Lelouch of the Children

Part One

CHAPTER ONE: TROUBLING CHILDREN

Lelouch: *sigh* Okay…children-who-used-to-be-older-or-the-same-age-as-me-maybe-younger…it's uhhh…dinner time!

All kids: YAYYYY!!!!! *all jump up and down*

Kaguya: Mister Zero, can I have a kiss?

Lelouch: *eyes widen* Huh?!

Villetta: *gasp and points at Lelouch* You're Zero?! *screams* TERRORIST!!! HE'S GONNA KILL US!!!

Shirley: *hits Villetta*

Villetta: Owie! Why, Shirley, why? *starts to cry*

Shirley: We all know Lulu isn't a terrorist, right Lulu?

Lelouch: Uhh, sure…

Suzaku: *points and screams* LIAR!!!

Shirley: *hits Suzaku*

Suzaku: Wahhh!!!! Lelouch, Shirley hit me!!! *cries*

Lelouch: Shirley, please stop hitting people

Shirley: Awww…but I was defending you!

Lelouch: There will be no need for that. No more hitting or you're going into timeout.

Shirley: *pouts* Fine.

Schneizel: What 'tis be for dinner, little brother? *dances around like a ballerina*

Lelouch: *stares in confusion* Schneizel, stop that.

Schneizel: *stops* I'm hungry!!!

Lelouch: Uhh, what do you guys want? *waits patiently while kids think*

C.C: Pizza.

Nina: I'm allergic to pepperoni!!!

C.C: Cheese pizza.

Lelouch: Okay, how many of you want pizza?

All kids except Jeremiah: *raise hands*

Lelouch: Jeremiah, what do you want?

Jeremiah: I want a cookie!

Lelouch: We can have cookies after dinner. What do you want for DINNER?

Jeremiah: Milk.

Lelouch: Milk? I mean food, Jeremiah. You can have milk with it.

Jeremiah: I want to eat Euphie!

Euphemia: *gasp*

Suzaku: No!!!
Jeremiah: Awww smoochy smoochy!! *puckers lips*

Suzaku: *pushes Jeremiah*

Jeremiah: Hey! *tackles Suzaku*

Lelouch: Stop it!

Suzaku and Jeremiah: *continue fighting*

Lelouch: Children, stop it right now!

Suzaku and Jeremiah: *still don't stop*

Euphemia: STOP IT!!! *pulls huge water gun out of nowhere and blasts the two boys to the ground* No more fighting!

Suzaku: Yes, Euphie. *bows sarcastically*

Euphie: *looks at Jeremiah* Well? What do you say to Suzaku?

Jeremiah: *sticks tongue out* Blah!

Euphie: WRONG!!! *squirts him*

Jeremiah: AAAAHHHH!!!!! LELOUCH MAKE HER STOP!!!!!

Lelouch: *takes squirt gun from Euphie* No…more...*growls*

Euphie: *shakes and curls up and starts to wail*

Cornelia: *bites Lelouch*

Lelouch: OW! *turns around* You little brat!

Cornelia: I'm older than you so I say stop!

C.C: Can we have pizza now?

Lelouch: Cornelia, as of the moment, you are five years old…therefore…I am older.

Cornelia: *bites him again*

Lelouch: Ah! *growls* No cookies for you.

Cornelia: WAAAAHHH!!!!!

C.C: *pokes Lelouch*

Lelouch: WHAT?!

C.C: Can we have pizza now?

Lelouch: *forgets Cornelia* Oops, I almost forgot. I'll got get some right now! *goes off to order pizza, leaving kids…all….alone….*

Kannon: *smacks Rolo*

Rolo: *stares in confusion*

Kannon: Blah!!!! *makes a monster face*

Rolo: *screams and runs away*

Nunnally: Kannon, please stop!

Kannon: *smacks Nunnally*

Nunnally: *screams and cries*

Lelouch: *runs back in terrified* What happened?!

Nunnally: Kannon hit me!!

Lelouch: *glares at Kannon*

Kannon: Rolo hit me first!

Lelouch: *points to the corner* Time out. NOW.

Kannon: *doesn't go*

Lelouch: *activates Geass* Go to the corner NOW.

Kannon: Yes, your Majesty. *walks to corner and stands there*

Lelouch: Good. *goes back*

Rolo: *walks over to Nunnally* Are you okay?

Nunnally: Yes, Rolo. *smiles*

Anya: *recording with phone* Young love is so sweet.

Rolo: Hey! Put that away!

Gino: *runs over* RECORD ME, ANYA!!! *all excited*

Anya: *turns around and records Gino*

Gino: *makes faces into the phone* Blahhh!!!!

Anya: Stop it. This is going on my blog.

Gino: Ooohh!!! A blog! I wanna read it! *jumps up and down*

Lloyd: *walks over and looks at the phone. Speaks with a high squeaky voice* Ooh! Can I see it?! *tries to grab phone*

Anya: AHHH NO!! *still recording*

Lloyd: Give it! *grabs phone*

Anya: *starts to cry very, very loudly*

Jeremiah: *stomps over* Give it back to her. *puffs up*

Lloyd: *aims recording camera at Jeremiah* Awww, standing up for your woman? How noble! *gasps dramatically*

Jeremiah: I said give it back *starts to grab at the camera until he gets it back* SERVES YOU RIGHT. At least I defend my woman unlike YOU. Milly's over there all alone.

Lloyd: *looks over at Milly sitting by herself looking lonely and runs toward her* Oh smoochypums!!!

Jeremiah: *hands camera phone back to Anya and smiles*

Anya: Thank you, Jeremiah. *aims camera at Jeremiah*

Jeremiah: *smiles and waves at camera*

Lelouch: *comes back in with a bunch of pizza* Okay, dinner! *sets pizza on table*

Anya: *aims camera at Lelouch* Hello prince Lelouch vi Britannia.

Lelouch: *looks at camera and glares at Anya* Are you recording me?

Anya: *lies* No.

Lelouch: Anya? *raises an eyebrow*

Anya: Yes. I'm going to put it on my blog*

Lelouch: Crap. Anya put that away! *covers camera*

Anya: Hey! *jerks away and continues recording*

Lelouch: Anya! Put it away!

Anya: But I don't want to. *zooms in*

Lelouch: Are you zooming in?! *covers face*

Anya: Are you camera shy? *walks closer to Lelouch*

Lelouch: *still covering face* Of course not! *walks away*

Anya: *follows Lelouch, still recording*

Lelouch: *walks around in a circle back to the table*

C.C: *eating pizza* Hi, Lulu.

Lelouch: Clovis, stop that!

Clovis: *smacks Schneizel*

Schneizel: *cries*

Lelouch: Clovis! *walks over to Clovis and grabs him and walks him back to the table and seats him and hands him pizza* Eat.

Clovis: *takes too bit of a bite and pizza sauce squirts out all over him* Uh!!!! Tomato!! I'm allergic to tomato!!!

Lelouch: No you're not!

Schneizel: Yes he is.

Anya: *still recording*

Lelouch: Since when?!

Schneizel: Birth.

Lelouch: Well I didn't know that!

Schneizel: AND YOU CALL YOURSELF HIS BROTHER!

Clovis: *faces starts to swell and he can't talk* I cam tok!

C.C: What? *looks at him*

Clovis: I cam tok!

C.C: What's that mean? *eats more pizza*

Nunnally: He's saying "I can't talk."

C.C: Okay. *eats more*

Lelouch: *sighs irritatingly and goes to get a towel*

Anya: *follows Lelouch still recording*

Lelouch: Anya! *knocks camera away*

Anya: *picks it back up and continues recording and walks over to Suzaku and Euphie while Lelouch helps Clovis clean up while everyone else eats pizza*

Euphie: Come on! Just one?

Suzaku: No!

Euphie: *tries to kiss him*

Suzaku: *screams as loud as he can*

Euphie: *jumps back frightened*

Lelouch: What the crap is going on?! *walks over with his arms folded*

Suzaku: COOTIES!!! Lulu she tried to kiss me!!!! *points at Euphemia*

Anya: *giggles and continues recording*

Lelouch: Euphemia! You're too young to be kissing!

Euphie: But I like him! And besides, Lloyd and Milly are kissing, and so are Schneizel and Nina! *points to the four*

Lelouch: What?! *looks at Lloyd and Milly*

Lloyd and Milly: *kissing*

Lelouch: *looks at Schneizel and Nina*

Schneizel and Nina: *kissing*

Lelouch: *gets really mad and shouts* EVERYONE SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF ME NOW!!!

All kids: *hurry and sit down in front of Lelouch on the floor with exception of Nunnally and Rolo who is sitting with her*

Lelouch: Okay. I am just about through with everyone right now. C.C, put the pizza down!

C.C: Awww…*puts pizza on floor*

Lelouch: My patience is running very thin. Anya, STOP RECORDING OR I'LL TAKE IT AWAY!

Anya: *looks into camera* I'll be back soon. *stops recording*

Lelouch: Okay. For starters, there will be no more kissing. Lloyd, Milly, I don't give a crap if you guys are engaged! You guys are five years old right now so NO KISSING. Schneizel, Nina, same goes for you…though I am surprised Schneizel would kiss anyone…

Schneizel: *dramatically* And you call yourself my brother!

Lelouch: Shut up!

Schneizel: Sorry.

Lelouch: Okay. Dinner is over. Now it is bath time…I'm not really sure how I am going to do this…I will pair you guys up and the two will get in the tub, get washed, and get out, and we'll keep going. If you've got someone particular you want to be with, get with them now.

Schneizel: *runs to Nina*

Nina: *giggles*

Lloyd: *runs to Milly*

Milly: *nods and hugs him*

C.C: *walks over to Lelouch*

Lelouch: No.

C.C: Please?

Lelouch: Fine…but I am NOT getting in with you.

C.C: Works for me.

Lelouch: Nunnally, I'll help you when everyone's done, okay?

Nunnally: Okay, onii-sama!

Euphemia: *walks to Suzaku* Please?

Suzaku: *sighs* Okay!

Cornelia: *gets with Clovis who got better*

Rolo: *standing alone next to Nunnally*

Lelouch: *activates Geass* Okay, Kannon. You can come out now. You're going to be with Rolo.

Rolo: No!!!! *wails*

Lelouch: Yes. It's just for today, Rolo.

Villetta: *goes with Kaguya*

*knock knock*

Lelouch: *sighs and walks to the door and opens it* Hello? *doesn't see anyone and then looks down* OH HELL NO!