AN: This is basically what I felt is a missing moment from BD. Enjoy. R&R if you so wish.
Disclaimer: *checks bank account* Nope, I most assuredly do not own Twight/NM/Eclipse/BD
"To forgive is an act of compassion… It's not done because people deserve it, it's done because they need it."- Giles (Buffy the Vampire Slayer: I Only Have Eyes for You)
Esme POV
"Bella, please don't do this to yourself. To Edward. To all of us. Edward is right. This could very easily kill you. Let me help you," Carlisle stated in a voice somewhere between his "doctor" and "father" voice.
My head snapped up. He might as well have ripped a limb off. Though, come to think of it, most likely, would have hurt less. That voice that he was using was scaring me. The doctor part implied he thought it was medically necessary. If it ended there, I would have gladly dealt with it. It was the father part that was gut-wrenching. The father part meant he wanted it done. He wanted to kill my grandchild.
Didn't he know how utterly this would destroy Bella? How it would destroy Edward too? You lose one you lose the other. They are vital to each other's existence. The same way that I cannot live without Carlisle, they cannot live without the other either.
In this moment I felt so incredibly selfish. I knew how this must be hurting Bella to hear those words come from my husband's mouth. And for Edward to agree, it must be killing her. But the only thing going through my mind was, "How could he do this to me? Was he really going to kill a child in front of me?" He knew how I felt about children. I loved my family without a doubt, but I longed for a child that was truly mine through blood, not just my husband's venom.
And he was about to kill my grandchild against my daughter's wishes. I knew Rose must be feeling the same way. She wanted children as bad as I did, more so maybe, given she did not adopt as I had. One look at her confirmed this thought. At least she didn't have to listen to her husband try and talk someone into killing their child. No, that pain belonged to me.
I was so very close to screaming my frustration, pain, and agony at Carlisle that I knew I had to leave. The children didn't deserve to hear that and this would have to be a private discussion.
I did the only thing I could do. I ran out the door and headed into the woods. There was a place I so desperately needed to get to. When we first moved here Carlisle had set up a place deep in the woods, marked only with a mark on a tree, that signaled we were out of regular and Edward's hearing range. It was somewhere private to talk, yell, fight, sob, or simply be with someone when the house would not suffice.
I sat down on a fallen tree and waited for Carlisle to come. I needed him to come. If he didn't, I don't know what I would do.
I'm not sure why I bothered worrying in the first place. If I had been listening, I would have heard him following me. As it was, he had about 5 seconds till he reached me. When he did he did not sit by me. He wanted to give me space it seemed. I sighed to myself. Just the fact that he thought I wanted the space hurt me. He should know me better than that. No, I take that back. He does know me better than that.
"Esme," he said, bringing me out of my thoughts, "Please talk to me, love. Jasper said you were in pain."
I looked up at him to see his face set in a grimace. I had hurt him, unintentionally, of course, but the mere fact that I was suffering caused him to suffer in turn. I hated seeing him in pain. But what he was willing to do was killing me.
"Back there in the house? I didn't you, Carlisle. It was… oh God, I didn't know you." I could feel the breakdown coming and fast. Faster than a human eye could follow, he finally sat down beside me and pulled me to him. Sobs shock my body to the core and even in a situation as horrible as this, the comfort he offered was very much welcomed and needed.
"Esme, please don't cry. I hate seeing you in so much pain." His perfect voiced cracked at the end, a rare occurrence for my husband. "Tell me what's bothering you. Please don't shut me out. I want to know. I want to help. Is it about Bella? I'll take care of her. I promise you."
"No! Oh God, Carlisle, no. Can't you see? You can't take away their child. She wants that baby so badly. Edward would too, if he wasn't so terrified. He's scared something will happen to Bella. He doesn't realize how strong she really is. If she wants this baby, she will be strong enough to carry them. Edward doesn't need a doctor for Bella right now. He needs his father." I would plead with him for eternity if it got him to see how precious this baby was. "Bella needs you as her doctor, yes. But not in the way you think. If you terminate her pregnancy, you will kill her in a much worse way than this pregnancy ever could. Please believe me. I can't stand the thought of Bella going through the same thing I did, not when there is a possibility of it being avoided. Don't force her into that sort of grief. You know what it can do to a person…"
I was a horrible wife to bring up my lost son like this. What kind of person brings up a nearly century's old loss, especially when it concerns another man's child? Oh Charles… What a curse you were. The only good thing you ever did was half drive me to suicide. I wouldn't have married this amazing man next to me without that.
"You remember, don't you? More than you should, for it being a human memory and all. You remember your son being sick?" The pain in his voice when he asked me that was indescribable. It was made so much worse when I realized it was unnecessary pain. This pain was directed from me. He was, once again, taking all of my grief and suffering onto himself. It wasn't right.
"Yes… I remember. He was perfect, Carlisle. Absolutely perfect. And then he was taken away from me. There was nothing I could do. You must understand, I did everything in my power to save him. And if there was a way that I could go back and save him now, I would. I miss him every day. I really do try hard not to dwell on it, for Edward and Jasper's sakes, but yes, I remember."
"Oh Esme." He pulled me into his lap and just held me. We sat there for God only knows how long until he spoke again. "I am so sorry for hurting you. You, my beautiful and perfect wife, are my number one priority… But I am scared. I'm worried about Bella and downright terrified for Edward. You're right, you know? Bella is a fighter, I just hope she's strong enough for the both of them. I truly only wanted to help Bella. I'm not sure if she'll survive this."
I knew he wasn't sure. I was. My daughter could do this. She would need our support, the entire family's really. I had a feeling Edward would need just as much comfort and support as his wife did. Bella would have to be strong enough for the both of them.
Carlisle sighed. My silence must have been bothering him. I really didn't having else to say in that moment. What I needed to say, was said.
"Forgive me please. I never meant to hurt you. That is by far worst thing I could do. I promised you I would never hurt you. You've been through enough of that. I'm sorry I've gone back on my word. Just please, love, forgive me."
Forgive him? Of course I would. I already did. I knew he still wanted her pregnancy terminated. I could see that he hadn't changed his mind on that account. But I knew without a doubt he would never force this on his daughter. He was too good of a man for that. Perhaps I couldn't logically forgive him for still wanting to end my grandchild's life before it ever started. But I knew that I needed to forgive him. Of that, there is no doubt. I loved him. Anything he would ever do that will need my forgiveness, will have it. Forgiving him for this is needed for both of us.
"Yes Carlisle, of course I forgive you."
He pulled me in for a sweet kiss. It was loving, thankful, and had the slightest hint of longing behind it. I pulled away before we got lost in sensation. There was no time for intimacy right now. Our children needed us. Carlisle needed to be a father and doctor to Bella and Edward needed a mother. When this was all said and done, when Bella, Edward, and their child were safe, then we could celebrate and be together as a husband and wife were truly meant to be. I could hardly wait. But until then, it was time to head back to the house and take care of the children.