A/N- Hey, bet you didn't think I was going to update, did you? I had ten reviews for this one chapter. Technically for me that's a lot. My reason for not updating in like forever was because of this disease called writers block. My first chapter was on a whim. I didn't think it would go anywhere. But people seemed to really like it. It took me a while to figure where I wanted to take Claire. I don't have this all written so who knows where it take me or you. That's the joy of life. Isn't it incredible?*cough,cough*

Big PS- Claire's picture is on my profile if you want to check it out, but you don't have to.

Playlist-

Just a girl by No doubt

Whoever she is by the Maine

Sometimes our hearts get tangled, and our souls a little off-kilter. Friends and family can set us right, and help guide us back to the light.
~Sera Christann

Claire's Pov-

I've never really understood feelings. You have all these different emotions going through you, constantly. But what exactly are emotions? You can be scientific and break them down to every little chemical involved in creating them. But what are they, really? Why do we even have emotions? Why are they always changing? Take all the most experienced scientist in the world and ask them to answer this. They would tell you in some weird language but then they would translate it to make it logical. You would understand and go on living your life, working at local bars, barely paying your rent. Never once would you ever get all lost in translation, while thinking about someone's emotions. Because, there's always a practical answer for everything.

At least, that's what everyone's been telling me.

One thing that bothers me; why on God's green earth did we ever have the feeling of embarrassment? Why was it even created? Did he like soil his robes right in front of one of his angels? Then say; there shall be the feeling of uncomfortableness every time a human's utter guilt becomes public???

"Claire?" Emily probes, probably getting annoyed by my distracted state of non-awareness.

"Huh?"My voice sounds too loud for the silence that is harshly slathered on the room. Cricket, cricket.

I turn my head back to my Aunt. She absolutely appears to be dumbfounded. Like she doesn't realize the awkwardness of the situation. Her soft black curls roll down her back, still healthy and radiant. Her cheek bones are high and strong. Three small pink scars glide down the left side of her face. They are almost invisible, but her lip turns up in an odd position. To me, she is beautiful. The woman quickly rubs her flour covered hands on her solid apron then gives me a warm motherly smile.

I keep my focus on a candle that burns away as the wax gradually slithers its way down the short stick. Light flickers across the crimson colored kitchen walls. I take in a deep breath of air. The room smells of cinnamon and other rich spices. The group at the table is still in utter shock and I can see the gears turning and adjusting in each and every ones head.

Over the years and as a child I had held a strong bond with these people. It was almost unbreakable, until I ran..

"Oh my God!" squeals a women named Kimberly, who finally catches on to what's happening. Kim has always been my personal fairy God mother. Not that I can see her it a skimpy little fairy costume. You know how in movies, the girl always ends up meeting a wise women who gives them that little extra push towards the right path? That's Kim for you. She is the best one for advice. Sorry Aunt Emily. Honestly, I had missed Kim so incredibly much. We have always been close. Well, people would have made fun of me for befriending a double-my-age women, so our friendship had always been a secret to the outsiders.

A chair scrapes back against the ground and Kim makes her way around the table toward my frozen body. She shoves herself past the still quiet boys and smiles at me the whole time.

The air is rushed out of my lungs and I am held in a tight hug. I try to arch my body so that Willow doesn't get mushed. Kim suddenly becomes conscious of the tiny bundle in my arms and pulls away. She blushes. Kim has never been shy around me, ever. But I heard that she used to be horribly introverted. I catch wift of her peaches 'n' cream scent as her hair whips back. She leans away from me but still has a hold on my shoulders, her fingers are cold. I can feel them through my oversized sweatshirt.

"Claire, is-is it really you?" The energy vibrates off of her as she asks this.

"Yep. It's still the same old me." I answer back dully, then peek over her small shoulder at my other audience. They are listening to what we are saying. Emily washes her hands off in the sink then walks back over to me and Kim.

"Are you just passing through, or did you finally start to miss us?" Kim jokingly asks. But her small dark almond eyes search in mine for the truth.

"I'm back for good Kim." I try to make my voice sound full of hope. Kim and Emily give me a warm smile.

"Good, because something was definitely missing from this house." She pats my cheek and squeezes my arm.

It's quiet for a few seconds. I peer at Aunt Emily's scars. They glow in the lighting of the candle. Just imagining myself having been in her position scares the heck out of me. Enough that if I think about it before I go to bed, I get cold chills up and down my spine all night. I mean a bear?

A couple of years ago, when I was about fourteen a dog attacked me. I was walking home from school, down an alley way. My friends had just turned off at their house. All of the sudden I hear a bang behind a trash can. Then this stray German Shepherd comes out and grabs hold of my arm. A stick that was thankfully laying on the ground next to me had been my weapon. I took care of it myself, putting bandages on it, and cleaning it every night. No one ever knew. But a few of my friends tease me about my new fear of dogs.

"Sorry I have to ask, but who's this little one?"Kim shakes me out of my flashback and looks down at the infant that is cuddled into my chest, peacefully drooling. Heat rises in her cheeks again. I can tell she is a tiny bit concerned for what I am going to say, but I can also tell that she is trying her very best to hide it.

"Her name's Willow." I say and clear my throat. I can feel the stares all around me, burning in my skin. They are worried for me.

"That's a lovely name. Only a lovely women would give a child such a name." Kim said. She was prying, and trying not to ask the main question she wanted to know. Kim is smart. But we are alike, so I see right through her plan.

"Judy decided to grace us with another member of the family."Emily concludes before I can answer. My mom's name is Judy, that's what I call her when she isn't around. She told me once to call her mom and nothing else. She doesn't want everyone to know how deeply much I hate her.

One girl gets up and walks over to admire the baby that I am rocking. She is tall and has mousy brown hair with deep freckles that match. There's nothing all that special about the young girl, other then her beautiful set of ocean blue eyes. She seems to be quite timid and very conscious of every move she makes. I place Willow in Emily's hands and smile at the girl. She quickly smiles back, blushes, then looks back at the infant. Apparently she is not willing to start small talk.

I step past Kim who is talking to Willow from Emily's arms in a language no one could understand, and moving over to "the group" at the table. They all beam at me when I sit down at a now empty seat. In total there were about seven people crammed around the table. But then I could hear others in a room across the hall. I had grown up around these men. As a child I had hung out with Quil all that I could. I faintly remember a few of these guys taking turns to babysit me. But a couple had stayed closer friends with me than the others. You see, it all changed when I became thirteen.

That's when I saw the world differently. I started noticing things and becoming more reserved. My mom started trying to get me to stay away from Quil and his friends more and more often. I was young and still thought of her as the leader so I fallowed her rules for a while. I mean, that was the year I became sort of popular and made a group of new friends. A few months later not having seen my best friend for a while, the realization of it all set in. I became angry and slightly bitter to my "cool" gang of friends. It wasn't just HIM that I missed, but all of the family.

So, I started my secret little sneak away missions. I would always just tell my mom that I was staying the night with a friend, but end up taking a long walk to La Push.

Technically this was the second time I had stayed away. It's just that this time was longer. There were maturities in me that definitely were not there when I was just blossoming into a teenager. Then, I didn't understand how to handle missing someone.

But there's a few things that I have kept pretty much hidden in the past year, things that aren't really all that important but certainly bother me.

Like the fact that I get this little nag in the pit of my stomach every now and then. It feels like I am being pulled to somewhere but I don't exactly know where to. There's not really a good way to explain it. This started about a month after leaving La Push. At first I passed it off as feeling horrible for yelling at Quil and that it was just my guilt. But then it just got worse and worse. It wasn't even a feeling anymore. It was physical.

There was a time when I was taking my finals. All was quite. You could only hear the soft scratch of pencils making contact with paper. Them....Bam it just hits me. This sudden lump in my stomach tightens up and my heart feels like there are hands wrapped around it and tearing and scratching it apart. The couple of my friends that I had, never saw me. They were all testing in different classes from mine. A gothic dude that sat next to me was the first to notice. His dark eyes appear shocked. Salty tears swam down my cheeks and my lungs felt flooded. My vision blurs and a scene flashes through my mind.

I'm in a park, it's night time. There's this little girl and she's in a white dress with a blue bow around the middle. Her hair is pulled back in two pig tails. She's on a swing set and she is smiling. Her swing rocks back and forth making a whistling noise every time. The girl starts giggling at something. "Claire, Claire, come with me,"says a soft voice. She puts her little feet down on the dirt and stops swinging. Her head turns around towards the woods and her pig tails bounce. In the distance, lurking behind the tall trees, a dark creature steps out. Its eyes shine, reflecting off one of the street lamp lights. It's a dog. No, its face is not shaped like a dog. It's a wolf.

"Claire, Claire, Claire" A voice whispers. The fragile girl steps forward out of her swing and towards the beast. "Claire, Claire, Claire" The whispering gets louder. The young girl keeps moving closer taking each step in slow motion. Her bare feet make contact with the wet grass and she takes off running. The creature calls to her. Her pig tails now flow behind her, making gentle strokes through the heavy air. Her little chest rises and falls with every stride. She stops abruptly about half way from the wolf and holds her small hand out. The wolf disappears into the under brush of the forest . This doesn't affect the child. "Claire, Claire, Claire" The voice calls again, now even more louder. The girl darts off again, at a full sprint for her short legs. She stumbles right before she reaches the woods and falls on a mass of rocks. I see blood oozing out of her left knee. She rolls herself back onto the grass and curls her petite body into a tight ball against the earth's floor. She starts to cry. The voice is still there, calling. She pulls her tiny hands over her ears as if to block it out and weeps silently. Her tears fall towards the grass. The wolf is gone.

That's when the school bell rang and someone woke me up. The boy had told the teacher of my little break down and apparently she had been calling my name the whole time I was out. I never did manage to get what happened to that girl. A few days later I went to a doctor about it. He said that it was a physiological problem and sent me to a psychiatrist, who then hooked me up with some meds. The psychiatrist said that I was just stressing, with all the finals happening and just the fact of turning eighteen. School had never stressed me before. It was just something to get done, then move on. And about the eighteen thing, I was more than excited to become officially an adult.

"Claire?Claire?Cu-laire?"A deep voice practically yells out.

"Huh?" I am momentarily at a loss for words. This has been happening a lot, recently.

"You okay kido? You kind of zoned out on us for a nano-second."Says the voice. I look up and meet with the tanned face of one of my very best friends.

"Seth?" I can't believe it. I thought he left about a year ago right before I did. His dark brown eyes glint, full of glee. His cute dimples make me suddenly in a better mood.

"No babushka, I'm some military spy under cover as the jolly green giant. Of course it's me." Seth chuckles. Seth's nickname for me is babushka, it means old women in Russian or Spanish or some other language. He once said that I was way too wise and dull for my age.

"We missed you very much Claire." Sam spoke. His words hung in the air.

About five chairs squeak against the floor. My breath is rushed out of my lungs yet again. Every giant boy takes his turn into creating me into a human rag doll. I am sweating by the time I get passed around. Embry says "hi" to me and tells me about how much I have changed. Of course he said it a little bit differently, but I don't care to explain. Collin and Brady both mess up my hair and scold me for leaving them for so long. These two boys hadn't really been around me all that much when I was growing up. But I welcomed everyone the same. Seth gave me a soft warm hug. He didn't try to harm me by lowering my oxygen level even more. I laughed when he took me off my feet and spun me around a couple of times.

We all get settled back into our places at the table.

"So, how has life been treating you Clairy?" Seth asks between wolfing down his food.

"Fine." I shrug.

"Life's a bitch. Remember that kid. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise." I ramble away to Emily's young son that sits at the table. He shoots me a weird look and scoots over in his chair to where his butt's hanging off.

"Claire! You'd think staying away from these boys would clean up your language. Especially right in front of my son." Emily chastises me like a little kid.

"Sorry Aunt Emily. It slipped." I meekly smile at her and bat my eye lids.

"And what's with giving the poor boy thoughts like that?" She goes on scolding and raising her spoon almost as if to threaten me.

"I'm a horrible person for telling you that life is like that. Really life is the greatest thing ever. Enjoy it!" I loudly say to the boy, making sure Emily hears every word and syllable said.

She smiles an appraisal. That was my signal.

"No one gets out alive anyway."I whisper the end of my sentence in his ear. He finally gives up at trying to stay away from me but in the same room and sort of runs away into a different one.

Everyone is talking to me at once and I answer about a hundred questions. It's nice to be back where I belong.

--------About an hour later---------

Me and Emily are up in her room talking. I watch as she cradles Willow in her arms and holds a washcloth to the babies forehead, calming the fever. Emily's bedroom is large. All of the furniture is made of cherry. A huge vanity mirror takes up about a quarter of one of the walls. The bed we are sitting on is a king size. I am sprawled across it, with my body parallel to the head board. Emily tends to Willow with her small bony fingers. She is probably the best mom on the block. She was definitely cut out to do it. Emily's eyes are filled with complete adoration as she soothes Willow. She has three kids. They are just a little younger than me; all in their teens. The baby giggles up at her making drool come out of its tiny but full lips. Right at that moment, Emily appears to be young again, so full of life.

I nonchalantly scratch at a bug bite and stare up at the cherry wood ceiling fan. Downstairs, I can hear the rowdy boys whooping and cheering as the team they are betting for scores a goal. I would be down there, laughing and cheering with them. But I kind of like the quiet. It's peaceful just sitting here with Emily.

My mind starts to drift elsewhere.

"Hey Emily, do you know where Quil is?" I softy ask and turn my head towards my Aunt making my hair staticky against the bed. Last time I checked, he wasn't downstairs. I think he left right after he showed me to the kitchen.

"Quil,-"She makes a few clicking noises then finishes,"-went for a walk...he might be outside somewhere." She rubs Willow's soft baby fuzz on the top of her head.

"Oh."

"Why are you suddenly so interested?" She casually asks.

"Nothing....You'd just think that maybe..." I stop short and pause.

"Go on. What where you going to say?" The women searches my face with her big brown eyes.

I roll over on my stomach so that way she can't see my face and turn my head away so that it is turned towards the head board. I start chewing on my bottom lip.

"It's just that....I mean you'd think that...he was my best friend in the whole world. Why is he avoiding me?" I ramble on a little more forcefully than necessary.

"Honey, you don't need to worry so much about Quil. Just give him some time." She encourages with her motherly voice.

"Yeah but, we've spent this whole year apart. Isn't that enough time?"I murmur into a pillow and sigh. I start chewing on my lip again.

"We'll maybe it hurt Quil really bad about what you said to him." She states.

"So, now you're going to blame it on me. I thought leaving was a good thing. You just don't understand Aunt Emily. Quil wasn't telling me something. He has all these secrets. Friends don't keep secrets. Especially best friends."I practically seethe, gripping tighter onto my pillow.

"Calm down Claire." Emily reassures me and starts to rub my back. I want to just push her hand away. But I can tell that she is just trying to help, so I don't.

"Emily...can I tell you something?" I turn my head back towards her and search her face.

"Go ahead baby." She smiles at me making a few wrinkles appear. She has smiled a lot in her lifetime.

"I'm so grateful for this family. Every time I am away from here...there's nothing for me." I whisper and smile back at her.

"We love you too; very much." Emily tells me.

"It's hard ya know.....I mean without dad always being there." I stutter as Willow lets out a little whimper.

"Listen Claire." She focuses me. "I know about Judy, I know how she can be. Don't forget, I was always her shadow when I was younger." She whispers as she runs her fingers through my now tangled hair.

"I don't want to complain." I again mumble out and roll back over.

"Fine. Suit yourself." She grumbles and sighs.

The bed creaks as she gets up and pads out of the room, taking Willow with her. Her house shoes drag across the carpet making a shuffling sound. I hear her talking to Willow as she descends down the stairs and into the living room.

A loud yawn escapes my lips and I roll off the bed and onto the soft floor. I sigh deeply into it then move to get up. The room is starting to get dark and from that, I can tell that it's getting late outside. My watch reads 6:30 on the dot. Me and Willow had better start to head home. I slowly crawl to the door, probably giving myself carpet burn. My hand reaches up to the door knob and I hoist myself up.

I fallow Emily down the stairs and into the living room. Everyone is either cheering at the T.V. or sitting and watching the boys cheer and make a fool of themselves. Embry's girlfriend is sitting on the couch while he completely ignores her. She has her arms crossed over her, revealing chest. Her mouth is in a pout. This makes me chuckle quietly to myself.

"Me and Willow are about to leave. It's getting kind of late."I yell across the room at Emily.

"No wait. I already called your mom. She said that you and Willow could spen the night here." The small woman shouts back at me, causing Sam's head to turn and look at her.

"Are you sure she said that it was okay?"I call back.

She nods her head then says,"It's not like you could have driven yourself home anyway."

"Oh yeah." I mumble.

"Oh yeah." She mimics me and rolls her eyes.

"We'll get one of the boys to go get your car out of the ditch in the morning." She yells back.

I shake my head and lip the word okay to to her.

The room feels silent to me. Yeah, people are jumping around like crazy maniacs and hooting and hollering. But it just doesn't feel like it is happening. I feel like I am in the midst of a dream. It's almost surreal.

People all around me are just blurry figures. It's almost like someone has stuffed their fingers in my ears pulling out and in and out and in, making all the voices mix together. Jared starts talking to me but I just shake my head acting like I am listening. Someone throws a hornet at me. Those little pieces of paper that someone slings at you with a rubber band. It hurts like hell. I bend over and grab the paper off of the floor and toss it into a nearby trash can. It's so wild. Emily doesn't seem bothered at all that her house is slightly trashed. It's just a Friday night. What's the big deal?

Fresh air calls to me, so I squeeze my way through the over-sized men and to the front door. Cold air creeps all around me as I step out onto the welcome mat. My arms have goose bumps up and down them so I pull them into my hoodie. It's pitch black all around except a few lights can be seen from distant houses. The porch light attracts bugs. They fly up all in my face, but I don't really have arms to swipe them away. I take deep breaths in and out, chilling my lungs. It smells like rain and freshly mowed grass.

I step off the porch and down the driveway. A tickle in my throat causes me to start a coughing fit. This is probably going to get me even sicker then before. But I just don't want to go back there. I rub my snotty nose against my shoulder and keep walking down a dirt road. I can hear bull frogs croaking into the night. I love La Push. Every time I am outside I feel so sure of myself and who I am. The trees and creatures that lurk around keep me grounded and in my place. My shoes make a crunch against the rocks and dirt.

Me and Quil used to have this old place. It was sorta like a tree house slash hangout. He helped me put it together when I was about seven. I wonder if it is still there.

I vear of off the road and onto a small trail. The fact that it's still there gives me hope. I step over a few branches and logs, trying not to fall in the mud. The trail goes on for about five minutes, then I have to turn off. 100 steps. I take a hundred steps then stop. My shoes are caked with mud. The ladder is still there. After I get my arms out of my hoodie, I pull on it a couple times making sure that it's still secure. The rope groans as I put my buck-ten weight on it. But it stays in place. I can't see hardly anything. The moon is all that keeps me from freaking out. I very slowly creep up each step, taking my time. When at the top, I haul myself up onto the plank. Basically there are three walls that make up the clubhouse. Then there is a small triangle roof. I sit down on my butt and lean against one of the walls, catching my breath. This place was always just big enough for two people to fit in it.

Something shuffles around in the dark corner. I can make out a large dark figure. Cold chills run up and down my spine. I feel the pull, down in my stomach. It starts to get stronger. I hear the thing breathing.

"Who's there?" I croak. My voice catches.

It moves towards me. By now I can tell that the "creature" is a person. Suddenly, I hunch over. Pain sears through my insides, tearing me apart. There are no words to put to it. I grip my arms around my chest. The only thing keeping me from following the pull. Suddenly, a heart wrenching scream is heard, it echoes off the forest. Then I realize it is my own scream.

A warm hand places itself against my mouth, and I jump, making me fall back. The person lets out a soft shhh in my ear.

The moonlight creeps over and my tree-house partner is revealed.

A/N-

So what did you think? R&R please! You already have the reading part done, now just review! The one thing I am most worried about right now is that if you can see this in your head. I try to add a lot of detail, so that it's easier. Trust me, this is going to get better. But I don't have a lot planed yet. I'm just gonna go with the flow. PS- winter(insert period)blossom7 wanted me to tell you to review her story called, When the full moon shines. It's really excellent. Ya'll will like it, I promise. OOPS I just used country slang. So shoot me.

Rock on!\m/

Shout out box-

Swimming violinist97- My songs did match for the last chappie. But it was like a once and a life time thing. (insert sad face)

ParamoreDecoy- I like your name. It rocks my socks off. YOU were my first reviewer for this story.

Marglo- I also like your name. Thanks for adding me to your favs.