Title: Circle of Life

Summary: Mac's reflection of his "day off" as he heads to the hospital at the end of Greater Good. Mac's POV (one-shot)

Disclaimer: This is a piece of fan fiction. It is written for pleasure and not for profit. The characters of CSI New York and any other regular cast and supporting cast members all belong to CBS, Paramount & Jerry Bruckheimer and Anthony Zuiker. All other characters are my own. Any resemblance to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. I don't own Mac Taylor, though I wish I did!

"Mac it's time, Danny." I watch Mr. Neville walk away and frown; his candle still flickering in the corner of my eye, bathing both of us in soft deserted shadows until I am alone with the ghostly object to my right. An object that serves as a reminder that life is too precious to take for granted; for we only have to blink an eye and all that we hold dear is taken away forever.

Sorrow starts to consume me, but when my phone buzzes and I see those three words, a smile instantly displays itself and I quickly take my leave. I was needed here to help bring emotional closure to a man who offered his soul to the devil in exchange for his daughters freedom; a sacrifice any parent would make without even thinking if it meant their child can live in peace. However, as I walk to the truck I realize that another life has been offered this day; and I am now honored to be a part of that event.

Heading for the hospital finally allows me to think back on the days events. An emotionally and mentally draining day to be sure; but one I'm almost ashamed to admit I wouldn't trade for anything.

When I had woke up this morning I really hadn't planned for the day to be as emotionally draining as it's turned out to be. Mrs. Donovan, Mr. Neville, even comments from Don and Sid all served to keep my brain occupied in various ways.

"Isn't today your day off Mac?"

"You know Mac, most people on their day off, spend it at a museum, you spend it reopening a closed case?"

"Didn't know Mac took a day off?"

"Why is it a big deal you taking a day off? Maybe because you never take a day off."

Are some of the comments I heard people make to me today. Yes today was supposed to be my day off but when I pushed myself out of bed this morning I knew there was no other place than work that I wanted to be. Sadly, and I'll never admit this to anyone; but the people I want to be with on my day off are at work. It's what I enjoy doing. Workaholic, obsessed, neurotic, a few of the terms I have had thrown in my direction, which are all true. Flack had suggested a museum and I just scoffed. Me, walking around alone, looking at art that I just don't understand, really isn't something I could even force myself to enjoy. I enjoy work. Why is that so hard for everyone to accept?

Only one person didn't ask why I was there. Stella. She just accepted it like it was something normal for me. I offer a soft smile in the dark vehicle as I think on that. No questions; no nagging for me to take it easy, I think she gave up that battle long ago. And while I'm not sure I'd ever have the courage to tell her; but to be with her on a day off, even it's it working doesn't really seem the burden most people make it out to be. I'd take that over a stuffy museum any day.

Thinking back on Tal Neville I frown. His case really didn't sit right with me and that's part of the reason I went to see him. He asked why I waited so long; I couldn't tell him the whole truth, so I said it was just time to see things done right. And while he was angry to see me this morning, I would hope when I left him just a few minutes ago that anger had at least somewhat subsided.

"The Greater Good," I had told him. And I meant it, he had already suffered so much emotional turmoil that I was almost sorry I went and saw him first thing this morning. But in the end, his daughter had surprised us all and did the right thing. Justice it seems is never without a sense of irony; for she too had spent eighteen months in a prison; one of self doubt and deceit. And while I have no idea how she lived with that knowledge for those eighteen months, I can't help but feel that love really can bear up under any trial. Her father made the ultimate sacrifice out of his love for her; and her love for him allowed it to take place. I guess humans can really bear up under any trial if they tell themselves it's what has to be done to accomplish what must take place.

The compassion card I dealt to Katherine Donovan was again something unexpected. I had every intention of taking Ronnie's words to her and slamming the case closed if she had in fact gone ahead with the hit on Karita Neville. But when I saw her face and heard her tell me that she just couldn't do it, something reached inside my heart and wouldn't let go.

Compassion.

And at that moment I knew what I had to do. I had to let go for a moment of always wanting to prove myself right and allow compassion to prevail. And I am thankful that it did.

Being a private person, I really hadn't expected to open up to a strange woman, but at that moment, I felt that whatever I offered her at the time wouldn't be scoffed or thrown back in my face. And I was right; it wasn't. She too lost someone she loved dearly and even now, two years later, is emotionally crippled by it; just like I am on certain days. Time doesn't heal all wounds; that's a lie that I will gladly challenge any living soul to a debate on that, knowing hands down that I would win. Time might help you to come to terms with things, possibly opening up new avenues of dealing with pain, but it never lets you forget or even heal for that matter. How can it? Time is responsible for the yearly anniversary of your pain; laughing in your face as it forces you to remember what it did for you. And while my loss isn't entirely the same as Mrs. Donovan's, I know how it can eat away at you; forcing you to seek revenge.

9/11. I'll never forget that day, what I was doing or where I was. And even now, when I am alone at night with my thoughts, I sometimes want to drop what I am doing, enlist once again and hunt down those responsible and force them to repay what they took from me. Time, however, has once again shown me though, that I will never get that chance. And while Tal Neville's crime certainly isn't as devastating as those responsible for Claire's death, I can't help but know what Mrs. Donovan felt when she dwelt on taking her revenge.

I remembered at that moment, when I opened up to her about Claire, that a part of me felt free. Odd. I have no connection to the strange woman before me, except we share one common trait -- loss. But I felt myself offer a huge sigh of relief that I was finally able to tell someone, something personal without them judging me in return. No one telling me, there was anything I could do to stop it, no one telling me that everything will be okay in time. She just listened, accepted and smiled weakly; a smile of approval that told me at that moment that I would be okay. And while I just had to get my stance in about the law, when I left there, I was actually relieved that she wasn't coming with me.

As I head for the hospital I can't help but lean back in the leather seat and take a deep breath. I have always considered myself a strong person; able to look evil in the eye with the determination that I'll never let it win, or take away another person I care about. Sadly, I am also forced to acknowledge that there are certain events beyond my control and today was one of them. As if fate had stepped in and said, 'Mac Taylor, today are going to show emotion,' and that's it. I have never believed in fate; always wanting to be in control of my own future and destiny but today's events proved to me that some things, even now are beyond my control. And in a way, today was a blessing.

As I head into the hospital, I suddenly feel my heart start to beat a bit faster. Today I was already here but with a different purpose. I was seeking the truth behind a tragedy that claimed a young life. Now I am heading toward a room, where a young life has just been brought forth. Today I will have spent time with two mothers; one still mourning the loss of her daughter; and one welcoming her daughter into the world. Both consumed with love but for very different reasons.

I near the room and am of course the last one to arrive. I am greeted with smiles and happy words but my eyes and attention are fixed on the couple before me; sharing a small birthing bed and holding a precious life in their hands. A life they created together.

I look at Danny and for the first time in a long time, I feel an emotion I haven't allowed myself in awhile. Envy. Not over him having Lindsay; as that would be silly. But for what he has that I never did. I see a young man; so in love with the woman next to him, holding his beautiful daughter and looking at both with pride and devotion. Knowing that he would now, not only have a something worth dying for, but more importantly something worth living for.

At his age I was off trying to save the world; playing marine hero, being the only thing my father had taught me. Trying to save the world around me, but never thinking about stopping to enjoy the things the world has to offer. Why didn't I want this sooner? I finally wised up a few years ago; and for a brief time I had something beautiful, but because of someone's ugly act, I might never have it again. But then I am asked a question that for the first time since I got up, it gives me hope for tomorrow.

"Godfather."

I tell them I would be honored and accept the small gift into my arms. I hold her and look down with love and affection. Spoil her, I ask them. Little did they know, I didn't really mean in the sole monetary sense of the word; although I will do that. Never having a child of my own, I would like to think that I can at least impart some piece of myself into this small being I have in my care.

And then I look up; and another female has my attention. My partner, Stella, is where she belongs, at my side. She's always been there and I hope always will be. I would be lost without her; she gives my life a daily purpose that I'll probably never be able to share with her. I fear that I too will lose her and that if that day ever comes, a hole would be placed inside my heart that would probably never heal on its own.

And I finally realize that I now have two special women in my life that I have been blessed with; one in my arms and one at my side. My vow today is to never take either of them for granted, but to do what I can to ensure that when I am needed, I am where I belong; in their life helping them to overcome whatever heartache, obstacle or pain that time has afforded them.

And as the night wears on I realize that I am finally content; and for a few precious moments I am at peace.

THE END

A/N: okay so hope that wasn't too sappy. Thoughts? Playing for Keeps chapter 3 will be up later today. Thanks again!