A bell sounded as the front door to the local Buy -N- Leave supermarket swung open. In walked Wormtail, his left hand clenched tightly around the hand of the grotesque, toddler-sized form of Lord Voldemort. The Dark Lord was currently sporting a pair of baggy plaid shorts and a t-shirt with a dinosaur depicted on the front; the latest fashion for young tots.

"Wormtail, I wanna ride in the basket," said Voldemort.

"You're getting to be a big lord now, Master," replied Wormtail. "How would you like to walk beside me today?"

"Well, I would very much like to be a big lord…. Alright, fine."

"OK, and if you're good, I'll find a Muggle for you to kill after we're done shopping."

"Yay! I'll be good, I promise!"

Wormtail grabbed a basket and began to push it, Voldemort skipping along beside him. He then reached in his pocket and removed a pen and a piece of paper; he slipped the pen behind his ear and began to study his shopping list. "Let's see…that would be on aisle one…and so would that there…" Voldemort tugged on his sleeve. "What is it, Master?"

Voldemort pointed to a display on his left, smiling hopefully.

Wormtail sighed. "You can have candy later, Master…we've got shopping to do…."

"Candy now!"

"Later…. Come on…."

Voldemort pouted, but followed Wormtail down aisle one. "Shopping is boring," he whined. "Are we done yet?"

"We just got here, Master…."

"Well, I don't like this. I wanna go home."

"Soon enough, Master...."

Voldemort continued to whine as Wormtail, taking his sweet time it seemed, began marking items off his list. He finally realized, as Wormtail compared the size of two watermelons, that he could take no more. So he simply walked away.

"Candy display, here I come!" he said as he raced up and down the aisles. "Now where was it again?"

Minutes passed, and still no candy display. "OK, OK…," panted the Dark Toddler, finally stopping to rest, "I can't lose my cool. I'm sure it's around here somewhere…."

It wasn't.

"Well, crap!" Frantic now, he began to run pointlessly around in circles screaming, "WORMTAIL! WORMTAIL!"

"Aw, what's wrong, little guy?" It was one of the market's employees, a dark-haired man with a friendly face.

"Who – who are you?" said Voldemort miserably, tears streaming down his grotesquely wrinkled face. "Stranger danger!"

"It's OK, little fella, I work here. My name is Greg. What's yours?"

"Vooooooldeeeeeemooooooort…," he replied in one long, pitiful wail.

"That's an…interesting name. Are you lost?"

"What's it to you, you stupid Muggle?"

"I can help you find your Mommy if you'd like."

Voldemort gave a little sniffle. "Wormy…," he squeaked.

"Er…OK, then, I will call your 'Wormy' to the front of the store using the speaker system." He reached out his hand and smiled. "Come along."

"Leave me alone, you pervert!" sobbed Voldemort, sniffling again.

"I've got candy…."

And that was all it took. As soon as the word "candy" was uttered, Voldemort instantly perked up and his crying ceased. "Oooh, you don't say! Lead the way, then, Greg ol' buddy!"

Greg led the way, Voldemort following close behind. When they reached the front of the store, Greg picked up a microphone and turned to the hideous tot beside him.

"Now, what was your mommy's name again?"

"Wormtail," said Voldemort with a creepy smile.

"Er…right." Greg spoke into the microphone. "Will Wormtail please come to the front of the store? Your little boy is waiting for you." His voice echoed throughout the supermarket.

"Dude!" said Voldemort. "That is so cool! Let me try!" He grabbed the mic from Greg's hand and, before Greg could stop him, spoke into it with his most menacing voice, "You have until midnight, Potter. One hour." Giggling, he returned the microphone. "Wow, I just made that up on the spot! Pretty scary, right? That was freaking awesome, Greg! I have got to learn a spell for that…. Who knows, it may come in handy some day…."

Greg sighed. "Here's your candy, then…. Just sit down and eat it quietly, OK?"

"Right-o, Greg-ster!"

Less than two minutes later, Wormtail came dashing past the checkout counters. "Oh, Master, I was so worried! Are you all right?"

"Clearly! I've got a lolly!" He held up the half-eaten lollipop for Wormtail to see. "Look, but don't touch. It's mine!"

Wormtail gave an exasperated sigh. "Sir, I can't thank you enough. I'm sorry he gave you so much trouble."

"Trouble?" said Voldemort, shocked. "Naaahhh...Greg and I are cool, aren't we, Greg?"

Greg chuckled. "Cute kid."

"Uh…yeah." With one last awkward smile at Greg, Wormtail took his little master's hand and walked away.

Voldemort tugged on his sleeve. "Hey, Wormtail? Hey, Wormtail? Hey, Wormtail? Hey, Wormtail?"

"What, Master?"

"Can you find me a Muggle to kill now?"

"I said I would if you were good, Master…."

"I've been good."

"You ran away from me, My Lord."

"Yes, but besides that I've been awesome! Come on, Wormtail, can I kill a Muggle please? We can make it an easy target. How 'bout Greg? Can I kill Greg?"

"We'll see…."

"Ooh, and I want candy. Can we get candy?"

"Maybe when I'm done shopping…."

"Are you done now?"

"No."

"How about now?"

How poor Wormy managed to finish his shopping that day without going completely insane remains a mystery; Voldemort's senseless chattering, of course, did not stop until he was safely at home with a chocolate bar in his hand and a dead Greg on the floor.