Disclaimer: I do not own any characters any of the twilight franchise...its all the lovely Stephanie Meyer's

It's been one year, seven months, and 13 days since he left.

He left with my mind, my body, my soul, my reason for existing

Since that day in September when Edward left I have been nothing but a shell of myself. A fragile casing that could crack under the smallest amount of pressure. No not even a shell that can break, that requires emotion of some kind, I was more like a suit. A cardboard cutout that made it from point A of the beginning of the day to the ending point B.

I would say that I don't understand why he left, but I do. It never made sense for Edward to love me. His perfection was something that my miserable humanistic self could never compare to. But still, he had once loved me. Once I had a taste of how strong love could be there was no coming back from it. I couldn't even fool myself into living, let alone fool anyone else around me. A strain had been put on Charlie and me's relationship for a while now. I know he just wanted what was best for me but honestly, he would never understand. Though, with college coming up he wouldn't have to pretend everything was ok much longer. Granted, I thought Charlie would be happy, ever since Edwa...He left, sometimes its hard to even think his name after all this time, my school work was as pristine as the crowned jewels in England. My grades were miraculously flawless. I even got in to Dartmouth all by myself, no help needed; I had even surprised myself on that one. Although the only reason I applied was because it made me feel a little closer to what I had lost.

So that was it, in less than 3 weeks I would be going off to New Hampshire to college. But against Charlie's wishes I had decided to sign up only for online classes the first semester. I just wasn't prepared to be around that many new people. They would undoubtedly ask me what the hell my problem was and why I insisted on walking around like a zombie and this was defiantly a story I wasn't ready to tell. So when I told Charlie that I wanted to take online classes for the first semester he freaked out about me going at all.

"Bell! How am I supposed to be okay with you on the other side of the country, if when you get there, you don't want to come out to see the light of day!" he screamed.

"Dad, really I'll be fine. It will just be easier for me to ease into it." I said weakly.

"Bella," he paused with hesitation in his voice. "It's been over a year honey," he was suddenly more calm and compassionate. "Don't you think it's time you tried to put all of this behind you and start to move on?"

I looked at him like he was asking me to do the most vial of things. He couldn't possibly understand, I knew this but it still didn't stop my anger.

"DAD YOU DON'T GET DO YOU!?! I'M TRYING BUT IT'S MY LIFE AND I'M GONNA DO IT THE WAY I WANT! YOU'RE NOT PAYING FOR IT ANYWAY OK!" He winced a little as I acknowledge his lack of financial input in my upcoming education. I knew I had taken a low blow, but I needed to get my point across. Phil offered to pay for my college after he got signed into the major's and after discussing it with Renee and Charlie we decided this would be the best option.

"Look Dad, I didn't mean it like that, it's just, that I really need to go slow with this ok? I can't push myself too far. Besides, it's just a semester. In the spring I'll be gallivanting with all the rest of the Ivy League snobs. K?"

"Yea ok Bells, I just worry about you is all."

"I know dad, I love you for it. But really, I'll be ok."

We decided that Charlie would drive me to the airport and I would go to New Hampshire by myself because I didn't have much to move in anyway. I convinced Charlie that it would be a waste of money to come all the way to New Hampshire just to drop me off.

"Well Bells, I guess this is it?" Charlie said as we stood at the terminal. "I can't believe how fast the time has gone by since you came to live with me. I just wanna tell you how proud I am of you. You know that right?"

"Yea dad, I know. I'm gonna miss you too."

Charlie looked at me with what I could swear were tears. "I love you so much Bells, take care of yourself. Call me as soon as you land."

"I will dad, bye." I hugged him and handed the boarding lady my ticket.

As I was walking down the corridor to the plane I sighed. I sat down in my coach window seat and pondered. The seat belt sign came on and before I knew it we were in the air. As we started to descend I looked down at the New Hampshire view and realized I was crying. I couldn't control my hysterics. What was wrong with me, did I miss Forks that much already?

Then his name flashed …Edward… This place reminded me of him and the hole in my chest ached for fulfillment that I knew wouldn't come. This place was gonna be the death of me…what had I gotten myself into?

AN: What do you think? This is my first fanfic, so go easy on me! : )