because of his infected scrotum (idiot pierced it with a nail gun, apparently) was so much better than focusing on the apparently inevitable hookup of her boss and ex-boss.

"But enough on my catch! What've you got for me?" The two of them were now helping a car-crash victim, who was unconscious and bleeding profusely from his arm.

"Oh, nothing, other than the fact that House and Cuddy are going to hook up over therapy."

Cameron's eyes snapped open. She didn't just say that. Leslie's mouth popped open and split into a devious grin. "No way."

Cameron looked down and focused on cleaning the cuts on the man's body. She gave an inaudible sigh before saying, "Way."

"Straight from the horses mouth?"

"Wilson's. Which is about as close to the horse as possible."

Leslie huffed. "It's about time!"

Cameron bit her tongue as her friend rattled on. "I mean, it's been getting a little old watching him check her out every time she turns her back, and vice versa. The two need to stop wasting time, you know? Things change fast! I still can't believe she fired him after he yelled off the balcony. I mean, she should have expected it, right? I'm glad it's not going to be just a one-night-stand for them."

Several agonizing minutes of babble about House and Cuddy's blatant attraction to each other later, Leslie bustled off after another one of her gossip-buddies, going to no-doubt spread the news. Cameron was too pissed off (mainly at herself) to care about what she started.

----

House liked to think of himself as an unapproachable person to the rest of the world, save a few people. And by a few people, he really meant a few people, and not this thirty-something nurse-woman who was currently talking to him.

"You dog!" She said slyly, grinning so wide he was surprised she wasn't half-snake, or some other animal that can unhinge it's jaw in a god-awfully impossible way. "Congrats on the baby!" She said, before starting to walk off.

House did a double take, wheeling around. "What baby?"

The nurse turned around again, standing at the end of the hallway. "Didn't think word would get out that fast, eh? Everyone knows you knocked up Cuddy. And that you two and her baby are moving to Guatemala next spring."

House made such a face that would have made a schizophrenic feel logical as the nurse stepped into the elevator and disappeared. He made his way to Cuddy's office, face suddenly breaking into a deeply amused smirk. He was going to have lots of fun with this.

----

"OH LOVE MUFFIN!" House bellowed as he tossed open his boss's office door, grinning devilishly at her flustered expression as she jumped in her seat and quickly clicked out of whatever website she was on. He made his way to her couch and settled in, resting his head under his hands. "You on that Jewish dating site again? Or that Porn site I added to your favorites last week?"

Cuddy frowned. "No, I was working on a new website. It's called 'I-Hate-Greg-House'. You won't believe how many hits it has already."

"Ah. Touché."

A slightly too comfortable silence fell between the two, and Cuddy cleared her throat. House glanced at her and pursed his lips. "So, what are we going to name the baby? I'm thinking Luke for a boy and Laura for a girl." Her eyes widened.

"I'll bite. What the hell are you talking about?"

"The lovechild I've allegedly implanted inside you. That, and we're moving to Guatemala next summer or something." He lifted his eyebrows and gave her an open look. Cuddy screwed her face up.

"Uh…huh?"

"Yes, I know. Either we've both somehow unknowing transported ourselves into the near future or there has been some serious pass-it-ons flying around. I for one think that the latter's a little boring…"

Cuddy shook her head.

"That's lovely, House. But I've heard worse rumors about us. Now if you don't mind…" She gestured to her door and he stayed put.

"Worse rumors as in whatever was being whispered around after I announced my having sex with you, I'm guessing?" His guess was confirmed when she turned from his gaze at the statement, her expression darkening. Another not-so-comfortable silence fell on the two, and this time House broke it.

"…I'm…"

"Don't apologize.."

"I'm sorry, did you just tell me not to apologize?"

"Don't waste your crocodile tears on me, House." Cuddy looked down and shook her head, then added, "It wasn't your fault. You.. You thought it was real."

"Huh." House laughed curtly. "You just effectively told me not to apologize, insulted me, then accepted my apology in just a few sentences. I'm impressed."

Cuddy looked up from her desk and flashed him a real smile, something he rarely saw. It caught him off guard, and he felt something tinge in his stomach. Butterflies? He nearly fell off the couch. Lisa Cuddy making him- Him! Gregory House!- get butterflies? Oh, Hell naw. Then again, it had been terribly lonely without her to bother in Mayfield…

"House? You look a little out of it." Cuddy raised her eyebrows, bemused at the man on her couch, who was just glancing down and looking rather befuddled and- dare she say it? Flushed? She gave him a sly look that was a cross between "I know what you're thinking" and "You are so busted!"

He shook his head and lifted himself off the couch. "Just… thinking about all the hookers I missed out on the past couple of months. I really need to catch up with them."

Cuddy looked back down at her desk, frowning slightly and sucked in a breath. "Lessons start Tuesday next week. Be at my place by 6:30."

He nodded, his mouth tilting downwards at the mention of the lessons, then paused. "So, uh, do you want to murder Wilson or can I?"

"You beat him down with the hardwood and I'll go in for the kill." She replied dryly, flipping open a packet of some sort and scrawling her signature at the bottom.

"Then we could clamp his lips together and carve into his back something about spreading lies."

"Okay, that's not the least bit disturbing."

He grinned to himself, and left.

----

"House." Damn. He hadn't even made it twenty feet out of Cuddy's office.

"Shoo fly, don't bother me. I've already filled my quota of meaningful conversations today." Cameron didn't budge from her position in front of him.

"I'll make it short and sweet. Why are you taking those lessons with Cuddy?"

"Why do you want to know?" He started to make his way around her, but cripples aren't exactly known for their made getaway skills.

"No deflecting. Short and sweet, remember?"

The elevator doors opened and House inwardly groaned at the fact it was completely empty. House entered it and Cameron followed, eyes determined. The doors slid shut and House let out a sigh. He looked at her earnestly and said, with all the feeling he could muster,

"Because Mayfield made me a changed man, and I've finally come to terms with my feelings. I'm deeply in love with Cuddy and I'm taking the classes because of my burning desire to spend time with her." Her eyes flashed. He stared at her.

"What? Don't think it's possible? It did sound a little cheesy. Or not cheesy enough. I should have thrown in a spout of almost breaking into tears…"

"House."

He looked at her again, easily reading the burning desire in her eyes to know.

"Hey now. Why so caught up with my social life, anyway? I think you have better things to do, Dr. Chase."

She didn't miss a beat.

"Because it doesn't seem like you at all. It's an anomaly. Anomalies bug me."

He grinned despite himself. "And here I thought it was Foreman who didn't want to become me." The doors slid open and he was off, leaving Cameron to stare after him sullenly.

----

House threw the door to his lab open, and his two fellows and Foreman looked up. He raised his eyebrows and tapped his cane on the floor. "Before any of you say anything, No, I'm not taking any sort of class, Cuddy isn't pregnant, and I hate Guatemala. Now that you're up to date, please go spread the truth while I beat the shit out of a certain oncologist." He had just turned to leave when Taub spoke up.

"I think Cuddy beat you to it."

----

A few minutes later, House had the side of his face flattened against Wilson's office door. Foreman and Taub stared disapprovingly, while Thirteen gave a 'to hell with it' kind of shrug and joined her boss against the door.

The two strained their ears, and Cuddy's angry voice came muffled through the wood.

"What the hell!"

Then Wilson's loud, defensive tone, "I thought telling her would ease her mind!"

"Yeah, well, easing her mind put the whole hospital on a high! Cameron's gums couldn't have flapped more if she were in a wind tunnel!"

Thirteen snickered, and House fought back a grin.

"I think you're overreacting, Cuddy."

The conversation dropped it's volume, and the two doctors straightened up reluctantly. Foreman cleared his throat.

"What was that all about?"

House opened his mouth to quip something offensive back, but Thirteen beat him to the quick:

"Oh, nothing much. Just something about how Wilson didn't want to wear the french maid's outfit Cuddy got for him to babysit in."

Foreman fought the upturn his mouth was trying to take, and Taub coughed to hide a chortle. House lifted his eyebrows, with a distinguished smirk on his face. As his team turned to look at him, he shrugged.

"I would have worn it."

I had some trouble thinking of how to end this chapter... I hope you at least got a kick out of it. Chapter five will probably be the lessons. Probably. Please review! Review and give me ideas. What kind of annoying shit should House pull on Cuddy, humm? I'm pretty open to ideas, and I'll reply if it catches my eye.