Apprentice

For others, general Kenobi always seems an endless source of peace, serene energy and, occasionally, dry humour. An excellent negotiator, a skilled fighter, a good Master to his apprentice – general Kenobi is maybe one of the few who managed to become almost perfect Jedi Knights. Everyone can see that, because it is all on the surface.

Under the surface, deep inside, a part of Obi-Wan is still that young man who lost his Master on Naboo. Feeling he is not ready, that he still has much to learn, that he needs more experience, fearing that the task before him is too heavy and his shoulders would not be able to carry such a burden.

Deep inside, Obi-Wan is always hesitating, uncertain, thinking every move and word over and over, hoping to find confidence but succeeding in finding only more doubts. Every moment, every difficult decision, he catches himself wondering what Master Qui-Gon would do in his place, or what could Yoda's advice be, sometimes he even considers how Master Dooku would have handled it was he still a Jedi. Always trying to do what someone better and wiser than him would do, someone more experienced. Always hesitating, and never quite certain he is doing the right thing, never sure he is choosing as he should, as would be for the best.

He did not feel ready then, only an apprentice, from whom the Master was taken too early, and behind his serene facade he is that apprentice still, yearning for guidance and having to guess and discover it on his own. Because on the way they have forgotten, first amid duties and grief, then with the simple flow of time, because on the way someone has forgotten to tell him he could do it well enough himself.