In Terms of Friendship

"That, right there."

Naruto blinked. "…Anko-nee-san? How long have you been there?"

The kunoichi waved the question away carelessly. "All of the fun missions were handed out already. I've only been stalking you for today. Chill out."

The blond didn't know whether or not that was a good thing. So he just nodded. "Okay. What did you say earlier?"

"That."Anko pointed in the direction that Sasuke had gone after they'd finished fighting—and Sakura had followed. "Right there. And you say he's your best friend and she's your crush?"

"…Yes…" He honestly didn't know where she was going with this. He just hoped she wouldn't tell him that Sasuke really hated him and was just pretending to be friends with him to hurt him later on. He already knew Sakura didn't like him.

She snorted. "Those are some fucked up friendships, Naruto."

"…Oh…" He frowned and rubbed the back of his head. "Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, you never see me and Iruka trying to tear each other's heads off, do you?" she asked, tilting her head.

Naruto blinked at her for a moment before stating, "You run away screaming while he tries."

"…Retreat can be just as good as a decent offense, kid," Anko stated, patting him on the head as she desperately tried to recover from the blow to her ego. In her defense, Iruka was scary when he was pissed. "I'm gonna go get some dango. You want some?"

The blond sighed and shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looked down at his feet. "Nah, I'm good. I'll see you later, okay, 'nee-san?"

"'kay." She ruffled his hair playfully. "I'll take you and Iruka out to ramen sometime soon, okay?"

"Okay." He watched her go, then sighed and began trudging home.

Naruto knew—had always known—that people didn't like him. He'd hoped that when he'd become a ninja, people would see him differently, but he'd obviously been proven wrong. He had hoped that his teammates would care about him, and his sensei—just like Iruka—but he'd been proven wrong again. Kakashi paid more attention to Sasuke and Sakura, because they showed more progress than he did. And Anko had just proved that Sakura and Sasuke didn't care.

Would he really have no friends until he proved himself? How far would he have to go to prove it?

.-.-.-.-.-.

Sasuke knew immediately that something was wrong with his friend when he showed up at the bridge. There was no cheerful, 'good morning, Sakura-chan!' There was no resentfully added, 'morning, Sasuke-bastard.' There was no bright, happy smile. The joyful, determined 'I'm ready to train, I'm ready to beat Sasuke-bastard into the ground' aura wasn't there. The indomitable, sharp blue eyes were dull and nearly lifeless. Deep in contemplation wasn't… a very good sight on him. He looked like his heart had been broken.

"…What's wrong with you, usuratonkashi?" he asked, seemingly unconcerned. But he was concerned, and he grew even more concerned when his friend's blue eyes darkened with pain. "Usuratonkashi?"

"Ha… I don't feel good." Naruto smiled sadly and rubbed the back of his head. "I… I don't think I'll do much good today. Could you tell sensei that I went home because I feel ill?"

"Naruto, are you sure you're okay?" Sakura asked in concern, frowning. "Do you need one of us to walk you home?"

"…Nah. I'll be fine. I'll see you guys tomorrow." He turned with a half-hearted wave and began trudging away.

Sasuke narrowed his eyes. If someone was sick, he didn't rub the back of his head like that. And Naruto didn't get sick. What he needed to do was find out what happened to him, to make him so upset that he needed to lie to his friends and teacher. Once he pointed this out to Kakashi, it would become their new mission. They would find out what was wrong with Naruto, otherwise they weren't good teammates—and they weren't good friends.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Iruka was surprised to find Naruto waiting outside of his door—especially just before he left for the academy—but he had no qualms about calling in sick when the boy had burst into tears and exclaimed that he had no friends.

He had ushered the blond into the apartment and gone about making some ramen—he would have made some hot chocolate, but that was on his list of things to get after work today, so he had to settle for making ramen for comfort. Once he'd settled him on the couch with the instant noodles, he began to divest him of his jacket and shoes, then settled beside him and simply sat. Because he knew that Naruto wouldn't speak unless he felt he was safe.

It didn't take a long time to discern the problem. Sasuke, Sakura, and Kakashi. Just like it usually was.

Sighing, he pulled Naruto into a hug, then began stroking his hair. "You know I'll always be here, Naruto, even if they're not."

"Mmn, but I want some friends. People my age," the blond mumbled, hiding his face in the chunin's shirt. "But I guess I'll never have that."

"You'll have that someday," Iruka replied, continuing to stroke his hair. It was the surest way to comfort. He looked up as he heard the door burst open and smiled a frowned a little. "Anko?"

"I went to go spy on Naruto and he wasn't. There," the jounin growled, clenching her hands into fists, before frowning as she found the blond she was looking for curled up on her friend's lap. "What's up?"

"I have no friiieeeends!" the blond wailed. "Anko pointed it out yesterday!"

Iruka shot the kunoichi a glare. "Anko!"

"What?! I just noticed that his friends were little pains in the butt and—" she began, then sighed and shook her head. "Never mind. I'm at fault. I'll go buy Ichiraku."

"Thank you," the chunin answered sharply. "You make my life so hard, Anko."

"That's why I was born," she replied, just as annoyed, before she turned and stomped out.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Kakashi raised a hand in greeting. "Yo—"

"HATAKE KAKASHIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

The sensei ducked instinctively, and that was the only thing keeping his head connected to his shoulders as a certain, stalker-like kunoichi went flying over him, foot out to have broken his neck. "Good morning, Anko."

Anko growled as she landed and turned to face him, bearing her teeth, then whipped out a kunai. "I will CUT IT OFF!"

That made him a little more concerned, and he inched discreetly toward his two students. "And why are you cutting it off?"

"Don't hide behind them!" she exclaimed, pointing at the two genin. "I'm here to make them suffer, too! Some team you are!"

Kakashi had to take offense for that. "What are you talking about?"

"Have you even noticed how many students are here? Let's see, Pinkie, Angsty, and—but wait, little Foxy isn't here," she stated in a condescending and scorning manner. "Oh dear."

"I was going to ask about his absence as soon as Sakura finished screaming that I was late," the copy-nin replied, voice decidedly tight.

"I'm finished with you for the moment-!" Anko snapped, then turned her attention to the two genin—which, she would reflect later, was lucky that Iruka hadn't found out. "You two! I know you may think of him as only a teammate, but unfortunately, he thought you were his friends! He's never had friends before, so he believes that most friendships are like this. But friends tease, and taunt, and do it in good fun! You guys are vicious!"

Sakura flinched back, but Sasuke leaned forward, scowling. "I am not vicious. I just try to toughen him up a little."

"YOUR TOUGHENING SUCKS!" she roared, then threw her kunai at the ground angrily—if Iruka found out that she'd hurt a genin, she'd get a whipping for sure. The kunai bounced, and the tip broke off and bounced the opposite direction. "Stay away from Naruto until you can figure out what kind of teasing hurts and what kind of teasing helps!" With that final order, she turned and stomped away, grumbling about stupid genin and jounin.

.-.-.-.-.-.

Iruka blinked in confusion as he heard a knock on his door—most people would know he'd be at work today—then carefully eased Naruto from his lap and went to open it. He was surprised but not shocked a second time when he found the rest of Team Seven standing sheepishly at his door. "…May I help you?"

"Is… Naruto here?" Sakura asked softly, holding an Ichiraku bag. She hesitated for a moment, then held it out to him quickly. "If, if he doesn't want to see us, then… could you just give him this, please?"

The brunet took it and peeked inside. "Hmm. Three bowls. Three apologies." He glanced up at them skeptically. "…You realize that Naruto has never had any real friends before, except for companions in Shikamaru, Chouji, and Kiba? And that was only because they all skipped my class together? He doesn't understand. He doesn't know when you're playing and when you're serious. He just smiles. You'll see it flicker when he doesn't understand."

He paused for a moment before he handed the bag back to her, adding, "Perhaps you should help him."

She looked down at her feet for a moment, then looked up with a determined light in her eyes. Grabbing Sasuke's collar—more roughly than she probably would have done normally, if she would have dared to do it at all—she stomped into the room. "KAKASHI-SENSEI! COME ON!"

Kakashi let out a sigh and trudged into the room. "She and Anko are so bossy."

"They're violent, too," Iruka added, smiling, before he shut the door and turned. Just in time to see Sakura shaking Naruto awake.

"Oi! Naruto! It's rude to just fall asleep on someone's couch!" she exclaimed, scowling, then sat down next to him and pulled a bowl of ramen out of the bag.

Naruto blinked at her in confusion, then looked down at the ramen bowl she plonked down in his lap. "…Sakura-chan? Sasuke-bastard?"

"We figured that since you weren't feeling well, we'd have some lunch with you to make sure you were okay," she stated, then gave Sasuke a glare when she found him still standing. "Sit."

Sasuke sat, for some reason feeling threatened. He gave the ramen a look of distaste before taking the pair of chopsticks she offered him a moment later. "Tch."

"There. Now isn't this nice?" Sakura asked, smiling sweetly at them alternately. When they merely blinked at her in silence, she scowled. "Say it's nice or I'll hurt you both."

"It's nice," they replied in tandem, one looking confused and the other looking pissed. "Thank you for the meal."

"Thank you for the meal," she agreed, smiling once again, and began to eat as well.

Iruka smiled and crossed his arms. "It's nice to see them getting along finally." He paused, then shrugged a little. "Even if Sakura does have to manhandle both of them."

Kakashi instinctively turned in a defense stance as the door slammed open again. He was more than alarmed when he found Anko come stomping in. "Oh God. Not you."

"I have brought rame-! …You have ramen," she stated sharply in annoyance, then growled and ran a hand through her hair. "For the love of—Come on!" she ordered, grabbing both men by a sleeve and pulling them over to the couch. Forcing each of them into a seat, she passed them a bowl of ramen before flopping down between them with her own.

Iruka blinked at her. "…Anko-chan, we don't have any chopsticks."

"They're in the bag. You guys don't have hooks in your asses, do you?" she asked petulantly, then stuck her tongue out at him.

He rolled his eyes and looked over at Naruto. "The things we suffer for females."

The two said females took immediate offence. "Hey!"

"They're insane," Kakashi offered, setting his already empty bowl on the table.

While Iruka marveled at this—how did someone eat that fast without getting sick?—Sasuke snorted and nodded his agreement. "And it only gets worse during 'that' time."

The two kunoichi let out identical screeches of anger, and both males soon found bowls of ramen on their heads before Anko and Sakura stormed out of the apartment, ranting about men in general.

There were a few minutes of complete silence before Sasuke lifted the bowl and glanced around, despite the hot broth dripping from his hair. "…Are they gone?"

Kakashi lifted his bowl and scoped the scene as well. "…It appears so."

"Good. I like it better when she's gooshing over me. At least then she doesn't choke me with my own shirt," the Uchiha stated, then turned to glance at Naruto.

Naruto still looked confused, and more than a little upset. "…Yeah…"

"Hey."

The blond looked up just in time to see the bowl of ramen being handed to him. "…Huh?"

"…I'll trade you," Sasuke answered, looking away from him. "I don't like spicy beef."

"Aahhh…" The kyuubi vessel blinked for a moment, then smiled and nodded, trading him ramen bowls. "Okay. Thanks, Sasuke-bastard."

"That, right there."

Both teens looked up in confusion to find the academy sensei smiling at them. "Huh?"

"That, right there," Iruka stated, pointing with his chopsticks at the two of them. "That's what a real friendship is, Naruto."

"…" The two genin glanced at each other, then snorted and looked away from each other. "Yeah, right!"

"…I think they just have a really fucked up friendship," Kakashi stated, picking some noodles out of his hair.

Iruka scowled and stomped on his foot. Hard. While the jounin flinched and cringed away from him, he snarled, "Don't use those words under my roof!"

"Yeah, I'm lucky he hasn't nailed me for calling Sasuke a bastard yet," Naruto added, only to yelp as he finally got the smack to his head he'd been expecting. "Ow! Iruka-sensei…!"

The brunet sniffed indignantly before he returned to his ramen. "You know better."

"Aw, sensei!"

"I'll make you go apologize to Anko if you don't stop whining."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as this immediately made Naruto turn back to his food, then leaned back against the loveseat and sighed. "You guys have the weirdest relationship in Konoha's history."

"Three orphans will do that," Iruka stated blandly, then smiled brightly. "You're welcome to join us, Sasuke-kun!"

"…Pass." He shot the blond a condescending smirk. "Wouldn't want his 'dumb' to rub off on me." Naruto merely stuck his tongue out at him before he went back to his meal.

"Naruto's not dumb, he's just… too exuberant to hear things the first few times," the brunet argued.

"I don't know what that means, but it still feels like an insult," Naruto stated, scowling.

"Psh, I've given you worse, you knucklehead."

"Stupid sensei."

And the meal continued, with jovial insults and teasing, and a few genuine moments of camaraderie between all four men. It was casual, it was simple, it was… nice.

Well, until they heard Anko and Sakura came back, having decided that dumping ramen on people's heads was not enough of a punishment, in which case all four men used the window as an escape.