Merlin's writing is normal

Arthur's writing is in italics

Enjoy, and I'd love it if you R&R! I might write more of this if I can think of anything.

Dear Merlin fanfiction writers,

We recently found your work completely by accident and have noticed that many of your stories contain ideas that us, the Merlin group

Why the Merlin group, Merlin? Why not the Arthur group? I reckon I have more fan girls than you.

…the Arthur group, are not quite happy with.

You bet we're not! It's amazing what types of stories have been written.

Anyway, we're going to list our complaints here.

1. Arthur and I are just friends! There is nothing romantic going on between us!

That's what you think, Merlin…

Huh?

Well, I've seen the way you look at me sometimes, and so the writers may have an excuse for thinking that you love me. I wouldn't blame you if you did.

What about the stories where you love me first?

… okay, no more Merthur.

2. I am taller than Arthur, thank you very much. Yes, the prince is usually tallest, but not in this show.

I'm better looking, though.

3. I do not fancy Lancelot/Will/Edwin/etc! They're all just friends (with the exception of Edwin, who tried to kill me).

Really? Don't tell me you were the one who cut Edwin in half using that axe.

Oh, no, that wasn't me, that was…. Ummm… Gaius!

Yeah, right. My turn to add one.

4. I, Arthur Pendragon, do not fancy Lancelot/Will/etc in any way. I mean, come on, they're both great guys, but just because I let them be my friends it doesn't mean that I have a crush on them.

Lots of your beloved fan girls think that you do.

Shut up, Merlin.

5. Why does every writer give Merlin magic powers? He's no sorcerer! I should know, and yet pretty much every story features him doing magic.

Listen to him, he's completely right! I have no idea why people continue to give me magic powers that do not exist. At all.

It's all because you covered for Gwen that one time, remember? People must have liked the idea.

Oh, yeah… right.

6. My hair is black. Not dark brown. Ebony black, coal black, jet black - it's black, okay?

7. No more Merthur slash.

We've already written that.

Yes, but so many people write it I think we better emphasise it twice.

Good thinking.

I'm out of ideas. Can you think of anything else to add?

Not at the moment, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. I usually do.

Okay, let's send this off, then.

Please respect our wishes, and remember, keep the magic secret!

Yours Sincerely,

Arthur and Merlin.

PS. You know, I never got why that was our tagline.