DISCLAIMER; If Godchild/Count Cain were mine, gluesticks would be involved.
So, I finally finished reading Count Cain/Godchild, and it was awesome. (: Despite Riff and Cain dying at the end, I was just glad that they ended up together (I was very alarmed upon reading Judas Kiss!). Although, it's kind of sad that not once did they ever kiss. Oh well, knowing that it's categorized shounen-ai assures me that they are very canon! Anyways, first time writing Riffcain. (:

STREETLIGHTS OF LONDON
and you will always shine, and I can feel your heart in mine. in this cruel and lonely world, I found one love;
you're still you - josh groban
x.lithiumx.lithiumx.lithium;

The first time Cain realized that his love for Riff wasn't quite purely platonic had been one of those regular December days when he had just gotten out of the bath and Riff was helping him dress. In all truth, Cain could not remember a time when anyone other than Riff, himself included, had dressed him. He supposed this might be odd in the eyes of others, but to him the silver-haired manservant just being there was as natural as blinking.

Riff had been buttoning up his shirt when Cain took the lapels of said manservant's shirt into his hands, for the very first time holding instead of just taking.

It was a delicate, fragile sensation, Cain decided, to draw Riff closer and closer to his own face. The other didn't resist and the Count didn't stop until Riff's breath upon his lips sent shivers running through his spine. "Riff, if I asked you to kiss me, would you?" Riff paused, and Cain didn't miss the shiver in the fleeting blue eyes of the other man.

Kissing Riff was like kissing the rain. Or so Cain imagined, because Riff would never let him walk out into the rain without an umbrella unless he ordered the servant to do so. Riff's lips on his were cold and warm and soft all at the same time and Riff's hands on his waist made it feel like he could never fall down even if that cursed doctor Jizabel came and shot him down.

He could forget Delilah, his father, even little Merryweather, only if Riff asked. He would leave behind his title as Count and the Hargreaves fortune. But he could never ask Riff to bear the weight of being the one to remove Cain from that which he was designed to do, and both of them knew that.

"You are making this hard for me, Lord Cain." Always with the honourifics, sometimes Cain wished he could order the other man to just call him Cain, but that would only make the strain on Riff's righteousness even stronger, "I-I have promised to accompany you, even into hell, Master Cain, isn't that enough?"

His hand clutched the lapels of Riff's shirt tighter, and idly, Cain wondered why before lowering his forhead to Riff's chest and closing his eyes, "I am selfish, Riff."

--

"If you betray me, I will kill myself, Riff!" The manservant almost wanted to laugh at how unorthodox the threat was, but then again, they had always been unorthodox from the start. The strange eyes of his protégé flashed brilliantly, and Riff was suddenly reminded of why he couldn't so much as breathe when all of Cain's attention and passion were focused on him. "I refuse to drink tea that anyone but you prepares, food that is served to me by anyone else, and have anyone else tie my shoes! You are the only one I will allow to catch me when I falter, because with anyone else I would prefer to fall!"

"Lord Cain," whispered Riff, and he watched as those unique eyes he so loved widened at the intimate touch of his hand on Cain's cheek and the sudden close proximity, "I-I wanted only to be someone you could lean on, not someone you needed to lean on."

"Then-, then you have failed, Riff. Because I need you."

Riff hated the vulnerability he heard in Cain's voice, because he never wanted anyone to be able to hurt him. Every time he looked at Cain he still saw the tears and pain and brokeness he had seen etched into a boy of such young age, "I wanted to make you invincible, infallible, but I have only suceeded in becoming your greatest weakness."

A thin hand slipped into his own, and Riff knew the steps they had taken could not be undone because of the little skip in his heart.

"It's okay...even if I am the weakest in the world, it's all right, Riff. Because..." Cain lowered his head and thin lips graced Riff's fingers, "...as long as I can have these long, white fingers stroking my hair, buttoning my shirt, holding my hand...then it's okay. It's okay."

No matter how much he wanted not to see its presence, it was impossible for Riff not to see the utter adoration written in Cain's eyes, as it was impossible not to feel that same adoration in his own heart.

--

Cain knew that this was all he would ever need, because even as he was making the tea, preparing the food, running the water, he felt only happiness that for once he would be the taking care of Riff.

Seeing the quiet surprise in Riff's eyes when he entered carrying the trays of food was worth even the cut that he had gained on his finger (although admittedly, Riff had tended to this wound before eating what he had prepared), and watching as his manservant sighed almost inaudibly as he settled into the steaming water made Cain's heart skip a beat.

Fingers deftly touching the buttons of Riff's shirt, Cain smiled as he buttoned it up.

Riff's hand clasped around his wrist and he brought his eyes up to familiar blue ones. Watching, almost trance-like as Riff brought the pulse in his wrist up to his lips, kissing it softly, Cain felt his eyes flutter closed as he leaned against that familiar scent. "Your wrist...is so delicate and pale, Lord Cain, amost like...a doll's."

Silver hair brushed his temple, and a ticklish sensation found it's way through Cain's body. Drowning in Riff's scent and leaning against the body that had become so familiar to him over the past few weeks, Cain knew that this was all he would ever want; all he would ever need. And he would let nobody take that away from him.

--

"So tie your own shoelaces from now on, Lord Cain."

No. Cain's eyes widened, and then scrunched up in pain as he gazed into the eyes of a man he knew so well, yet didn't really know at all. No. He reached forward, feeling the familiar material of Riff's suits between his fingertips. Riff couldn't go. He hadn't been lying when he had told Riff he loved him, told him that he would shatter into a billion pieces of ever Riff were to betray him.

"I'm sorry, but...go to hell on your own, Cain."

No. "You-," He felt Riff brush past him, and every moment, every touch with his manservant came rushing into Cain's thoughts. How foolish he had been, taking Riff for granted like he had. Riff had been his pillar, the only thing that kept him standing when all he wanted to do was break and fall apart. "-I, you can't leave! I-I love you, Riff!"

It was funny. Not so long ago, Riff had been silently asking him to say those words for the very first time through his quiet touches and their spontaneous kisses in the most remote areas of the Hargreaves' mansion. And now that he had finally said them, Riff didn't even look back.

"You aren't Riff." Cain closed his eyes. "You aren't."

Because Riff would always, without a doubt, never leave Cain willingly unless Cain told him to do so. Because Riff would always look back to check that Cain was still there.

--

Sometimes, on nights that were particularly long and broken and frail, Riff would wake up crying and not know why. Those were the nights that he would walk to a mirror and open his eyes, try to find the sadistic light in those eyes.

Occasionally he would look up to cold and unresponsive stars, and wonder if Cain could happen to be looking at those same stars.

"Argh..!" The glass that he had hurled against the mirror shattered both itself and the mirror, creating fragments in the mirror and showing himself his own eyes ten times over. It was disgusting the vulnerability that he saw in those eyes.

What bothered him wasn't the way he couldn't sleep, it was the way Cain showed up in his eyelids when he closed his eyes. Sometimes he dreamt of Cain, writhing under him and arms wrapped around his neck. They were so realistic, sometimes, that Riff couldn't always tell the defining line between dreams and memories. It was the way his hand had shaken and refused to pull the trigger as he stood behind an oblivious Cain in the dark streets of London.

It was the way he had gone back to Alexis claiming that Cain had gotten away. It was the way he loved Cain, even when he shouldn't.

--

Delilah had been destroyed, and just about every member of it had been eradicated. All except one.

Riff.

The knife had been cold and deadly as he held it in his grasp, straddling Riff and pressing the blade against Riff's neck. The neck that he had kissed and touched so many times before. They had gotten Justice to restore the Riff that he had known, but after everything that they had gone through, neither could bring themselves to invite the other back into their arms.

Riff had tried to kill him, and he had been the only one Riff couldn't love. After everything, they couldn't just happily go back to the way they once were.

Riff serving under Crehador worked most of the time, except the times when he and Crehador happened to attend the same parties and he ran into Riff. Freezing as he entered the bathroom only to find Riff with his large hands propped against the side of the sink, Cain watched, eyes widening.

The manservant turned with agonizing slowness, turning to watch him with careful eyes. "Lord Cain, I-,"

Cain's own body moved faster than his mind could recognize, and before he knew it he was pressing his lips against Riff's, pressing his hands against Riff's chest and shoulders and trying to drown himself in Riff. The kiss was furious and lasted much too long than it should've, yet wasn't enough.

When they pulled away Riff's legs were between his and those large hands were pressing against his waist.

And then Riff was gone, grabbing his jacket and striding away and reaching for the door. Cain didn't call out of him.

--

"Why don't you need me like I need you, Riff? Have you forgotten?"

The silver-haired head whipped around and Cain was met with pleading blue eyes, "I haven't forgotten, Master Cain! I haven't forgotten what you taste like, what you feel like, what your voice sounds like when you call out my name! But I also haven't forgotten how I betrayed you!"

Cain froze, his hands still clutching at Riff's left forearm. Golden eyes widened, as did blue ones.

"You...you want to atone, Riff? And this is your atonement, keeping yourself away from me?" Cain bent over, resting his forehead on Riff's shoulder. It took the manservant a while to realise his former employer was shaking because of laughter. "I told you, Riff, I can't understand things if you don't tell them to me, I'm that stupid."

"You aren't-"

Riff's breath hitched as thin arms wrapped around his chest from behind, clutching his broad chest tightly and Cain's own chest pressing against his back, "I wasn't joking...when I said I would break if you left me. The only reason I haven't killed myself if because I keep on hoping that you might come back to me. Riff...please don't leave me behind. Please don't ever leave me behind."

"I...betrayed you, my Lord."

"Tell me, when you weren't yourself, you told me that something between us never existed. Tell me honestly now that it never existed, and I'll leave you alone for good."

Neither of them missed the way Cain's arms stiffed around Riff or the way the manservant didn't breathe for a couple more seconds than natural. And then Riff was turning around and Cain closed his eyes because Riff's arms around himself were so comforting, so real that it made his head spin.

"That something always existed, Master Cain. Every part of me is attached to you, even if I'm not really real, even if I'm artificially created...every part of me belongs to you."

"Then...don't leave me behind, Riff. You were the only thing that was eternal to me. Everywhere you go, take me with you."

Riff felt his heart shudder at the pleading adoration in Cain's eyes, and when he kissed Cain he knew that the bond that existed between them was real. And if that bond was real, his existence could only be real.

and I believe in you, although you never asked me to;
you're still you - josh groban
x.lithiumx.lithiumx.lithium;

I...didn't really like the ending, but oh well! Leave a review and tell me what you thought of it? (: