Juliet sighed, kicking off her shoes as she collapsed onto the couch next to Shawn.
It had been a long day, filled with snarky teenage suspects she had to interrogate, old women complaining about the lawn mowers across the street being too loud, and stepping in gum in her brand new pumps at least three times.
At this moment, all she wanted to do was relax with a movie and Shawn.
She didn't even care if the movie was Breakfast Club…again.
All that mattered was that they were there, together.
Shawn leaned back against the couch, putting one arm around her as she rested her head on his chest, feeling his soothing heartbeat through his shirt.
After only a month of being officially together, it was almost baffling how comfortable this felt.
How natural.
She could already feel her eyes closing as the opening credits started to roll, the long day finally starting to take its toll.
Suddenly, Shawn shifted. Her eyes snapped open immediately.
"Sorry," he murmured, his fingers running through her hair as he settled back into place.
"Mmmhmmm," she murmured back, still drifting off.
A few moments later, he shifted again, this time almost completely dropping her head from his chest.
She sat up, more curious than annoyed.
"Sorry," he mumbled again, but Juliet didn't believe him.
He wasn't even looking at her. His eyes were fixed on the clock on the other wall.
"Are you okay?" she asked, cocking her head to the side as she watched his eyes.
For a long moment, he didn't seem to have heard her. At least, he didn't answer or shift his gaze.
Finally, he blinked, turning his head back to her, grinning. "Yeah," he shrugged breezily. "I'm fine. Why? Do you know something I don't?" He gasped in feigned horror. "Am I going to turn into a pumpkin at midnight? Or worse…Jerry Lewis? I don't want to be Cinderfella, Jules."
He tried to pull of the banter, but his play acting was feeble at best and she immediately saw through it.
"Why are you staring at the clock?" she demanded, her brow furrowing in concern. "Did you want to make it an early night? I can go--"
"No," he shook his head firmly. Almost pleadingly. "Don't go. I'm sorry. I'm just…"
His hand flopped through the air, punctuating some unspoken sentence.
She nodded slowly, still not taking her eyes off him as they settled back onto the couch, her hand resting on his chest right over his now racing heart.
A phone started to ring on screen, and Shawn very nearly jumped off the couch. Juliet jumped, too, surprised by his reaction.
He cleared his throat, grinning embarrassedly at her as he laughed nervously. "Uh--" he started, searching for an explanation, but she wasn't going to wait.
Not this time.
"What's going on?" she asked, her blue eyes searching his face. "You've been acting weird all night."
He inhaled, slowly releasing the breath through his nose as he met her gaze, his eyes brimming with indecision.
She'd never seen Shawn Spencer indecisive in her life.
Her own heart started to pound as possibilities began to flood her mind.
He immediately saw her brain spinning off in all sorts of horrible directions, and his hand instinctively found hers, giving her fingers a reassuring squeeze.
"You know how Gus gets athlete's foot in the summer, right?" he started.
"Yeah…" Juliet nodded slowly, her heart thundering in her chest.
What the hell did Gus have to do with anything?
"And you know how he can only get the rare, imported foot powder, right?"
"Shawn--!" she exclaimed in complete exasperation, suddenly feeling every cell in her body trying to escape by exploding out her skin. "What are you talking about?"
"You can only get it at this one store in town," Shawn pressed on, squeezing her fingers again. "So…we went there today."
"And what?" she demanded, almost heatedly. "You shot the clerk and stole all the foot powder?"
"No," Shawn laughed, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. "But I'll have to remember that next time. Do you have any idea how much that stuff costs?"
"Shawn." Her tone was pleading as she pulled away from his grasp. "Just tell me what's going on."
"I'm trying," he groaned, dropping his head into his hands. "God, Jules. I'm trying."
She inched towards him, her hand settling on his knee. "You can tell me," she promised quietly. "Whatever it is…just tell me."
"Okay," he nodded, finally meeting her eyes again. "I saw Abigail."
The name was like nails on a chalkboard between them. Juliet actually flinched.
Not that she held a personal vendetta against her.
How could she?
The few times she had met Abigail, she had seemed like a perfectly nice person. Smart, funny…
But that didn't mean she wanted to be talking about her right now.
And it didn't mean she wanted to hear her boyfriend had run into her in the store.
"So, what?" she asked, an icy edge settling over her tone. "Why would that--?"
"Because she was buying a pregnancy test."
Shawn spoke the words quickly, his hand closing around the hand on his knee, almost as if he was afraid she'd pull away again.
"She…what?"
Juliet's head was spinning now.
It was too much to process.
Of course, she didn't have to do any math in her head to understand what Shawn was saying.
They'd gotten together only a week after things between Shawn and Abigail had ended.
The clock across the room suddenly seemed deafening as Juliet struggled to form a thought, and then turn that thought into words beyond senseless sputterings .
At the moment, sputtering seemed most appropriate.
"Is she--?" she started, then stopped and started a new thought. "Are you--? When--?"
"I don't know yet," Shawn answered the first unasked question. "I'm sure she's not lying about thinking she's pregnant, though. And if she is, I…was involved. She's already had one home pregnancy test come back positive…she was going to try another, then go to the doctor to make sure. She wasn't going to tell me about it until she was sure…but then I ran into her…she's going to call me when she gets the results. Tonight."
Juliet fell back against the couch, completely stunned and numb.
What was she supposed to say?
How was she supposed to react?
They'd only been together a month.
Were they ready for something like this?
Could they survive?
He would have to be involved in the pregnancy, of course.
In his child's life.
He would have a whole family, one outside of her.
The thought must have occurred to him, she knew.
How could it not have at least crossed his mind, even in passing?
Shawn was watching her face, reading her thoughts like only he could.
"I'm not going anywhere, Jules," he told her quietly. "I promise. She…" he sighed, running a hand over the back of his neck. "It…just wouldn't work."
He groaned again, his eyes closing painfully. "Near the end, my parents didn't even talk," he told her, his voice hushed. "I had to do all the talking for all of us just so the house wouldn't be silent. I'm not going to do that to my…"
He opened one eye, the next words finding their way out of his mouth only after a great internal battle. "I'm not going to do that to my kid."
For the first time, Juliet suddenly realized she had been focusing on the wrong person.
This wasn't about her at all.
This was about Shawn.
As hard as it would be for her…it would be a hundred times worse for him.
A wave of guilt washed over her. Her hand slowly moved it way up from his knee to his face, resting on his cheek.
"I'm sorry, Shawn," she whispered. "I didn't even think about—are you okay?"
He nodded slowly, smiling through the conflict raging behind his eyes. "We still don't know anything for sure," he reminded her. "I just…it's only been a month, Jules. If she's pregnant…I have to be there. So, if you want to run screaming for the hills and get the hell out of Dodge now, I won't blame you."
Her heart broke as his eyes pled with her to stay, even though his words told her to leave.
He hadn't been thinking about himself at all.
He'd been thinking about her.
"I'm not leaving, Shawn," she promised. "Whatever happens…we'll figure it out."
"Are you sure?" Shawn asked, still looking like he expected to have his heart ripped out at any moment. "Because at this point, you haven't signed on for the long haul. It's not too late to upgrade to a newer, better model."
"As tempting as that is," she smiled, her fingers moving up to his hair. "I'm staying right here."
Shawn sighed.
Actually, he didn't sigh.
He released every ounce of fear and trepidation that had been surging through his body, slumping back against the couch as he went almost completely limp.
"So…what do we do now?" Juliet asked, drawing her legs up onto the couch.
"Play Cribbage?" Shawn murmured, raising an eyebrow at her.
She rolled her eyes, though she still couldn't quite be amused. "Shawn."
He shrugged, tilting his head back and staring blankly up at the ceiling. "I don't know. Wait for her to call, I guess. Unless you wanted to play Hangman…"
Before she could answer, the cell phone in Shawn's pocket started to ring.
They stared at each other silently, knowing who it was before he even looked.
She nodded encouragingly, trying to smile at him.
He stood up, crossing to the kitchenette as he answered.
Juliet sat alone on the couch, her mind starting to project into the future.
What if Abigail really was pregnant?
Was Shawn really ready to be a father…?
She smiled palely to herself, knowing in her heart of hearts that he would be a good father.
He was kind, caring, protective…everything a child would need to grow up, even in less than ideal circumstances.
Of course, given ideal circumstances…
She couldn't stop those thoughts from coming now, though she'd never really considered it before.
At least, not seriously.
Not about Shawn.
They'd only been together a month…it was too soon.
It broke every rule she had.
And yet…
She glanced up as he came back, the question burning in her throat but refusing to leave her mouth.
He saw it in her eyes and shook his head silently as he dropped his phone on the table.
"The doctor said no," he told her, his voice quiet.
"Oh."
It was the only reaction she could come up with.
It seemed to be the only one Shawn could up with, too.
He wasn't smiling, didn't seem particularly happy or relieved.
He didn't seem to know what to feel.
"That's…good, right?" she asked finally as he crossed back to the couch.
"Yeah," he nodded, finally sighing as he sat next to her. "Of course it is. I don't do diapers, Jules, and I don't know the first thing about teething. I'd be a horrible father."
"No, you wouldn't," she assured him, gently patting his chest.
"Sure, I would," he insisted, almost too lightly. "I still eat cookies off the floor."
She shook her head, refusing to let him play this one off.
"Shawn, when you found out you might be a dad, you didn't run. Your first thought wasn't even about you. It was about everyone else, about how you could be there for everyone who needed you. Someday, when the time's right, you'll be a great dad."
"Maybe," Shawn agreed wrapping one arm around her. "But I'm going to need someone to tell me not to eat cookies off the floor."
"I know," she nodded, smiling. "I will."