Not sure where this one came from. Only that it demanded to be written. Enjoy...or try to, anyway.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

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Kate Beckett frowned as she snapped her phone shut. Rick Castles phone was off. In the months they had worked together, she couldn't remember it ever being off. Sighing, she figured that he had probably holed himself up in his study to write without distractions. Nevertheless, she flipped through her phones address book until she found the penthouse land line. It was Martha who answered on the other end.

"Detective! How are you?"

"Good. Listen, I was trying to get a hold of Richard. His cells off, so I guess he's writing or something, but I wanted to see if he was interested in a new case." She began as she jogged down the stairs of the precinct to her vehicle. When Martha didn't answer her immediately, she thought that the woman had gone to check with her son.

"Actually, Detective...Rick wont be available for the next couple days." Kate slowed. Martha's voice was hesitant.

"Martha? Is everything alright?" Kate's brow furrowed at Martha's tone.

"Oh. Yes. Everything's fine. Ricky will be alright in a couple of days." Martha tried to brush it off, but Kate's eyes widened. A couple of days?

"Are you sure? Whats wrong?" From her side of the conversation, Kate could hear Martha sigh, and maybe she was hearing things, but it almost sounded sad. Her voice was softer when she spoke again, but holding a light firmness that bode no argument.

"I do appreciate your concern, Detective Beckett, but it really is nothing to worry about. Ill have him call you in a day or two. Good luck on your case."

Kate stood there for a moment after the line went dead. That was by far the strangest conversation she'd had with anyone in the Castle family, and the most worrisome.

Unfortunately she didn't have time to dwell on it, and Esposito's shouted call brought her back to the present. The DID have a job to do after all.

It was several hours later, late in the afternoon when Castle entered her mind again. There wasn't anything too strange about this case, and though it wasn't open-and-shut, it was still fairly simple and the suspects were narrowed down to two. Ryan was going over evidence back at the precinct while Kate and Esposito had gone to interview a couple of people at the church where the victim and one of the suspects attended. They were leaving through the side entrance when Esposito stopped and focused on something on the other side of the courtyard

"Isn't that Castle?" he asked, squinting in the late sunlight. Kate turned and looked where he was staring and sure enough, Richard Castle was sitting on a bench in the small cemetery across the property, elbows resting on his knees, shoulders slumped. Kate just stared at him and after a thought, turned to Esposito.

"Ill catch a cab back to the precinct. Alright?" Esposito looked at her for a second, and nodded, coming around to the drivers side of the unmarked as Kate crossed the courtyard over to where Castle sat.

Though she didn't want to startle him, the leaves from late fall still crunched softly under her feet. As she got closer, she saw the stone that had taken all of Castles attention.

Jeremy Adam Castle

October 23 1997 – October 26 1997

Beloved Son and Brother

Kate's breath caught in her throat. 'Beloved Son'. Castles son? He had never said anything...

"He would have been 12 today."

Castles voice startled her. He had never reacted to her approach, and he was still facing the stone so she figured he didn't know she was there. Kate shifted on her feet awkwardly, she really shouldn't have interrupted such a private moment.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have intruded. Ill go now." She took a step backwards, and had turned around when he spoke again.

"Its alright." Rick had turned on the bench and was now looking at her. "How'd you know I was here, anyway? My mother tell you?" There was no ire or annoyance in his voice that he was perhaps given away, just curiosity. Kate turned back to him.

"No, actually. When I called the house looking for you, she wouldn't tell me anything. Only that you wouldn't be available for a couple days and that she'd have you call me then." She couldn't tell if Castle was surprised or not. "Esposito and I were actually here on business. Both the victim and one of the suspects on our current case are members here. He saw you first on the way out." She shrugged as she took a couple steps forward.

The stone bench was barely big enough for one person, but Castle slid sideways, gesturing Kate to join him. She hesitated for a few seconds but took a seat beside him. The silence was thick between them. Kate still not shaking the feeling that she should have kept her distance.

"Jeremy was supposed to be a Christmas baby." He began quietly. "Obviously that didn't happen. We were never sure why Meridith went into labor prematurely. Up to that point, there were no complications. And then one day, she went into labor and within a couple hours, he was here." Richards voice caught in his throat, painful memories assailing him as he tried to retell what little existed of his sons life. Kate tried to keep her own sadness at bay as she reached to him, hand rubbing slow circles on his back.

"Its okay. You don't have to talk about it." Her words are soft, but he shakes his head.

"A lot preemies do alright, eventually. But Jeremy still needed....hell, I think even another week or two, and he would have survived." Kate bit softly on her bottom lip, wishing she had words to tell him. But how could she?

She felt him shift, and glanced down as he reached into the inner pocket of his coat and pulled out a worn picture and handed it to her.

He sat in a chair in the middle of the hospital. Though decked out head to toe in scrubs, cap, booties and the whole nine yards, she could still tell it was him. The child in his hands was so small...fitting easily into his palm with room to spare as he held him to his chest. Kate didn't realize she was crying until a tear dropped onto her hand. Not wanting to damage the picture, she handed it back to him and wiped her eyes.

"He should have been in the incubator, but we all knew, deep down, that it was prolonging the inevitable. So he spent most of that time with me and Mer. That picture was taken the evening before he died.

"The months after are a blur. Our marriage was never that strong in the first place, and it completely shattered after this. Meridith bolted, headed out west to deal, leaving me and Alexis...well, thats not accurate. I may have been physically there, but I think I was as useless to Lexi as Mer was. Mother had moved herself in as soon as she heard that Mer had gone into labor. She more or less was Alexis' sole provider for awhile after that. I couldn't.." his voice broke again. He took a breath as Kate's hand slid from his back and intertwined in his. He gripped it tightly as he tried to find the words to finish.

"I was just so...lost. You'd have to ask Mother about what, exactly I did during that time. It wasn't a lot though. I remember pacing through the apartment we had back then...spent a lot of time in the nursery. I couldn't process...couldn't believe he was gone."

Kate let her tears fall freely, gripping the hand that held hers just as tightly.

"Wh...when did you come back?" Castle ducked his head, looking away from Kate as if embarrassed.

"Month and a half...couple months later. I had heard Alexis cry out from another room. I think she had gotten a new toy and was experimenting with it and something went wrong. Anyway, I heard her and it all just snapped painfully back. Jeremy may have been gone, but I still had a daughter to look after, who I had barely laid eyes on since it happened. I think I startled Mother quite badly when I ran past her to Alexis. After I had calmed her down, Mom just looked at me with this..sad smile and said 'welcome back' and returned from wherever she had been before. I don't think I let her out of my sight for a good while after that."

They both sat there silently for a few moments, Rick remembering as Kate digested all he had said. Her voice was as soft as his was when she spoke again.

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "I wish there was something I could say...something I could do." Her voice trailed off as she felt his hand tighten around her own.

"This is enough. This is...I feel...I don't think Ive ever really talked about it. Not like this. I didn't..don't do well with shrinks. This was good." His words were sincere. Kate glanced at him and smiled softly, leaning her head on his shoulder. While she surprised herself by doing that, she was even more surprised when Rick leaned into her. She glanced up at him, but he was lost in his thoughts. She followed his eyes back to Jeremy's headstone and let her own thoughts wander. The moments that had passed had opened up a lot to her. There was much to think about, to consider. So there they sat, peacefully, silently comfortable with each others company, both reflecting on a past and 'what ifs' as thoughts of the future took there own place as if they'd been there all along.