Right, second update after exams! This took a while… I'm so sorry, exams were hell. Seriously hell. And then MJ had to pass away right after it too. I apologize but I grew up listening to MJ and Celine Dion so it really was a loss to me. The world has lost a great artist and his awesome dance moves and wonderful voice. There will never be a second Michael Jackson and let's just keep it that way. He'd better be remembered for being the one and only King of Pop.

Back to the story. *sniffs* The rating's gone up to T because of language and implied shonen-ai. Be warned, there will be hints of TyKan, Yullen, YuuLena, and perhaps YuuLav in the later chapters. Again, this is not a pairing fic. It's just crack, so don't get offended with the hinted pairings, please. Enjoy!

Chapter 4 – Sexy Kanda

As the dysfunctional group of four trudged down towards the cafeteria in hopes of finding a Kanda eating soba there, the team had actually become something like two pairs of close friends working together. Allen and the new Kanda were actually getting along rather well, and little Kanda chose to stay as far away from the moyashi as he could and tag along with Lenalee instead.

Even though it was a relief to actually talk to Kanda for once without trying to outdo each other or fight, Allen felt something was amiss. There was still something rather nice about mocking the original Kanda and watch him unsheathe Mugen and unleash hell upon those who dared trespass against him.

Upon entering the cafeteria, they looked for a familiar wave of black hair but no such signs were spotted. Allen shrugged.

"I guess Kanda didn't come here after all. Let's go somewhere else and look."

"I want soba." The little Kanda muttered stubbornly.

"There's no time for your soba, you… You… Ba-Kanda!"

"Shut up, moyashi! I'm getting my soba here and that's final!" He stormed off towards the direction of Jerry, as Lenalee followed to explain the situation to the dumbfounded cook.

Allen fumed. "Why do I even bother to…"

A finder came up. "Excuse me, exorcist sir, but I couldn't help overhearing that you were looking for the exorcist Kanda, right?"

Allen turned to look at him. "Yeah, we're looking for him. Have you seen him around?"

The man nodded. "Well actually I did. He left a few minutes ago. No one dared speak to him though." Then his eyes fell on the Kanda beside Allen and he gasped.

"I'm so sorry, Kanda sir! How did you get back so soon! We didn't mean to ignore you, we really didn't!"

Kanda smiled at him, to his horror, for the finder mistook it for an I'm-going-to-kill-you-so-stay-very-still smirk instead of a kind smile.

"Never mind, I understand perfectly. Oh, have I ever told you finders that you guys are doing a splendid job here?"

Allen nearly fainted. "Kanda went out?! And you didn't try and stop him? This is great… Just perfect!"

The nice Kanda patted him on the shoulder. "It's alright, Allen. We'll find him for sure. I know myself; I'd probably be looking for Akuma to slay in order to protect the world."

Too shocked and confused for words, the poor finder was still gaping at the too-kind-to-be-true Kanda. His friend came up and called him.

"Hey, our mission is starting soon, pal! Let's go! Oh, good day to you, Mr. Walker! And Kanda, you're back early! I saw you go out an hour ago and you're already back!"

Kanda nodded, the smile still plastered over his face, as he replied. "Good day to you too! Good luck on your mission!"

The man joined his partner in standing with their jaws hanging open and staring at him. Kanda looked at Allen, who was also staring at the second finder with his jaw wide open.

"Um, is everyone alright? What's the matter?" The confused Japanese asked in concern.

"T-two K-Kandas… Out… Out there… Running around…" Allen fainted on the spot. Kanda yelped and tried to pick him up.

"Hey, Allen! Wake up! Please, you can't faint now!" He shook him frantically. The two finders glanced at each other. One patted his friend's shoulder and gave a stern nod.

"Victor, we're hallucinating. We definitely must get more rest."

Victor nodded and patted his friend in return. "Yep, you've got that right. Let's just finish this mission, forget about this weird morning, and sleep later."

Lenalee arrived with chibi Kanda just as the two finders were leaving. Hardly sparing a glance at the fainted exorcist lying on the older Kanda's lap, the kid just walked over and kicked Allen hard in the shins. The half-conscious boy sat up with a start.

"What was that for, you irritating ba-Kanda!" He wailed.

"Get up! I've had my soba, so let's get finding the other Kandas! You're such a lazy moyashi!"

The other Kanda tried to calm them down. "Now, now, Kanda-chan. Allen here was just worried because two of us ran out of the Order so cut him some slack. He's a real nice guy if you get to know him!"

Lenalee gaped at him. "There are at least two Kandas outside the Order? Oh brother, this is disaster. God knows what hell Kanda will unleash out there! We'd better go after him, and inform Lavi's team too! This is so not good…"

Kanda raised his hand. "I'll go inform them. You take the two of them and go stop my brothers from bringing impending doom upon the world!"

Little Kanda slapped his forehead and groaned. "You are so not one of us… I'd never be caught dead with a stupid grin on my face. And whoever said I would take over the world?"

The older Kanda shrugged. "Who knows? Personally, I've always wondered how it would be like to rule the world. I'd cover it with sunshine and happy thoughts and…"

The child stormed over to Allen, grabbed him by the collar and dragged him out. "Let's go, Lenalee. Let this idiot find Lavi and tell him where we're headed. By that time, we'd probably be back."

Lenalee sheepishly waved goodbye at the cheery waving Kanda and followed a protesting Allen and grumpy Kanda out of the doors. 'This is really going to be a long day…'

The mid-morning sun blazed brightly onto the streets below, and footsteps pattered endlessly on the pavements. This was the start of a new day, a wonderful new day, full of life and busy people trying their best to run from the monster behind them while screaming their lungs out. Okay, fine, the Akuma was definitely not part of their daily routine but hey, it makes for extra exercise right?

While people were screaming left, right and centre and running helter-skelter in every direction, one finely dressed gentleman strolled up the streets unnerved. He tilted his hat and smiled as he saw the carnage caused by the Akuma a few blocks ahead.

'Poor humans… They'll meet their doom soon…'

And then the Akuma gave a blood-curdling scream and exploded. Tyki blinked in amazement and picked up his pace. Was there an exorcist there after all?

He phased though a building and sprang lightly in front of the wrecked body of the Akuma. Sure enough, there was a girl standing over the mangled machine with a long pole in her hand. Her long black hair flowed past her shoulders and down her back but the black and white uniform was unmistakable. Tyki smiled. An extra thing to kill.

"Good day to you, my pretty exorcist. What's a young girl like you doing with scary monsters?"

The exorcist turned sharply and swung the pole in a defensive stance. Then only Tyki realized as those cold eyes stared into his golden orbs, that this was not a girl, but the infamous Kanda Yuu. Still, he smirked.

"Oh, my deepest apologies, I didn't notice. You're way too pretty for a guy though."

Kanda smirked and stood up straight. There was a dancing fire in his eyes as he glared at Tyki, and slowly took a few steps to the side, as if circling his prey.

"The fucking Noah of Pleasure, Tyki Mikk. I thought you were dead or something."

"The Noah clan is immortal, boy… With the exception of the one you slain though. Poor Skin…" Tyki noticed something was rather different about Kanda today. Firstly, Kanda would not smirk at him, but charge head first and try to kill Tyki. Secondly, he was not using his favorite sword, Muren or Yugen or something like that. And thirdly, that stare he was fixing the Noah with was a little… Unnerving. Seriously unnerving. It was almost… Sexy…

The Noah shook himself. 'Get a grip on yourself Tyki. You know you're sexier than he is.'

Before Kanda could reply, a sudden sound behind him made him whip around. The Akuma was stirring, despite being severely hacked by the streetlamp in Kanda's right fist. Tyki knew why though. If Kanda wasn't using his Innocence, the Akuma would never stay down.

But he didn't want anything interfering with them now. Tyki wanted Kanda all for himself and he gave a cold stare at the Akuma, silently ordering it to self-destruct. After struggling with itself for a while, the Akuma gave another scream and blew itself up. Kanda blinked slowly and turned to face Tyki again.

"Let me hazard a guess, you want to fight me?"

Tyki pulled his gloves down a little. "You guessed right, my pretty exorcist. But that won't gain you bonus points with me."

Again, that creepy smirk on the boy's face. Tyki suppressed a shiver down his spine. Something was seriously whacked about the Japanese exorcist today.

"You, fight me? One on one? Both of us, alone?" His voice was getting softer and softer; eventually ending in a lustful whisper that even Tyki raised one eyebrow.

"Yeah, you got a problem with that? No one to interfere with us while we're… Alone…" Tyki whispered back.

'You want to play sexy, exorcist? Let's see who's the sexier man around here, shall we? No one beats the Noah of Pleasure in inducing sexual pleasure, you know…'

Kanda edged closer and gripped the pole, smirking mischievously. "Bring it on, bastard…"

He lunged at Tyki, who glided backwards and released a huge number of Teases immediately with superb reflex. With a few swipes and twists, Kanda made short work of the black butterflies and charged towards Tyki. The Noah created some black matter and shielded against his attack but the force was overwhelming.

"My, my, you certainly are strong, my pretty dark exorcist…" Tyki made sure to lace his tone with every drop of lust in him.

"Do you like it this way, Noah? I hear you like playing rough…" Kanda blocked one of Tyki's fists and jumped backwards.

"So do you…" The Noah lunged at him while taking a few strikes, which Kanda skillfully dodged. As he swerved to one side, he brushed against Tyki's ear and whispered.

"Let's see how rough you can play, you fucking Noah…"

Tyki pulled a large Tease out of thin air slowly and winked at Kanda. "Oh, I can be very, very rough, my dear…"

The fight lasted for quite a while. They charged at each other, as if dancing in a passionate waltz and then reeled away, as if teasing each other. It was more of a game than a fight. Kanda's hair already came undone and his uniform was slightly torn. Tyki's hair fell past his face and his coat was undone as well.

"I am certainly enjoying this, Kanda…" Tyki smirked as he pinned him against the wall.

The exorcist wasn't ready to give up yet. He struggled against Tyki's grip and leaned forward with his eyes half closed.

"So am I…"

"Oh my freaking God, what are the both of you doing?" A shout came from down the street. The both of them turned to see Allen with a furious look on his face. Lenalee covered her face with one hand, peeking through her fingers. Her other hand was trying to push the little Kanda behind her to hide the view but the kid was struggling to see what was going on.

"Oi, Lenalee! Let me see… Get out…" He managed to push his way through but stopped when he saw the scene in front of him. To any bystander, it would seem like Tyki was pinning Kanda to the wall to kiss him. Kanda even had one hand gripped firmly on Tyki's collar.

"What the fuck! I would never, ever let Tyki fucking Mikk kiss me! That is utterly disgusting!" Little Kanda yelled. Allen looked as though he was about to strangle someone. Lenalee whimpered a little bit.

Kanda shoved the surprised Noah off him and walked slowly towards Lenalee. He came up to her and leaned over.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're awesomely hot?"

Lenalee stuttered. "Um, K-Kanda… I really don't think…" She was blushing as he slowly moved closer and closer to her.

That's when Allen seemed to snap out of his furious trance. "Hey, back off, Kanda! What the heck do you think you're doing? Flirting with Lenalee and a Noah! Something's wrong with you!"

Kanda glared at Allen and then suddenly smirked as he leaned away from Lenalee who was trying her best to back away from him. Allen sensed something was amiss and started backing away from Kanda as well.

Before long, Kanda had Allen pinned to the brick wall too.

"You know… Moyashi…" He said slowly, tracing a line up the boy's coat to his neck. "You're very annoying… But you're kinda sexy in an annoying way…"

Allen gasped and squealed. "Kanda! What… what's wrong with you?"

"Nothing… I just think you're…" Kanda leaned dreadfully close to him when a small figure came hurtling from the side and knocked him away.

"Get a grip on yourself, you pervert! The last person I'd wanna be fucking would be moyashi!" Chibi Kanda yelled at the Kanda he just knocked over. Said Kanda stood up dusting himself.

"You're going to try and bring me back to the Order now, aren't you?" He said, eyes narrowing.

"Like hell, you're coming with us! I had to run everywhere trying to find all of you and here you are trying to seduce people?! You're sick!" Little Kanda spat angrily.

The sexy Japanese feigned thought. "I have a better idea. Why don't you try and find the other Kandas while I have some fun? Besides, the Order's hell. The less time I spend there, the better."

Without warning, he turned and bolted away. The kid gave chase but was soon outrun by the older clone. Kanda stormed back to where Lenalee was still trying to calm Allen down and Tyki was watching with an amused expression.

Looking at the child as he came back, Tyki directed his question at him. "Mind telling me why there are more than one of Kanda Yuu running around?"

"Long story. If you're not helping, I'm not telling. So get the hell out of here you bastard of a Noah!"

"Ooh, little kid's got a temper… I may be interested in locating the many clones though."

The three of them looked at Tyki disbelievingly. "You, help us? You've got to be kidding me. Why would you want to help us?" Allen choked out.

"Because I have a score to settle with that extremely hot and sexy Kanda back there. I do have a small condition though; I want that particular Kanda all to myself when we manage to capture him."

Before Allen and Lenalee could say anything, the small Kanda went over and held out his hand. "Deal, Noah. I don't care what you do to that pervert. The both of you are made for each other anyway. You're both sick and twisted."

Allen grabbed the kid and wrenched him backwards. "You just struck a deal with the Noah of Pleasure! He's a bad guy! How can we be sure he won't double-cross us?"

Kanda glared at him. "I don't know, I don't care. But more help is definitely needed to locate the clones and as long as you're picking up the mess, I don't give a damn."

Tyki came over and pulled Allen to his feet. The boy shoved him away and took a few tentative steps backwards. "This is a nightmare… This is seriously a nightmare…"

Took me one straight hour to finish this and then I'm going to have dinner. There won't be any actual pairings in this one, so once again, please, don't come and tell me that Yullen is your OTP or something because this is not meant to be a pairing fic. It's CRACK, it's meant to poke fun and be humorous, that's all.

Review please! And tell me what Kanda you guys would want next. Will the perverted sexy Kanda wreak havoc or will another Kanda come save the day? And will Komui ever come up with an antidote? Find out in the next chapter.

Oh, I won't be updating until madkandayuu reviews, so you guys better pray he does. And madkandayuu, here's your Noahs just like you wanted! HAH!