It was hailing outside.

Remus sat in the library, smirking every time he looked up- Sirius was sitting opposite him, and, having bored himself silly after making smoke rings with his wand for an hour, was now sticking his tongue out, trying to see if he could find the mark the staple had left. His eyes were crossed, and he really looked very ridiculous.

The door opened, and both Remus and Sirius looked over to see Tonks standing in the doorway, arms crossed, smiling sweetly.

"Sirius. How's your tongue?" she asked, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

With a face like a wounded puppy, Sirius pushed his chair back several inches, before sliding a notebook out of his pocket.

"You didn't think we'd actually do it, did you?" she asked gleefully, laughing.

Still looking hurt, he replied "Well, I wouldn't expect any different from you. You're mad! But Remus!" he looked deeply affronted. "I never thought you'd betray me like that!"

Remus rolled his eyes, snapping his book shut. "Call it what you will, but you brought it upon yourself, idiot."

Sirius shook his head, flipping the notebook open, turning the chair completely around so they couldn't see what he was doing. Raising her eyebrows, Tonks stood at the window.

"Wish it would stop hailing."

"Yes!" Remus jumped at the chance of a normal, unhindered-by-Sirius conversation. She looked slightly startled by his enthusiasm. "Err, I mean… yeah. It's annoying, alright. This place sucks."

"The Hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease."

Remus and Tonks both turned to stare. Sirius didn't notice.

"Right." Grabbing his arm, she turned Remus back round. "We need to do something about him."

Remus nodded, looking out the window. "This is a third floor window." He muttered.

She looked longingly over her shoulder. "Too abrupt. I want him to suffer."

"I've got more staples." Remus suggested.

She shook her head, sighing. "I'll think of something. You WILL help me get revenge, wont you?"

"Oh yes." Remus nodded so quickly he became dizzy. "Of course."

"Good." Smiling, she left, but not before shooting a death glare at Sirius' back, and miming shooting him with her hands, which she blew clear of smoke afterwards.

"Remus, I think I've got it!" Sirius said happily, a few minutes later.

"Got what?" Remus asked irritably. He had been thinking how long it would take to hoist Sirius out the window, and how hard he would have to throw him so as not to kill, but to maim, or seriously injure.

"The first sentence of your novel! Here, listen- 'He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the east river.' I think that's it. It's spectacular!

"Sirius." Quite serious, Remus walked over and put his hands on Sirius' shoulders. "If you don't quit it with this stupid novel, or matchmaking, or whatever you're trying to do... trust me, Tonks and I will personally throw you into the east river. We will apparate you there, and chain you to blocks of concrete, and throw you in. We would be doing the world a favour."

There was a pause, and Remus thought he had finally gotten the message through.

"Right. Okay. You don't like the east river analogy. No worries, I'll think of another one!" standing up cheerfully, unhindered by Remus' dark threat, he practically skipped out of the room.

This was not going to be possible.