Rin: So this was written for my friend Thingbe as a birthday present…Which was yesterday…LOL. Anyways, I hope that you like it as much as she did. Uhh. Slash-y. Just as a warning. It's supposed to be funny and non-sensical, so don't judge me on the actual content of it. It's more of a joke than a serious story.
Disclaimer: I don't own Phineas & Ferb or . The plotline is owned by me. Just cause I'm cool like that.
Komui grinned as he told his Japanese subordinate his next mission. The Japanese man was not pleased, but if it was for the good of society, then he would do it. Seriously, he had nothing to fear, since he wasn't going to be showing his face.
"Now Kanda, when you are wearing the panda suit, you can't talk, or else people will know that you aren't a panda," Komui said, looking at the long-haired man seriously.
"Hmph," Kanda scowled, still not liking the idea of putting on a panda suit. Since, what would the other guys think?
'Wow Yuu, you're so manly, putting on that panda suit!' Lavi would jeer.
'HAHAHA, serves you right you stubborn guy!' Allen would laugh. Lenalee would just stare and then possibly gouge her eyes out and pull out all of her hair, much to Komui's dismay. The long-haired Kanda Yuu donned the panda suit and became Peter the Panda, a secret agent animal, bent on fighting crime all over the world. Kanda had no clue what this had to do with fighting the akuma, but he had somewhat of an idea.
"NOW FOR THE TIME MACHINE!" exclaimed Komui. Kanda widened his eyes and then tried to take off his panda suit. He didn't have his sword either, so he couldn't cut the suit off. At least Kanda still had his awesome fighting skills. Kanda groaned in his mind. Nothing could possibly make up for this, not even one hundred bowls of soba, or a thousand hours of quiet meditation time.
Komui then flipped a switch and then Kanda felt like he was falling. It seems liked hours that Kanda was falling, but in reality, it was only a few minutes. Kanda landed on the ground where he rubbed his little panda rump. He stood up and everything was severely larger than he was. It could've been Kanda's imagination, but then again, the panda suit was pretty big. Then along came a man, hunched and a tuft of brown hair on the very top of his head.
Suddenly, he burst out laughing, saying something about a platypus. Kanda narrowed his eyes and then kicked the man in the face. The poor hunched man fell to the ground with a thud and Kanda stood over the man, looking like a panda with a hat on.
"Who are you?" the man snapped. Kanda didn't say anything, but the man understood.
"You say that you are Peter the Panda?" the man asked, his thick accent making it somewhat hard for Kanda to understand. Kanda nodded, with his eyes still narrow.
"Where is Perry the Platypus?" the man asked. Kanda didn't respond and just turned away.
"I'm Doofensmirtz," the man added. Kanda just keep facing away from this strange, hunched man. What was this guy's deal? This entire day was just getting weirder and weirder. Kanda left the pitiful man and stalked off to go who knows where.
"Wait, Peter the Panda!" the man called after Kanda. The Japanese man turned and glared and the pursuing man shrunk in terror.
"I guess this makes us nemeses now, doesn't it?" Kanda didn't say a word as he just walked away. Now, Kanda was puzzled as too what he was supposed to do. He walked along until he heard a beeping. It came from his wrist and Kanda looked at it incredulously. The looked of incredulity changed to indignant anger when Komui's voice came from the little speaker on his wrist.
"Kanda? Are you there Kanda?" Komui asked. Kanda then ducked into an alleyway.
"What do you want Komui?" Kanda snapped.
"What time period are you in now then?" Komui inquired.
"I have no clue where you sent me!" Kanda said, shaking his fist at an imaginary Komui.
"Anyways Kanda, you'll have to stay there for a few days, 'cause the time machine broke when I sent you through it," Komui laughed.
"DAMN IT KOMUI," Kanda snapped.
"And I've got to go do some paper work," Komui said.
"While Lenalee goes and gets married," Kanda muttered. The line went dead and Kanda sighed. There was nothing better to do, so he went to wander around the city. Kanda managed to wander into a suburban area.
"What is up with this?" Kanda muttered to himself. "Wherever I am, they sure are weird." Now, unbeknownst to Kanda, he was sent to the future, courtesy of Komui's time machine. It was a time of rap music and abridged anime series. But being a Japanese man from the past, Kanda had no knowledge of any of these things; especially children who built awesome inventions that always got broken by something or another.
--
Phineas and Ferb were sitting under the tree again with Perry, their pet platypus mindlessly sitting there. Perry was a secret agent animal, PERRY THE PLATYPUS. Now children, platypuses are not good pets. In the real world, they shoot poison out from their hind legs, which have very bad consequences. But since this is a story, platypuses can be pets AND secret agents.
"What should we do today Ferb?" Phineas asked. Ferb didn't say anything, although the green-haired boy does speak, albeit occasionally. Suddenly, Phineas got an idea.
"Hey Ferb, I know what we should do!" Phineas exclaimed. "We should draw and sell our own comic book!" Ferb said nothing, although he agreed silently. The two step brothers stared at each other for a while and then went to work. Kanda, in panda form peered over the fence to see the two boys drawing profusely and a little girl wheel in a larger machine on wheels. Kanda thought to himself that the machine the girl wheeled in looked vaguely like something that Komui would invent. The little girl's grip on the wheeled cart slipped and the machine went and bumped into Phineas, who was sent flying onto his step brother. The two boys collided and their lips brushed. The girl gasped in horror and some people out in the world, if they had the chance to see such a sight, would've squealed. Phineas leaned away from Ferb, but the green haired boy pushed his step brother off of him. Ferb grabbed the machine and then put a sheet of paper in it. A light flashed and a copy of the paper came out. Kanda was quite amazed at the machine.
"At least we know the photocopier is working," Phineas noted, his face as read at his hair. Kanda narrowed his eyes. 'Photocopier'. That's what that strange machine was called.
Kanda dropped down from the fence and tapped at the speaker on his wrist.
"Komui. Komui!" the Japanese man in the panda suit shouted.
"Komui here," said the man on the other line.
"Have you fixed that time machine of yours yet?" Kanda snapped, frowning.
"Just about, we should have you back before dinner!" Komui answered brightly. Kanda sighed. He didn't understand why Komui had to be so weird and so useless sometimes. He was especially useless in the field of Lenalee's feelings. Kanda frowned again. He clambered back up the fence, figuring he may as well watch the two boys.
"Ferb! The main character's name is Al Walken! What should his side kick's name be?" Phineas shouted at his step brother. Ferb remained silent and the girl answered for him.
"I think that he should have two sidekicks and then a love interest," the girl cooed.
"Oh, good idea Isabella!" Phineas said, grinning. "What should their names be?... Well one could be Rabbit-Man and the other could be a long-haired guy…named…Kandy! Like candy, but with a 'K'!"
"That's brilliant Phineas!" Isabella exclaimed, giving a nice long side glance at the boy. Phineas didn't pay any attention to Isabella, but instead looked at his step brother. Usually, by now, Ferb would have said something extremely smart. The green haired boy vowed to keep his silence. It was strange. Did bumping into his step brother mean something different to him than it did to Phineas? The red head shook his head. It didn't matter that much.
"Hey where's Perry?" Phineas asked. After looking around, the boy shrugged and went back to drawing.
--
"PERRY!" called out the background singers.
SMASH! Perry the Platypus broke into Doofensmirtz's office.
"Doofensmirtz Evil Incorporated!" sang the other background singers. Perry looked around warily, listening for the hunched man's evil laugh. Doofensmirtz laughed and then Perry jumped out and kicked the man with his webbed…foot.
"Perry the Platypus! How unexpected. And by unexpected, I mean totally expected!" the man cackled, pressed a button. The button activated a grappling system then wrapped a length of rope all around the platypus. Perry wondered how he didn't expect such a thing. Now, Perry, being an animal, should be incapable of thought, but this is a story, so Perry can be cool like that.
"You're probably wondering what I was doing today, Perry the Platypus," Doofensmirtz said. "Well actually, I haven't planned anything yet, because I had already been beaten up today…"
Doofensmirtz then went on a rant and Perry began to calculate his escape.
--
Phineas and Ferb finished their comic book and Isabella and her posse were selling it at the mall. They heavily advertised it and many kids went to buy it. Kanda went too, still dressed in his panda suit. It must have looked quite queer, considering that it looked like a panda walking around and buying things to bystanders. Kanda groaned, wondering when he could go home.
Kanda couldn't go home until this story is finished, so too bad for him. We won't mention it to him until AFTER the story, so he won't get mad at the author for writing such a story.
Kanda flipped through the comic book, shuddering at the similarities to his life and the events that were happening. The protagonist, named Al Walken, had dedicated his life to fighting devils but purifying them with the touch of his left hand. Along with his two buddies, Rabbit-Man and Kandy, they fought against the devils, to save a girl named Lilly. Kanda flipped through the book and frowned at every single page. Then again, Kanda doesn't really smile at all, ever. Unless it's Lavi forcing the Japanese man to smile, then Kanda doesn't smile. Kanda coughed lightly and then tried to figure out where to store the book. He patted himself down and found a pocket on the front of the suit. There was a folded note from Komui in it. Kanda unfolded the paper and began to read the contents of the little piece of paper.
"Kanda, if you find this, I hope that you are having fun in whatever time period you are in," the note said. "Because seriously, Kanda, you are the only I could ask to do this for me. Here are the reasons: I would never put Lenalee in danger like that, Lavi's head would explode form the mass amount of data and Allen…well, Allen's just Allen. Maybe you could bring some things back with you. That's what this pouch is for! Go for it, Kanda the Panda! From: Komui." Kanda crumpled the note in his hands. Komui was definitely getting a beating when he got back to his time period.
--
Phineas and Ferb were alone under the tree, lavishing in the earnings made from selling all of the comic books. Candace was no where to be found, but that doesn't really matter, since she was probably talking about Jeremy, or whatever that kid's name is. She might as well be stuck on an island with her voice actor, Ashley Tisdale and no one would give it another thought.
Anyways, Phineas looked at Ferb, who was just staring off into space. By this time, Perry had returned from defeating the evil Doctor Doofensmirtz. Phineas blink a couple of times as did Ferb.
"You know Ferb, about this morning, when we bumped into each other," Phineas said, quietly remembering Ferb's face after the incident. The green headed boy just sat there, contemplating everything that happened that day. Sure they had made a fortune on the comic book, but at what price? Both of their first kisses, possible mental scarring, the transplant of Isabella's gouged eyes, years of paying for a theRAPIST, and a relationship/partnership that could never be the same.
"I didn't really mind it, really," Phineas admitted. "What about you? Did you mind?" Ferb shook his head slowly, trying to figure out Phineas' true words.
"I'm just really confused right now," Phineas said, glancing away. Ferb blinked, noting the difference in the way Phineas was acting at this moment. It was very uncharacteristic of him.
"Confusion can be the result of many things, especially emotions," Ferb stated. Phineas looked at Ferb and grinned.
"Yeah, I guess you're right Ferb," Phineas smiled. "I guess that it just confused my feelings a lot. I mean, we're only kids. We have our whole lives ahead of us to figure out our feelings!"
It would be funny if the tree feel on them both, killing them. Then Phineas would never know the meaning of his feelings. Fortunately, the tree did not fall on Phineas and Ferb. So Phineas had his entire life ahead of him, considering that he didn't get into a fatal accident, developed some disease or have brain surgery that made him a completely different person. Hopefully, none of those things would happen.
To everyone else on the planet including Ferb, it was clear that Phineas had some feelings for his step brother. Ferb was confused as well, as are most prepubescent boys. It was a budding romance between the two!
That is for another story. Back to our favourite Japanese man from the past.
--
Kanda gathered many things and placed them in the pouch, which made him look much plumper that he actually was. The speaker on his arm beeped and Komui's voice came through.
"Hay Kanda, we've fixed the time machine, we're setting it so that it brings you back to this time period," said Komui. To Kanda, it was the best news possible! To the readers, it meant the end of a perfectly entertaining story.
"Thanks for the note too," Kanda snapped. "I want out of this panda suit as soon as I get back."
"Yeah, there wasn't really any purpose to the panda suit," Komui laughed. "We just thought that it would be funny to send you through time wearing a panda suit!"
"Who's we?" hissed Kanda.
"Lavi, Allen, Reever, Lenalee, and me," Komui laughed. Kanda cracked his knuckles menacingly.
"Okay, ready Kanda? We're going to bring you back now!" Before Kanda could say anything, he was falling and then landed on his rump back in the headquarters of the Black Religious Order. Komui, Lavi, Allen, Reever and Lenalee were standing over him, grinning. They were grinning, considering that the dignified, long-haired Japanese man was in a Panda suit. Komui knelt down slowly, and unzipped Kanda out of the suit.
"How was that other time period?" Lavi asked, acting all rabbit-like. Kanda pulled the comic book out of the panda pouch. He handed it too his comrades and then strutted away, feeling quite humiliated.
"I'll let you guys find out, from all of that stuff that I brought back," Kanda growled. He left the room, feeling a little exhausted. Kanda was going to sleep, or was he going to meditate? Both options were tantalizing.
"Yuu!" yelled Lavi from behind. Kanda whirled and then Lavi glomped his friend. Kanda groaned and Lavi placed a kiss on Kanda's cheek.
"Good job my friend," Lavi grinned, the one visible eye sparkling.
"Hmph," Kanda grumbled walking away with Lavi hanging off of him.
"Aww Yuu. It's only 'cause I love Yuu!" Lavi chuckled at his pun, but Kanda was not amused.
"You stupid rabbit," Kanda remarked, signaling the end of this story.
~Fin.
Rin: Review. Now. Or I hope that wanker's cramp gets you all.