Cat's Paw

Fandom: Neon Genesis Evangelion

Characters: Misato, Ritsuko

Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine. There's no profit being made of this...unless you count having a darn good time writing this as profit…

Warning: Language and sex

Summary: What if Misato and Ritsuko fell in love? This scene takes place at the bar, but Ritsuko helps Misato home instead of Kaji. A discussion about the many sides of love…some of which are not so pretty.

One-shot

She loved lounge music. Some people may call it boring, but there was something strangely soothing about Nat King Cole that just had endless appeal to Misato.

Misato flipped her hair over her shoulder, giggling at a private joke. "It's getting late. I'm going to go to the bathroom."

Kaji looked at Misato's flustered face and assessed that his companion was drunk off her rockers. He teased, "Are you leaving me alone?"

Turning around, Misato stuck her tongue out in response.

This earned a small chuckled from Kaji, who returned to his drink, internally marveling about Misato. His thoughts turned to their years in college and to those tennis sneakers that Misato sported. He could still smell the fruity perfume that Misato use to wear, and he could recalled the countless mornings when, waking up next to her, he would just lie still, and watch her steady breathing.

"High heels," Kaji marveled outloud, "We haven't gotten to drinking together lately, have we?" There was a slight hint of regret in his voice.

Ritsuko smiled, remembering those evenings when the three of them would go out just to get drunk just for the sake of it. Of course, Misato usually ended up the only one utterly wasted, leaving Ritsuko and Kaji to take care of her.

There was one particular evening that stood out vividly in Ritsuko's memories.

It was the night after finals, and Misato had suggested that they go out to celebrate. After clearing out most of the bar, the three of them trekked back to Kaji's house with a nearly comatose Misato on Kaji's back. Once again, Misato did most of the drinking while her companions spurred her on.

"I'm a gonna stay with Kaji tonight, Rit-chan," Misato said, slurring her words before falling, headfirst, onto the couch.

Ritsuko had only smiled as Kaji asked her if it was safe for her to go home by herself. She had reassured him that everything was alright.

"After all, I'm not Misato," and, with that, Ritsuko left.

The walk home was uneventful until Ritsuko realized, halfway, that she had left her purse somewhere in Kaji's house after helping him with Misato. She decided to walk all the way back to Kaji's place for it.

The door was unlocked, so Ritsuko let herself in to scourge the coach for her purse.

That was when she heard it.

The sound of Kaji and Misato making love came clearly from the bedroom.

Ritsuko's blushed and narrowed her eyes, embarrassed to have overheard her friends in the throes of passion.

He should really learn to lock the door if he's going to be doing things like this. Ritsuko thought, slightly angered.

Sighing, she picked herself up from the floor and walked towards the door.

Ritsuko was about to leave when she heard her name. It was muffled but she could still make it out.

They're talking about me? During sex?

Somewhere in the back of Ritsuko's head, her conscience screamed for her to leave. Still, another part was curious. After all, her friends were discussing her behind her back, and in a rather…unusual situation.

Before she had time to sort out her thoughts, her feet were moving quietly, as if on their own accord, towards the bedroom.

She found herself kneeling next to the door, which was, true to Kaji's habits, slightly opened. The lights were still on. Despite her reservations, she cautiously peered at the couple on the bed, naked and entangled in the sheets.

Misato was snuggling against Kaji in the aftermath of their lovemaking. Her eyes were half-closed, in quiet contemplation. She reached over to put out another cigarette in the tray next to them.

Kaji nuzzled Misato's cheek, "We shouldn't worry about her."

Misato pulled away, "I'm serious though, Kaji. And don't try to change the subject. I can tell something is wrong with Ritsuko."

"How?"

"It's simple, I'm her roommate. Roommates know this sort of thing."

"Did she leave you a post-it note that said so?"

"You're just trying to brush me off," Misato insisted, "But you can think whatever you want. Call it women's intuition, but I saw how she was in the bar today. She hardly said a word. I think she's still hung up on that professor…even if she doesn't say it."

Kaji snickered at the "women's intuition" part and just shrugged. He clearly wanted to turn the subject off.

Ritsuko felt some indescribable pain that squeezed her heart. Confusion quickly set in at whether she feel touched with Misato's concern for her happiness or whether she should be upset with Misato's betrayal of confidence.

No one was ever supposed to know about Ritsuko's twisted and torrid affair with the older man. That is, no one except Misato. Yet here she was, spilling all to the man besides her. Ritsuko couldn't help but wonder what other secretsMisato left with Kaji.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Kaji flipped Misato onto her back.

"This again?" Misato complained, "Can't you be a little more innovative?"

"Like how? Do you mean fantasies?"

"Ask me."

Kaji contemplated a second before answering, "I want to you from behind."

Misato shrugged off the sheets seductively and move into position, much to Kaji's delight. As a sign of appreciation, he nuzzled and kissed Misato's back. He was already ready.

Ritsuko couldn't move as the the sight before her held her in a dreamlike trance. She couldn't comprehend why on earth she couldn't pull away, and leave Kaji and Misato in privacy. She had also never, in a million years, imagined that she would see Misato, that talkative and silly girl, like this. She was naked, moaning, and begging. Misato looked…well, she looked like a grown up. It made Ritsuko feel inadequate somehow, like a child.

Eventually it was over.

Ritsuko turned and left, as Misato and Kaji recovered from one of their many sexual escapades. She closed the front door behind her slowly, her head low.

Walking home, she felt overwhelming guilt and shame wash over her. Ritsuko didn't know how or why it happened, but there was no denying the quiet tears that ran down her flushed cheeks.

It would take a while for Ritsuko to wash away how dirty she felt. She didn't know how long would it take for her to remove the stain. And what made matters worst was that she knew she had become aroused by the entire spectacle. She could feel the wetness between her legs, and cursed at herself for being so weak, for being a shameless voyeur.

Ritsuko's purse, the catalyst for the entire mess, sat alone at the legs of Kaji's couch, forgotten once again. Misato would have to remember to return it to her roommate tomorrow.

"Misato's drinking too much, isn't she. She's acting a little out of control," Ritsuko said, washing away the unpleasant past by focusing on the present.

Kaji chuckled, "Sometimes one drinks to keep oneself under control. We all do it."

"As someone who lived with her, your words carry a weight of truth," Ritsuko said as she sipped her drink again.

"Well, I did live with her," Kaji reminded Ritsuko, "but that was before she started wearing heels like a real woman. Before you."

Ritsuko looked up from her drink in surprise. "What do you mean?"

"Working in intelligence…that sort of work gives you access to all sorts of knowledge. Some more important than others," Kaji responded with knowing smile. When Ritsuko didn't answer, Kaji looked away.

"So…," Ritsuko began, "they know then." Kaji nodded, while Ritsuko considered what he was thinking. She sighed, "I would've figured that."

And then there was silence.

Minutes pass and they remained that way, separated not only by distance between the seats but also by Misato, who was still powdering her nose in the restroom nearby.

Finally, Kaji broke the silence with words that pierced through Ritsuko's heart, ripping it open.

"You know…," Kaji paused, debating about whether or not he should say what he said next. After a moment of hesitation, he spoke, in a voice so sad that it seemed to touch upon the deepest and darkest depths of his soul, "I still love her."

Ritsuko turned to study Kaji, whose eyes wouldn't or couldn't meet with hers.

What could she say?

But Ritsuko knew that she couldn't tell him, in all honesty, that she was sorry.

How could she possibly apologize for loving someone?

Instead, her eyes glanced down at her empty glass. She realized that she would need another refill soon.

"Kaji, its Misato's decision…" her words trailed off, unsure of what she wanted to say, but knowing that there was really nothing to say. Except that she could feel for him in ways that he could never even begin to imagine.

It frightened her.

She looked sideways at Kaji, who stared ahead of him at something she couldn't see. In his silence, however, there was an unspoken understanding, an acknowledgement that what Ritsuko said was the truth.

He opened his mouth to tell her something, but Ritsuko would never find out what it was.

"What's all this?" Misato asked playfully, interrupting their exchange. She took her seat in between Ritsuko and Kaji, her body facing Ritsuko. Her eyes, while glazed over from intoxication, still trained loving on Ritsuko.

Kaji laughed, "Wouldn't you like to know."

Ritsuko could tell from his tone that he was masking his feelings under a façade of happiness again. Probably to protect Misato. She figured that he probably also wanted to close this topic. But she couldn't let him go without letting him know. "Oh, by the way Kaji," she started, in a casual tone, "thank you. For being honest."

He smirked, "Only with the ladies."

"As if," Misato said, sticking out her tongue again at him. He gave her a warm smile, before looking over at Ritsuko. She didn't look back at him.

"Anyways, I lost once before. It's not my style to keep fighting a battle I'm sure to lose," he reassured Ritsuko.

Misato glanced back and forth at Kaji and Ritsuko, wondering what he meant by that. She had the nagging feeling that she had just missed something important.

Kaji picked up his glass and drained the last of his martini. "Well," he announced, "I've still got some work to do."

"Really?" Misato asked, giving him the puppy dog look. She obviously wanted the three old friends to spend more time together.

Again, he just smiled at Misato, giving no answer. The red pouch next to his glass caught his attention. "Oh yeah, I forgot to give you this. A souvenir from a cat." He pushed the pouch over to Ritsuko. Kaji then stood up and bowed to both girls before leaving.

Misato watched as he disappeared out the front door and into the darkness of the night. She turned over to Ritsuko, who slowly pulled on the tugs of the red pouch to reveal Kaji's gift, a tiny broach engraved with the cat.

"Should I even bother asking?"

Ritsuko smiled at Misato's curiosity. "There's nothing to ask about," Ritsuko replied, placing the broached inside her purse and grabbed her cellphone to dial Misato's home number.

Without Ritsuko's prompting, Misato leaned over to speak on the cell, "Hi, Shinji? It's me. I'm with Ritsuko. We're going to be out drinking. Don't wait up."

Pen-Pen waddled over to the refrigerator, pulling out another can of beer. Although the can was slightly smaller than him, he still managed to carry it across the kitchen to his own refrigerator-home. On the way there, he paused to observe one of those strange two-legged creatures that lived with him. This one was currently on the phone, intently listening to Misato.

"Yes…, okay, later," and with that, Shinji hung up the phone. He wasn't the least surprised that his guardian was staying out for the night.

With Ritsuko…

His thoughts were interrupted when Asuka stepped out of the shower, toweling off her wet hair. She asked, "Was that Misato?"

"Yea, she'll be late, so don't wait up for her."

Asuka didn't seem too pleased to hear this at all. Shinji figured that, for Asuka, spending the evening alone with him wasn't a prospect that she was looking forward to.

"Is she going to stay out until morning?" Asuka asked, with a slight whine in her voice.

"I don't know. She's with Ritsuko."

"Oh…then…that's okay."

One of Shinji's eyebrows rose in curiosity, and he had to ask, "Why is that?"

"Are you an idiot? If she was with Kaji then she'll probably gone all night doing god-only-knows what," Asuka stated, in her "as-if-you-didn't-know" voice.

Shinji blushed, "Asuka..."

She interrupted, "But if she's with Ritsuko, I don't have to worry."

So…, Shinji mused, she's concerned about Kaji.

Asuka let out a sigh of relief and continued to towel off her hair, brushing Shinji out of her thoughts. This was her rest and relaxation time, so she'd rather not spend it thinking about unpleasant people. Besides, she'd much rather be thinking about Kaji. Perhaps she could persuade him to take her shopping the next time she saw him.

Pen-Pen watched as the red-head walked towards the TV, before she fell on one of the numerous pillows strung about the living room. He waddled after her, intending to snuggle next to her.

Asuka doesn't really know anything. Shinji's eyes narrowed as he watched Pen-Pen pull a small pillow up besides Asuka.

Ritsuko. He blushed, remembering how he had caught Ritsuko and Misato having sex in her bedroom. And he blushed even more, thinking about all the possible activities that Misato might be engaged in with Ritsuko tonight.

Shinji sighed and made his way to his room. He needed some alone time.

Asuka was right. Maybe he was just a little pervert.

They had to stop for the second time that night to let Misato puke out all that alcohol that was circulating in her system. Ritsuko was beginning to worry that Misato didn't have anything left to throw up. Maybe they should make a quick trip to the convenience store and buy some hangover medicine. God knows that she'll need it.

"Ritsuko?"

Misato reached up and grabbed Ritsuko's shirt.

She'll have to admonish Misato tomorrow about drinking too much. But for now, Ritsuko simply slipped Misato's arm over her shoulder to help her up.

"How are you doing?" Ritsuko asked as Misato leaned against her for support. The purpled hair woman responded with a groan and murmured.

They walked the rest of the way home with Ritsuko supporting Misato, their arms over each other shoulders. Ritsuko decided that she was getting much too old for this. Still, there was something endearing about the way Misato felt comfortable enough to drink around her. She also liked how Misato had trusted her to care for her in such a vulnerable state.

Trust. Ritsuko wasn't too sure she deserved it, especially from someone like Misato.

Ritsuko's wandering thoughts were interrupted by another groan from Misato.

"Honestly," Ritsuko began, taking on a motherly tone, "drinking so much that you throw up like a kid. Exactly how old are you?"

"Old enough," Misato snapped back, dragging her feet and making it harder for Ritsuko to pull her along. "I'm not a kid."

"Kaji noticed," Ritsuko remarked, off-handedly.

She could feel Misato tense up at the mention of Kaji. Misato muttered something unintelligible, causing the nagging feeling that Ritsuko felt to intensify.

At some point, walking from the bar to now, there was something inside Ritsuko that insisted that Misato should at least know.

Ritsuko had resisted this line of thought, afraid of what Misato's answer would be. But now, that didn't seem as important.

It is Misato's decision.

She began cautiously, "He couldn't believe that you wear high heels now."

"Oh?"

Misato's head hung low next to her, making it impossible for Ritsuko to read Misato's reaction.

After a moment, Misato tentatively asked, "What else did he say?"

There was no turning back for Ritsuko. "He said that he thought you're even more beautiful."

Misato stopped in her tracks, hearing this. Ritsuko felt her weight shift.

"I can walk now. Thank you," Misato murmured, slipping her arms off Ritsuko, who simply nodded.

They walked, side-by-side, in silence.

Ritsuko absently noted that they were near a park. That would explain why the crickets were getting louder.

A car passed by.

Ritsuko hadn't noticed that Misato had stopped suddenly. They were both lost in their own thoughts. After a few steps, Ritsuko realized that Misato wasn't following.

Misato stood still, bathed in the light emitted by the lamppost, looking at the ground in front of her.

Perhaps she was thinking of Kaji, Ritsuko mused, herself unsure what to feel about that.

She walked back to Misato, and stood by, waiting for her.

Misato had wanted Ritsuko to say something, anything. She had wanted Ritsuko to prod her into talking, ask a question or something. Mostly, she wanted Ritsuko to begin so that she wouldn't have to start out by apologizing. No such luck.

"I'm sorry," Misato said, quietly. When Ritsuko didn't respond, she added, "for lying to you. When I told you that I didn't have feelings for Kaji anymore, you knew it was a lie, didn't you?"

"No."

Now Ritsuko was lying.

"It's just that the reason I left him was because Kaji was so much like my late father."

Somewhere in the back of both their minds, they knew that this wasn't a good reason. But Misato pressed on, "When I realized that I wanted a man like my father, I was scared. I was so afraid. Being with Kaji…being a woman…everything scared me."

Her voice was shaking, but Ritsuko made no move to reach over and comfort her. Ritsuko kept her hands still. Her face remained impassive and unreadable.

"I hated my father, but fell in love with someone just like him. I chose to break everything off and join NERV. However, it turned out that my father had worked for NERV too. I tried to bury my feelings by swearing vengeance against the angels."

So. That was why. Ritsuko wasn't surprised by this revelation.

Misato felt disgusted with herself. Here she was, using everyone around her and pretending like she gave a damn. She was the living embodiment of the sad, old, pathetic woman that people would ridicule. Man or woman…she didn't care. She was just looking for love, sex, and comfort. Just that. It made her feel a little disgusted to think that it was a possibility that she didn't care who she got it from. Only that she got it.

So Misato wasn't surprised when Ritsuko didn't say anything. After all, how did she expect Ritsuko? Did she really expect Ritsuko to understand? To run and throw her arms around her? And then everything would be alright again?

"I see…"

Misato looked up, hating how Ritsuko kept all her thoughts to herself. Unable to stand it, Misato looked away, disappointed in her own weakness.

"That was your decision, Misato," Ritsuko continued, causing Misato to look up again, this time in surprise. "You don't have to be sorry."

Neither of them moved.

After a moment, Misato spoke, her voice laced with guilt, "Yes, I do. I'm just a coward." She paused, holding back tears, "I'm a coward! I just use people when I need to. In the past, I used Kaji and now…, I may have just…just used you!"

Her words cut deep, only because Ritsuko knew that it was true.

Ritsuko shook her head, masking the pain under the appearance of calmness. "That's enough, Misato, stop."

"I'm so pathetic! I can't stand myself!" Misato sobbed. She was no longer fighting back her tears.

Ritsuko looked away. She was afraid that if she looked at Misato any longer the tears that threatened to surfaced would come. "Please," Ritsuko in a voice barely above a whisper, "please stop."

The night was punctuated by the Misato's soft sobs as Ritsuko waited for them to abate. And when they gradually did, Misato continued, more calmly, "I just wanted you to know that my feelings for Kaji…they're not the same. Being around him brought back memories." She paused before adding, "I'm really sorry. I had to get drunk just to tell you this, but…I just wanted to be honest with you."

Ritsuko started to wonder why everyone was suddenly being so honest. Surely, she had never asked for it. And yet here she was. At this moment, the word honesty, to Ritsuko, seemed so hollow and overrated.

Perhaps there were certain things that were better off unsaid.

She decided it was the alcohol. But still, her nerves wouldn't let her brushed off the heartfelt motivation that was behind Misato's actions. They were just too genuine to ignore or deny. Just like Misato. She was always too genuine in Ritsuko's opinion.

It's Misato's decision. that thought repeated in her head.

"So," Ritsuko started, causing Misato to look up at her, "what now?"

Whatever Misato chooses, Ritsuko decided that she had no choice but to accept it. After all, having an unwilling partner was not a part of Ritsuko's plan. If letting her go was for the best then Ritsuko would do it. No matter what the cost.

She watched as Misato clenched her jacket sleeve tighter.

Misato made sure she collected herself before she told Ritsuko, "I still need you." She waited, searching Ritsuko's face, relieved to find an expression of understanding there. Maybe there was still hope for them after all.

Ritsuko nodded and motioned for her to follow. Misato reached out to grab a hold of Ritsuko's hand, and they walked the rest of the way home together like that.

Misato's words resonated in Ritsuko's mind. "I still need you."

After all that, this was really all Ritsuko wanted to hear.

The kiss was nice.

Shinji had to admit that Asuka's kiss was nice. Even though he wished that Asuka didn't have to ruin it by holding his nose and, thereby, cutting off his only means of breathing.

Right now, however, his ego was taking another bashing from Asuka.

Does she really have to be so melodramatic? he thought as she gargled mouthwash in the bathroom. Surely his kissing skills were that bad. If anything, Shinji reasoned that it was Asuka who still needed to practice.

Just her technique though. Shinji mused, turning warm when he thought about how soft her lips were.

His first kiss. And, it was from Asuka no less.

Before he realized how surreal it was for Asuka to kiss the likes of him, he heard Misato's groans in the hallway.

Ritsuko must be helping her home, Shinji decided as he walked towards the door to open it.

He was right, and from the looks of it, she needed a little help herself.

"Shinji," Ritsuko looked up at him, her eyes full of relief. Misato's back was haunched over as she was leaning against Ritsuko.

Seeing this, Shinji didn't hesitate to run over and take hold of Misato's other arm. She looked, in his opinion, awful. Her hair was in disarray and she was so pale. He also noted that she reeked of alcohol. It was as if she was dipped in a vat of vinegar.

Shinji held his breath as he and Ritsuko dragged Misato through the front door. They passed by Asuka, who stood by the bathroom door, hands on her hips, watching the entire spectacle.

***

Author's notes:

I published this a long time ago under a different name, but I've decided to take it out, brush it up a bit and present it here to you.

This can be a one-shot fic, but it was originally to be part of a series where Ritsuko and Misato initiated an affair in college.

I had really wanted to explore the character of Ritsuko, who can be a pretty misunderstood character. People see her as a scientist at best and a 'heartless bitch' at worst. But, like all the other eva ppl, she's motivated by the desire to be good in the eyes of other (Gendou in particular). What if, in an alternate universe, she was motivated to be good in the eyes of Misato?

Shinji and Asuka were included because I wanted some subtle balance (and because it was there in the series)…to contrast against Misato and Ritsuko's much more adult and darker relationship. After all, Shinji and Asuka are starting out, still optimistic and untainted. Besides, they're cute, no?

Depending on the feedback I get, I might continue. Either way, be forewarned that if I do, this will be a very graphic fic.