Saturday June 18th

I saw this coffee mug with my name on it today (had Rossetti's Annunciation on it. She always looks scared of him.) Printed on either side was a little epigraph supposedly telling you what sort of personality you will have depending on your first name. so:

Gabriel:

You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.

I think that sounds right, especially the last bit (she thinks I should have gone into the priesthood this week…)

But then it went on to say:

You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.

This, obviously, is randomly generated phrases. I don't think I'll be out raving or breaking the law anytime soon :)

Milk and honey doesn't work.

Sunday June 19th

Went to church with mom. Almost fell asleep but managed to keep my eyes open. I think the insomnia is getting worse, slept four hours last night but I started reading and lost track of time. That only happens when I read or like when you're a kid again, fluid sense of time keeping.

Wednesday June 22nd

Train was twenty seconds early today. Man in the Grey Coat looked even more angry this morning, almost twisted his wedding ring off. Lady with the Orange Bag looks tired, and she doesn't smell of bleach. Maybe she lost her job. Fish is still alive and I think he's getting overweight. I don't feed him that much so I don't know why that's happening. A few window gazers but no business today, which is fine because I have more time fixing the Watch (think I'll take a break, don't want to rush it.)

Friday June 24th

Weather is getting pretty hot now so I decided not to wear my corduroy coat. My train compartment was less crowded. Orange Bag Lady hasn't showed up, I wonder where she is? Had a costumer, wanted a new battery in his watch. Seemed pleased with the price. Fell asleep after he left, I think the heat is getting to me. Oh Fish still floating.

Better get the books and shelves dusted.

Monday June 27th

I sometimes wish I could skip going to church but then mom would have no one to go with. That's what she says but I think she just uses it as an excuse for me to go visit her. Not that I wouldn't anyway. Not like she would ever go visit me in my shop…

Thursday June 30th

Same old same old. Can't sleep, way too hot. I think I should take a break from reading everyday, my head is thumping.

Tuesday July 4th

Locked the shop for the day and went to the park, it was too nice to stay inside and no one was coming in. I walked around the lake and it looked great, everything looks better in the sun. I sat on my favourite bench and had a cheese sandwich, watching people walk by. Lots of kids running around of course. An old lady sat next to me. She smelt like dust and cats. She seemed nice enough, she smiled at me and called me "son." She loves fireworks.

I watched the display with everyone else, I was on my own but it was like I was with them. We all smiled at the same time.

Wednesday July 5th

Six hours sleep. Maybe I should walk around more often. Man in Grey Coat started crying this morning and I was the only one there. I think his wife left him, he kept on fiddling with his wedding ring. Poor guy. So Mrs Grey Coat ran off with Mr Leather Coat and now the Watchmaker is all that he has left.

But I can't fix people. Nice if I could…

Thursday July 6th

I found dad's clock in a thrift store. It was broken but I didn't even think about fixing it. Mom said she was having a "spring clean" and gave it away by accident but the apartment looked exactly the same, messy crap everywhere. She started to cry as she put it back on the wall. I think I shouted at her, I was really angry. Still angry! I don't think I'll sleep tonight, I'm going to read a book.

I know she did it on purpose, I know she did.

I'm not going on Sunday, fuck her.

Friday July 7th

No sleep. Went to mom's and apologised, gave her a peacock figurine I bought. She made me dinner, talked about Mr Pilchard, the man from Smith Barney. I don't want to work there but I was too tired to object so I just nodded along with her. She seems happy again.

I wish I was. So tired.

Monday July 10th

I like it when the phone rings, even if it's the wrong number. It's just me so I don't get to talk that often. Don't mind that much, I've always preferred my own company, even as a kid. But I do like to talk, I'm not rude or too shy to do it. Not 't have anything interesting to talk about of course.

Sometimes, when no one has walked past for hours I feel like I'm all alone, like the last person on earth. I think some people would find that exhilarating, being able to do as you wish. I don't think I'd leave the shop, I don't think I'd like to be certain that there's no one. Because someone always walks past, even if the occurrence is fleeting.

Tried going to bed early but it didn't make any difference, just woke up earlier.

Wednesday July 12th

I saw Lucy McMillan today. I took her to the prom (or she took me) years ago. She came in with her boyfriend but I hadn't seen him before. She wanted her grandmother's clock evaluated. I told them that's not what I really do and gave them Mr Goldsmith's address. But they still kept on asking me, like they hadn't heard what I had said. And then I knew they didn't care about the clock. They just came in to laugh at me, I could see it in their eyes, the way they tried not to smile.

The whole time I didn't want to look at her but at the same time I did, I couldn't stop thinking about what she did to me in bathroom on the night of the prom. Still feel crap about it. My hands sweated so much the clock slipped. Again they didn't seem to care.

Jesus that happened so many years ago, why would she want to embarrass me, like she's a teenager again? Some people are stupid, like they've got wool in their head.

Her boyfriend had his hand on her behind the whole time.

Thursday July 13th

I think I slept for forty minutes. Christ, I should go see someone. I sat in my chair and watched the sunrise but it was like seeing it through a blurred lens. My head feels really light. But I went to work, I've had insomnia before, not as bad but it goes away. I hope so.

Going to bed, wish me luck. Ha.

Monday July 17th

Someone was sitting in my seat this morning, she got on before me. I know it's stupid but I don't like things like that happening, like if it's different I feel something bad will happen. (Yes I also have plastic covers on my chairs = OCD. I know what type of crazy I am.)

She was reading a book, some romance novel I think. I couldn't see what she looked like because it was covering her face. She was really thin (not anorexic but like she should just eat more.) Long stick arms and legs. She was tiny.

She must have just washed her hair because it was all I could smell. Watermelon.

Mmm hungry, got to eat.

Tuesday July 18th

I found her book on an empty seat this morning, no one was there. So I kept it, just for safe keeping. I'll give it back if I see her again.