Midnight Chapter 1, a twilight fanfic

This is a parody of Twilght. Don't forget to REVIEW!!! Hope you like it!

When I got to Forks, the first thought I had was, "Wow, this place is even more boring than I remember."

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It got even worse when I saw what Charlie had gotten me.

"What's this piece of crap," I asked, eyeing the old truck skeptically.

"I bought this off of my friend, Billy, for two dollars," he said, "remember him, Billy Blue?"

"That guy who ate all of the food out of our fridge?"

It sure didn't get any better at school.

"Hey, you're Isabella Swan! I'm Mike Newton!"

"Um," I said, "WAIT! How did you know my name? Hey! Were you that guy looking in my window last night? You stalker!!!"

"Hello," said this girl with an afro, "MY NAME IS JESSICA!!! Are you new? What is your name?"

"Um-"

"That's a nice name! I have a dog. His name is Waldo! I'm allergic to peanuts!"

At lunch, as Jessica was saying something to me, I saw a group of students come in. They had pale white skin, black eyes, and they were all really hot. It looked like someone had carved them out of a really sexy rock, and then brought them to life like Frosty the Snowman by singing a little jingle.

"And then, when my cousin and I were in Mexico, we-"

"Jessica," I interrupted, "who are those people?"

"Those, those are the Cullens. They are really weird, they don't talk to anyone, and one time that Jasper kid started to sniff my face and then asked if I tasted good. Edward Cullen, the one on the left, he, like, so wanted to date me, but I turned him down. Well, I never asked him, but you could so tell that he liked me."

I stared at Edward, and then he stared at me, and then I sneezed.

"Gazoontite," he yelled from across the room.

"Thanks," I yelled back.

At biology, I sat next to Edward. He looked like he was choking.

"What's with the attitude," I asked, "aren't you going to say hello?"

"Can't… breathe… allergic… to… strawberries…" he choked.

"Oh, you must be smelling my shampoo. It's strawberry scented. Do you like it?"

"NURSE," he was starting to turn a pretty shade of purple. It went nice with his shirt. The nurse came and carried him out of the room on a stretcher.

The next day, I did not see him. Or the next day, or the next day, or the day after that. The day after that day I thought I saw him, but it turns out that was just an old lady. A little while later, he came to school.

"Where did you go? You were gone! WHY?" I asked him the moment he sat down next to me in biology.

"I went on vacation to the Bahamas. On Paradise Island, Atlantis. They have this really awesome waterslide, and it is forty FEET steep, and then you go into this see-through tube surrounded by SHARKS! My brother, Emmett, was to scared to go on it, but I went on it and it was SO FUN!!!"

"DID YOU BRING ME BACK SOMETHING!!!"

"Yes!"

He handed me a plastic cup that said, "ATLANTIS," and on the other side it said, "Paradise Island, Bahamas." It even had a built-in crazy straw. Awesome!

The next day, when I got to school, there were some kids playing football. Someone threw it too hard. It was coming strait at me.

"AHHHHHH," I screamed.

Suddenly, Edward jumped in front of me and pushed me a whole two inches back. Then he caught the football.

"How did you do that," I asked.

"Um, I didn't do anything," he mumbled and then walked away.

Okay, that was pretty strange.

On the way home from school, I saw Jacob Blue, Billy Blue's son. He had on a blue shirt, blue pants, and blue shoes. He had blue eyes, blue hair, and a blue tongue.

"Hey, how did you get your tongue to turn blue," I asked.

"Oh, I just finished eating a blue raspberry popsicle. Is it really blue? Cool!"

"Then why isn't the truck your dad sold to Charlie blue? Why is it orange?"

"Because," he said matter-o-factly, "orange is my favorite color."

A week later, Edward called to ask if I wanted to hang out. A little while later I heard the doorbell ring.

"Hey, Bella!"

"Hi, Edward! Come on, let's go."

He said he wanted to show me his secret hang out spot. It was behind some trees in his backyard. There was some grass, a tree house with a slide, and a sandbox.

"Cool, can I go in the tree house," I asked.

"No, you can't, read the sign. 'No girls allowed'."

"Aw."

I followed Edward to the sandbox, where we sat down on the edge.

"Edward, I'm still thinking about what happened when you caught the football. You're not normal. I know what you are."

"Say it. Say it out loud."

"Um, if I didn't say it out loud, then it would just be in my head, and you wouldn't be able to hear me, so what is the point?"

"Just say it, Bella."

"Michael Jackson."

"Are you afraid?"

"Nope."

"But you should be! Here, you have to see what I look like in the sunlight! Follow me!" I followed him to a spot where the sun leaked through the trees. He stepped in the light.

"This is the skin of someone who has had surgery way too many times."

"You look exactly the same," I said.

"No, look closer."

I did.

"I still don't see anything."

"No, closer!"

"I don't see anything."

"Oh, just forget it. Anyways, tonight my family and I are playing baseball. Do you want to come?"

"Sure!"

That night, I was watching the Cullens play baseball when somebody came. He had no shirt on, and had long, blonde hair that billowed in the breeze.

"My name is James. Oh, what's this, it looks like you brought a snack," he said, looking at me.

The Snickers bar in my pocket suddenly felt a hundred times heavier.

"This is mine," I said.

"It looks like we will have to settle this with a game of rock, paper, scissors, shoot." He stepped forward, his eyes still on the Snickers in my pocket.

The fate of my Snickers bar depended on this on game.

He held out his hand.

"Rock, paper, scissors… SHOOT!" He had paper and I had scissors. Yes!

"Rock, paper, scissors… SHOOT!"

I got rock and he got paper. I had to win the last one, or else.

"Rock, paper, scissors… SHOOT!"

Oh, no! I got scissors and he got rock! I reluctantly handed over my Snickers bar. He unwrapped it and took a bite out of it.

"NOOOOOO," shouted Edward. He lunged at the James. James dropped the Snickers bar.

I picked it up and said, "Ten second rule."

But wait, oh no, James got his germs on it! What would I do now?

"I have a solution," said Carlisle, breaking off the part James bit. Now it was germ free.

"Thanks!"

Later that night, I talked to Edward.

"Oh, look, it's midnight," he said, "I really hate midnight. It not 12:00 am or 12:00 pm, it's just 12:00 midnight. What is with that?"

"Edward, I love you, and I want to be like you."

"No, Bella, do you know how many surgeries that would take? You can't, you should live a normal life."

"But I want to be with you."

"No."

The end!

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