Chapter 3—Shore Leave

Montgomery Scott could not figure out why his dear friend McCoy refused to be part of the farewell party for Ambassador Leila and her family when they docked on Apha Centuri. He stayed in sick bay, grumbling and being surly to his medical staff.

The nanosecond the ambassador stepped off the ship, Scotty was in the sickbay, pulled Bones out of his office and on to the shuttle destined for the Apha Centuri moon, Andaria. Come hail or high water, Captain's orders, the good doctor was getting laid.

Andaria was the "Las Vegas" of Apha Centuri system. It was built by developers for the sole purpose of entertaining the unfortunate workers who were stuck in the remote mining camps. There was gambling, drinking, and prostitution everywhere. When the mining operation went bust, there was concern that Andaria would return to a dusty, vapid moon. That's when one ambitious entrepreneur decided Andaria should become a pleasure/vacation planet, never mind that Andaria wasn't a planet and he bought up the bars, gambling halls, whore houses and amusement park rides and developed them into the paradise it was now. Andaria had something for everyone, including families and was the perfect holiday spot.

Mr. Scott, who never said no to alcohol or a beautiful woman, was very familiar with all Andaria had to offer. He knew all the best places to forget one's troubles and a couple of Andarian women who were very good at making one feel really good. Naturally Scotty didn't trust the clubs on the main strip; he had to find the seediest dives.

Scotty had spent a lot of time traveling around the universe and he knew just about the location of the best of the worst bars. Andaria had both. He was looking for a particular establishment that would have been difficult to locate on the best of days. The adventure took him and Dr. McCoy down one alley and up another one until he spotted the place he was looking for: The Andarian Casbah.

They were the only Terrans in the bar and were eyed suspiciously by the ten or twelve Andarians and others McCoy couldn't identify. Scott dragged his friend to the bar and ordered a bottle of their finest whiskey. McCoy hadn't said anything as they were making their way into the bowels of the Andarian sub-culture but he was starting to get nervous with all eyes on him and Scott.

The liquid inside the bottle was glowing amber—more red than yellow. The contents swirled as if by magic. Scotty had no hesitation about pouring and then downing a jigger. He licked his lips appreciatively and poured himself another. Downing another shot, he poured himself one more and filled McCoy's glass.

"Might take a bit ta get used to," he said happily, slapping his friend on his back, "but 'tis worth it." He held his glass high. "To th' Enterprise, the finest ship in th' fleet."

"Here, here," said McCoy holding his glass in a toast. He was stalling just a bit on his first drink. Although he was a hard drinker, and in his younger days, had what one might call a small drinking problem, he still enjoyed the occasional adult beverage. After his last experience with Venusian ambassador, Bones, however, was reluctant to drink anything that wasn't distilled in Tennessee or Kentucky. But, he took a deep breath and down the whiskey. It burned all in the right places and it was smooth as a baby's behind.

He slammed his glass on the bar. "Excellent," he said.

As the evening wore on, the bar began to fill with Andarians. McCoy wasn't sure what the average Andarian was supposed to look like, having never set foot on the moon before, but he imagined they were a better looking lot that the ones who crowded into the bar. Andarians looked human, except for the faint orange tint of their skin and their hair could only be described as yellow dreadlocks. Their features were comparable to the people of Eastern Indian on earth and their build was husky. They weren't the friendliest looking people McCoy had ever encountered, but Scotty didn't seem to have a problem getting along with them. He spoke their language and engaged in typical barroom banter.

Scotty had asked the bartender if he had any females available for "companionship" and was told the females usually came in after the place was full. As Scotty translated for his friend, Bones didn't think the bar could possibly hold any more people. He was standing so close to a sweaty Andarian who kept bumping into him and he had to duck out of the way as the man kept swinging his arms as he told a story that apparently everyone in the bar had heard at least a hundred times. He kept laughing and repeating the punch line over and over until finally the man standing next to him suddenly hit him hard in the face.

The Andarian comically staggered for a second and fell unconscious on the bar. Bones jumped back but Scotty just looked at the man and shook his head. The bar erupted in loud cheers and the one who assaulted the poor Andarian raised his arms in a victory salute. People, including Scotty bought him drinks and two of the unconscious man's friends dragged him out of the bar and left him on the street.

McCoy was appalled, but Scotty told him not to react; it would just draw attention to them. So he stood stiffly, holding on to his drink for dear life.

Suddenly the bar got real quiet. McCoy notice a shift in the atmosphere as if a storm was brewing. Everyone in the bar turned toward a small opening to the right of the bar and in walked twenty of the most beautiful women Bones had ever seen. He looked at Scotty whose eyes were glued to the women. Finally, Scotty elbowed him in the ribs and whispered, "What ever you do, do not say anything."

Bones nodded swiftly. A path was made for the women as they made their way through the crowd of apparently horny Andarians. Soon McCoy started hearing faint chirping sounds; the sounds grew until the sound was deafening. He looked at Scotty who shook his head and put his fingers to his lips very discreetly. The god-awful sound was coming from the men in the room. Scotty looked disinterested and almost bored. He tapped his lips while he was making some sort of whistling noise, making the sound of some alien Morse code and immediately one of the females came over to him. She wedged herself in between him and Bones, but he continued to make the whistling sound until the damned chirping stopped. Then he turned to her, acting surprised that she was standing next to him. Obviously it was some sort of ritual that Bones could not for the life of him figure out.

Scott smiled at the women and she smiled back. Bones stood still looking at them. Now what, he wondered. It didn't take long for his question to be answered. The female threw her arms around Scotty and they began making out like there was no tomorrow. McCoy thought Scott was going to ravish her on the bar. He stood there just watching, not wanting to interrupt, but was getting embarrassed watching them. He turned back to the bar and starting pouring himself more shots of the whiskey. He looked up at the mirror behind the bar and noticed that every one of the women was engaged in similar activity with the lucky guys whom the females picked. Bones was just deciding if he should go back to the ship and leave the lovebirds to themselves when Scotty came up for air.

McCoy pointed toward the door of the bar and said, "I'm going to get going."

"No," said Scotty. "This one's yours; we're just negotiatin' th' price."

"What!?" McCoy yelled incredulously.

"Oh, yeah," Scott calmly. "We bought ya a hooker."

For the first time in a long time, Leonard McCoy was positively speechless. "You, what, why, that's…" he sputtered.

The young woman then turned attention to Bones and stood silently with a bemused expression on her face, waiting for the rant to subside. When he took a breath, the woman closed in on him covering her lips with her own. It was incredible. Her kiss deepened and her tongue parted his lips and after a second he stopped resisting. He pulled her closer to him responded to her. The next thing Bones knew he was being led away, with Scotty waving to him.

While the rest of the evening was something of a blur, he found himself the next morning in his own bunk. There was a large glass of tomato juice on his night stand and two incredibly large headache tablets that Scotty must have left for him. He took the pills gratefully and downed them with the tomato juice. He waited the twenty seconds for the pills to take effect and he quickly showered and dressed and was in his office in sick bay within the hour. His staff suddenly had not gotten any smarter, but he actually smiled at one of the medics who promptly fell over one of the gurneys. Bones didn't say anything, he just smiled.

About an hour later he made his way to the bridge after a call from the Captain. Kirk was sitting in the captain's chair and grinned at his friend when he walked in.

"Bones!" Jim greeted him warmly. "You look more relaxed than I've seen you in a month. I guess the shore leave was just what you needed, eh?"

McCoy looked at him and raised and eyebrow. He smiled, but in his familiar sardonic way. "Worried about me, were you, Captain?" he asked, dripping sarcasm.

"Always, Bones, always. So, how was your shore leave? Anything exciting happen?" Jim looked at Scotty who was trying to suppress a grin.

"Jim," Bone began in his Southern drawl, "you know a gentleman never kisses and tells."