Babysitting
author: Melby7777
Summary: Hidan's best friend Kakuzu got him a job due to Hidan mooching off of his friend so much. But the minute Hidan finds out he's babysitting for a couple of brats by the names of Deidara and Sasori, he regrets all decisions of asking Kakuzu for money.
Disclaimer: Akatsuki is owned by Masashi Kishimoto
Note: Deidara talks funny in this, so don't tell me I spelled things wrong. Also, this was a request by my friend Dezihetmezi on deviant art.

Seventeen-year-old Hidan stared out the car window at the tall house. "You sure I'll get money Kakuzu…?" The silver haired teen murmured, looking back over at his closest friend.

Kakuzu sighed, shaking his head. "Yes Hidan…" He muttered in reply, rubbing his temples. The eighteen-year-old glanced over at his friend before sighing once more and leaning over. Hidan bit his lip at the closeness between them, a blush forming on his cheeks. He let out a silent sigh when his friend simply opened the car door. "Now get out of my car!" Kakuzu growled, kicking Hidan out. "I'll pick you up at ten…"

With that, the miser slammed the door shut and drove off, almost running over Hidan's toes. The albino sighed, shaking his head before turning to look at the house again.

Slowly, Hidan approached the front door and bit his lip. It was now or never; the teenager pressed the door bell, hearing it ring from within the large house.

Almost instantly the door opened and Hidan looked up at the orange haired man. "You must be Hidan…" The pierced man murmured, stepping out of the doorway to allow Hidan to enter. "I am Pein, Deidara's father. My wife Konan is currently busy upstairs." The man said, closing the door once Hidan was inside.

"What exactly is she doing…?" Hidan asked, trying not to look at the many piercings on the man's face.

"Catching Tobi for his medication." Pein simply replied, looking to the open doorway into the sitting room. Hidan turned to look as well, jumping at the sight of a two tone skinned, green haired man. "This is Tobi's husband, Zetsu, and the father figure to Sasori. They live with us."

Zetsu smiled down at the teenager, making Hidan gulp a little from the hungry look in his golden eyes. "Hello Hidan…"

"H-hey…" Hidan stuttered, biting his lip once more.

"It's a shame Itachi couldn't baby sit for us; he's currently out of town with Kisame. You know that, don't you?" Zetsu said, the sinister looking smile still in place.

Hidan nodded a little. "Itachi's a friend of mine…"

Pein placed a hand on Hidan's shoulder, making him jump once more. "We can count on you to watch our sons, right?"

"Yeah…" Hidan replied, nodding his head quickly. A crashing noise came from the sitting room then, making the three men look in surprise.

"TOBI DOESN'T WANT TO TAKE HIS MEDICATION!" A man's voice yelled, just before a black haired man came running down the stairs. A blue haired woman followed him moments later.

"BUT TOBI NEEDS TO TAKE HIS MEDICATION!" She yelled, chasing him into the entryway. The man clung onto Zetsu, screaming a little. Hidan stared in confusion at the man, the orange swirly eye patch catching his interest.

"Zetsu, Konan is being mean…!" The man, Tobi, cried out as Zetsu pulled him into a hug.

"Just take your medication Tobi…" Zetsu murmured, an emotionless expression on his face.

Konan came into the room then, panting a little. Hidan sighed a little, happy to know there was at least one normal looking person.

"Tobi… take… your stupid… medication…" She panted, shoving the bottle into the man's face.

Tobi looked a little uncertain, glancing up at Zetsu for a moment. The dual man nodded and Hidan watched as the smaller man finally took the bottle from Konan.

Konan sighed, fixing her hair a little before she noticed Hidan. She smiled at him, holding out her hand. "Hello, you must be Hidan. I'm Konan, Deidara's mother."

Hidan smiled back at her, holding his own hand out. "Hello Konan."

Pein cleared his throat a little, earning Hidan's attention once more. "Hidan, you need to know a few things about Deidara…"

"And Sasori…" Zetsu added before looking back at his husband.

The orange haired man nodded before looking back at Hidan. "You see Hidan, Konan and I adopted Deidara about a year ago because nobody would take him."

Hidan gave the man a questioning look. "Why's that…?"

"Deidara likes to play with explosives." Konan answered for her husband.

Hidan stared at her for a moment. "How… old is he?"

"Four…" She answered simply with a smile.

The albino nodded a little, shocked at the age.

"As for Sasori, he's five…" Zetsu began, watching Tobi take his other medications. "And he enjoys playing with puppets."

Hidan nodded, happy to know at least one of the kids was normal.

Zetsu looked back at the teenager, a grave look on his face. "So don't fall asleep around him."

"Why…?" Hidan asked, not completely sure if he wanted to know.

"He'll find ways to make you into a human puppet." Zetsu simply stated, shrugging his shoulders. "But other than that, Sasori is a good kid."

"Same for Deidara… unless they get into a fight." Pein added, glancing at the stair case in the sitting room.

"What kind of fight, Pein?" Hidan asked, curious to know how they could possibly get into arguments.

"About their art." Konan stated, looking to the stair case as well. "Oh, there you two are! Deidara and Sasori, come meet your babysitter for the night."

Hidan turned to look into the other room as well, small feet padding across the room. He smiled when a redhead and a blonde came running up. The blonde ran into Konan's arms, the redhead into Tobi's.

"Hidan, this is my son, Sasori." Tobi said cheerfully, smiling brightly at the little redhead. Sasori on the other hand looked completely bored. "And that little blonde over there is Deidara." Hidan looked over at Deidara, smiling at him.

Konan smiled at her son. "Say hello, Dei."

"Hewwo, un…" Deidara murmured, glancing over at Sasori. The redhead rolled his eyes, a smirk forming on his lips.

Hidan smiled awkwardly, unsure of what to say. "Uh… hello, Deidara…"

Pein and Konan smiled at their son when he bit his bottom lip, trying to hold back a grin. Zetsu shot his own adoptive son a glance, making the redhead sigh. "It's nice to meet you…"

Hidan looked over at the redhead, the smile slowly fading as he looked at the emotionless expression on the five-year-olds face. "Likewise, Sasori…"

Tobi grinned widely from his child's politeness. "Well, Tobi thinks it'd be best to go now to get good seats!"

Pein nodded, opening the door again. Tobi set Sasori back down onto the floor, kissing his forehead. "Be a good boy like mum, Sasori! Mum and dad will be back soon!" He said cheerfully, Sasori smirking a little before nodding his head.

Konan also set her son down, kissing his forehead as well. "You too, Dei; if I come home to find one room exploded—"

"I be in twobble…" Deidara muttered as he crossed his little arms. Konan smiled and nodded, standing straight again.

"Oh yeah, Hidan—the number to reach us if anything happens is on the counter. And their bed time is nine." Konan said, turning to look back to the teenager. Hidan nodded his head just before she turned to continue out the door, followed by Tobi and Zetsu.

Pein began heading out the door, stopping for a moment to look back at the teenager as well. "Take good care of them, Hidan…"

"I will, Pein. No worries…" Hidan replied, a smile on his face. Pein nodded, closing the door firmly behind him.

The silver haired teen sighed, shaking his head. "Alright guys, what do you want to do?" He turned to look at where the kids had been standing, only to find that no one was there anymore. "Uh… guys…?"

"Oba 'ere Hidan, un!" Hidan turned to look at the staircase in the sitting room, Deidara waving to him excitedly beside Sasori before the redhead grabbed his friend's hand and pulled him up the stairs. The blonde began to laugh happily, echoing in the room before it died as he was pulled further away.

Hidan sighed before running after the two. He looked around the hallway on the second floor as he took the last step up, tripping suddenly on a toy. "What the fuck…?" He murmured, looking to where his foot had hit. The teen picked up the toy, turning it over in his hand to find out it was actually a clay model. "A… bird…?"

Deidara's bubbly laughter reached his ears and he looked over to where the sound came from. Deidara stood in the doorway to a room, Sasori beside him with his hand still in the other child's. "Espwode, un…!" The blonde laughed out before his friend pulled him behind the door.

Hidan's eye brow raised a little at this before the bird in his hand exploded. He began to cough as smoke formed around him, and when it finally cleared the albino was able to breathe again. Hidan looked to the hand that had been holding the bird before realizing it was burnt and still smoking.

Sighing, he stood up and walked over to the room he'd seen the kids in. "Alright brat, what the hell was that?" He asked as he pushed the door open, only to have a bucket of water fall onto his head.

Deidara's laughter sounded within the room. Hidan pushed the bucket up to see where the blonde was exactly. The child stood beside Sasori on the other side of the room, their hands still together.

"You fucking fagots…!" He began, throwing the bucket off his head and to the floor. Deidara gasped then, looking to his redheaded friend.

Sasori looked at him as well, an eye brow raised in question. "Danna, did you 'ear what ee said, yeah?!"

The redhead nodded, a frown forming on his face. "He called us fagots…"

Hidan scoffed, crossing his arms. "You're holding hands, dumbass, and you're the same gender; therefore you're fags."

Deidara gasped once more, but Sasori ignored it. "Who cares if we're holding hands? We're friends; besides, you're the one who likes Kakuzu!"

Hidan stopped all movement to process what was said. "How the hell do you know 'Kuzu…?"

Sasori smirked at the teenager. "Itachi… he told us everything…"

Growling Hidan stalked over to the redhead child, kneeling down to glare eye to eye with him. "Look here kid, Kakuzu and I are just friends, nothing more fucker."

"Stop sweawen, un!" Deidara screamed, pulling his hand away from Sasori's to place them over his ears. "Mum said sweawen is bad, yeah!"

Hidan rolled his eyes. "I don't think it fucking matters, Blondie…"

Sasori glared at the albino. "Don't make fun of Dei stupid!"

Hidan threw his hands in the air, groaning in annoyance. "Why the fuck did Kakuzu have me baby sit for two faggy little brats?!"

"Why do you keep sweawen, yeah…?" Deidara muttered, crossing his little arms over his chest. Sasori glanced at his friend before looking back up at their babysitter.

"Why do you keep swearing…?" The puppeteer asked, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his overalls.

Hidan shrugged at his question, standing straight as he stared at the ceiling. "I grew up listening to it; just a damn slip of the tongue…" He looked back down at where the two children had stood, his eye brows scrunching together in anger when he saw no one was there. Hidan turned to the door, growling when he saw the two hopping out. "Get back here you little brats!"

The teenager ran after then, slipping on the puddle of water from the bucket that had fallen on him.

Sitting up, the boy sighed in annoyance. "Damn kids…"

Meanwhile, in the boy's toy room just down the hall, Deidara watched the wet babysitter slowly stand and look around the hall to find where the kids went.

"Sasori-danna, ee's come'n, un!" The blonde hurriedly whispered to his friend, turning to look back at the puppeteer. Sasori grunted in reply, his head still in the toy box and digging around. Deidara scurried over to him, almost tripping on the hem of his overalls. The bomber grabs the back of his friend's overall straps, helping him get out of the toy box. Both of them fall down shaking their heads to rid the confusion before looking at what Sasori had grabbed. Deidara grins at his smirking danna. "Puhfect, un…"

The redhead nods in agreement, standing up and taking his friend's hand to help him up as well. "Let the fun begin…"

Minutes later, Hidan walked into the same room, looking around in wonder. "Okay, seriously you guys, where the hell did you go…?"

The room seemed empty, making the teenager deem it safe. Just before he cracked the door open further, he looked up just to make sure nothing would fall on his head. Hidan smirked when he saw nothing and threw the door open.

"Seriously brats, where are you…?" He asked, looking around the seemingly empty room. Sighing, the masochist began to turn around right when the sound little wooden footsteps were heard across the room.

Hidan turned back around, confusion in his lavender eyes. There, sitting across the room, was a little puppet stage. But that wasn't what confused the teenager—the puppet on the stage is what had him gawking in surprise.

The little puppet upon the stage was an exact replica of himself; silver hair, lilac eyes, and a scowl on his face. The Jashin rosary around the little puppet's neck was smaller then his own, but looked to fit the little toy perfectly. Hidan cautiously stepped forward, unsure of what would happen.

The silver haired teenager jumped in surprise when Deidara popped his head out from behind the stage, a look of excitement in his eyes and top hat upon his head. "Wehcome gentahman, ta Akasuna Sasowi's bewy own puppet show!" The little blonde said, walking around the little box that still had the little version of Hidan on it. "Tonight's show will feachuh Hidan, da babysittah, and his fwends!"

Hidan sat down on the floor, giving the little bomber a funny look. "Right…" He muttered, slowly clapping his hands with the child.

Once their clapping stopped, Deidara eagerly sat down beside the seventeen-year-old, grinning as he stared at the stage. Hidan sighed inwardly as he looked at it as well.

He had to admit, the five-year-old made nice puppets; it looked exactly like Hidan. But the minute the puppet started moving, Hidan was struck dumbfounded; the puppet moved as though it were real.

"Hello fuckers; the name's Hidan, seriously!" The puppet said, his voice similar to Sasori's but with a bit of a whine to it. Hidan bit his tongue in an effort not to yell at the kid. "Today, I'm going to go and piss off 'Kuzu because he's fucking hot, seriously!"

Hidan brought his hand to his mouth, biting down on his thumb to calm himself. This redhead was starting to bug him…

The little puppet upon the stage began to move as though it were walking, the little scenery in the background moving with him. Hidan would have thought it was cool if it weren't for the fact he was pissed off.

The miniature Hidan stopped when another puppet came on stage, and the teenager's jaw hit the floor. Now upon the little stage was a tiny Kakuzu, all the details of the miser in place. Hidan's eyes scanned the puppet, and he noted each and every stitch was where it should be on the body, his hair stingy and dark. The little miser's eyes were just like his best friend's; Christmas colored and glaring as always. But what topped the cake was the little wad of cash in the puppet's wooden hand.

Hidan listened intently when the little puppet's mouth opened. "What do you want, Hidan…?" Sasori's voice came, the Kakuzu puppet's mouth moving. Hidan gulped, trying not to blush; Sasori was actually quite good at throwing his voice, despite the fact he didn't actually try with Hidan's puppet.

The miniature Hidan brought his hands to his mouth, the whole puppet shaking as the whiney voice came again in a giggle. "Well 'Kuzu, I want some fucking money, seriously!"

"No…" The little Kakuzu growled in reply, turning away from Hidan's tiny replica.

"Puh-leeeeeeaaaaaase, Kakuzu-chan?! With sugar on top, seriously!" The little albino whined, Hidan's blood boiling. He never begged Kakuzu for money; what was Itachi telling these kids…?

The little Kakuzu rubbed his head, a sigh coming in the raspy voice. "Why don't I just get you a job…?" The miniature miser replied, turning back to look at the tiny albino.

Hidan's replica gasped enthusiastically, cheering in the whiney voice as the little wooden hands clapped. "You'd do that for me, 'Kuzu; seriously?!"

Normal sized Hidan had enough of this little show, his anger bubbling over his self control. Just before the smaller version of his friend replied, the masochist stood and advanced toward the little stage. Hidan grabbed onto the top of it, pulling it upward to glare down at the redhead who sat beneath it. Sasori looked up from the two puppets that now stood in mid air, his emotionless eyes showing no surprise.

"Look fagot; I do not talk like that, I do not say 'seriously' after every sentence, I do not beg Kakuzu for money, and I do NOT giggle like a little girl every time that fucker says my name!"

Sasori didn't move from his seat, no words coming from his lips. The puppeteer smirked after a few moments, and he stood up from his sitting position—his puppets left on the floor. "Itachi tells us differently…"

"What exactly does the weasel tell you…?" Hidan inquired, crossing his arms over the Jashinist jacket he wore.

Deidara bounced over, standing beside his friend. He grinned up at the teenager, reaching up to take the hat from his head. "Ee says you like Kakuzu-san bewy much, un!"

"That you always tell him that Kakuzu's hot…"

"Dat you ahways ask 'im fuh money…"

Hidan put his hand out to stop them from continuing. "That… that was completely wrong…" Hidan growled, rubbing his forehead. "I mean, I used to fucking ask him for money and talk to Itachi about how hot he is; but that was before, when the weasel and I were both single. But now he dates Kisame and I don't talk with him very often—and I'm trying to stop from asking Kakuzu for money, which is why I'm here watching you two, seriously."

Sasori and Deidara glanced to one another, both of them crossing their arms over their chests. They seemed to be communicating with their eyes, and Hidan found the silence very annoying.

The teenager coughed, looking away for a second. "So um… why are you both wearing overalls along with red and white stripped sweaters…?"

Both of the kids looked up at their babysitter, surprise in their eyes. "My mum said we look cute, un!" Sasori nodded in agreement, his face becoming emotionless again.

Hidan rolled his eyes. "You look like a couple of fags…" He grinned after his comment. "Oh wait—you are…!"

"So says the guy who likes his best friend of the same gender…" Sasori muttered, crossly looking at Deidara as the blonde began to giggle.

Their babysitter groaned in annoyance as he threw his hands up in the air. The silver haired teen turned around, muttering incoherent things to himself, causing the two children to crossly look at one another, smirks on their faces. Hidan didn't notice it as he took the first step through the door, but when he fell to the floor, he realized there was a wire waiting for him to trip on.

As soon as the teenager was on the floor, Deidara and Sasori ran towards him, ropes in their hands.

Hidan propped himself up on his arms, groaning from the pain in his head from having fallen so many times. He yelped when he felt something tighten around his ankles, making him look down to see the little blonde bomber tie his ankles together.

Deidara looked up at him and grinned, sticking out his tongue in a mocking manor. Hidan growled, ready to throttle the child when a rope looped around him, tightening when it was halfway down his bicep. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the redheaded puppeteer tying the rope tightly.

"What the hell…?!" Hidan screamed at them before the children grabbed his wrists, pushed him forward, and pulled his hands together, tying them up as well. Hidan growled, prepared to spew curses at the kids until Sasori jumped on him and slammed his head into the floor.

"Don't say anything, you fagot…" Sasori bitterly said, pulling out a cloth and sticking it in the teenager's mouth, tying it behind his head. Hidan began to curse, though it was completely muffled by the gag.

Deidara smiled at their handiwork as Sasori jumped off the teenager. "So now what do we do, Sasowi-danna?" He asked his friend, who also checked over their handiwork. Hidan glared at them both, trying his best to say something to the both of them.

"Well, I'm going to wait for him to fall asleep so I can turn him into a puppet; but it might take a while." Sasori answered, looking away from the now freaking out albino. "What do you want to do, Dei-dei?"

The children turned to head down the hallway, towards the staircase. "I don't know, Danna; whatebah you wanna do…" The two children continued to chat as they started down the stairs, leaving their babysitter tied up on the floor.

Hidan mentally groaned. "Why did you get me this job, 'Kuzu…?"

Kakuzu rang the doorbell to Pein and Konan's home, giving his phone a weird look. The text message he'd received from Hidan was very strange, and he wanted to make sure his friend was okay. He looked at the message once more.

Kakuzu help im fucking tied up

It didn't make sense to the miser, so he had headed over to the house as soon as he had gotten the message. He looked around, checking his watch for to see what time it was. The numbering 9:25 glowed in his face and he growled; he had gotten the message at eight o'clock, but was in the shower at that time. He could have just waited until ten to come, but the message was too weird to ignore.

When no one answered the door, Kakuzu rang the bell once more. What was going on…?

A car pulled into the driveway, earning the banker's attention. He looked over at the car as it turned off, four people coming out of it. Konan and Tobi waved at him, each of them smiling. Pein and Zetsu simply nodded at him as they came up to him with their significant others.

"Kakuzu, what brings you here?" Konan asked as she held onto Pein's arm.

Kakuzu shrugged, looking at his phone. "Hidan had texted me, asking for help…"

Konan and Tobi chuckled a little. "Those two are a handful the first time…" Tobi remarked, going up to the door first. He opened it after unlocking the lock, stepping aside to let the others in.

All five of them stared in shock. The walls were colored on with crayon, parts of the furniture were smoking and had holes in them, puppets and various other toys littered the floor and the kitchen was a mess.

Kakuzu sighed, stepping into the mess of the sitting room and putting a hand to his mouth. "Hidan, you idiot, where are you!" He called, walking further into the mess. Konan and Pein went off to find Deidara, Tobi and Zetsu into the kitchen to find Sasori.

The banker headed up the stairs, nearly tripping on the toys that carelessly sat on the steps. He sighed, shaking his head. "A simple task and he couldn't even do it right…" He muttered, looking around on the second level. Kakuzu almost smiled at the sight of a sleeping Deidara and Sasori, who sat shoulder to shoulder against the wall. The redhead held a puppet to his chest, the blonde holding a bit of clay half molded, their free hands intertwined.

Kakuzu continued his scan of the up stairs when a muffled yell reached his ears. Looking to his left, Kakuzu gasped. Hidan was lying on the floor, tied up and colored on, with his hair up in pigtails and a glare on his face; his cell phone was beside him, broken to pieces. The miser sighed, walking over to his best friend.

"Hidan, what the hell…?" He murmured, kneeling down so he could untie him. Hidan didn't even wait to have the gag off as he begun to explain things to the miser. Kakuzu ignored all the muffled comments as he untied the albino's hands.

Once they were free, Hidan pulled the gag off and began cursing at his friend. "Those fucking fagots tied me up, broke my cell phone after I messaged you and drew on me! Then Blondie decided to fucking tie up my hair, all the while that stupid redhead was trying to figure out how to turn me into a puppet!"

Hidan continued his rant even after he was completely untied. Kakuzu looked over at the two sleeping children, wondering if they'd wake up if Hidan continued being loud. He hated to admit it, but Kakuzu already had a soft spot for the two of them; they looked so cute sleeping like that.

So, the minute the idea of how to shut up his best friend before the kids woke up was in his mind, the banker set to do so. Kakuzu grabbed his friend's face in his hands, and kissed him—effectively shutting him up.

Hidan almost immediately melted into the kiss. He didn't know why the miser kissed him, and it didn't really matter to the masochist. He was kissing him, so that's all that mattered.

Well, other than the fact that Kakuzu probably didn't even listen to him about how Deidara and Sasori were only pretending to be asleep and would taunt them when they opened their eyes.

"Fags…" The oh-so-familiar voice of the puppeteer reached the miser and masochist, making them break apart to stare at the children. Deidara bit back a laugh as he and Sasori stared at them. Kakuzu raised an eyebrow at the five-year-old's comment.

Hidan scoffed and wrapped his arms around Kakuzu's neck. "Doesn't fucking matter; you and Blondie will be fags when you're older…"

Deidara stuck out his tongue at his babysitter, Sasori glaring at him in annoyance. Kakuzu simply sighed and tried to figure out exactly what he'd gotten himself into kissing Hidan.

Konan, Tobi, and Deidara waved to the two teenagers, bidding them farewell. Pein, Zetsu, and Sasori simply watched them walk out to Kakuzu's car and drive away.

Pein closed the front door the minute the car was down the street, turning to his friends and family. "So, how was having Hidan as your babysitter?"

Deidara grinned at his father. "Gwate, papa; can we hab 'im 'ere mouh often?"

Sasori nodded in agreement. "We promise we won't tie him up next time…"