Summary : Amu has been conditioned to forget anything that happened before she came to the Kingdom. Because of one small point in her life she changed her fate and continues to live out her days as the royal court jester. Now all she knows is how to make people laugh. But what she would like to really know is just who she is… With war raging, friends turning to enemies, and romance igniting, will Amu ever be able to be her true self?AU.

First Shugo Chara Fanfiction;; Hopefully you will enjoy it.

I do not much about the Medieval time period, so don't complain if I mess this up.
Also, this is more practice for me as I am writing my own story.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot to Just joking, the characters belong to the amazing mind of Peach-pit. The songs to the amazing band I will be seeing in concert March 8th 2010, Muse ! ^-^

~ Flash/Wild

.:*~*:.

Muse - Uno

" This means nothing to me
'Cause you are nothing to me
And it means nothing to me
That you blew this away "

.:*~*:.

Red, Blue, Green. One, Two, Three.

It was meaningless and repetitive. And almost never ending. It was the only task I could do without failing horribly and end up with me landing on my ass. Juggling was simple enough, from a bystander's view. Although it had consisted of tossing the same three balls, into the air, watching them, all while contorting your opposite hand to catch them, then toss them back all one after the other. This pattern had to be kept in order for this dying art form to continue.

Sadly, such a repetitive task, even when mastered, was nothing more then just what it was in its simplest form. Three brightly coloured balls being thrown into the air and caught.

How dull.

And yet, it still brought smiles to peoples face, even my own.

It had been nine years of me learning how to perform. It had been ten years of me being part of the Prince's life. It had been eleven years that I have been brought up in this kingdom. My remaining two years were a blur, a blur in which I was forced to forget.

I came with a name, a blanket, a small pink flower, and a tiny black stuffed cat. Nothing more, even the cat was loosing most of its fur, and missing an eyeball.

The maids had threatened they would throw it out, seeing how it was probably the ugliest stuffed animal in the kingdom. I clung to the thing none-the-less. It was precious, and small, and had some sort of charm to it.

I called it Miki. I was never quite sure why, I guess it just rolled off the tongue.

My hand held the three balls, ever so gently. I could feel the glares of four others watching me and waiting for me to do something, my own eyes looking back at them following their glances. I gulped the large amount of saliva that had formed under the pressure and my idleness and gripped the balls tighter.

"Amu," my head twisted up facing a taller woman wearing bells on her forehead. Her body was quite round and her hair was cut short.

"Yes Ma'am," I'd responded almost immediately, my eyes hidden beneath my rose-coloured hair.

"Oh please, me a lady? Ha! You really do know how to make someone laugh," she bent down to be at eye-level with me. "Now, I want you to show our prince and his little friends here just why we call you our little Joker. Alright?"

"Aye Ma'am," I tried to smile at her.

"And please stop with the formalities! I've told you to call me by my name, Nobuko Saeki!" She said this more firmly, but still with the same mocking sound.

I managed to smile again, nerves taking over, and soon the words came spilling out of my mouth. "Whatever Saeki-san, I'm going to start now." My hand moved on its own, tossing a loose strand of hair over my shoulder and positioning itself back on my waist.

"Ha! There is that attitude I want! Good, good. Now your highness, watch our fabulous little girl work her magic!" Nobuko made her way towards where the prince and his friends sat. I however was readying myself, well adding more balls to my hands.

"Alright," I took a step back, my hands at the ready.

The door swung open, the balls fell from my hands and to the floor in surprise.

"Your highness! The troops! They have returned, the captain, he has news to report to you!" Moving aside to allow the prince to move freely, I watched his expression turn to worry. That quickly vanished and he got to his feet walking gracefully towards the man.

"I apologize Miss. Amu, but my duties await and I have been ever so nervous of my army since they left. I hope to see your progress soon, you know that I look forward to it." He smiled. Prince Tadase Hotori, My first friend, and the one I loved above all. His sleek neatly combed hair, his shining gentle eyes, and of course the one thing I admired most of him was his kindness towards his people. Never once had I seen him look down on someone, which was rare amongst the monarchy of our time.

"Of course, your highness." I curtsied and watched him leave.

"Amu," one of the boys Tadase was with called on me. Turning to meet him, and quickly realizing it was Kukai, I smiled. He was the athletic one, always forcing people to move, a smile adorning his face. What an odd optimist. It seemed though, when you spoke with him, that there was absolutely nothing wrong with the world. His smile would just brighten anyone's day. "Wanna go outside to the garden? Kairi too! I feel like getting some fresh air before the day is done."

Kairi was a true scholar. It baffled me how such a young intelligent boy was still lurking these halls and hanging around them. Even right now he was caught up in some parchment and reciting the words back to himself.

"I'm game, but what about him?" I nodded in Kairi's direction

Kairi didn't look from his paper. His eyes were still scanning, although he did respond. "I'll come," his voice a passive tone. We left the room, Nobuko waving us off and shutting the door once we were out. Kukai led the way towards the garden, talking aloud to himself. I was barely paying attention staring absentmindedly at the ground, watching my feet move in sync with the others. The words that Tadase spoke as he left wormed their way back into my thoughts.

"You know I look forward to it…" I could feel my face burning. And to just my luck, Kukai saw this.

"Am I charming you that much, Amu?" A smile stretched on his face, and his voice was teasing. His hand caught my head and forced me to regain my balance before embarrassingly managing to fall over again.

"N-no! I was just thinking…" My voice quieting again.
"About?" Kukai pressed, walking backwards in the same direction. Kairi and I keeping up the pace.

"I was just thinking about what Tadase said," My voice faltered, contemplating what was appropriate to say next. "About him looking forward to my act. Just the thought of him actually getting excited about something as pitiful as me throwing a few balls into the air-"

"Amu," Kukai's voice softened, the smile although, became wider. "It's not about the balls, it's how you use them!"

I smiled and sighed. "I was hoping you would give me some good advice not some sexual innuendo, really Kukai how is that going to help me?."

"It made you smile didn't it?"

"Yes."

"Then my point is obvious enough, you make Tadase smile, no matter what you are doing. That's why you are our Joker, protecting that bit of humor inside him! Keeping our Prince a prince," Kukai threw his arm around my shoulders, and pulled Kairi in too. "Now let's drop this serious tone and get some clear summer air in us!"

Kukai pushed the door open, only too see the sky littered with grey clouds. The rain starting almost immediately.

"Aww! No way!"

"Ha, that's revenge for saying something dirty like that," I smirked and pulled myself out of Kukai's grasp. My hands pushed the door shut and a laugh came out.

Kairi sighed and headed off back the way we came.

"Oi Kairi, where you going?" Kukai shouted.

"I feel our lord is troubled, we should be checking in on the news," Kairi pushed his set of glasses further up onto his face to shield his eyes. He gripped the parchment more tightly in his hands. "That and I have to return this soon."

Kukai whined to himself, but I ignored it. The three of us walked back the way we had came, I was still slightly out of it, but returned to focus quickly after approaching the grand hall of the castle. It seemed that the entire army had gathered. Well what remained of it.

About twenty men stood in the grand hall their bodies covered in dirt and blood. The once brightly coloured uniforms were now dark and torn. I flinched when I saw the state of half of them. Some were missing limbs and leaning on others. I was praying that these were the only casualties, but somewhere inside I knew they were not. The Captain Seiichiro Suzuki stood an arms length from the prince. Kukai held us back. Each of us stood straight, and at the far side of the hall, letting Tadase continue his meeting.

When it ended, and Seiichiro gathered his troops we all were allowed to approach. However, by this time none of us knew how to.

"Amu," Tadase called, my eyes connected with his. "Walk with me please."

I hurried to his side, leaving Kukai and Kairi with their own set of worried glances.

Tadase guided me through the main hall. It was silent and extremely awkward. Finally he spoke.

"We lost a lot of men today," his voice was low and dark. "I should have been out there, fighting with them… Maybe some of them would have got a chance," I wanted to say something but I just stared at him. His face pallid with fear, his eyes empty of his usual optimistic attitude. "I just felt so worthless sitting here today."

"Hotori-kun," he looked up at me, his expression looking as though he was about to cry. "You are not worthless, you are a prince and the most gentle in the land!"

Tadase smiled, I could feel myself blush as his gesture sent heat through my body. He then stopped and turned away for a moment. His voice came out quick and it was easy to tell his nerves were getting the better of him. "Amu, I've been considering this for a while, but I'd really like you do at least think on it for a bit. You do not have to answer me right now, I would completely understand even if you don't want to but if you don't mind, would you … consider… becoming my bride?"

I stood there for a moment, taking in the words he said. I could see him staring at me now, watching my expression, his own turning to that of rejection quickly. My mouth moved on its own. "Hotori-kun, I-"

"It's alright if you don't want to! I was just thinking since we have known each other for so long, and that you work at the castle, it wouldn't be much of an inconvenience for you or anything! And I was thinking something like this might loosen the stress this war is burdening me with… Although, the choice is up to you!"

Word vomit was something I could never take kindly, but it was easy to understand why his usually calm tongue was now speaking like this. Tadase was showing another quality that I idolized about him, his courage. But, then as much as I loved him, I do not think I would ever be able to marry him, at least not now. "Hotori-kun…"

"Tadase," he cut me off again, giving me another nervous side-ways glance.

"Eh?" I was slightly surprised at the tone.

"Call me Tadase. I feel like you are addressing my father when you say my last name," he grinned sheepishly.

"Okay… Tadase-kun," indeed saying his name like this felt more natural, more personal. "I do not know if I'm ready for such a turn of events… If you do not mind, I would like some time to…" I paused hoping my words were not causing him anymore stress. When I saw no evidence of such I continued with my previous thoughts, "Think about it."

Tadase grinned again. "Then think about it you will, but do not think I will give up asking you." His expression and tone changed dramatically in such a little amount of time. "I really truly love you Amu-chan. And not only because you are the only one that makes me laugh. In one weeks time I will announce our decision to the court."

I froze immediately. Tadase had already taken off, curtseying before he left me standing in the corridor. My wrists shook, and my entire body almost collapsed to the floor.

'He loves me?' It was as if someone gave me a delicious taste of some exquisite desert, that I couldn't describe for anyone on how good it tasted. All I could do was savour that tiny bite until I finally swallowed. I did not think that time would come soon, and I do not think I wanted it to. None-the-less I did not move, frozen with my thoughts and feelings and overcome with the urge to say yes. 'Should I run after him? Make him not wait any longer?' My foot slid slightly in the direction he left in. 'It would only make sense that we were at least some form of a couple,' my other foot followed this time. 'But do I reallylovehim? Can I truly bond myself to this man without knowing exactly… who I am?'

I could feel myself falling to the ground at this worry overtaking me. How could Tadase love such a girl as I? I had no past, no name, and no record of my existence. I did not even truly belong in the castle.

Tears had already started forming under my eyes, and I could not hold them back. I buried my head in my arms, covered my face with the few loose strands of strawberry pink hair and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"Why can't decisions like these be easy…?" I moaned out, wiping away the stray tears on the loose fabric on my arm. A pitiful attempt at stopping the stray droplets because more were likely to follow after that.

I don't know when I returned to my room, but it was dark out and I was sitting at the window. Stars were barely making themselves known through the clouds. The moon shined perfectly, directly pouring its light right through the wide glass frame. My entire room held an eerie feel to it. I loved it.

The moon made me feel somewhat complete. Although it also made me feel empty. While I stared up into it millions of thoughts drifted into my mind. I thought about my first words, I thought about the time I met Kukai and Kairi. I even thought about the day I learned to balance on the railing. Although the main thing I thought about was the first few years I had been at this castle. One woman in this entire castle raised me. Her name was Nadeshiko, and she was a mistress of sorts to the previous king. Although she was never able to actually give birth to the child, the king kept her close. Not as a lover, but merely a friend. She herself was young, no older then what I am now. She taught me the basics to being a maid, and that's what I was to focus on. Nadeshiko also forced me to forget anything that happened before I had arrived that night.

To this day, all I can remember is her saying those same words, 'You're safe now, so you do not have to remember. Just sleep. I will always be here for you…'Indeed those words calmed me when I was young, but I was reaching adulthood now, and I needed to figure out how I was going to go about getting to the next stage of my life.

Marriage.

I had always been with Tadase while I grew up. In between assisting the maids in the kitchen, and learning a multiple of things from Nadeshiko my duty was to befriend Tadase. It wasn't very hard to talk to him then. It was all hide and seek, and throwing balls back and forth. Childhood innocence.

But even though Tadase would say he was having fun, and he enjoyed my company he never once smiled. I was never privileged to the story behind why this was, but I don't think I really ever pressed too hard into the subject. I admit after noticing this, even as a child, it became my mission to make the young prince smile.

Given, he was older then me, so his maturity level was a bit out of my immature humor range, I still tried. What a foolish child I was. Honestly a four year old went through this much trouble to make a boorish prince laugh? Again; maybe I just pitied him.

Eventually that faithful day came. Instead of passing the ball back like I did all the time, I tried something else. I wanted to make our game a little more interesting. I stood up, taking the ball with me, lifted one leg and balanced the ball on my nose.

Tadase didn't know how to respond. He just stared bewildered by the sudden action. Although, I was about to start laughing, and before I knew it I tripped back and the ball landed right in my mouth, while I myself lay flat on the ground.

And it worked, Tadase was laughing. Then my own laughter followed.

Some of the nearby maids were around to see, and even Tadase's advisor was quite surprised!

Tadase came over, lifted me off the ground and I got a good look at his face. It was red, and tears were forming under his eyes.

"Hotori-kun? Why are you crying?" I squeaked, dropping the ball to the ground. "Did I make you sad?"

"No, no Amu-san! Totally the opposite," he was calming down now, breathing easier between his words. "I haven't laughed this much in years, thank you!"

"Ah! You are smiling!" I launched myself at him and hugged him. He blushed.

Once I pulled myself out of my memories I sighed and looked down at my hands. Blisters were forming underneath the pale pink silk gloves. Obviously a reminder of the back-breaking work I did to keep up what I had been introduced to. I tore the gloves off and began rubbing my hands into each other. Once the pain subsided even for a bit I began stripping myself of the ridiculous costume I'd been forced to wear.

The two-toned, hat; adorned with bells on it, was pulled from my head. My pink hair released from its confines. The tight black leggings ending in the hats set partner; pointed fabric with another bell attached to the tip, an honestly pathetic attempt at a shoe. A pink and black plaid skin tight body suit covered the rest of my skin. It attached to a spiked collar that was fitted to my neck, and the same pattern was continued around my wrists and thighs. The entire outfit was thrown into a pile and I stood now in the window completely naked.

"You are indeed the only one that can make me laugh,"Tadase's voice drifted through my head once more. "My little Joker."

'No,'my thoughts interrupted the gentle voice of Tadase. 'You're just a fool.'

.:*~*:.

Muse - Uno

" 'Cause you could have been number one
If you only found the time
And you could have ruled the whole world
If you had the chance "

.:*~*:.

Updating chapters. Each chapter will be named after a muse song that has some form of significance in this story.

Review, please.