Dedicated to all wallflowers :-)
Disclaimer for the whole story...I don't own HSM. (That said, if Disney wants to give it to me...I accept!)
Two Years Ago
Kelsi Nielson was scared. Which wasn't that much of a surprise, for Kelsi found fear and nerves getting the best of her on numerous occasions. She honestly couldn't even believe she was at the center of the conversation flowing all around her. And why couldn't she believe this? Well to put it simply, Kelsi was a wallflower. A very talented wallflower, whose friend's did notice and appreciate her...but a wallflower just the same. And Kelsi didn't mind, she wasn't one to strive to be the center of anyone's attention. Okay, that's not completely true, there was one person she wanted to notice her amongst all others. And that said person also seemed to be at the center of the conversation taking place all around her.
"Kels, just go up and talk to him. I mean, you guys are best friends...chances are he feels the same way."
Kelsi looked at Martha like she had lost her mind. Martha was one of Kelsi's best friends, had been since kindergarten. They used to be wallflowers together...until Martha joined the cheerleading squad in high school and started dating one of the star basketball players. Martha had the ability to mesh into just about every aspect of life. That was one of the qualities Kelsi admired most about her friend.
"Kelsi, I agree with Martha. It's high time you let that man know how you feel."
That comment came from Taylor, another close friend of Kelsi's. Taylor had just graduated from Yale...with honors. She had a no-nonsense attitude that Kelsi so envied. If Taylor had a thought or opinion, you would be aware of it within 2 seconds. (If not sooner.) And while Taylor was honest, (sometimes brutally so) she was also loyal. And in Kelsi's opinion, loyalty was one of the best qualities to have in a friend.
"C'mon you guys, stop pressuring her. She'll tell him when she's ready. Why don't we just go back inside and enjoy the party."
The lyrical voice that accompanied the latest comment belonged to Gabriella. Gabriella had to be the sweetest person Kelsi knew. And not because she had just attempted to change the direction of the conversation. (Though Kelsi greatly appreciated that.) Chances were if you looked up the word "kind" or "sweet" in the dictionary, you would find a picture of Gabby.
Kelsi looked at the faces of her three closest girlfriends. She saw concern, impatience and love on all of their features. And while Kelsi was grateful for the last emotion present, she definitely understood the other two. After all, the three friends had listened to Kelsi confide about her crush on Ryan Evans for the last 5+ years. And the word "confide" pretty much summed up the magnitude of what Kelsi had done about her crush. Kelsi definitely fell under the category of "all talk, no action". That's not to say she didn't try to tell Ryan how she felt. Kelsi couldn't even start to count the amount of times she had attempted to share her feelings with Ryan. Unfortunately, all of those "attempts" occurred with heavy subtext. The words "I am in love with you" or even "I like you...a lot" were never uttered. Just the thought of saying anything so brazen made Kelsi feel completely naked. That just wasn't her way. So instead she chose to smile and be a great friend to Ryan. Never giving up hope that he would see by simply looking at her that she was madly and irrevocably in love with him. She had been waiting for the grand realization for a very long time. So long in fact, that her friends were under the impression that "Kelsi's way" was simply not working, and a "new way" had to come into play...soon. The annoying thing was, Kelsi knew they were right.
"Okay...I'll tell Ryan tonight." Kelsi said, her bespectacled blue eyes bright with nerves.
The three girls looked at Kelsi in shock. There had been many times in the past they had unsuccessfully tried to convince the petite girl to share her feeling with Ryan, each time their ideas had been rejected...until now.
Gabby was the first to get over her surprise.
"Are you sure Kelsi? You shouldn't do this if you are feeling pressured." Gabby said the last comment while giving a disapproving glance to Taylor and Martha.
Gabby understood why the other two girls felt the need to counsel Kelsi, she just didn't always think their advice was wise. What may seem like an appropriate action for Taylor and Martha, might not be for Kelsi. Kelsi was like the little sister of the group, and Gabby had a fierce need to protect her. She couldn't help laughing quietly to herself at that last thought; it seemed the boy's brotherly affection for Kelsi had rubbed off on her.
Taylor and Martha both felt a little guilty upon receiving "the look" from Gabby. They thought the world of Kelsi, they just wanted her to be happy and find love.
"Gabby's right Kels, if you aren't ready to talk to Ryan, you shouldn't. We didn't mean to pressure you." Martha said, her lips spreading in an apologetic smile.
"Yeah, Kelsi, I'm sorry. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in the cause I kind of forget about the feelings that may be involved. You shouldn't do anything you aren't ready to do." Taylor said, her big brown eyes conveying her apology.
Now it was Kelsi's turn to exhibit shock...who were these three girls and what had they done with her friends? (Well except for Gabby, she was still acting normal.)
"Wait, let me get this straight. I have finally stated that I am ready to talk to Ryan. And by "talk" I don't mean "this is some weather we're having," I am thinking more along the lines of "Ryan, I have feelings for you," and you are telling me not to? Not 5 minutes ago weren't you listing all of the reasons why I should talk to Ryan? And now...here I am, ready to talk...and you say "don't do it?" I am so utterly confused by what it is exactly I should do." Kelsi paused to take a much needed breath. As she noticed Gabby about to say something, she quickly barreled on before she lost her nerve. "So now I am going to go inside the Evans' house and find Ryan in the midst of this chaotic party and I am going to tell him how I feel...while I still have this completely out of character burst of confidence."
And with that final comment, Kelsi walked into the house.
Gabby, Taylor and Martha watched Kelsi's retreating back...three pairs of brown eyes huge with wonder. Gabby couldn't believe Kelsi had actually said all of that, and truth be told she could completely see Kelsi following through with her plan. Like Gabby, Martha didn't think Kelsi was going to back out this time. And she was so proud of her friend, it was about time. Unlike her two friends, Taylor decided to vocalize her thoughts out loud.
"I completely lost count of how many run-on sentences were included in that monologue."
"Taylor!" Both Gabby and Martha chorused, turning their gazes to stare incredulously at Taylor.
"What? Gabby you know you were secretly thinking that too." Taylor said defensively.
Gabby had the grace to giggle.
"Maybe, but I certainly didn't vocalize the thought." Gabby responded with a smile.
"Well, I'm proud of our girl. Ryan would be absolutely crazy not to sweep her right off her feet." Martha said with a grin, breezily changing the subject slightly.
"I couldn't agree more." Taylor replied, the warmth she felt for the small girl evident in her eyes.
"Let's just hope this goes well, otherwise we are going to have some very angry basketball players on our hands." Gabby stated, worry creeping into her tone.
The three friends all shared a concerned look, all individually praying the conversation went well between their favorite composer and choreographer.
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The minute Kelsi walked through the sliding glass doors that separated the backyard from the living room, she wanted to turn around. She couldn't help thinking that this was a huge mistake. No, "huge" was to insignificant a word to describe this mistake..."massive" seemed a better fit. She thought of going back to her friends and telling them quite simply that she couldn't talk to Ryan; that she wasn't ready. But she didn't. Because Kelsi knew deep down if she didn't do it now, chances were she was never going to. And Kelsi wanted to experience reciprocated love so badly...one sided love was not that enjoyable at all. So, she continued to walk into the room.
"Hey Small Person! I thought you were having girl time outside?"
Kelsi turned to her right with a surprised jump, her eyes focusing on a large curly fro before lowering to the friendly brown eyes under the large mane of hair.
"Hi Chad." Kelsi said, a blush heightening her cheeks for allowing a simple greeting to startle her. "Um...we were. I mean, they still are, but I'm not." Kelsi's cheeks turned a deeper shade of pink as she heard the nervous ramble that couldn't seem to stop erupting from her mouth.
Chad laid a comforting hand on Kelsi's shoulder.
"Kelsi, are you okay?" Chad asked, the concern apparent on his features.
"Oh, I'm fine." Kelsi answered a little too loudly, wincing before she continued. "Have you seen Ryan?"
"Right." Chad said slowly, drawing out the word in a way that suggested he didn't believe a word she was saying. "I think Evans is upstairs with his sister."
"Oh, okay...thanks." Kelsi looked at Chad, an awkward silence filling the space between the two. "Well, I'm gonna go find him." And with that parting comment, Kelsi fled Chad's side as fast as humanly possible.
Troy walked up to Chad, wondering why Kelsi had seemed to be in such a hurry to run away.
"What's up with the Playmaker?" Troy asked, his blue eyes following her small form up the stairs.
"Hell if I know." Chad said, the confusion over the whole exchange still visible on his features.
Gabby and Taylor picked that exact moment to walk up to their boyfriends. Troy leaned down to receive Gabby's sweet kiss, while Chad supported Taylor's body as she leaned back against him.
"Hey, do you girls know what's up with Kelsi? She's acting strange." Chad asked, immediately feeling Taylor's body stiffen up.
Troy noticed that Gabby's smile just seemed to get brighter...like she was trying to hide something.
"Taylor, I have to use the bathroom." Gabby said by way of distraction.
Taylor needed no further urging...she did not want to be the one to tell the boys about Ryan and Kelsi's impending conversation.
"Great, I'll come with you." Taylor practically screamed as she quickly followed Gabby out of the room.
Troy and Chad looked at each other with duo looks of bafflement.
"That was weird..." Chad started.
"Yeah." Troy finished.
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Completely unaware of the confusion she had left in her wake, Kelsi quickly made her way up the stairs. She was no longer taking her time reaching Ryan; she didn't need another uncomfortable moment with a friend due to her overpowering nerves. Kelsi heard Ryan before she saw him, the soft chords of the piano drifting under the closed door. She wasn't surprised when she realized she was outside the family's music room. Of course, that's where Ryan would be. Kelsi knew his tendencies well enough to know Ryan frequently needed to find escape routes during big parties. As much as he loved to socialize, he also craved quiet time to just be alone with his thoughts. She knocked quietly on the door, not wanting to disturb his solitude.
"Come in." Ryan said, knowing before she entered who was at the door.
Only one person other than his sister Sharpay knew about his need to remove himself every so often from social situations. And seeing as he had just left Sharpay to her boyfriend Zeke's attention, he knew it had to be Kelsi knocking softly at the door. And to be honest, Kelsi was exactly who he wanted to spend time with. It was still sometimes surprising to him how much the small girl's friendship had come to mean to him. He couldn't imagine his life without Kelsi in it. Over the course of their college career at Juilliard, Kelsi had become his very best friend.
Ryan watched as the petite composer shyly entered the room. A slight grin touched his lips as he wondered why on earth Kelsi was still shy around him. They were in each other's company about as often as they were alone. Ryan pushed the thought aside as he took a moment to really look at his friend. He immediately recognized the insecurity in her big blue eyes and mannerisms. She entered the room at a slow pace, her finger nervously twining a long brunette curl around her finger. There was only one way to penetrate that shy reserve.
"Hey you, I was hoping you'd find your way up here. I am in desperate need of a partner." Ryan said, patting the space next to him on the piano bench.
Kelsi didn't need any further coaxing as she made her way towards the beautiful grand piano. She sat down next to Ryan, accustomed to the heat that rushed through her body the moment the side of her thigh touched his. Conversation wasn't necessary as the two friends played the piano. They moved together in perfect accordance as they shifted naturally from number to number. Both friends letting themselves get lost in the music as they harmonized perfectly. It was exactly what Kelsi needed. If anything possessed the power to break down her defenses, it was music. As they finished the last refrain to "Music of the Night", Kelsi knew now was the time to tell Ryan her feelings. She turned to face him, watching his fingers play across the piano keys. He really was beautiful. His blond hair was shining in the dim lamp-lit room, adding an extra sparkle to his blue eyes. His lips were curved in a sweet smile that seemed to convey how happy he was at that exact moment. Sometime during the course of their time at Juilliard, Ryan had made the physical shift from boy to man. His profile was more defined as his long fingers worked the piano keys effortlessly. Kelsi felt her breath hitch as she dealt with the full realization regarding what she was about to do. After she shared her feelings with Ryan, everything was sure to change. And though she was so scared of her friend's reaction, she knew it was time. She was desperate to know if Ryan felt any of the same feelings for her that she felt for him.
"I think these are going to be some of my best memories from college." Kelsi said, a soft shy smile on her lips.
Ryan stopped playing and turned to face his friend. He felt an odd electric current run through his body as his eyes met hers. Kelsi had the most amazing eyes, they reminded him of the ocean, big and blue...and so easy to get lost in. Ryan quickly shook off the romantic thought, wondering where it had come from.
"Well, we'll be creating many more memories when we go back to New York. You are still planning on going back right?" Ryan asked with an undertone of uncertainty.
"Oh yes, of course." Kelsi answered, quick to reassure.
Kelsi and Ryan had spent many late nights planning their futures. It always seemed that their futures were naturally entwined, with Kelsi composing and Ryan choreographing.
Kelsi felt a burst of courage from the uncertainty she had recognized in Ryan's voice.
"What sort of memories do you think we will be making in our future?" Kelsi asked softly, her face turned towards Ryan's, attempting to read his every expression.
"Pretty much around the same lines as the ones we have already made...you and I together, taking New York by storm." Ryan said, pausing to push a stray curl behind Kelsi's ear. He secretly loved how disheveled his friend's hair was.
Kelsi tried to swallow past the lump in her throat as she focused on elaborating her last loaded question.
"Well, when you say "together"...exactly in what capacity do you mean?" Kelsi couldn't believe she had just asked that. Refrains of "Oh God, Oh God, Oh God" kept echoing in her head. She cursed her naturally shy state when she felt a rush of heat flood her body...a sure sign a blush was covering her features.
Ryan stared at Kelsi, alarm bells ringing in his head. Somehow in the last ten seconds their conversation had shifted into dangerous territory...not just dangerous, but also confusing territory. Ryan took in Kelsi's heightened color and her quickening breath, as he felt his own heart rate start to accelerate. But why was that happening? This was Kelsi, his best friend Kelsi...the girl who knew him better than anyone else. He wasn't accustomed to these strange feelings in regards to Kelsi...why did he suddenly feel warm all over? Oh God, she had asked him a question...what was it?
"Ryan?" Kelsi asked, uncertainty quickly making its way into her expression.
Ryan struggled to answer Kelsi...but he didn't know how. He didn't have an answer. This was all so fast, and he wasn't ready or expecting this...God...even his thoughts were a mess. Ryan was suddenly realizing how close he and Kelsi were sitting on the piano bench, it was almost as if his body craved the nearness of hers. Whoa...this was not what he had planned.
The minute the door opened, Ryan tore himself from his seat next to Kelsi. Both he and Kelsi shifted their overwhelmed gazes to the woman entering the room.
When Ryan recognized who it was, an even bigger wave of confusion seemed to internally topple him over.
When Kelsi saw who was at the door all color left her body and panic started to set in. She felt the hostile look the woman gave her, it was a look she had grown accustomed to in the last two years. When Kelsi saw what was on the woman's left ring finger her whole mind went numb. She looked at Ryan, her blue eyes huge, tears starting to cloud her vision. Feelings of disbelief filled her body as she realized what was happening. She struggled to catch her breath as she looked at Ryan, slowly shaking her head "no". She didn't think she had words left in her body, so she was quite surprised when she found some leaving her mouth.
"R-Ryan, y-you're....engaged aren't you?
Ryan just stared helplessly at Kelsi. He didn't know what was happening. But somehow feelings he did not know were there seemed to have arisen in regards to his best friend. He had been so excited to share the news of his and Amanda's engagement...but now...he didn't know. He doubted he knew the answer to anything right now.
Amanda chose that exact moment to cut in. She had never liked Kelsi, and for good reason. Kelsi was a threat...a complete and utter threat to everything that Amanda wanted for her future. And the one thing Amanda wanted more than anything was Ryan.
"Isn't it wonderful." Amanda started in a voice made of ice, moving to put her arm around Ryan's waist. "Ryan wanted to wait until later tonight to share the news, but I got impatient and had to try the ring on again. It's beautiful isn't it?"
Kelsi was not a violent person, in fact she had never really had a violent thought ever in her life. Not even concerning Sharpay. But in that moment, as Kelsi watched Amanda reach her hand across the expanse of the room and stick it right under the smaller girl's face...
Kelsi stopped her mind from finishing the thought. Right now self preservation was in the forefront of her mind. She secretly wondered if any of the said preservation was still salvageable.
"Congratulations. I hope you two are very happy together. I-I have to go now." Kelsi thought that sounded pretty together, she was completely oblivious to the tears that were flowing freely down her cheeks. Kelsi chided herself not to start running until she was out of the room. The minute her feet hit the hallway, she took off as fast as possible.
Ryan felt like he had been punched in the gut. He watched his best friend flee from the room, tears clouding her vision. Without a second thought, he took off after her.
"Kelsi...wait!" Ryan yelled. Mindful that she probably couldn't hear him over the noise of the party.
Amanda, realizing what exactly was happening, flew into action.
"Ryan! Come back here!" Amanda yelled, as she took off after her fiancée.
Kelsi was not aware of Ryan chasing after her, or of Amanda chasing Ryan...all she was focused on was getting to the sanctuary of her car. She passed her friends on the way out, quickly brushing off their hands as they tried to slow her down. She felt the cool night air hit her face the moment she was out of the house. That's when she heard him call her name.
Kelsi! Ryan yelled her name as loud as he could. Completely unaware of the audience that was quickly forming.
Amanda tried to push her way through the throngs of people, but found it impossible. She looked up to give the people standing in front of her a complete ear lashing...and then stopped.
Troy, Gabby, Chad, Taylor, Jason, Martha, Zeke and even Sharpay stood in her way.
Sharpay sauntered her way towards Amanda.
"You are going to let my brother talk to his best friend." Sharpay stated in a manner that left no room to question her feelings regarding her brother's fiancée. There was room for only one diva in her family...and she was it.
Amanda gave the group the dirtiest look imaginable before heading back into the house.
Sharpay quickly clapped her hands together.
"Okay, that's handled, now let's watch the show." She said with a movie star grin.
The group of friends turned towards Kelsi and Ryan, watching as the shy composer slowed down enough to allow Ryan to catch up with her.
Ryan ran up to Kelsi, stopping a few feet away. Now that he had caught her, he was at a loss as to what to say.
"I'm sorry, I should have told you about Amanda and I." Ryan started.
Kelsi allowed her gaze to shift from the ground up to Ryan's eyes, taking in his still confused expression.
"It's okay. I understand...I mean...i-it was between the two of you anyway. I-I hope you are both really happy." Kelsi said the last part with half a sob.
"Kelsi, I...I..." Ryan stopped, not really knowing what to say. So many emotions seemed to be flying through his head and heart. He really needed a moment alone to figure all of this out. He didn't want to say something in the spur of the moment and have to retract it later. And he certainly did not want to hurt the small girl standing in front of him any more.
"Ryan s-stop. You have a lot you need to figure out. And I don't think I can be here while you are doing it." Kelsi said, her heart seemed to be breaking all over again.
"What are you saying Kels?" Ryan said, panic making his voice raise in pitch.
As Kelsi answered Ryan, she felt certainty in what she was saying. She needed to take care of herself. For once, she had to put herself first.
"I am going to go." Kelsi's said, using the palms of her hands to brush the tears away from her face.
"Go? Go where? Home? What are you saying?" Ryan questioned, not caring if he sounded like a raving lunatic. He didn't know what exactly he felt for Kelsi, but he did know he didn't want her to leave.
"I don't know yet Ryan. But you shouldn't worry about that. You have a lot of stuff to figure out here. I mean, your engaged...and I am sure your fiancée is less than thrilled right now." Kelsi said slowly, almost forcing herself to say every word.
"Kelsi, please don't leave...don't leave me." Ryan finished.
Kelsi's heart broke even more as she heard Ryan's request. What she would have given to hear those exact words...in a completely different context.
"I have to Ryan. I have to take care of myself...for once. And this situation...it's not healthy. When we are ready to see each other again, we will. I truly believe that." Kelsi could not believe the words coming out of her mouth...she sounded so....together. It was amazing how much could change in the course of one night.
"You are really leaving aren't you? Are you even going back to New York?" Ryan asked, dreading the answer he knew was coming.
"Yes, I really am leaving. And no, I won't be joining you in New York." Kelsi answered, the sorrow evident in her features.
Ryan started to move forward, prompting Kelsi to quickly move back.
"Figure stuff out Ryan and...be happy." With a final tearful wave Kelsi climbed into her small car and drove away.
She had almost been expecting Ryan to come by the next morning, but he didn't. It seemed everybody else did though, with the intention of getting Kelsi to talk to Ryan....again. But Kelsi stood firm, truly believing that leaving was the answer. She hadn't yet realized that one cannot run from problems...for problems have a way of following you wherever you may go.
And so two days later Kelsi Nielson boarded a plane to Chicago. She wasn't going to dare step foot in New York, so Chicago and its flourishing theater district seemed like the next likely choice. She soon found a job nannying for an amazing family. Her time with the kids a welcome escape from her ever present feelings for Ryan. And in time the hurt that seemed to be a permanent part of her heart, started to lessen...until she almost completely forgot what it felt like.
Wow...long prologue. This was necessary though to set up the story and make the necessary introductions.