Not your Momma by Yofune-Nushi

Summary: Link is informed of Allen's latest epiphany. Kind of crack. Allen's a brat and Link does his best to keep his cool (which he does better then I expected actually). This idea came to me suddenly and I had to write it in one sitting.

Warnings: Spoilers for the most recent chapters (with the exception of chapter 186). I'm not sure how IC I made it since I was just having some fun here on a topic that people have been noticing lately with how much closer Link and Allen seem to be despite the nature of Link working with him.

It was when Allen was watching Link sort through their newly cleaned clothes and categorizing them into special groups that Allen had an epiphany.

"Link, you're my mom." Was the casual and yet thoughtfully shocked comment from the younger male.

"…What?" Was the only reply to the perceived and rather absurd observation his charge had made out of the blue (that reminds him, separate light from darks).

Link's charge didn't answer right away, seeming to also be trying to process this new feeling of development even more so as he twitch the corners of his mouth up and furrowed his brow as if testing the idea before finally shrugging his shoulders in a way as if to say, oh well… it could be worse.

Link felt his one eye twitch. He didn't know if he had just been insulted or not. With Walker, it wasn't always so easy to sense if the malice was there or not. But considering from what he'd gathered of his understanding of the boy, he felt justified already for veering to the former.

"Well" Began Allen and Link felt another thanks (something he had been doing a lot since coming to the Order) being sent out for the training that has helped him suppress the sometimes wild urges to moan and throw his arms up in expressing his exasperation of what he knew was to come. "For one… you tell me what to eat."

"I just give you advice on what's good for your health, Walker. I hardly find that motherly."

"Yeah, by telling me to eat more veggies and cut back on the meat about every time we eat together. None of my other friends have ever done that before. You've even started to sneak some of your gross tofu in the guise of real food onto mine plates, and yes, I have noticed so don't try to deny it or give me that look. I always know when it comes to food."

If Link was any other person (more notably Lavi) he would have felt intimidated by the serious clouds that foretold of oncoming ominous storms that were being birthed from the younger boy's scowl. Instead he tried to ignore his charges over exaggerations and his own slight unnerve at being caught of his actions by beginning to neatly fold all the underwear.

"I hardly find something like that motherly. I can't have you dropping sick on my guard after all and I'm not forcing you to completely change your normal horrid diet like a mother would her own child… Besides, I don't say anything about you eating all those sweets, do I?"

At this Allen gave a cheeky smile as he titled his head at the opening Link had so helpfully provided for him. "That's another thing. I seem to have noticed that while you often borrow Jerry's kitchen to make all those pastries. You always share them with me. Just me, oh yes and you to Timcampy. I have never seen you share another pie or doughnut with anyone else other then perhaps Inspector Leverrie."

"And…?"

"And…?" Allen now asked slightly surprised and confused over Link not being able to follow such a logical pattern. "Link, the last time someone tried to take a sweet from you that weren't me or Tim you practically bit their head off and wouldn't let them have it as if you were guarding the very crown of England. The only way others can even manage a bite is if I get the pastry from you first and then give it them when you are distracted."

"Again, what is so motherly about that?" Sighed Link almost tiredly, though he was more used to Allen's occasional eccentrics, the boy could still test him.

"Well, you obviously dote on me and you do it of your own will whether you noticed or not. I don't think your orders were to baby me like that by giving me special treats that not many others can have the privilege of."

"Walker…" Here Link was beginning to feel rather ridiculous for even involving himself anymore then he already has instead of ignoring him like he should have. But for some reason, there was this strange urge to keep going, as if he would lose whatever ground he had as the older and more in-charge figure between the two. "I do not, and I repeat, do not. Baby you. I just watch you as I'm supposed to and if I share sweets with you it's because the sound of your gargantuan void you call a stomach would haunt me throughout the day and night."

Link hoped this would put an end to the strange topic that should never have even begun by all that is right in the first place. But instead much to his irate observation, his younger charge seemed to not be listening, instead more lost in his own little world and smiling that smile that can only bring trouble to those he shines it upon. "Well Link, I also recall a number of times you have acted like a mother-hen in more ways then those I have listed. For one, you are always jumping to my aid first when you can. Like when one of the crows, I think he was Goushi, knocked me against the wall and you immediately got in front of me to stop the fight before anything else happened like a mother putting herself between any possible danger and her child."

Rubbing his chin as he rolled his eyes back in thought, Allen continued. "I believe your words were something like, I being your responsibility and not to dare touch me anymore or else."

"I believe that is more then a slight exaggeration on past events."

"Quite protective don't you think." Allen continued giving no heed to Links comment. "Like a mother bear protecting her young."

"I am a male Walker, as I more then hopefully think you should surely know by now."

"Now that I think about it, back when the level 4 Akuma was attacking us inside the barrier on the last mission you would rather put the lives of women and children on the line just because it would worsen my position; again, quite over-protective if you ask me, in a sweet if not creepy way that is. "

Here Link huffed "It was protocol I was following Walker. Rules should not be bended, they are there for a reason and that reason is to always follow them."

"… You broke the rules regarding the Ark when Lulubell attacked HQ so Bookman san and I could save all the scientists on the other side."

"Walker, that was completely different. What needed protection that time was far more important then what was inside the orphanage"

… Yes and Timothy who is a valuable and rare conformer for the war, and even all children and women you had repeatedly risked your life and got yourself even turned into a doll for was not worth protecting as well. Allen thought disbelieving. But decided against from saying this out loud as it would most likely lead into a particular conversation that would be more trouble then it was worth with Link being so stubborn on it.

Not wanting Link to think the conversation was over, as it far from was. Allen continued with his education.

"Mom's I hear are also usually the only person you confide in with things you never do anyone else. Such as how I've never really told any of my friends here about stuff like Mana or Master the way I do when I'm alone with you. You don't even pretend to listen like you could have, you actually seem interested in the stuff I say when its not even anything related to your work" Slightly scratching his cheek at this "I was quite surprised myself when you pointed it out."

Blinking, Link paused at that. He did do that didn't he? By now Link was beginning to feel more wary and alarmed as Allen continued.

"Also you being really strict sometimes can also be considered motherly. Like how you want me to learn lessons and hope when it backfires I'll learn from it. Like thinking better then to fall asleep in the Science department so that I won't fall victim to some weird and rather pointless substance that should never have seen the light of day due to partly my own careless ness."

"I do-"

"You always lecture me afterwards about it, as if to make a point you were waiting to make from the very beginning."

Matching glare for glare both held each other's gaze unblinking for several long seconds before Timcampy from his perch interrupted both by flapping his wings as if to call some much deserved attention to himself.

"Timcampy also approves of you."

At this Link eyed the golden golem who was nesting in the snow kissed hair that suddenly broke into a toothy grin at the mention of his name.

"What does that have to do with being a mother?"

Shrugging, Allen looked up as much as he could at his golem as if he were using telepathy to communicate (then again… no, Link decided he would not even go there) before turning back to him as if he had gathered enough answers from his golden familiar.

"Timcampy, while nice to those who are nice to him, Master, and me rarely approves of people as much as he now does you. He always stays near you when I'm busy and you are one of the very rare people who have the honor of him liking to perch on your head."

Allen said it like it was something to feel very prideful about.

"I don't see what's so special about that?" Link asked with a raise of his brow. The little golem wasn't really what you would call a feather in terms of weight. His neck was beginning to feel rather sore these days from all the added weight on to his head and he wished the little devil would at least perch on his shoulders like he normally does for his own master.

"Besides" he added, almost resentfully "Last time I checked I was furniture. How do I know you saying that didn't give him permission to treat me as such?"

"Even though as his owner Tim will probably feel obligated to like or dislike people the same as I do. He has his own mind on who he favors more then the other. I liked both Lavi and Lenalee after knowing them, but Lenalee is the one who he likes more between the two… Then again that could also be because he's more partial to girls." The last line Allen added thoughtfully as Tim once again bared its teeth into a shameless grin.

"…Walker that last part better not have been another attempt to make me into a female… let alone your mother…"

Allen rolled his eyes as if to say, you are so immature and unreasonable. Funny, Link thought he could say the same thing and feel more justified doing it as well.

"No, but Tim likes you a lot. More then he does Lenalee, Lavi, or any of my other friends; which means you are the first to belong in our circle."

Link didn't want to know why Walker's grin suddenly somehow eerily become so similar to his golem's, or even question what it truly meant to be a part of "the circle" that was seemingly dictated by a golem who used to be the familiar of Marian Cross.

Then again he wondered if maybe he should be more careful about a golem in Walker's possession instead.

"So…" Allen twirled his finger into the air as he began listing off "You watch what I eat but you also spoil me with sweets, you listen to my inner thoughts and problems and I feel comfortable with you in ways I don't any one else, you can be very protective, you want me to learn lessons… Now that I think about, we are kind of stuck together no matter what like family usually is only because of your orders and all. What else am I I forgetting?"

Your sanity, none of which you have? But Link kept that certain remark to himself. What else could Allen Walker think of next with that mind of his?

"You also fold my underwear."

Huh? Looking down Link finally noticed for the first time how he had been mixing Allen's laundry with his own and thus took over Allen's responsibility of putting away his own clothes.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but you have been kind of been putting out clothes for me to wear for the rest of the day lately." At this Allen eyed his new blue and black like jacket along with his tie that Link had somehow pulled from out of no where and placed in his closest. Before he just always wore pants and a vest, now his style was becoming more, nice looking or protocol like he guessed?

"I'm not ungrateful or anything, in fact I've been meaning to thank you for awhile now. But I just now wanted to know how aware you are of how you act…. Link, you okay?"

Link's face had become rather blank as he mulled over this predicament that was new to him. Allen worriedly wondered if he had broken Link's brain with his logic.

Before not even about three second had passed Link, resumed his attention back to the laundry with natural ease almost as if the entire conversation had never occurred, diligently finally finishing the last of the clothing and setting it all aside in their proper drawers and closets.

"Walker"

"Yes?"

"Go to bed."

Feeling slightly off by this attitude change from earlier, Allen said no more and obeyed with a bid of good night.

The next week, Link began to act as stiff as he had been when he first met Allen. Unfortunately during the end of the last day he nearly thumped his head in frustration against his working desk when Allen once again, this time looking almost worriedly but with a certain twinkle of no shame in his eyes, pointed out that Link had been the one to set out his casual wear for everyday and put plates of veggies and his own homemade cookies onto his plate during supper; once again without realizing it.

Dear lord, what was he becoming?!

Timcampy, not so helpfully began nesting in his hair as Allen began relentlessly poking him to make more pie for him to eat.