A/N: Wow, my first fanfic in over a year. BETA'd by the wonderful Wikkid.X and partially inspired by her fic 'Time Lord's Lament'.

Disclaimer: Nope, not yet. I'm just messing, I'll put them back when I'm done :D.

Anyways, Enjoy!

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Martha's head hurt. That was the first thing she noticed after the relative shock of the Doctor storming off deep into the TARDIS wore off. His mood swings and unpredictable temper were giving her headaches. One moment he was all huge, beaming, beautiful smiles and bone-crushing hugs that rushed the breath right out of her. He was happy and free, loving the adventure. But then, for no reason, he would suddenly switch on her, and be cold and aloof, almost angry, as he stormed off to fiddle with something deep within the TARDIS.

And it was giving her headaches.

She paced for what seemed like hours around the console, stroking buttons and glowing panels. The TARDIS seemed to hum sympathetically at her. Martha rather got the feeling that the ancient ship agreed with her worry and irritation at the Doctor's behaviour.

"Has he always been like this?" she wondered aloud, still pacing. While she had never known him any other way, she couldn't quiet believe that he hadn't once been more… normal. Less mercurial, more open than this version of him.

It was present in his beautiful smiles, his seemingly unconscious urge to hold hands with and hug anyone he met. Something had happened to close him off from the universe.

But the worst part wasn't his moods or his obvious unhappiness, because she had a feeling that she couldn't do anything to help that. What he needed was company, someone to stop him from going off the deep end and becoming a monster. She just wished…

She sighed, "I wish I knew how to be his friend."

The thought annoyed her beyond belief. How hard should it be just to be nice to someone? Everything she did to be his friend, to be a good companion, just seemed to anger him or worse, make that awful grief appear him his eyes. Finally, she snapped. At random, she thumped a button, hard, letting out her frustrations on the blameless TARDIS.

She turned away, ashamed. The ship hadn't done anything to her, and here she was letting out all the anger and frustration and stupid, stupid, guilt on the ship that had been nothing but kind to her.

"This is Emergency Program Ten."

Martha jumped at the voice, and spun to face the console again. The voice was female, with a definite London accent. It seemed so out of place in the lonely, echoing room, but then again, so did she.

"Okay… Oh God, I forgot what to say!" The voice continued, and, as Martha followed the sound, she found a human-sized hologram projected from the far corner of the room. It glowed blue and green, much like the rest of the TARDIS, and Martha found herself more shocked at the clothing of the hologram than she was by the hologram itself. She didn't wear some strange alien robe or anything like that, but instead a black button-down shirt with stars all over it, with jeans and trainers. Her blonde hair was shoulder length, with dark roots just showing on top.

"Okay, okay, um… Hello?" The hologram seemed upset, her smile was watery and almost forced, she waved nervously at her audience and Martha found herself waving back, even though she knew the girl could not see her.

"Right, right, um, okay, if you're watching this, then it means that… I'm not there anymore, and you're probably my replacement… or my replacement's replacement… or…anyway, you're there and I'm not." A tear rolled down the girl's face, and she brushed it away impatiently, "Look, I - I just need to get this out, okay? And I know you're probably rolling your eyes at this stupid, crying girl who you didn't ask to see, but please, just listen. Okay?"

And, even though she knew that she didn't need to, Martha nodded.

"Okay," the girl smiled, "Good. Right, first of all, the TARDIS is playing this because you asked for information on how to be the Doctor's companion. I know, it's difficult, and sometimes you feel like banging your head against something hard because he never listens because he's always too busy running somewhere. He's moody, has a massive ego and a strong aversion to anything 'domestic', even in this incarnation." She laughed, ducking her head and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "But, and this is a big but, he's also sweet, and kind, and, like, the smartest person who ever lived. He has two massive hearts, and he cares so much about the whole damn universe that he sacrifices himself before even thinking about the other possibilities."

Martha smiled at the obvious love in the girl's face as she spoke. This woman had obviously cared about the Doctor, and here she was, trying to help him even when she was already gone.

"Anyway," the hologram continued, "The point isn't him, it's us. We're his friends, we're the people who keep him smiling, keep him sane. I don't know if you're from Earth, or Mars, or Alpha Centuri, but you know what? It doesn't matter. Once you get that TARDIS key, wherever you call home, you are a companion of a Time Lord, and a temperamental, restless Time Lord at that. He's a handful, and I realized, after we had this massive argument about one of his previous companions, that once I'm gone, someone else will have to take my place. So, I made this list."

She reached into her pocket, and drew out a folded sheet of A4, lined paper.

"It's a list of all the things you shouldn't do if you don't want him to go into angst-mode. It's a… long list, but it should be enough to stop you from screwing up as much as I did. I'd read them and explain them, but this recording only has about a minute left, and-"

Another voice could be heard in the background of the recording, "Rose? Rose! What are you doing in the console room at this time of night?" It was, unmistakably, the voice of the Doctor.

"I have to go now, I'm gonna stuff the list under the jump seat, good luck!" The recording cut out, leaving a stunned Martha staring at the TARDIS wall.

She stood for a moment, digesting everything. That was Rose. The Doctor's former companion. The name that kept him fighting. Her ghost still haunted the TARDIS corridors, and she was present in every tiny gesture that the Doctor thought she didn't notice.

And she had left a list, a note, from a girl long gone, that could possibly reveal exactly how you found a way into the Doctor's hearts.

So, with that hope in mind, Martha rummaged around through the cracks of the jump seat, praying that the paper would be there, and that it would give her some much needed answers.

She finally found it after coming to the ridiculous conclusion that even the cracks of the jump seats were bigger on the inside. She might have taken A-Level physics, but her mind still refused to bend around that idea, despite having lived onboard this ship for almost four months now.

She unfolded the paper with slightly shaking hands, scanning the surface quickly. She noted the slightly messy handwriting, the small doodles in the corners. The list was long, and took up the whole page, headed with the words 'Ten rules to surviving the Doctor'.

She sat down, and began to read.

Ten Rules To Surviving The Doctor

1) Always wander off - Seriously, he'll tell you not to, but really, he needs someone to worry about other than himself. Also, it means that, while he will invariably be captured in one way or another, you might just be able to save him for a change.

2) Never ask him about something scientific - Because he'll give you a long, rambling, mind-numbing explanation. However, go ahead if you think it might actually help with saving the world/universe, because then, if he figures it out in mid-rant, he'll thank you for it.

3) Never, ever, ask him about his home world - Because he will go all angsty and aloof, and it'll take you hours to bring him round.

4) Never, ever, ever, ever, ever mention the Time War/Daleks - see above.

5) Don't save anyone without his permission - Because he'll get really angry at you and storm off and you might just bring about the end of the world.

6) Don't tell your family - Because then your mum will slap him and you will be called home every couple of months so they can make sure you're okay.

7) Lock your door at night - Because otherwise you will get no sleep (he doesn't understand that humans need more than five hours of sleep a night)

8) Don't bet with him - Because, even if you win, he won't give you your winnings.

9) Expect rudeness - Seriously, he insulted Queen Victoria once (and lived - just)

10) Don't fall in love with him - Because, believe me, it hurts.

Martha finished reading, and then re-read it, hardly believing that she was reading this. Suddenly, Rose wasn't just the Doctor's lost love, the girl who's shadow she lived in everyday. Martha could now see that Rose had been another innocent, adventurous London girl who fell under the Doctor's spell. She could feel a bit of the uncomfortable dead-weight she'd been carrying since she had first come on board lift, just a little, as the pressure of walking in another girl's massive shoes lightened, replaced by pity for the Doctor's loss, and curiosity about Rose's fate.

"Martha?" His voice knocked her out of her trance. She turned, guiltily pushing the list back under the seat as she saw him, standing in the open doorway. He walked forward, and began turning dials and punching levers. "I thought we'd pay a visit to Earth in the 17-hundreds, the New World! Pioneers, puritans, wigwams, cowboys, fancy it?"

"Sounds great."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Do I need to change?"

"Probably a good idea, yeah. They get shocked very easily; you'll find the right clothes to the right of the second floor wardrobe."

"Wait, what rack?" Martha questioned, remembering all too clearly the massive complexity of the TARDIS wardrobe.

"Oh, the TARDIS will shunt them forward, so long as you're on the right floor."

"Okay." Martha walked off, down the corridor, down the well known path to the enormous TARDIS wardrobe.

She returned ten minutes later, now dressed in a floor length, black dress and matching bonnet. The Doctor looked her up and down as she entered, and he smiled, approving of her new attire. He pulled one more, massive lever, and turned back to her, "Off we go then!"