Just another angst piece on the finale. I know there's hundreds out there, but I want my two cents, dammit. :)
Disclaimer: The writers wouldn't let me sit at their table...said my mind was too Booth/Brennan/bed oriented...like that's a problem, right?
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Understanding
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She writes while she waits.
She knows what she is writing will never be published. She will never let it. It's just to fill in the time before Booth wakes up. She writes of love and psychology. Things she could never get a grasp of, but now, because of the sleeping man, things that couldn't be clearer.
He had shown her a whole new world outside of her own. He had shown her that science wasn't the only way to live; that living by your emotions was essential as well. Things that can't be measured in a beaker could often be the substance of life.
She had been hiding until Seeley Booth had shown her what she had been missing.
People had come and gone, visiting her partner. She was oddly upset by the fact that she was the only one who stayed the entire time. Was this really as insignificant as everybody else was making out? Why was she the only one who stuck it out on the hard plastic seat?
She remembered Booth telling her that if he was to die, she had to visit his grave; talk to him. She remembered thinking it was silly; that he would be gone from her, so why prolong the pain? But the she remembered the penny dropping and her understanding of what he was asking her.
To be part of him, forever.
To be the one person who got to participate in the intimate tradition of talking to your loved one after they have gone.
It had rocked her to realise the connection between the word 'Booth' and 'loved one', but she had carried on as though she hadn't had the realisation.
She loved Booth.
It all seemed so insignificant now. Everything and nothing mattered all at once.
They were the centre.
They were meant to hold.
She trusted him to come back to her on that one base fact. They must hold. Their team, their lives, all of it; depending on them. She couldn't do it alone. She couldn't do it without him. She cries. Succumbing to one of the many moments of weakness she'd had over the past few hours...days? She can't remember. It doesn't matter.
Booth matters.
Angela brings with her tissues and coffee. She sits and holds Brennan's hand, she tries to talk her into having a shower; going home for just a little while. Even using the hospital showers. Angela receives blank stares and half hearted shakes of the head for her effort. Her focus is on Booth and Booth alone. Angela recognises the look in her eyes, it scares her.
Jared had been past a few times. As had Rebecca and Parker.
His family, Brennan thinks. And she wonders where she fits.
Hodgins, Cam, Sweets; they all visit too. One or two FBI Agents as well.
Four days pass and she is still the only one who stays all day and all night. She wonders, as everyone tries to convince her to go home, why no one remembers what happened last time.
She remembers.
The memory will forever be imprinted on her mind.
It's that memory alone that spurs her on. It's the memory that makes her sit and write and watch over her loved one.
She knows what she writes won't be published, she won't let it. She writes however, to be with him.
She will not leave him alone; he disappears when he is left alone. She looks at the time stamp on her computer; a year ago today he left her, she hoped it wasn't going to become a tradition. It had taken her half that year to come to the realisation of why it had impacted on her so much. She looks up at Booth. She didn't need another half a year.
She had already made the most important discovery of her life; she didn't need any more time.
And so she waits.
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Reviews are nice. I like to think that we all need to support each other in our time of need (yes, cliff hangers definitely warrant a time of need.)
Em
xx