A/N: This is my first FanFic… ever. I hope you will like it.

I wanted to say thanks to my pal Serendipitydooda. Without her I would have never had the balls to post this, so please direct all complaints her way. Kidding! But, really… LOL!

Also, I want to pimp a few of my fave fics:

Something Wicked This Way Comes by Serendipitydooda
A Work In Progress by Araeo.

They are both fucking hysterical.

AH/AU, OOC, Mature

biting keeps your words at bay
tending to the sores that stay
happiness is just a gash away
when i open a familiar scar
pain goes shooting like a star
comfort hasn't failed to follow so far...

and you might say it's self-indulgent
you might say its self-destructive
but, you see, it's more productive
than if i were to be healthy

- Bad Habit, The Dresden Dolls

~//~

I suddenly felt as if I were two parts of the same whole. Like I was outside of my body but at the same time still inside of myself firmly, and quite actively too, I might say, part of the forbidden moment so that I both watched and felt myself gasp his name loudly. Possibly much too loudly. I felt like Duke in Fear & Loathing, '…you can actually watch yourself behaving in this terrible way, but you can't control it…' Amen, Brother. A-fucking-men. "Edwaaaaaaard!"

I thought I heard footsteps coming, but couldn't be sure over the sounds of our assorted gasps, moans, cries, etc. and the sound of my own beating heart. Not that I could or would be bothered to care or to stop. This whole situation is seriously fucked up. The stray thought popped into my head and was conscientiously noted by both my watching self and my gasping self. For the record, your honor, just in case this thing ever goes to trial…

Surely there was a reckoning coming, there had to be. Excess is always punished and it was too much that I have what I had, what I have, and yet still take what's not mine. But he is all I want, all I ever wanted, really. I think I always knew, deep down, that at some point I was going to have to pay for all of my sins, it was just too bad that two good men would be destroyed because of it, because of me. Not to mention the countless others who will be hurt by the shrapnel.

I know what the fallout from this situation will bring and the sad thing is that I can't find it in me to regret any of it. Sure, if I had it to do over again I would probably take a different route; maybe not have allowed the path to turn into a slippery slope that I, we, unintentionally tumbled down, but I would never undo those moments or take back the words.

This situation… I let the thought trail off in my head as I lose myself in his demanding kisses, become carried away by his rough touches, and then he is inside of me and I am lost in the ecstasy and the pure bliss that only he brings me. But, what goes up must come down and as I plummet back to earth the world as I know it cracks and splinters.

Suddenly it's as if I am viewing everything from behind the lens of a camera and everything happens one frame, one shot, at a time…

flash

…the door opens…

Flash

…a tall figure enters…

flash

"Bell…?"

flash

…a shorter figure beside him…

flash

"Edwa-a-r-d…"

Flash

…too late to hide…

Flash

…caught…

flash

…the world tilts on its axis…

flash

…horrified faces…

Time to pay the piper… ha, ha! The piper. I am paying for the pipe, actually! Unconsciousness claims me; I slip away and find myself set adrift on a sea of memories as I try desperately to figure out where it all went so very wrong.

~//~