Please be gentle this is my first attempt at writing a fanfic. I've written stories before, but I've never felt the need to write fanfics. Though, I do read a lot of them. DAG left me very unsatisfied and raised more questions than it answered. So I decided to try to answer them in the best Sookie way that I can. Please let me know if you think I should continue. Reviews and PM's are always appreciated.

Oh, and I don't own any of these characters, they are borrowed from the great CH.

As I lay in my bed I find reality suddenly crash down. Many of the things that I hold dear are no longer. My newest found family, my great grandfather Niall, has left this realm. I barely got to know him but the loss I feel for him sends sharp pains into my heart. His final parting words told me not to worry because the vampire loves me. Which one? Was he talking about Eric. Niall went to Eric to meet me, not that he couldn't have done it on his own. But, Niall trusted Eric, to a degree, as any fairy would trust a vampire. Or did he mean Bill. Niall and Bill came to rescue me. He had seen Bill risk his life to save mine. Too much, Sookie, you can't think about this now.

Claudine. I can't even think about her without tears flooding my eyes. I wonder if her final act of sacrifice made her an angel in heaven. That accounted in my book for a few leaps ahead. She even was pregnant with a child. Another family member that I will never get to know. Thinking of Claudine as an angel brought a smile to my face. I can picture her in heaven holding her baby at her side. She was my guardian and protector and one of my best friends. Maybe she still is protecting and watching over me even now from heaven.

Speaking of friends, Arlene. Where do I even begin? I never thought someone that I once called a close friend could delude themselves into murdering those they once hold dear for the sake of a whim. Whatever she did, it was always whole souled. Whether it was good or bad she gave her all. I just pray that God will save her soul and not destroy it for her most recently poor choices.

I listened intently. Silence. The only sound was my slow shallow breaths and an occasional sob. At one time in my life silence was welcomed. Now, it feels like a void that I can't fill. Amelia had been so distraught after the death of Tray that she decided to return to New Orleans. She tried to tell me that it was only for a little while to see the progress of the re-build to her building. But, I knew. As much as she tried hiding her true feelings from me, Amelia is a very clear broadcaster. She couldn't stand to be in my sight. She blamed me for taking away someone that she held so dear to her heart. She thought I had taken away her love. Did I blame her? No. I would feel the same way if I was her. She assured me that she would be back, but she even had a hard time convincing herself of that fact as well.

Bill. My God, I was so wrong about Bill. I know he betrayed me, used me, raped me, and almost killed me, but he really did love me. If I ever doubted that before, I certainly don't now. He willing faced death to save my life. Even with silver running though his body and in such a weakened state, he stood and fought for me. I had a sense of pride, loss, love, affection when I saw him stand. I will never forget. I felt like my heart was ripped from my body when I saw him fall onto the ground. Then, it leaped for joy when I saw him move. In my eyes Bill has redeemed himself as a man of honor and a man worthy of love. But, am I able to return his affection and love to him? I don't know. Yes, I love Bill, but am I in love with him still? I just don't have the answer today. Laughing to myself, I feel like Scarlet O'Hara, I'll think about that tomorrow. I seem to be thinking that a lot lately.

Where was hell Eric? I was being tortured and raped. Surely he would feel my anguish (word of the day) and pain thorough the bond. What did he mean when he said, "Your killing me." I was almost killed. Did he feel guilty for not coming to save me? He said I would understand when it was all explained. Well, it hasn't been explained and I don't understand. I half expected him to drop by tonight, or last night. It is well after midnight, so he probably won't. Did I love Eric? That is the question of the year. I am attracted to Eric, who wouldn't be. But, do I want everything that comes with Eric? Quinn had a point. I never asked Eric to put me first, why did I ask it of Quinn? Was Quinn's baggage any worse than Eric's. If I made a checklist probably not. It wasn't Quinn's fault the Las Vegas vampires came to my door that night. Quinn had tried to send Fannie to warn me. Granted it was too late, but his intensions were on the right track. The Las Vegas Vampires came because Eric showed up on my doorstep. My life was in danger again, because of Eric. He proclaimed me part of his retinue so therefore, I was an "asset" to be bargained for. Very interesting? I have to think on that one later as well. I think I need to hear Eric's explanation to his whereabouts before I make any concrete decisions about him. It's a good thing he can't glamour me, or can he?

Some part of me wished I had died in the fairy war. Then, I could escape all the mental and physical pain I am going through. Stop it Sookie, right now. You are lucky to be alive, when so many others are… I couldn't even finishing the thought to myself, the tears began to roll down my face.

Moving on to the next. Jason. Yes, he had come to my rescue when I needed him the most. But, when Niall came by to bid me farewell, Jason told him that he wanted him to go. After Niall left, Jason kept shaking his head and saying, "Good riddance." I felt like steam was rising from my hair as I tossed him out my door and told him I didn't want to see him again. I explained to him that maybe family wasn't important to him, but it was damn important to me. Jason looked at me shocked and said, "What am I? Am I not your family, too. I'm your brother Sookie."

I replied back, "Well, you sure don't act like it." Then, I slammed the door in his face. It felt good for all of two seconds. Then, I realized that everything around me has changed so fast and so quickly. My head began to spin out of control and I collapsed onto the floor. I had no idea how long I was out, hours, days, but when I awoke it was dark outside. That was two days ago. Amelia found me on the floor and she helped me to the couch. She got me some ice tea and I knew what was coming. She approached me, her bags packed and ready to go by the door, to tell me she was leaving. I crawled into bed at that point and haven't left. The only thing I did was call Sam and told him that I needed a few days off to get healed and to screw my head on straight. Here I have been laying in bed, for two days, reflecting on my life. I suddenly remember than I haven't eaten anything in days. I slowly got out of bed. Stretch, I could feel every pain and ache in my body. I deserve to feel that after what I did. I endangered my friends and family and now, I have nothing. No, Sookie, this isn't your fault. But, even I had a hard time convincing myself of that one. It's Eric's fault. If he never entered your life… I couldn't think about that now. I needed to get something to eat. I slowly, steadied myself with each step, made my way to the kitchen. I never felt like the kitchen was so far away before. The distance felt like I traveled miles. I barely had the strength to open the refrigerator.

The, through the pained silence I heard a noise outside…

TBC Please let me know if I should continue this or not.